Before there was you

•Chapter Two•

A loss of words. I am at a loss of words. My whole world just turned from a mess to super messy. This is unexplainable and unexpected. I cannot handle more things piling up. My parents would be so ashamed. I have stepped into a whole different zone of disappointment.

As I lay here in this bed full of regret, all I can see is my parents faces scowling at me. I have made a huge mistake that I will never be able to take back. The tests have to be wrong. They have to be false. Maybe i have some kind of kidney disease. That’s makes a fake positive.

Only then did I notice all the jeans I had to throw in the floor due to them not fitting and all the shirts that stuck to my stomach too tight due to bloating even when I wasn’t on my period. I had missed my period several times and never really paid attention to them.

Mine is 17 days late. My cramps are more like g*n shots and my weight gain is absolutely the most obvious thing. I should have seen the signs sooner. My Boss said I needed to stay out of work for a few days to find out what’s wrong. I made a doctors appointment for tomorrow morning to find out for sure. If everything is true and it wasn’t a false positive then I will be about 7 months pregnant.

Sleep did not take me easily that night. I kept thinking and thinking about how I had let this happen. And who I let this happen with. Having an alcoholic personality has really put me in some sick situations. I want to think I did this with Trenton but another part of me knows I didn’t. 7 months ago I was living a reckless life and doing things I wouldn’t even dream of doing now.

Partying has ruined all the goals I had made for myself. And now my parents aren’t even here to comfort me. I am living a nightmare alone. Will Trenton understand? Will he believe me? What if he hates me for this?

When I woke up to my very annoying alarm I realized what day it was. I never imagined myself going to the gynecologist at the age of 17. It’s hard to believe I let myself get into such a mess. I used to have goals and morals and now I’m getting ready to find out if I’m about to pop a baby out of if I’m just very ill.

Shortly after have a mental argument about what to wear I chose a black long sleeve crop top and a pink pair of leggings. It’s the middle of fall and still fairly warm out. I did a cute braided updo with my hair and left my natural face. I just wanted to crawl back in bed and cry for a few days.

The ride was too short for my liking and the music only made my head pound worse. I was anxious and almost late. I made the appointment later in the morning as I knew I’d stay up late thinking about this. My normal doctor was to be out this day and I was going to be seen by a nice younger lady who was still fairly new.

As she ran the tests and make me pee in countless cups I kept holding my breathing, hoping for a miracle. Little did I know the miracle wasn’t what I had hoped.