A Childhood Relationship Chapter I: THE BEGINNING AND DISTANCE

Chapter 15

CHAPTER XV: CONVERGENCE

The following morning, I checked the internet regarding what happened last night. The first one that I came to is how he may have actually felt the pain from my fingernails. But, apparently there's this thing called pain tolerance which usually happens during intercourse. Although what happened last night was something entirely different, it meets the criteria and so at least I felt relieved. I stopped after this one when I realized what I am doing isn't actually something good. With that, I proceeded to wear my uniform and headed downstairs and he is still cooking breakfast. This is probably the first time, but I decided to prepare the dining table which he thanked me for. But, I told him that he need not thank me since I should've been helping him all this time. He smiled for a while before he apologized to me.

I knew for a moment that it's about what he did to me last night. I did not respond for a while before I told him how it was really painful and that I could still feel it now. He immediately stopped placing the food on the serving plate and hurried towards me. I was surprised with the worried look on his face and how he told me he'll accompany me to the hospital. I felt embarrassed upon realizing how a doctor would check me and discover what just happened that I shouted and told him that it's okay. However, he wouldn't stop pestering me that I told him that it's enough. At the very least he calmed down and there I told him that whatever happened last night mustn't go out. He replied with an affirmation and I know that he's not the type of person who would actually do something like this. After all, he is different from my first boyfriend who not only revealed what happened to us, but even made out some false stories which really ruined my reputation. It's during times like this that I'm at least thankful that it is him that is doing this to me.

However, I wondered why he is looking at me with questioning eyes. I curiously asked him and then he responded with another question. He asked me if I'll be going to school and it really surprised me. I clumsily thought we have class when it's still in the middle of summer break. I didn't know how to respond but I heard him quietly chuckle. Since I obviously made a mistake, I hurried upstairs to change into casual clothes. Then, I went back downstairs to eat the breakfast I asked him to prepare until we finished. I even helped him by rinsing the dishes which is also a first for me. Now that I think about it more, I've been experiencing a lot of my first times whenever I'm with him. I don't know if I should be happy that we share this kind of relationship or not, but being with him is at least interesting if not enjoyable.

It was at this moment that I accidentally asked him why he couldn't help but lust and violate my body. He remained silent and so I thought about how he also couldn't explain it himself. After all, according to him this started back in middle school and worsened into what he does now. Then, he started talking about how he wanted me close to him and that's the only thing he hopes for, but the moment it happens, he couldn't control himself. Since he's really honest despite how horrible he may be, I touched his chest and looked down. At that point, I couldn't believe what just came out from my mouth.

At that moment, the words I told myself I mustn't tell him at least until he changes spread like wildfire. The look in his eyes were of a person who couldn't believe what he just heard and saw. I actually confessed to him that I like him and we just stayed without motion before I realized what I just said. I panicked so what caught my attention was the running faucet which is set to high and I turned it off. I then apologized and told him that what I like is his honesty and not really him. I was about to move away to hide my being flustered before he grabbed my arm and so I looked at him. He didn't move or talk at all so I told him that he should let go of me. Then, he talked and asked me if it is okay for him to expect for something. I couldn't help but look at his eyes which seemed bright yet solemn at the same time. Eventually, I pushed away his hand and moved away from him.

As I was walking towards the living room to watch television, I stopped halfway. It was there that I told him I lied about what I said just now. I then proceeded towards the couch and turned on the television when I realized something. When I looked at him, he was feeling dejected while putting away the dishes and I caught a glimpse of the sad look in his eyes. Actually, what I told him could be interpreted in two ways and I thought that the message he received is not what I wanted him to know. With that, I called him and waited for him to look at me. He couldn't bring himself to look directly at me but before I was able to tell what I initially thought, he started before me. I couldn't believe how much my thoughts are being stopped halfway and I couldn't say what I really wanted to.

There, he apologized and told me that it was wrong for him to expect something in the first place. He told me that he got ahead of himself and became really conceited. Then, with a pained voice he talked about how there is no way I could love him, let alone like him specially with whatever he does to me. He kept talking about his twisted personality and uncontrollable lust that I could almost imagine how he is already to the point of tears. That time, he told me how he'll do his best to change for the better and that I should just watch him turn into someone I can be proud to call a boyfriend. Suddenly, he apologized again and went upstairs inside his room. I didn't show it to him, but I really felt like crying when he talked so seriously. Even more was that he is thinking of me and he's trying to change for me and not for himself. In the past, I used to think that he would wait until I love him for who he is and not what I wanted him to be. However, the feeling of him changing and turning to someone I don't know is quite painful. At the very least, I wanted him to stay the same and for me to slowly adjust to him. Then again, this time it's me who wanted to change for him. Really, I couldn't explain what's happening to me and what love really is. How is something that is supposed to make people happy making me feel horrible inside. Soon, tears began falling from my eyes as I thought about his own feelings and how much he may be suffering just because he couldn't part ways with his unpleasant condition.

The following days, I could feel how stiff he is. He's really forcing himself to change even though it's not something you can do that fast. I realized how much he's trying to distant himself from me. Most of the time, he would just be inside the basement and practice mixed martial arts alone with the dummies. This time, I don't feel happy and I couldn't even enjoy the romance series which I would usually like while watching television. It's like I'm looking for the usual him who would always be around me. Due to this, I decided to sneak inside his gym and slowly crept towards the basement. I saw him practicing intensely that his sweat is visible and dripping on the floor. He's really working hard, trying his best to avoid me as much as he can. He's being desperate with wanting to change himself that I thought about how I should prepare food for him and just think of excuses.

Still, even though we are eating together, we no longer talk to each other even though this isn't something unusual; but the point stands that i couldn't bear with this any longer. I don't want to admit, but I wanted him to touch me. It's not that I wanted him to do what he usually does, instead I want to feel his warm embrace. That way, I could feel like he is there and right by my side. However, this time it's impossible as he's forcing himself to avoid me as much as possible. There was even a time when I tried talking to him while we are eating but he just looked away and tried to stay as calm as possible. If he's going to be like this, I'd rather want him just the way he is. Eventually, one week has passed since the misunderstanding which drifted us apart from each other. This is just a short amount of time, but for me it felt really long and I could no longer stand it.

Suddenly, someone called yet he's still under the basement keeping himself distracted. Thus, I was the one to answer it and I told them how it's his residence and all, using his last name to pretend that I'm from the family. It surprised me when I heard that it's his mother's voice. I panicked at first before regaining my composure that I heard her laugh on the other side of the line. I asked her what it is all about and she talked about how she saw the commercial he appeared in. Judging by the tone of her voice, I could tell that's she's complaining how he never told them regarding how he worked without their consent. Still, she told me to express her gratitude to him for beginning to change into a responsible person. I thanked her for it, although this isn't actually the correct response regarding the matter.

Then, she proceeded with what she actually wanted to talk about. Apparently, she wanted to inform him that his father already raised his allowance back to the normal level and even decided to raise it more than what it used to be. This surprised me and so I told her how it would really help him now since he could buy whatever he want and wouldn't feel strained. However, I was dumbfounded when she told me that the raise already happened several weeks ago and that he's just withdrawing the same amount every single week. Perhaps he doesn't check the balance at all and would just withdraw like usual as it already became a habit for him.

I felt happy, but not because his parents raised his allowance, but because they're starting to think differently of him more and more. It's like he's slowly regaining their trust and it's really a good thing. Afterwards, we talked about a lot of things unrelated to him and it felt like I'm talking to my mother-in-law that I felt quite embarrassed, good thing she couldn't see me. Soon, our call ended and at that exact moment he left the gym. There, I told him all the messages his mother wanted to tell him and he thanked me for it. For some reason, even though I could only see him from a far, there is a brief smile on his face. Through this, it wouldn't be that much longer before all the animosity between them to completely disappear. However, this didn't change the fact that he still misunderstood what I told him a week ago so he just immediately went to his room afterwards.

I can no longer endure his being distant any longer so I decided to make the first move. The moment we finished eating dinner and went inside our rooms I decided that I'll do something about our current situation. It's simple now that I think about it, the safest way to do this is go to the balcony in my room. I proceeded there and I looked to where his room is located and thought about how far it is to his balcony. I wondered how he managed to cross over that much of a distance towards mine. However, this is not what I'm supposed to be thinking at this moment. Thus, I called him using my cell phone and told him to go to his balcony and immediately he went there and asked me what it is that I wanted to show him. I ended the call and then called him and so he looked towards me. He was surprised as he didn't expect that we could meet like that. I preemptively told him not to go inside his room yet and listen carefully to what I am about to say. He tried to look at me but he's still showing a sad look on his face.

There, I proceeded to tell him about what I thought for the past week. I told him how he shouldn't avoid me just like that and focus on changing. I talked about how doing it like that would just make him suffer as I didn't even ask him that day to change at all. I just told him how I lied about what I told him and nothing more. Then, he told me that he would change so that I'll start to like him. There, I shouted and told him that it's no longer necessary to do so. I told him that he shouldn't be sure of himself that I'll like him just because he would try to be someone he is not. There, I told him that if he's going to change, it should be for him and not for me, hearing that he, apologized to me. Then, I realized how this isn't what I was supposed to say to him in the first place before I saw him trying to open the sliding window and proceeding back to his room. Since nothing would change between our relationships this way, I told him how he misunderstood me last week. At that moment, he stopped and looked towards me. Eventually, I told him that what I meant was that I lied about liking only his honesty. There, I finally confessed and told him that I like him too and I don't want to be separated from him.

It felt like time stopped at that moment as I finally revealed to him what I have been feeling towards him for quite a long time now. However, he just stayed silent and even looked away from me and covered his face with his arm. Eventually, I saw tears falling down from his face that I became worried and asked him if there's something wrong. Then, it surprised me when he told me that it's not the case. He tried to wipe the tears from his face and looked straight at me and told me that it's because he's happy. He told me that he's happy to hear that I like him too, even more so despite whatever he did to me.

That night, I saw something wonderful for the first time. I saw a bright smile on his face and he is only looking at me. Afterwards, he also told me that he likes me and asked if I will go out with him. I blushed at first, specially when I'm still within the fantasy of seeing the smile on his face before finally agreeing. We just stayed there looking at each other without any conversation between us until he thanked me. I didn't know what to say to him and so I told him that it is the result of all his hard work. Then, I told him to have a goodnight before going inside my room. Before I entered, I heard him tell me the same and I briefly stopped. As soon as I entered my room, I could no longer contain my feelings. I didn't want to show him how happy I am, now that we know each other's feelings. I'm now looking forward to how our relationship with each other will turn out, but I can be assured that he'll never look at any other girl aside from me. Soon, I went to sleep with a bright smile on my face. Although, I don't know what to do the following day the moment we meet.