Chapter 8: The Weight of Words
1528 Words
The lecture was boring. That wasn’t a surprise. It was just a health class lecture, and honestly, Emma had no intention of learning anything life-changing today. She was supposed to be taking notes on some random stuff about nutrition or physical well-being, but her mind kept drifting. Back to Alex. Back to everything that happened yesterday.
Alex, with his ridiculously comfortable smile and the way he always managed to say the right thing. Alex, who had been there for her—no strings attached—since the first week they’d met. They’d become best friends in what felt like the blink of an eye. It had only been two months, but in some ways, it felt like she’d known him forever. She was closer to him than most people she'd known her whole life, and she had to admit, it felt... safe.
Safe wasn’t a word she’d use to describe her relationship with Cody.
She shifted in her seat, glancing at her phone for the first time, then back at the screen in front of her, barely registering the professor’s words. She wasn’t missing much anyway—nothing that would matter. But she couldn’t stop thinking about what Alex had said to her the other day. The words kept floating back into her mind, and no matter how hard she tried to focus on something else, they kept coming up.
“I worship you now with your clothes on, and I’d worship you more with them off.”
Her chest tightened just thinking about it.
The way he’d sent that text. Like he was desperate for her to know. To understand. And yet fearful of her response. She didn’t know what to say—so she didn’t. Now she regretted not responding with something. Anything that could’ve made it clear that his words hadn’t just bounced off her. Because they hadn’t. They’d sunk deep, lodged themselves in her mind, replaying like a song on a loop.
She kept turning the words over in her head, trying to make sense of them. Worship. It wasn’t the kind of word most guys used. She wondered if he meant it literally or if it was just a poetic exaggeration. The idea of someone worshipping her was... strange. Wasn’t that something reserved for gods or idols? And yet, the way he’d said it, it didn’t feel hollow or performative. It felt real.
What did it even mean to worship someone? To truly honor and revere them? The thought made her heart race and her stomach twist, because part of her liked the idea. Liked it a lot. Not in a controlling or possessive way, but in a way that made her feel special, like she was worth that kind of devotion.
But that also scared her. Worship felt so... big. Like it came with expectations or a pedestal she wasn’t sure she wanted to stand on. Was that what Alex was saying? That he saw her as someone worthy of being placed above everything else? Or was it just a romantic way of saying he cared?
And why did it matter so much to her? Why did those words, more than any compliment she’d ever received, linger in her mind and make her chest tighten? She bit her lip, a million questions swirling in her head. Did he really mean it, or was it just a fleeting thought he hadn’t fully considered before sending? Did he regret saying it now, knowing she hadn’t replied?
She shook her head, frustrated with herself for overthinking it. But how could she not? This wasn’t just some random flirtation. This was Alex—the guy who had been there for her in ways no one else had. The guy who had helped her see her worth when she’d forgotten it herself. The guy who had never once made her feel like she was too much or not enough.
Her fingers hovered over her phone, tempted to text him back and bring it up. To ask what he really meant. But something held her back. Fear, maybe, or uncertainty about whether she even wanted to know. Because what if his answer changed everything? What if it didn’t?
It was such a stark contrast to the things Cody used to say to her.
The memory of Cody’s voice crept in, uninvited. That voice, always dripping with smugness, always finding ways to tell her what she should wear, how she should act, who she should be. She tried to shake it off, but the words were too loud in her head.
“You know you’re not the same without me, right? You’d be nothing without me,” he’d say. Or worse, “I own your body in the eyes of our Lord.”
The way he’d look at her when he said those things, so calm and convincing, made her second-guess herself every time. And the guilt trips? Oh, the guilt trips. Those were his specialty.
“You’ll never find anyone who loves you the way I do,” he’d say, his voice laced with that sickening mix of pity and superiority. “If you leave me, you’ll ruin everything. You’ll be damaged goods, Emma. No one else will understand you like I do. Don’t you get it? You’re nothing without me.”
It was like he’d studied her weaknesses, memorized all the ways to make her feel trapped. And for a while, it worked. She believed him. A part of her wondered—what if he was right? What if she was too much for anyone else to handle? What if he really was the only one who could love her, flaws and all?
She thought back to the night they’d been together—really together—for the first time. It had felt… fine, at first. Normal. At least until it wasn’t. Afterward, it wasn’t just about being close to each other. He made it feel like she owed him something after the fact. And the way he’d frame it, like it was all in her best interest, only made it worse. Cody had started using intimacy as leverage, twisting it into something transactional. Something he could hold over her head.
She’d tried to tell herself that it was normal. That he was just protective. That he wanted what was best for her, for them. But deep down, she knew better. Deep down, she knew it wasn’t love. It was control.
And then came Alex.
Alex, who had never made her feel small or inadequate. Alex, who just… saw her. Who listened without judgment, who made her feel like she could breathe again. Like she was worth something. Worth more than Cody had ever made her feel.
She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, trying to shake the thought. I am not broken, she reminded herself.
But there were still scars. Scars that Cody had left behind, little fragments of his voice that lingered in the back of her mind, whispering doubts and insecurities. And it was hard, sometimes, to drown them out. To remember that she was more than what he’d tried to reduce her to.
Her phone buzzed, dragging her back to the present. It was a text from Alex. A simple “hey” followed by a bunch of random emojis that made her smile. He always did that—sent texts that felt effortless and warm, like he didn’t have to try to make her feel cared for. Because with Alex, it wasn’t about trying. It was just who he was.
She typed back a quick response, something equally casual, but her mind was already racing. She wondered if he knew how much of a difference he’d made in her life. How much he’d helped her see herself in a new light. How was he feeling after sending that text last night? Should she bring it up?
She wasn’t sure where this thing with Alex was going. She wasn’t even sure what she wanted. But she knew one thing—she wasn’t going to let herself fall into another trap. She wasn’t going to let herself be defined by someone else’s expectations or limitations.
She thought about Alex’s words again. The way he’d said them, not just as a compliment, but as something deeper. Something raw and genuine. And for the first time in a long time, she felt… seen. Not as someone’s girlfriend. Not as a project or a prize or a conquest. But as herself.
Maybe that was enough. Maybe that was everything.
The lecture ended, and Emma packed up her things, her thoughts still lingering on Alex. She didn’t know what the future held, but she knew she was done letting the past dictate her worth. And maybe, just maybe, Alex had shown her that she was worth more than she’d ever believed.
She walked out of the classroom, her phone buzzing again in her pocket. Another text from Alex.
Alex: Lunch?
She smiled, tucking her phone away as she headed for the door. For the first time in what felt like forever, she wasn’t looking back.
Emma: See you there!
- Writer
