At my stricken look, Van stood up. "Stay here and eat. I'll go talk to him," he said with what sounded like frustration.
I was too upset to answer. I should be the one going after Joel. What could I say? Nothing. I'd told Van the truth. It didn't take away from my feelings for Joel, but there was no way to explain it. I knew both brothers intimately now. There was no comparison between the two. Joel was it for me and I'd completely f****d it up.
My food arrived. My stomach was too upset to take more than a few bites. I was afraid I wouldn't keep even that down. I paid the bill and walked across the street. I didn't see Joel or Van, so I went to our room. Joel's things were gone and the door between us was locked on his side. I knocked, but he didn't answer. I had no idea if he was in the
