Why I left

Why I Left

Hello I am Alex i died when i was 18 and this is the story on why I left.

I sit up on my bed and rub my eyes. I yawn "ugh great another amazing day" my voice dripping with sarcasm. My mom yells from downstairs "ALEXIS GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE!" I sigh she still isn't respecting my name change to Alex.I slowly make my way out of my bed the old wood creaking under my weight.I undress down to my skin and take note of how chubby I am and the scars on my arm. I put on a chest binder black t shirt and hoodie plus baggy jeans."GIVE ME A MINUTE MOM" I quickly throw my socks and shoes on then rush downstairs.I get to the kitchen and see my mom a very thin woman with black hair and deep brown eyes that make you feel stuck "About time Alexis you always take too long".I sigh " What did you need me for".She responds quickly voice like daggers "don't give me that tone besides I just wanted to remind you that I'm going to be gone most of the day I have the important work meeting". " Okay mom" I respond and then I grab my backpack and head to my bus stop.The walk there is calming as always its about 5am so its nice. I eventually sit down on the bench of the bus stop and pull a pack of cigarettes out of my pocket.I quickly light it and take a puff instantly being relived by the stress I've been going through.Little did I know this would be one of the last I ever smoked.The bus gets here and I go to the back kids screaming sleeping or just scrolling on their phones.I sit down next to my girlfriend Sophie she is wearing my hoodie hello kitty jeans and she smells like vannila.I love the way she looks her caramel eyes beautiful brown hair and tan skin."Hey Sophie I missed you"."Me too she responds".I lean in to hug her and we don't let go for a good minute before I pull away."Babe I've been having more suicidal thoughts and they've only been worse since my mom started drinking more".Her haze softens as she hears me I can feel her heart ache for me because I know her parents would never give her a reason to think like that."Do you want to talk about it" she asks but I decline because its easier this way."I give her a quick kiss "wake me up when we get to school". About an hour later I feel her shaking my shoulder as she says " Hey babe c'mon time to get up". I slowly jerk awake groan and get off the bus as my last chance to escape drives away.I walk to my first period in the crowded halls some pick me b***h tries to trip me but I don't fall for it. Once I get to first period I settle in my seat and get out my sketchbook.I doodle through my first 4 class periods getting yelled at by teachers in all them and laughed at by students.I'm eventually so stressed I run to the bathrooms and skip 5th lunch and 6th period.Then i proceed to sleep through the rest of school.Finally after school ends I get on the bus with Sophie. "Hey babe" I say taking in her vanilla scent. "Umm by chance could I stay at your house today.Swiftly she texts her parents and after a minute she responds " Yea you can come over". I sigh in relief then I sleep for the rest of the ride until I get to her house.We walk into the house and I greet her parents with a wave.Then we go up to her room I take off my shoes and lay in her bed with her."So wanna watch tv or sum" I say. We put on the fault in our stars by john green. I kiss Sophie and then watch the movie. About halfway through we get up for snacks then come back."Hey Sophie I love you and want you to know if anything ever happens to me you should move on no matter how devastating it may be". "Why are you telling me this Alex"." I just wanted you to know that I will always love you". After a couple hours I realise that its 8:34 and that I need to head home before my mom gets off work.I kiss her goodbye and head on my way home the sun setting outside so its dark when I get home.The second I walk on a unexpected slap hits my face "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN I GET A CALL YOU WEREN'T IN CLASSES THEN I COME HOME EARLY AND YOU DON'T SHOW UP FOR FOUR f*****g HOURS!?". I um uh I'm sorry mom. " SORRY DOES NOT CUT IT IF I FIND OUT THIS HAPPENS EVER AGAIN I WILL GROUND YOU FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR GOT IT?". "Yes mom" I cower then run to my room and lock the door.I'm f*****g done with life this is the 14th argument this past three days. I grab a pill bottle off my nightstand and a notebook I rip out a sheet of paper as a note to my girlfriend then another for my dad then another for my mom my bed slowly filling with more papers as I realise I have too much to live for. I take my anger out on my wrists my razor blades going deep then I cry myself to sleep. DAY 2 I wake up its Saturday I remember so I just go back to sleep but then SMACK a hand flies into my face."You think you can sleep all day after that bull yesterday you are going to clean the whole house and then you will only get a water bottle and a sandwich to eat the whole day".I begrudgingly get up and start to do my chores getting slapped for anything I do wrong.After doing all the chores I'm locked in my room with my meal.I take the meal in my hands and flush it down the toilet I now haven't eaten in 2 days.I proceed to start packing my bag I put in some clothes a knife food and water a sleeping bag and lastly my phone. I wait until about 11 PM before sneaking out my window.I run down the street into a forest I cross a creek and set up base with a fort made of branches to resemble a very small hut I climb in my sleeping bag and go to bed. DAY 3 I wake up to the sound of sirens. They are probably looking for me. *I pack up my stuff change clothes eat an orange and drinks one water before moving to the nearest store where I lay low for hours because the cops are looking for me. Its about 6PM when a stranger notices me from the missing posters.They grab me by the arm and take me to the station.*Officers I found the girl from the missing posters Alexis". "My names not Alexis I'm intersex I identify as Alex". " Whatever freak" They say. After a while my Mon comes bring in the station to collect me. After she verifies with the officers she drags me home and locks me in my room after beating me. I then bring my blade down on my wrists more until I'm bleeding so bad I need to wrap a whole blanket around it. I don't sleep this night I lie awake listening to myself breath until the sun floods into my room. DAY 4 I lie in bed thinking horrible thoughts I don't eat move nothing just exist then I cry myself to sleep. DAY 5 I wake up no trace of emotion on me. I sneak out to meet up with Sophia. Once we meet I embrace her for about 3 minutes. "babe member when I said the thoughts were getting worse well now I'm fully set on it". Her gaze softens and she immediately bursts into tears." Babe I'm sorry but ill do it when you can't stop me". I start to walk away but then turn around whilst I'm in the road. "Remember I love you". Then I hear a honking frantic and I turn just in time to see the car hit Me head on.