The Other Side of Lonely

Black Vision

“I wish that I had never met you!”

The words echoed in Scola’s mind. Sometimes they were quiet, in the background. Other times they were so loud that she felt like she could hardly move. Sometimes images came with the words, flashes of light colour, nothing clear or consistent. Other times, it was just darkness, a deep black hole that seemed inescapable.

Today the words were further away, like a distant call from a mountain. Scola could see the sun from between the leaves above her. It was days like this that she particularly longed to be able to breach the confines of the forest. When everything was dark, it was harder to believe that there was happiness on the other side. She was walking past the tree that she had seen the blue bird next to the day before. She looked up. There was no sign of a nest anywhere. She hoped that the bird had found its family.

Sometimes she wished that she could find her family. Sometimes she didn’t. They left her, the way that baby bird was left. Why should she try to find them if they didn’t want her in the first place?

Scola’s head was pounding. Thud, thud, thud. It was strange, Scola never got sick or headaches. She was confused how this thud had suddenly entered her head. Just as she was rubbing her temple, trying to calm it down, she realised that the thudding was external. It was a thud across the forest floor. She didn’t know of any large animals here. She heard more noise in the bushes close by. The thuds were getting closer and louder.

Worried, she decided that she should at least try to hide. She stood up and quickly ran along the path that she knew so well. As the thuds got closer, her head hurt more and more. She was getting tired and felt light-headed. Scola stopped, puffing. Her vision was going black. She felt like she was going to throw up. She sat down on a log that was close by. The thuds kept getting closer, until they weren’t. Suddenly, it felt like they were heading in the other way. Her head stopped pounding. And then they were gone, faded out. Maybe it was all in her head, then?