To Be Free

2

It's cold. My body aches in my bones, my mind foggy from the pain I feel.

“GET UP!!” an angry voice yells. I don't even bother to turn. I hear footsteps coming closer. My heart started to race, I didn't want to go, I didn't want to feel more pain. “I SAID GET UP!!” the voice yelled as I was grabbed violently by my hair. I cried out as movement caused my body to throb. I looked him in the eye as I saw my usual security guard coming to retrieve me from my cell.

It can't be i thought i escaped from this hellhole. Why am I back here? Was it all just an elaborate dream? Being free even if I had to live on the run? Why can't they let me be? I haven't bothered them in years. I mind my business and leave them alone. I can't stand the look of hatred they give me anytime I'm out of this cell. Like it's my fault that I'm subjected to these experiments like I asked to be a freak.

“You've had enough time to rest to get back to the lab” he laughed as he smacked me in the face several times. He threw me towards the door and yelled at me to get up and start walking. They haven't even fed me today, but it's probably for the best. I'd just end up throwing it up anyway.

I got up and walked out the door to pass the other cells. I can't see who's inside, but I can hear low moans coming from inside, so I know they have to be in bad shape. My heart feels heavy as I struggle to get down the hallway knowing there's nothing I can do for them to help.

As we get closer to the lab, the more scared I become, as I know they just want to continue on from the day before and remembering the pain of it makes me start to shake. I stopped walking and just stood there shaking my head back and forth. “NO I DON'T WANT TO GO”, I screamed loudly as I started backing away. I'm pushed forward to continue on. I don't have the strength to fight back as the memories freeze me in fear and hold me captive with the intense pain of the injections, the pain in my body contorting at odd angles as I try to fight the effects.

“NOOOOO!!! I DON'T WANT TO GOOOO!!! STOP!!!! SOMEONE HELP MEEEE!!” I screamed over and over as I was dragged towards the door that led to my doom. My heart was practically beating out of my chest and I struggled against the security guard with all my might.

“AAAAAHHHHH!!!!” I screamed as I sat up hyperventilating, looking around for anyone who could hurt me. It took a few moments for me to realize I was still in my room and out of that nightmare, that no one was coming to get me. I took a few deep breaths to calm my heart rate. It's strange. I haven't had a nightmare in that place in a long time. Not that i could ever forget, but it's nice to not have a constant reminder of it. Since I didn't see myself going back to sleep, I decided to start my day at the bright hour of 5:30 in the morning. Ugh, nothing I can do about that now, though no way I'm going back into that nightmare for the second time today. After making my bed and taking a much-needed shower which I hoped would also tame this mess on my head, I called my hair and brushing my teeth, I headed to the kitchen to make some breakfast.

As I fried some eggs and bacon, I thought back to my dream. That particular moment in my past was one of the worst times overall and considering I had a lot of not so great times there, that's saying something. I didn't really understand what went on most of the time, but I managed to pick up things here and there by eavesdropping on conversations as I was led to and from the lab. Sometimes they would think I was out cold and would speak more freely about what I had endured and whether it was helpful to them. Even though I didn't know what the ultimate goal was, I did know that it was a long painful road for me to walk. They wanted to change something in my DNA. Why?? How should I know?? I just know that they injected me with who knows what to do, who knows what, and I suffered from them as my body fought with itself to either adapt or die.

They conducted experiments on what normal humans call supernaturals to see where they got their abilities from and if they could be replicated and therefore put into other individuals. They've also tried cross-breeding and trying to create better supernaturals who were nothing but obedient soldiers with a thirst for blood and chaos. Depending on the victim's ability to acclimate, you would either gain a few more abilities in a mild sense or, like what happened to me, you would incorporate another soul into your body that would give you the ability to shape-shift into said creature. I don't know how many times they tried to inject me with different DNA. Sometimes it was a months-long process before I acclimated, but each time was always painful, and I would feel so sick throughout, and I was left alone and watched and recorded for hours as I went through this. I would usually start out with a few new abilities which they also filmed and forced me to use on other victims until perfected.

The blood on my hands is immense, and I can't think of anything other than the last looks on their faces as they died. Some had a look of peace and gratitude because they knew they would never have to suffer here another day. Others had hatred or anger that they couldn't beat me and their journey ended at my feet. I tried not to prolong their suffering and end them quickly, especially the ones that were in no condition to face me. I gave them mercy in hopes that in the future I could receive that same mercy. There were times when I would be sent outside into the world on missions where my skills were most needed. It's bad enough I had to do what I did here, but to go out there and do it tore me up differently.

They didn't care too much about my clothes and general appearance, but they always made me wear a tracking collar that only came off with a special key. They showed me how it would shock me if I tried to run away. It was one of the most painful 10 seconds of my life. It was safe to say I wasn't in any condition to run away even if I wanted to, especially not without that key, or they would just find me anyway. I was so far gone in my thoughts I didn't realize I burned my eggs beyond saving and had to throw them out and start over again.

I tried to put the dream out of my mind for now, as I don't like to wallow in those memories, and I've done my best to cope with the after effects that come up sporadically. I instead thought back to when I first got away. When I finally had my first real taste of freedom and could go wherever I wanted. I was scared of being out on my own, but I knew anything I faced out there would sure as hell be better than anything that was waiting for me back in that room. I may not have had a lot of worldly knowledge, but I did have some and my fighting ability would keep me alive for the most part. Other things I've had to learn through trial and error, especially when I spent weeks at a time in the woods just wandering around. I did have my other soul parts to speak to during that time and try to guide me, so I wasn't completely alone.