AMARE

Chapter Two

“Did you what?!” Sharon’s voice has already damaged my right ear enough that I need to move my phone to the left one.

“I already told you, girl. Even I can’t believe it too. You should’ve seen my face when I saw him last night. I look like someone who has seen a ghost—no, a nightmare!” I immediately answered her last reaction.

And then Valerie, who was also on the other end of the conference call, suddenly chimes in, “Girl, how did the two—three rather—of you end up last night?” she asked.

I put on the speaker mode before placing the phone near the sink, as I need to reach for the cereal canister at the cupboard.

“Hey, don’t speak too loud. You two are on speaker mode.” I warn them before adding, “Patrick and Leanne went on leaving me. It was pretty much awkward for me and Patrick, and I don’t know if Leanne even senses it.”

The nibbling sound coming from Sharon’s end made me feel hungrier than my current state. After pouring some fresh milk into my bowl of cereal, I let it settle aside and be soaked with milk. I prefer my morning cereals soft and less crunchy.

Guess it’s just because I’m too lazy even to effort in chewing my meal every morning.

“Didn’t the two of you had your closure already?” said Valerie.

“Correction—they didn’t.” Sharon quickly chimes in.

“You know that I don’t believe in the concept of closure.” I barge in the conversation while enjoying a spoonful of cereal.

“Girl it’s always best to have one so that it would relieve you away from issues or any what if you had prior to your break up.” Sharon suddenly suggested.

“—and then what? The closure will not change the fact that what’s between them is over. Not unless Sandy here would kneel her way back to Patrick’s.” Valerie protested.

“Hell no!” I reacted with my above-the-moderate tune.

There was a short silence from both of my good gals’ end. I had the urge to break the silence by saying, “Girls, I’ll call you two back again later. I remember I still have some folios to drop by at my lady boss’ house today.” I just said. We ended the morning talk with a bye, and I hurriedly went back to my room to get ready as soon as I finished my breakfast.

Karen’s house isn’t that far from home, she’s just an hour away across our office building. Besides, I think I’ll go straight to the mall after dropping the folios at her place so that I could return the defective stylus I bought the other day.

When I arrive in front of her patio, Romne greeted me at the front door. “What brought us the visit, Sandy?” he asked, surprised at my sudden stop by.

I showed him the folio I brought for Karen. “Is Karen home? I just pass by to drop this and discuss a few matters about our new project.” I told him.

Romne gave me an apologetic frown as he replied, “Oh right. Karen actually went to the office today. She told me that she’ll have some extra load to finish revising the game’s proposal.”

“Ah, I see. Thanks, Romne, I’ll just check her there. I’ll go ahead then.” I told him as I went back to my car.

After getting the replacement of my defective stylus from the mall, I then drive my way back to the office.

But, the first person waiting in front was someone I am not expecting. I was sure I’d back out and just delay giving the folios to Karen by Monday but it’s too late, he already saw me.

It’s Patrick, and he is already looking at me.

And I have no better plans now but to walk my way towards the company building. Each of my steps felt like carrying a humongous boulder behind my back as I get closer towards him.

I could even feel my knees wiggling with each of my steps coming nearer to where he stands. He never withdraws his glance from my direction, and the way his eyes focused straightly on me causes me to barely catch my every breath.

“Hi,” his first greeting instantly melts me.

I don’t understand why he still had that vibe in him, that whenever he gives me that look; I just instantly soften no matter how I try to block myself with imperceptible ice.

There was a quick stillness from my end before I could control my composure to respond, “Hi. Are you here to see Leanne? Sorry, uh…it’s weekend so she’s not on duty today.” I manage to tell him without sounding so nervous.

For some reason, I am actually nervous for Pete's sake!

“No, I really came here to talk to you.” He suddenly said.

“Talk to me?” I wanted to confirm if what I heard was correct.

And he just gave me nods before saying, “If you’re not busy, can we have some coffee for a moment?” he replied then he shyly added, “…that is if you will be okay to go with me?”

I’m not sure if I wanted to go. This would only mean anything near to having some talks about closure, and I don’t even believe it to begin it. Yet a part of me is so curious why he would want to talk to me after all. Like, it has been two years since we ended what is going between us. It is not that we hated each other. And I don’t really understand what went wrong.

But what we have just suddenly gone from sweet to bitterness. And then one day, we just stop talking even though there could be tons of ways we could reach each other to communicate.

And here I am now, betraying myself by agreeing on going with him to have some ‘coffee’ if that’s how he calls this closure thing.

He offered me a ride and we settled in a coffee house which is just a distant neighboring from the building, nearly three blocks away.

“How have you been?” He sure has prepared so much for this day I suppose. He sounded composed and ready with his opening questions to spark up our conversation. I’m pretty amazed how it seems casual for him.

“I’ve been well…” yet thankfully, I could still manage to answer him and retort it back, “…and you? How have you been?”

“I’d be a hypocrite to say I’ve been fine as well had I told you that I’m just fine too. Not that I’m saying you’re, Sandy. I didn’t have all the courage to face you now just to end up arguing. I’m here to tell you how hard it was moving on with a breakup that doesn’t have any closure.”

“I don’t see any reason why you still need one, Patrick. I mean look at you, happily engaged.”         

“Sandy, I hope that what’s gone between us won’t affect our friendship. We’ve been friends far too long than when we dated. If it’s not too much to ask, I…I wish I could still have you as a friend.”

“It would be shameful of me to ignore the fact that we’ve been friends for too long, but I would also be pathetically looking pitiful to be friends with my ex right?”

Patrick’s look was just too hard to explain, I suppose he was expecting me to say it’s fine. But, if he only knew that part of me hasn’t moved on just yet.

“I understand. I’m sorry, Sandy. Sorry for asking you this much. It was so inconsiderate of me. I should have reflected on how you would feel about it. Again, I’m sorry Sandy.”

What had gone between us still lingers in me true to the fact, I haven’t totally moved on at all. It’s just sad that here he is now, right in front of me. Closer to me than I could have imagined, yet there’s only one problem—he’s not mine anymore. His eyes don’t reflect the picture of being solely mine. Leanne owns this wonderful pair of eyes now and I have to accept it.

Patrick drove me back to the office and after he hugged me for the last time—a kind of hug that has so many meaning and message that I know I don’t want to disappear, just traveled all throughout my skin—we finally bid goodbye as he gave me a friendly peck on my left cheek.

It was just a while after Patrick left when my tears finally betrayed me as they ran down across my cheeks, and I could not even help myself control my sobbing. This is why I hate closures. I always end up being the miserable one instead of being able to move on.

I quickly brush off the tears away from my cheeks and tried to dry my eyes with my sleeve. I remember that I still need to meet up with Karen today.  I don’t want her to see me looking like this. It would ruin everything I wanted to discuss with her.

When I hurried my footstep to see Karen, her office is already in dim again. I guess the folio will really have to wait until Monday. I’ve experienced so much today enough not to do what I really planned on doing today.

And I even got heartbroken once more. I really should not have come to talk with Patrick. But on the side note, at least I relieve someone else whatever weight it is causing him to have no closure between us. I freed Patrick from it I suppose. That, what’s important now is he will be happy regardless if it breaks mine anyway.

As I was walking outside the building to go home, I wasn’t expecting to see another person waiting for me beside my car. My nervousness suddenly moves all over me when I saw that it is…Leanne.

Like what’s wrong with these people adding so much despair in my life so suddenly?

We were already inside the car because I offer her a ride home, when the mood switches to being quiet for some short seconds until she breaks the silence by saying, “I really am not aware of it at first.” Leanne sounded monotonous. And I don’t get why she is trying to confide her emotion. And then she added, “It was until I confronted Patrick.”

Her words made me instantly look at her while I drive her home.

“I’m sorry, Sandy. I didn’t know.” She then said.        

“You have nothing to say sorry for, Leanne.” I immediately replied. “It’s not like you have done something wrong being with a man from my past, you are completely blameless, Leanne. Don’t be upset.” I also reassured. My eyes are back on track, focusing on the road.

“Thank you, Sandy.”

I just smile at her.

And then she also added, “I also wanted to tell you something,”

“What is it?” I curiously ask.

“Well, you said I could ask you a favor in return for the all-nighter we did right? And that you will grant regardless whatever it is?”

I somehow felt nervous she might suddenly ask me for a large sum of money, “Yeah, sure. What is it?” I told her.

“Well…you see…” I can almost hear her trembling voice when she said it.

“Well, what?” I followed up while my eyes are still on the road.

“Well, I-I was hoping you could…err…possibly…” and there she goes again.

I am getting the hang of it. Why is it that she’s stuttering about telling me what she is supposed to say?

“Leanne, what is it? Come on, just spill.” I told her to force the words to come out.

“Can you be my maid of honor?” she suddenly said in a quick span.

The announcement made me instantly step on the break which bounces back the impact on the two of us. Thankfully it was just the perfect timing for the traffic light to turn red.

“Your what?!” I asked her again. My eyes widened somehow when I look at her.

Leanne shrinks a bit from her seat as she repeats the answer for me, “My maid of honor?” she said as her hands gestured plead.

“No. Try to think of something else. I can’t do that.” I instantly told her.

“Please, Sandy. You know I don’t have any sisters or female cousins to take the role and you’re the only female friend I have.”

“Think of somebody else, Leanne. I can’t be my ex’s bride’s maid of honor! So please Leanne, not this one. Just ask Karen instead.”

“I can’t have Karen, she’s married already.”

“So? Is there any wedding protocol that says only the single and unmarried woman can take the role of the maid of honor?”

“I don’t know,”

“See? You just ask Karen about it, Leanne. Think of another favor you can ask from me instead. I’m sorry.”

“Please, Sandy. Besides, Karen is already going to take the role that will bind us with the wedding chord.”

I sigh. I really can’t believe I’ve been caught up in this situation.

“Sandy?” And Leanne is still waiting for my reaction.

The green light went back and I accelerated the car forward. “I really don’t want to, not that I am mad but I just don’t want to be part of the entourage. I hope you’d respect my decision. I’m sorry, Leanne.”

I drop her off soon as we reached her dorm. She simply waves me goodbye and smiled at me right after she heads outside the car’s door. I don’t know what her plan is going to be next but as long as I’m not involved, then for all I care.

*****