This is Beautiful (Logan & Kayla, #2) (Checkmate Duet Series Book 6)

Chapter 2

CHAPTER TWO

LOGAN

Everything in my world has been frozen, suspended in time, since the accident two weeks ago. I’ve lived the same terrible day over and over, and while I took a few days off work to stay at the hospital with Kayla, I have to go back tomorrow, and I’m not looking forward to it.

Last night I barely slept and today I’m paying for it. My schedule has been off, and I’ve been getting up closer to eight than six. I sit at the edge of my bed, trying to wake up from this nightmare I’m living, but it’s no use. After I feed Herman, I get dressed for the gym, but first head to Kayla’s house to take care of the dogs. Thankfully, they’ve become used to my presence, but it doesn’t stop them from jumping on me when I walk in. I round up their leashes and take them on their morning walk to Donny’s, or maybe they walk me. It’s hard to tell with how excited they are. Getting up this past week at the butt c***k of dawn and eating donuts has become our routine.

They pull me all the way to Donny’s, and as soon as I walk in, he greets me just as if Kayla is with me. He gives me a sad smile then perks up and feeds the pups their treats.

“Is she doing any better?” he asks, his face lights up. “I miss my favorite customer.”

“She’s awake. Responsive. But…” I try to find the right words. Donny is patient and waits for me to continue. “But, she doesn’t remember anything from the last two years.” Sadness is in my tone, and there’s not much I can do to cover it.

“How does something like that happen?” Donny asks. “The memories are just gone?”

I nod. “When someone experiences head trauma, memory loss is a possibility. But because of this, she may not remember specific things about the shop or you, so don’t be alarmed. Hopefully, things will return to normal sooner than later.”

Donny smiles and hands me a small paper bag that I know is full of donuts. “I’m sorry to hear that.” The corner of his lips tilts up slightly. “Oh, there’s an extra one in there for you. See you all tomorrow!”

After waving goodbye, I take the long way back because the dogs have been cooped up more than usual. Since I have extra time, we go a few extra blocks to try to get rid of some of their pent-up energy. By the time I bring them inside, they’re parched and drink water like they’ll never get it again. Opening the back door, I let them freely go in and out while I sit on the couch. I’m surrounded by her smell, by her completely, and a part of me feels lost. I haven’t felt this empty since being discharged from the military.

Leaning my head back on the couch, I close my eyes and sit in complete silence until the three amigos come barreling in and all try to fit on my lap. They look up at me with their big brown eyes and I pet their heads then stand and give them treats. “I know, buds. I miss her too.”

I refill their water and food. “I’ll be back later to let you out again, okay?”

Slipping outside, I lock the door behind me while they’re busy eating their treats and head to the gym to clear my mind. Though I run for an hour, I still feel anxious and uptight afterward. Mindlessly, I walk to the car, start it, then drive and allow the road to take me, but somehow, I end up at the hospital.

Sitting in the parking lot, I wonder if I should go upstairs or not. Courtney called and updated me last night, just as she has every other night this week because I haven’t been able to go back to the hospital since Kayla woke up. She’s in another room now and has started rehabilitation, so I wouldn’t be limited to only a few minutes. Truthfully, I don’t know if I can handle how she looks at me with confusion in her eyes without saying something I shouldn’t. Filling Kayla’s memories with my words is the last thing I want. Without help from me or anyone else, I want her to remember the fun we’ve had, the late-night talks, and the unforgettable love we’ve made. I can’t explain those things to her—my words couldn’t do those experiences justice.

I get out of the car and enter the hospital then walk down the stark white hallways that lead straight to her room. I peek in and see she’s sleeping. As quietly as possible, I hold the paper bag in my hand and place the cream-filled donuts Donny gave me a few hours ago on the cart next to her bed. I’m so tempted to kiss her before I leave, but I don’t. Hoping it doesn’t break me, I use every bit of strength I have to walk away for the second time.

Sitting in the car, I stare at the building until I lose track of time. I wish and hope so hard that this passes quickly.

As soon as I’m back home, my phone buzzes, and I see it’s Maggie.

Maggie: I got called into work. Can you take Skylar to swim lessons today?

Logan: Sure will. Can I pick her up now?

Maggie: Yes, if you’d like.

Logan: I’ll be there in twenty minutes.

Before picking her up, I quickly jump in the shower. They live so close now that it’s easy for me to hop over and get her. For the first time in days, I smile, and Skylar is the reason. As soon as I pull up to the house, Maggie meets me at the door with a grin on her face.

“Come on in,” she says, and I can tell she’s in a good mood today. Thankfully.

Skylar is busy playing with dolls on the floor, and as soon as she hears me walking in, her face lights up and she runs and gives me a big hug.

“Hey, baby,” I say, wrapping my arms around her little body.

“Daddy! You’re here!”

“Yep! I’m taking you to swim lessons today.”

She claps her hands with excitement. “I’ll show you my mermaid moves!”

“I can’t wait to see them,” I tell her.

“Go grab your swim gear,” Maggie tells Skylar.

As soon as I release her, Skylar bolts into her bedroom, and I immediately hear her rummaging through dresser drawers.

Maggie smiles at me. “My decorating skills aren’t anything like yours, but it’s starting to actually feel like home.” She looks around proudly.

“I love it,” I say genuinely. “It’s the perfect place for Skylar to grow up. Great neighborhood. Close to all her grandparents…”

“And close to her father.”

I smile at her, and by the way she’s looking at me, I can tell there’s something else she wants to say. Before she can, Skylar runs back into the living room, bouncing to go with her backpack slung over her shoulder.

“She hasn’t eaten lunch yet. I was getting ready to make her something,” Maggie says.

“No problem. I’ll take care of it.” I smile at her. “Come on, Skylar. Let’s go.”

“Thank you, Logan,” Maggie tells me as she follows us to the door.

“Hey, that’s why I wanted you two closer. So I could be there for you and her,” I say before walking away.

After Skylar is buckled in, we head to my house and I cook her macaroni and cheese and chicken nuggets, because she wanted both. She sits at the table like a grown-up and tells me all about swim lessons and the kids that live down the street that she plays with every day. She’s smiling and laughing, and I’m so grateful for having her today. Skylar’s the only person that keeps my mind from drifting to dark thoughts, and that overwhelming sense of loneliness I’ve had while Kayla is recovering somewhat dissipates.

I’m officially living in the twilight zone. I try so damn hard to remember everything, but I’m drawing a blank. Two years ago was my yesterday, and that’s a hard truth to swallow.

On the rolling cart next to the bed, I see a brown paper bag with Donny’s Donuts written across the front and smile. I open it and find a donut with pink sprinkles—my absolute favorite—and another that looks to be cream-filled. Though it’s not the type I usually eat, I’m not complaining. Happily, I devour them both and my eyes practically roll to the back of my head because I haven’t had sugar like this in…well, I don’t remember.

Since I woke up a week ago, I’ve been taking rehabilitation classes and am being constantly monitored. I’ve officially been in the hospital eleven days, and I’m ready to be home. After lunch, the nurse comes and tells me I’ll be released today as long as the doctor signs off, but I’ll still be required to do follow ups. Taking it easy and not overdoing it is a must. Apparently, my job has been informed of what’s going on, and I plan to go back to work next week.

I feel lost.

I feel like I don’t know what’s going on in my life, and the truth is, I don’t. Though I know the consequences, I wish Viola and Courtney would’ve told me everything. It sucks. I just want to know the things I’m not remembering.

Once I receive my discharge paperwork, Courtney leaves her job a little early and drives me home. We walk up to the door together, and I stand there staring at a keypad that I don’t remember. I feel a rush of anxiety come over me, and Courtney places her arm around me in an attempt to comfort me.

“Hey, hey. Don’t stress. Logan knows the code to get in. Let me text him real quick.”

As we stand there waiting, I’m becoming more frustrated with my situation. I squeeze my eyes tight hoping I’ll just snap out of it as Courtney texts back and forth with my apparent boyfriend.

“Got it,” she says, showing me the code before punching it in.

“What’s up with the cameras?” I ask as they stare me in the face.

“Someone broke into your house. Logan installed the new lock and cameras for your protection.”

“Well, that’s not alarming,” I mutter dryly.

As soon as we walk in, Kristoff, Philip, and Adam come running toward me and practically knock me over because they’re so excited to see me. Dropping to my knees, I pet and kiss their heads. They start running around, tails wagging, and Courtney can’t stop laughing.

“They’ve missed their mama,” Courtney says, watching me on the floor laughing and playing with my boys.

“Who’s been taking care of them?”

Courtney hesitates. “Logan’s been coming over several times a day to feed them and take them out. He’s also been coming over every morning and walking them.”

My mouth falls open. “He did all that for me?”

Courtney chuckles. “Well, yeah. He loves you. He’d walk those crazy animals to the moon and back if you asked him.”

I swallow hard and sadness washes over me. “I wish I could remember.”

“You will,” she says, confidently. “You’ll totally remember everything, and then we’ll all laugh about this later.”

“I really hope you’re right, Court.”

Her phone buzzes and her face lights up as she answers. “Hey, babe. Yeah, I’ll meet you there. Fifteen minutes? Sure, I’ll ask her. Alrighty. Bye!”

Courtney ends the call and looks at me. “Do you want to go for a late lunch with me and Drew?”

I shake my head. “Thank you for the invite, but I think I’d rather stay here, take a shower, and take the dogs out. Try to get back to normal.” As much as I can anyway.

Courtney gives me a big hug. “If you need anything, call me. Seriously. Anything at all, okay? I’ll be here in a snap.”

I chuckle. “Thank you. Tell Drew I said . . . hi?” It feels awkward saying it because I don’t really know him too well. I mean, apparently, I do, but not anymore.

“I will.” She squeezes me one last time before she leaves, and then I’m left alone with my thoughts, which I wanted. I walk around my house amazed at what I was able to do with the place over the years. I moved in a little over two years ago and it’s insane to think I accomplished this much stuff, but I’m thankful it feels like home. The layout is exactly how I envisioned it when I purchased the house with the little savings I had. I’m proud knowing I decorated and painted every room exactly how I wanted. It must’ve taken awhile, because most of it is like seeing for the first time. I continue walking through the house and can’t help but look at the pictures scattered around in silver frames when my eye lands on a photo of Detective Knight and me wearing matching ugly Christmas sweaters.

I pick up the photo and feel a tug at my heart that hurts because I don’t remember any of this. Happiness radiates from that girl in the picture.

Closing my eyes tight, I want so badly to instantly remember that moment in time, but it doesn’t happen. The sensation that soars through me is strange, as if someone else is wearing my face. Cold noses press against my leg and pull me away from my thoughts. Setting the photo down, I grab some treats and throw them on the floor. The boys rush to get them, and I make sure they share. I notice food is in their bowls and water is filled to the brim. I’m so thankful Logan has been taking care of them while I’ve been in the hospital.

Once they’ve finished their treats, I decide I need some fresh air. I know I’m supposed to be taking it easy, but I can’t stay in the house after being cooped up in the hospital for almost two weeks. Instead, I grab their leashes and snap them to their collars. We walk down toward Donny’s and I’m excited to see him. He’s such a sweet old man. As soon as I walk in, he lights up with excitement.

“There’s my favorite customer!” Donny comes around the counter and gives me a big hug. The princes are so excited to see him.

“I had some of your donuts this morning,” I tell him, happily. “They were delicious.”

“Yeah?” Donny’s face somewhat contorts as if he is remembering something. “Oh right. Well I hope you enjoyed them.”

“I did! So much I want to get a half dozen of the pink ones with sprinkles. I think I might eat them for lunch and dinner,” I joke. “Oh, and can I get a turkey sandwich on a bagel?”

Donny smiles, walks back around the counter and grabs a few treats. He throws them over the counter and the dogs catch them in their mouths. “Anything for you!”

Donny loads up my bag with donuts and a sandwich, and I can’t wait to get home to eat it.

“See you tomorrow?” he asks with a big, cheesy grin.

“You betcha!” I tell him before leaving.

Once I’m home, I sit at the table and eat one of the donuts as well as the bagel sandwich. As I grab a napkin out of the sack, I see Donny put a nice note in the bottom of the bag. Hope you get to feeling better.

I realize then he must know. Detective Knight probably told him when he walked the boys this morning. I should just start wearing a sign around my neck so then everyone knows, just in case I run into someone I met in the last two years.

As I’m sitting at the table, I see the bag that was given to me at the hospital and find my cell phone tucked in the bottom. Of course, it’s dead, so after I finish eating, I plug it in next to my bed before jumping into the shower. I’m amazed by all the body washes I have and different scents, but I can’t help but feel like a stranger in my own home.

Once I’m finished showering, I wrap a towel around my body and sit on the edge of my bed and start going through my text messages. If no one can tell me what I’m forgetting, I’ll have to find out on my own.

I start with Courtney’s and scroll through hundreds of text messages about fertility and pedicures, and then I start seeing messages I’ve typed about Logan. Instantly, I close out of hers and go to his. He was the last person to text me two weeks ago, and apparently, we had lunch together that day. I scroll and scroll until I’m at the very beginning and reading it all takes my breath away. Blushing and laughing at some of my sad attempts to flirt and embarrassed when I see I sent him wrong messages…twice. Our text messages are playful and transfer into something more serious, more substantial, and my laughter is stifled as emotions roll through me. I know he meant something to me just by reading my words as foreign as they are.

I don’t know what to do.

I don’t know what to say.

Viola and Courtney wouldn’t give me details, but I found everything I needed. We loved and cared greatly for each other, and now, everything is erased.

I can only hope it’s not forever.