The Protector 2

Chapter One-10

“Yes,” he says finally. “I had bought the ring too,” he glances to the side, with a little shrug.

“But… I was only eighteen years old,” I say incredulously.

“I didn’t care. I didn’t care about anying else. I only wanted you to belong to me,” he answers, and now there’s real, passionate fire burning in his eyes. I know this fire. I’ve already been burned painfully by it. “I wanted us to be together, that you be mine officially. I wanted everybody to know about it.”

“Oh, Rafe!” I turn away and hold on to the edge of the kitchen counter. “I had no idea.” Holy crap! I really had no clue about what he was planning. I was also in love, but to be engaged at eighteen? Marriage? Good Heavens. “Then, how could you… how could you do that to me?” I turn back, and shout reprimandingly, with tears in my eyes. “If you really loved me so much, how could you treat me like that? You were my very first, I had nobody else before you,” I push his chest with all my strength, and he staggers back.

“Please, don’t,” he lifts his hands in defence, and starts walking in the opposite direction. I follow him, overtake him. He presses his hand onto his chest as if in pain.

“I was a prick. A dickhead,” he moans.

“My sin was that I hadn’t been fully honest with you about my family,” I say, spreading my arms. “But I didn’t cheat on you, and I didn’t have any other man in my life but you. I was waiting for you. I wanted to give you my virginity,” I laugh out hysterically. “And what did you do? You used me. You had s*x with me brutally and roughly.”

His face makes a painful wince, he grips his own hair like someone on the verge of madness. He’s unable to look at me, tries to walk past me, but I can no longer stop. The pain that has accumulated in me through the years with the frustration pour out of me at once.

“I hate you!” I shout into his face.

“No more than I hate myself,” he whispers to himself brokenly.

“Get f****d, Harlan! You ruined everything. My first experience was no more than a brutal, emotionless sex.”

“Please,” he groans, and pressing his forehead against the wall, he covers his ears with his hands. But I’m already after him, and while sobbing tightens my throat, I keep going on.

“I waited for you. Trusted you, and you…,” I weep, and, grabbing his arm, I make him turn towards me. “And you simply…”

“Hit me!” he bursts out bitterly, looking at my tearful face. His attractive features are distorted by pain and shame. “Hit me. Please, Rae!”

He spreads his arms, and without defending himself, he waits. He is asking for physical pain, he longs for it. I know how men function, I’ve seen how my cousins react to stress. I’m sure if Mac or Gunner were here now, he would provoke a fight with both of them. At the same time.

I gasp with my mouth open, I sniffle, trying to read from his face whether he’s serious or not. He’s broken to pieces in front of me, he is not fighting anymore, doesn’t give any explanations. My hand moves before I could really think about what I’m doing. I give him a huge slap in the face, putting all my frustration and bitterness into it. Rafe’s head tilts to the side with the power of the slap, but other than that, he doesn’t move. He turns his head back to me, his eyes glitter with tears, and wearily, he waits for me to continue. I’m weeping, hardly able to breathe, but I hit him again. Then again, but with much less strength. I’m waiting for relief, but it’s not coming. I feel deep pain and sadness, but no hatred whatsoever, for him. My arm drops, my head falls to my chest. All my strength leaves me. I have no idea how to go on. There may be minutes passing as we stand here, silently, facing one another.

I feel a touch, light as a feather on my shoulder. Rafe’s fingers are settling on me very carefully, but he’s still waiting. Only when I lift my eyes on him, does he pull me to his chest, and embracing my shoulders, he holds me tight. At first I can’t even make a move, the feeling is so unexpected, so unearthly. Unexpectedly good, warm, and cosy. When his fingers begin to stroke my back with gentle cautiousness, something slowly stirs in me. There is life waking in my veins, like when a dead system is restarted. Under his stroking hands, the tension slowly leaves my body. I lift my arm, and wrapping it around Rafe’s neck, I lean on him, relaxing at last. The sensation of his arms hugging me again is undescribable. I had no clue that I‘ve been missing a man’s strong, comforting touch so much. I had no clue that I’ve missed Rafe so badly. I’ve been longing for this gentle embrace since that Halloween night. I thought I was over him. That the wound this man left on my heart, has made a deep gulf between us forever, with hatred and disdain being the only bridges over it. Still I’m not over him, and judging from the despair with which Rafe is hanging on to me, I’m not the only one who feels that way.

He holds me in his arms for a long time, and I hang on to him, trembling. Then suddenly, a deep, relieved sigh breaks from his chest. I know how he feels, and I’m also aware of the fact that things are not fully resolved between us, but we’ve taken a huge step in the right direction. We both have been carrying wounds and devastating burdens heavy on our hearts, for too long. We both have been so dumb, stubborn and proud, even though our relationship might have taken a very different direction. Healing will take time, but there’s one thing I’m sure about: I don’t want to live with bitterness and hate in my heart anymore. It’s too tiring and maddening. He was my first love, and it looks like my heart was never fully willing to give up on him.

Rafe quietly whispers into my ear, his hot breath tickles my skin.

“I’m so sorry, Rae. I’m so sorry that I didn’t go after you, didn’t try to clear the issue.” The only answer is my breath, broken with emotions. “I should have fought for you.”

We should have fought.

Rafe

“It began to dawn on me what was going on when you walked into the office. Or, maybe a few minutes later, because I think my brain froze when I saw you. The first few minutes were a blank,” I tell her, leaning my hip against the kitchen counter.

“Yes, for me too,” she tilts her head, while dipping the tea filter into hot water, leaning over the counter. “At first I thought it was some joke. That you had something to do with it.”

She pulls a sexy smile, and my knees wobble at the sight. Some things don’t change even after eight years.

“Mr. Bertone was mentioning his daughter when we were talking on the phone. The whole thing only made sense when Sandro walked you into the room. I watched them hugging your shoulders from two sides, and suddenly I got the picture. The whole scene in front of the house. Déja vu. When I saw you standing between them I already knew for sure that I’m the biggest fool in the world,” I nod dejectedly, and she, for a change, doesn’t contradict me.

After our earlier embrace, some kind of a ceasefire has set between us. As she managed to stop sobbing and we both calmed down somewhat, the intimate closeness has become embarrassing, and neither of us knows quite what to do with our hands. We are talking quietly in the kitchen, but there is some awkward uncertainty in the air. It would be great to clarify our situation. The ten minutes while I hugged her just before, was the most wonderful ten minutes of my past eight years. I’m dying to hold her in my arms again, but I’m not so sure she also wants it. After all, she has a boyfriend, or whatever. s****l attraction is present between us exactly like back then, it would be silly to deny that, but our current situation is completely different. I must be careful. Regardless of what I desire, Raven is taboo for me. An unreachable, unapproachable object. I clearly remember every word that left Emilio Bertone’s mouth before I stepped out of his office the other day. He stepped up to me, put his hand on my shoulder, and gave me a firm squeeze. Not in a patronizing way, it was more like a ’Listen carefully to what I say, because if you forget it, I’ll tear your balls off and stick them up your backside’ kind of way. Then he didn’t call me Rafe, but Mr Harlan, I guess, to put more stress on his message. His words are still ringing in my ears. “Raven is like a real daughter to me. I’ve been raising her since a very young age. I’m responsible for her. There’s nothing I wouldn’t give for her safety.” “I get it, Mr. Bertone.” The old man nodded a few times, then continued serenely. “I gave you this job because I have known you as a committed professional, and because I want the best. But I’m not stupid, I know very well that my niece is a beautiful woman. And you’re a man,” he stated matter-of-factly, as if this pieve of information was already carrying a conflict by itself. Chris and Sandro also stepped closer, and nodded in agreement, with a frown. “What I mean to say now is that I’m paying you, and Raven is your client. Don’t even think about looking at her in a different way. Do I make myself clear?” “There won’t be a problem, Mr. Bertone,” I replied, standing the old guy’s pervasive look. “My niece is taboo. Taboo for you and all the other men involved in the action.” Then Sandro continued. “My father wants to say he would be extremely sorry if, before burying you into the riverbed, we would also have to castrate you or one of your men, because you’ve touched our sister.” I swallowed a few times, while quickly considering my options. I’ve always known that the Bertone boys are tough kids, their reputation precedes them in underworld circles, but since my own reproductive organs were mentioned this time, then obviously, this was a more sensitive matter to me. “I got it, Sir. You can trust me,” I answered, turning to Emilio, and I was surprised at how firm my voice sounded. Especially because I wasn’t sure myself that I was worthy of their trust. During the few minutes I spent in the same room with Raven, I already got a dozen of lusty ideas about what all I’d do with her if we were alone. While assuring Mr. Bertone that his niece would be in the best of hands, in thought, the same hands groped Raven’s long hair, and pulled her head back, so I could freely kiss the enticing skin on her neck. So even there, at the Bertone estate I knew that I’m in a beautiful mess. And if it comes to light that I am Raven’s university relationship that ended so badly, old Mr. Bertone will make my castration a priority, for damn sure.

I gave a promise to Mr. Bertone, but right now I have no clue how I’ll be able to keep a distance from her, because with every single hour we spend together, I want her more and more badly. Now that the whole f*****g misunderstanding has been cleared, and I know I had been blaming her unfairly all the time, I want her even more than before. I want to make everything better. I want to spoil her, make gentle love to her, and then push her against the kitchen counter and take her wildly, so that I can carry her to bed in my arms at once, and start the whole thing again. My body is aflame, but my brain is giving me warning signs that the only woman I want more than anything is FORBIDDEN FRUIT.