To Be Perceived

PROLOGUE

People tend to perceive us on what we let them see on the surface but they never truly understand our depth nor try to get to know us before concluding an outcome. That is the very reason why I never wanted to be perceived only to become a laughingstock in the end. Ang ayaw ko sa lahat ay ang mga taong gumagawa ng kwento para masiraan ka lang sa iba. Isn’t it unfair that people often misunderstand you and suddenly judge you because of a simple mistake? Bawal na ba ang magkamali sa panahon ngayon? Dapat ba ay perpekto lagi sa harap ng mga tao?

Walang taong perpekto sa mundo at mas lalong walang masama kung may taong nagkakamali. Mistakes are part of our lives, we tend to make mistakes, it is one of our flaws, one that is embedded in our existence itself. Ang mga pagkakamali ay maaari pa nating i-tama sa wastong pamamaraan. Your mistakes don’t define you as a person, rather it helps to hone you to become the better version of yourself. One mistake alone doesn’t determine your future because you are the one who’s paving your way towards your goal.

Paano ka a-asenso sa buhay kung hindi ka matututo dahil sa isang pagkakamali? Ang isang pagkakamali ay hindi kailanman hadlang para maabot mo ang iyong mga pangarap.

I keep on reminding myself that people are just all bark but no bite. They tend to say the most gut-wrenching words to make you feel small. They feed on your weakness at kapag kumagat ka, talo ka—mahina ka dahil hinayaan mong manaig sila sa isip mo. And I admit that I am a loser for ever believing them, the words were still lingering in my ears, never leaving my system. Oo, mahina ako dahil mas nangingibabaw ang mga masasakit na salitang binibitawan nila kaysa sarili kong prinsipyo.

“Eve, tulala ka na naman…” Komento ni Ivory na ngayo’y naka-upo sa harapan ng desk ko. “May problema ba? Do you want to talk about it?” Dagdag pa niya kaya umiling na lang ako at tinitigang mabuti ang papel na hawak ko.

I sighed before answering Ivy. “I’m fine not until I’ve come across this unfamiliar name.” Pinakita ko sa kaniya ang papel na hawak ko at kahit siya ay halos mahilo sa pagbasa ng nakasulat dito.

It was a small piece of paper I found under my desk earlier kaya pinulot ko pero hindi ko kaagad nabasa kung ano ang nakasulat, not that I want to know what’s written on it but because I was so lost in thought, hindi ko namalayan na naka-buklat na pala ang munting papel sa palad ko at tumambad ang hindi pamilyar na pangalan.

The name was written in cursive, it was neatly written to be precise. Kaya lang napakahirap naman basahin dahil uncommon ang pangalan na iyon. It was an unfamiliar name, never heard of it once in my life so maybe it’s impossible na nandito sa school ang taong iyon. Or so I thought?

Minutes before Miss Ledezma arrive in our room, may lalaking biglang pumasok, tila hinahabol niya pa ang paghinga. A-akalain mong naligaw siya ng classroom sa hitsura niya ngayon. He was sweating as if he ran miles away just to be in school on time. Kagaya ng pangalan na nakasulat sa papel ay hindi rin pamilyar ang mukha ng lalaking kakapasok lang sa room.

He was just standing by the doorway as he scanned his surroundings before completely walking towards the available seat at the back row. I wasn’t aware na may bago kaming kaklase but looking at my classmates eyeing him discreetly and some are even giggling as they whisper how good looking he is, ay alam kong huli na naman ako sa balita. They were aware of the new student but I wasn’t, not that I’m interested to know anyway.

Nabigla ako nang lumingon si Ivory sa direksyon ko at pinakatitigan lang ako, she’s grinning like she knew something that I don’t. So I raised my right eyebrow while staring at her. “You were eyeing him earlier.” Sabi niya habang hindi pa rin nawawala ang ngisi sa labi.

“So? Mali ba na tingnan ko siya? Besides he is new and obviously I wasn’t aware na may bago tayong kaklase.” I admitted that in an instant kasi totoo naman ang sinabi ko. Lagi na lang yata hindi ako updated sa mga nangyayari sa classroom. I’m not like Ivory who had her fair share of friends, she’s a ray of sunshine after all kaya hindi na ako magtataka bakit marami siyang kaibigan.

Unlike me, I’m like the opposite of her very being. I’m the chaos after the storm while she is the rainbow after the rain. People oftentimes perceive me as a snob because they can’t approach me easily and I can’t blame them for that. I know in myself what kind of person I am and I understand if they don’t like me. Basta ang mahalaga ay wala akong tinatapakang tao. I have my own reason why I became so closed off to others, it took me years to rebuild my walls that was once crushed by the people I thought would understand me.

“Earth to Eve? Hello?” Ivy snapped her fingers at me to gain my attention. “Lagi ka na lang natutulala, don’t tell me type mo ‘yung new guy?” Pang-a-asar niya pa kaya tinaasan ko ulit siya ng kilay. That gesture alone of mine earned a chuckle from Ivy.

“I don’t have time for that. Besides love is a poison for a woman with an ambition.” For someone like me who had concrete plans for the future, love is like a disease I tend to avoid because it will only divert my attention between that person, myself, the people around me, and my dreams.

“Maka-poison ka naman, parang sinasabi mo na lason ‘yung new guy. And huwag ka muna magsalita ng tapos, sige ka babalik sa’yo ‘yan.” Nagawa pa talaga akong takutin ng isang ‘to. I didn’t even know how Ivory and I became friends in the first place. But I’m lucky she became a part of my life and I hope she’ll remain by my side.

“I’m not pertaining that he is the poison. Don’t pretend that you don’t know what I mean.” Hindi na nagsalita ulit si Ivy pagkatapos kong sabihin ‘yun at umayos na siya sa pag-upo habang nakaharap sa board. I was about to focus as well but in the back of my mind I felt like someone was burying a hole in my head and when I averted my gaze at the back, I wasn’t wrong because the new guy was staring directly at my direction. His eyes met mine in an instant. I was about to raise my eyebrow at him but he stood up from his chair so I immediately diverted my gaze back at the front.

From the corner of my eyes, I saw him walking past my desk casually like he didn’t just stare at me intently earlier. Or maybe I was just imagining things so I shook my head and composed myself. He was already standing near Miss Ledezma’s table, hindi ko namalayan na nandito na rin pala ang prof namin sa ENT 101. Today is the first day of school, we’re now in second year but it still felt like yesterday when I started my journey in college.

“Good morning, class! I know that you are all aware that we have a transferee student.” Bungad ni ma’am sa aming lahat. Ako lang yata ang nagtaas ng kamay kaya napatingin siya sa akin, pati na rin ‘yung transferee. “Yes, Miss Cambria? Do you have any question?” Tanong ni ma’am sa akin dahil tanging ako lang ang may ganang magtaas ng kamay.

“I wasn’t aware about the transferee student, ma’am.” Magalang kong saad, besides totoo naman na hindi ako aware na may bago kaming kaklase. Magsasalita na sana si ma’am pero biglang humirit ‘yung isang kaklase ko, si Lucian—he’s one of the most annoying guy in our class and also a well-known douchebag.

“Naku, mga hirit mo talaga Eve, luma na ‘yan. Alam naman namin gusto mo lang mapansin ka nung transferee.” I was about to snap at him when Miss Ledezma spoke again. “That’s enough class, have some respect sa bago niyong kaklase! Especially you, Mr. Accardi!” Thanks to that, nanahimik din sa wakas ang bunganga ng unggoy na ‘yun. “Now, please introduce yourself, Mr. Monforte.” Tumango naman kaagad ‘yung transferee at muling binalik ang tingin sa harap naming lahat.

“Good morning, everyone! My name’s Aegaeon Lazarus Monforte but you can call me Eon for short since I’ve been told that my name is long and also hard to pronounce.” My eyes immediately widened upon hearing his name. That’s him! That’s the name written on the folded paper that I found below my desk! I haven’t even had the chance to compose myself when he averted his gaze towards me and looked at me straight in the eye. “Now, you’re well aware of my mere existence, Miss Cambria.” He said while grinning as if to mock me for not being aware that there is a new student in my class.

I didn’t know it at that time that he’ll become one of the people who will play a significant role in my world of grey—just like his grey eyes piercing right through me.