Chosen (Wolves of Dralesa: Book 2)

Blacking Out

Persephone

I inhaled deeply as I entered the art room. The mixed smells of ceramics and paints helped end the panic attack that was forming. If I had a safe haven at school, this was it right here. Not only was it the room that gave me comfort, but I felt safe and more at ease with the teacher, Luciana Valentina, because of our personal history.

Luciana was my mentor in school, but outside of it she was so much more than that. She and Diane have been friends since their early twenties. Diane dubbed Luciana as my God Mother when I was born, and she took that role very seriously. She was the entire reason I had such a passion for arts in the first place.

When Diane wasn’t around and I had to spend the day with Luciana, she would take me to the most magical places in the woods and we’d sit there with a canvas and paint the entire day away. Life was never simpler and more blissful than those days.

“Is everything alright mi hija?” Luciana called from her desk in her heavy Hispanic accent as I had stopped in the doorway of her art room. She knew me inside and out. I was not surprised that she could tell something was off if even Lexa could see so as well. I closed the door quickly behind me since there was still ten minutes left until the first warning bell rang.

“I don't know.” I told her truthfully. Who needed a guidance counselor or therapist when the epitome of both sat before me. I couldn’t speak my mind quite yet to my friends, but it was as natural as breathing when talking about my issues to Luciana.

“Something has been offsetting since this morning.” I sat across from her as I banged my forehead on her desk, feeling as exhausted as if I had pulled an all-nighter. Which I didn't, it was actually the opposite. I had slept nearly thirteen hours.

“Oh, mi hija, I will never know if you do not tell.” I looked up at her beautiful face, I dare say only to myself that she looked like an Aztecan Goddess. Her dark brown eyes held so much concern for me. There are times I told myself I didn't deserve it, like now.

“I don't even understand myself why I'm like this. I.. I think this has something to do with Freddie.. maybe? I don't know.” I banged my forehead repeatedly trying to make sense of this uneasiness and sense of hollowness in my chest. Then I felt a smack at the back of my head. I faked a surprised gasp as I looked up at the guilty Luciana.

“Oh, how I wish to be young again.” She sighed dramatically like they did in her telenovelas. “What happened to make you feel like this?”

“Honestly, it’s the stupidest reason. It’s because of a dream I had last night.”

“Explain it to me mi hija.” I loved how Luciana didn’t automatically tell me why I shouldn’t think too much because of a dream and instead wanted to hear about the dream.

“It’s so confusing because it was a dream where zero words were said. I was in the woods sometime during the winter, painting the scenery. The weird thing was that I’ve never seen that part of the woods before, but I felt like that was my place. I was so happy and felt so at peace that it made what I thought my happiness in real life was pale in comparison.

“Then right before the dream ended, something even weirder happened. I caught a whiff of winter pine, like the candle scent, you know? Dream me was smiling ear to ear, and I felt my heart skip a beat. I woke up before I could see what it was that could make me feel such a euphoric bliss. I felt so empty since. The only way to describe this feeling is like half of me is suddenly missing.”

“Because of that, I couldn’t help but try to find out why I felt this way. Then all of the things Freddie was doing this morning was really rubbing me the wrong way, things that I always ignored because at the end he was still so good to me.”

“Do you still love him?” Her sudden blunt question shocked me.

“Yeah of course I do.” I told her truthfully. Of course, I loved Freddie. He was my,

“No mi hija, as in do you love him.” She put the emphasis on the word love. “Not as your childhood friend, but as a man.” Her question was so simple, yet I had never thought of it. Not once. I was dumbfounded by my apparent blindness. By my lack of response, she nodded as if she were confirming something. She stood up and came over to where I sat too. She lifted me up and cupped my face with both hands.

“Sometimes we can't listen to our hearts, nor our brains mi hija. Sometimes we have to look within our souls to see the path destiny had laid down for us to follow. Our hearts and minds can easily trick us into taking the short cuts they wish instead of taking the beautiful scenic route. Don’t dismiss this dream, you need to analyze it and try to see what you were trying to tell yourself.” Luciana gave me an encouraging smile.

“How about this, you can introduce the next unit mi hija, it should distract that ever so busy brain of yours. My notes are on the podium over there.” She then proceeded to giving me a soft kiss on my forehead before opening the door again. She sat back at her desk and gave me a heart lifting smile before going back to whatever work she was working on before I interrupted her.

“I really appreciate you, aunty.” I whispered to her as I walked to her podium to go over the notes really quick.

Taking charge of today's lesson was a blessing as she suggested. Today was the start of the unit on animal realism. The explanation was short for what was required to pass this unit. Normal students had to choose one animal while the students who chose to be a part of the advanced lessons had to draw at least two animals in the same picture. Then I showed them a few examples from past years students, using the white board to explain different methods to create certain effects and so forth. Once I finished speaking, all the kids began taking turns at the small computer lab in the corner of the room, searching for and printing their references of their chosen animals. I looked at Luciana to see if she needed me to do anything else.

“Join them, show them how it's done mi hija. It'll be nostalgic.” She added with a wink. I didn't need her telling me twice as I went to the supply room to grab some charcoal sticks.

I set to work right away as there was only thirty minutes left. I didn’t know what to draw. I just stared at the empty paper on my desk, trying to get my mind off of Freddie but to no prevail.

Not even yesterday I had been telling myself that I'd be happy for the rest of my life being by Freddie's side. It wouldn't be unexpected nor big news that spread like wildfire in this small town of ours. It would be simple, it'd be easy, it'd be expected. The last thing I remember was beginning to move my hand to draw and pray that something would come to me as I did.

It was a student’s exclamation that I brought me out of whatever I was in. Honestly, I thought I had fallen asleep, but I was covered in charcoal from going ham on the drawing below me. I didn’t even remember picking an animal, let alone finishing a highly detailed drawing in less than twenty-five minutes.

“That’s amazing Persephone!” The underclassman got all up in my space to examine the picture more closely without actually picking it up. In whatever state I was in, I had apparently chosen to draw a gorgeous wolf. It was standing in a shallow creek, just deep enough to cover its paws. It was drinking from the water while looking straight at whoever looked at the photo. I went in thinking it’d be a loose sketch, but it was impeccably detailed. The shading was so smooth and had such strong highlights and lowlights.

“Thank you,” was all I was able to say. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the wolf’s eyes. I had become so engrossed in them, that everything else around me had seemed to blur out. These eyes, they were somehow connected to my dream. I felt an unbearable sense of longing. I wanted, no needed, to find this wolf. It was somehow that missing piece. I knew finding this wolf would fill this sudden void. Tears filled my eyes at that revelation. It was a damn drawing. How could I even find a wolf I had imagined?

“Mi hija, the bell has rung.” Lucina shook my shoulder lightly. The room was already cleared, but I couldn't move an inch. I saw in the corner of my eye Luciana crouch down, trying to get a look at my face.

“Come, sit in my office. I’ll make a couple calls and send you home. I think that’ll be best for today.” The gently guided me to her office, sitting me down in her chair as she sat on her desk. She called the main office saying how I had fallen ill and since she was free second period, that she was taking me home. In a way, this small-town school was way too lenient as they gave her the okay. Nonetheless, I was happy they did. I wanted nothing more than to be at home in my cave, alone.

We walked out to her red sedan, my grip on my drawing was like as if my life had depended on it. Another blessing that came with Luciana basically being a part of our family, was that she knew exactly where I lived and needed no directions. I honestly didn’t think I could form coherent sentences at the moment.

As we drove in silence, the presence I felt from the picture was the same the woods were giving off as we drove past them. I didn't understand why I felt that if I went out there I would find the missing piece. I felt like I was starting to go crazy. What could possibly be awaiting me in the woods but more trees?

Luciana pulled up to my house in no time, she let out a small sigh as she put the car in park. She smoothly pulled into my driveway, letting out a small sigh.

“It's unlike you to be so silent with me, mi hija.” She was determined to get me talk, even if it’s just for a second. I gave her a slight smile.

“Aunty,” I looked at the drawing once again. “I don't know what to think when I see this, I don't even remember drawing it.”

“Maybe another part of you was listening to our conversation earlier and was trying to tell you something.” There was a knowing twinkle in her eye. “Go inside, draw, sleep, do whatever you need to do to think things thoroughly. Don't ignore happenstances like this.” She told me gently as she pointed at my drawing. “Only you can interpret what your inner self is trying to tell you.” She pinched my cheek, making me genuinely smile. “Free yourself, mi hija, from the chains of the others who had bound your heart down. The right people will still love you, even if you decide to break away from the pack for a bit.” I rolled my eyes at the analogy she decided to use.

“You're too cheesy.” I chuckled as I opened the car door.

“Tell me one thing mi hija, what do you think the wolf in your drawing means?” She quickly asked me, I think to fulfill her own curiosity. The words left my mouth without me even realizing what it was I was saying.

“Incomplete without the other. He's searching for me.” We were both silent for a second until I laughed embarrassingly as I ran my hand through my hair. “What a stupid thing to say, right? It’s just a drawing.” I sighed and shook my head. “I'll see you tomorrow.” I could see that she wished to talk more, but instead I waved goodbye before shutting the car door. She rolled down her window and yelled after me.

“If you need anything, don’t hesitate to call me! I’ll be by your side in a second if you do.”

“I know aunty!” I turned around to wave goodbye at Luciana again. She waited for me to enter my house before driving away.

The house was empty, as Diane had gone to work. It was relieving to know I could be alone now. I didn't even hesitate to bound up the stairs to my cave. I shut the curtains before any more heat from the sun could infect the cool air in my room. The thought of sleeping some more sounded like a great idea.

I don't know why I did, but I ended up taping the charcoal drawing to the wall by my head before lying down. I continued to stare at it, mainly into the eyes of the wolf. Though it obviously had no color, I strangely knew the exact color of his eyes. They were a deep gold, as if they were colored straight from the purest ore itself.

“Where have I seen you before?” I asked the wolf in my drawing. “Ha, it's not like you're going to answer me anyways. I blame you for not allowing me to sleep.” I sighed as I knew I wouldn’t be able sleep as I wished. So, I followed Luciana’s advice and moved over to my drawing desk.

“Well soul, if you're trying to tell me something, now is the time to tell me. Alexa,” I wickedly smiled as I heard my speaker start up. “Play Seph’s inspiration playlist.” The first song to play was Big Bad Wolf by In This Moment. The many ironies of the song made me chuckle. Cracking my knuckles, I dove into my art, losing all sense of time.

I unexpectedly felt a hand on my shoulder shaking me awake. I groaned loudly as I raised my head off my desk, feeling a piece of paper come with. When did I fall asleep? I had to blink the sleep from my eyes to see who was disrupting me.

“Oh, hi merm.” I gave her a smile, shamelessly peeling off the paper and wiping the droll from the corner of my lips.

“Dinner will be ready soon, sweety.” Oh s**t, was it that late already? I looked at my clock and saw that it was after five. God damn, what's wrong with me? It seemed Diane was thinking the same as me.

“Are you alright sweety? Luciana told me she dropped you off this morning because you weren’t feeling well.” It wasn't a question and her tone wished for me to tell her why. When I skipped school, it was because I was genuinely sick. This time, I don't even know what's wrong. “Are you getting enough sleep?” I looked up at Diane, and for the first time I could see how age has caught up to her. Never once has she looked as tired as she did now.

“Yes mamma.” I stood up and hugged her, realizing how much thinner she felt. “Do not worry about me!” I reassured her.

“I will never not worry about you. You’re my one and only child.”

“Yes, yes I know. I love you merm.” We hugged each other again before she pulled away.

“Wash up first before coming down. You got art residue everywhere sweety, especially right here.” She pointed at my cheek and laughed before leaving.

“Of course, I do.” I laughed quietly but before I headed over to the bathroom across the hall, I decided to check my long-forgotten phone first. I outwardly groaned when I saw twenty some missed calls and countless texts from Freddie alone. My fingers began moving before my thought process.

I’m fine, thank you for checking up on me. There’s been something eating at me, so I think it’s best we take a break so I can think things through.

I hit send before I could regret it. I only backed out once so that I could look at other missed calls and texts when he tried to call me. I hit the green button and before he could answer I chewed him out of irritation.

“Keep calling Freddie, and you’ll make my answer a lot easier. I was serious when I said I needed to think things through.” I hung up before he could get one word in. I took a deep breath and focused on the other texts. Leeann’s messages were almost as much as Freddie. Honestly these two needed to calm down sometimes. I sent her a thanks for worrying about me like I did with Freddie and told her I’d see her tomorrow. Eliza sent only one text, wishing me to feel better. So, I thanked her and told her I’ll be at school tomorrow. I decided to call Lexa instead of text her, figuring I had a few spare minutes before dinner was officially done.

“Hey girl, how you feeling?” She answered after a few rings.

“Better now.” I told her honestly. I felt like a load was lifted off my chest when I went off on Freddie like that.

“Did you want to talk about it?” She offered to listen to whatever I was dealing with.

“Maybe when I know how to put it to words, if you’re willing to listen then?”

“I’m always here for you girl. But I do have something to say, or more like warn you.” She sounded a little hesitant to even say anything.

“Yea, what is it?”

“I know you’ve been friends with Fred and Leeann for a hella long time, but their behavior has been troubling me recently. Honestly I don’t like it, as it affects you the most.” I could hear the worry laced in her words.

“They have haven’t they?” I gave a sad smile as I laid down on my bed. I stared at the ceiling. “I’ve noticed so too, today more so than ever.” There was a moment of silence between us as we figured what to say next.

“But anyways, dinner is going to be ready any minute and I still have to wash up. I just wanted to let you know I was fine and that I’ll see you tomorrow. Also, I really do appreciate you looking out for me girl. It means a lot that I have friends like you who got my back.”

“Anytime, see you tomorrow then. Eat well and have a good rest of your night.”

“You too, love you.” I hung up and heaved myself off my bed before Diane scolded me on taking my sweet time.

I ran to the bathroom, trying to be quick as I already took too much time on the phone. Looking myself in the mirror I suppressed a laugh. I had all kinds of smudges littered on my face and hands. Pencil, charcoal, ink, I’m just surprised I didn’t have any paint on me at this point. To think of it, I don't even remember when I fell asleep, and as I washed my face I tried to think of what I drew. I remember blocking out a human figure but that was it.

Did I do it again? I was quite curious of what I drew if anything. More than likely, I probably fell asleep shortly after starting. I dried myself off quickly, running back to my room.

There were several pictures drawn one after the other, the top one was trash from the ink smudge caused by my sleep. As I flipped through them, I realized all of them had the same topic. I drew the wolf several more times. I was shocked to see that I had inserted myself in some of them. The wolf towered over me. I don’t even understand why I would draw such a huge beast, but in all of the pictures I showed no fear, just unconditional love. In another drawing, I had even drawn a smaller wolf under him. He was protecting her, and she was protecting the larger wolf's neck from underneath.

“Oh, sweet lord,” I gasped at the scandalous drawing that laid at the bottom of the stack. Thank God Diane didn't see this. I'm fine with drawing naked people, but this was different. I never drew myself naked, let alone so shamelessly clinging on to a man only fit enough to be a God.... who also seemed to be naked. He held me from behind, his face nuzzling the nook of my neck, his strong arms wrapped tightly around my waist. I drew my own arms reaching around his head, holding him closer to myself.

“Nope, nope,” I repeatedly said as I slammed one of my sketchbooks over it in a spazz like manner. I could feel my cheeks burn, promptly leaving my room. “I was trying to listen to you soul, but obviously you are screwing with me.” I exclaimed in a hushed whisper so that Diane didn’t hear as I rushed down the stairs. At least I got a slight distraction as the hunger of not eating all day finally hit me.