Book I: Hidden in the Past

Not All Monsters Come with Fear

I was always raised to believe in what others didn't. The knock on the wood by the stairs in my apartment could've been anything. The wind blowing through the tree branches, the apartment being old, or something crawling around. My mind always knew better, though. I always went to explore. Especially when the knocking kept on, for fifteen minutes.

My parents always told me there was "More than meets the eye," or "Always trust your gut, Merissa." I guess this is how I found myself looking at something I could only describe as a Rougarou. The only term that would fit or even make sense while I stared up at this canine-like animal.

I wasn't afraid. I should've been—and I knew it—but it was sort of a calming feeling when I looked into its deep amber eyes. The sand-colored fur on its neck was standing. I looked down at its paws and was surprised to see they were almost the size of my whole head. The fur covered it completely until right between its eyes, where a white patch ran down to the start of its nose.

She wasn’t just a wolf. She was mine, though I didn’t yet understand what that meant.

Her form was enormous, elegant, and impossibly silent, as if she were woven from the night itself. Her fur shimmered like dune-swept starlight—a soft, sand-gold pelt with a white streak between her eyes that glowed faintly, like moonlight painted by hand. Her eyes—deep amber and ever-shifting—held galaxies I wasn’t ready to explore.

I should have been afraid.

But something in her called to something in me.

Not like danger. Not even like fate.

More like… home.

Every step she took was deliberate, reverent, like she feared she might break the moment if she moved too fast. Her gaze never left mine. There was longing in her eyes—and restraint. As if she were fighting the urge to run to me, to embrace me in the way only souls long separated could.

And I...

I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t blink. Because somehow, this dreamlike creature felt more real than anything in the waking world.

I was tempted to reach out and touch the canine, but was met with a deep, warning rumble from its chest that felt like it came from mine as well.

The hair on the back of my neck rose, and I let my hand drop limply by my side. Maybe it could read my mind?

Maybe this was supposed to be like meeting a normal dog? Let them smell you first. I never knew anything about this. I'm only in high school—and not to mention—I never thought I would run into a Rougarou. Who would've thought?

The wolf padded closer, raising its head. I saw its nose flare as it scented the air. I looked around to take in our surroundings.

There were trees so high, I couldn't see the sky. The branches crisscrossed until they formed a web of safety from the full moon that hung pregnant above. There were songbird cries, but I couldn't see any birds—or any creatures at all. The ground was soft beneath my bare feet. The grass barely tickled my ankles. The wolf took another step forward, and I found myself looking back into those amber eyes. I cleared my throat, trying to call up the courage I believed I had.

"H-Hello." The wolf stopped approaching me and stared.

If it took two more steps, we would be touching.

"I'm Merissa, or Mer for short."

I reached up and started twirling my light brunette hair around my fingers.

"I'm not sure who you are, or why you were knocking on my house," I said, glancing around again, "or where we are. But I'm pretty sure I'm not going to harm you."

I lifted my foot, wondering if I should close the distance between us, and was met with another warning growl that made my heart pound. The hackles on the back of its neck hadn't lowered yet. Am I in danger? I bit my lip, wishing I'd brought something to protect myself. But here I stood, in my sage-colored Aurora Prep tank top and a pair of black shorts. I had been getting ready for bed when I heard the knocking. I ran my hand through my hair, pulling all of it to one side, twirling it nervously. I knew I needed to cut it, but right now I was extremely thankful it reached my navel. I could hide behind it, if I had to—but what good would that do me?

I sighed and kept my eyes on the sand-colored wolf in front of me. I knew the size of a standard wolf. This was not one of them. This wasn’t a normal wild wolf or even a magical one. This was something more.

Much more.

Slowly, I slid down to the ground. The wolf watched me with curiosity. When I hit the ground with a soft thud, she sat too, curling her tail around herself, her amber eyes never leaving me.

"Sooo," I dragged the word out, letting the silence linger. The wolf c****d her head to the side.

"Am I just supposed to sit here? Playing the staring game?"

Mentally, I was proud of myself for not sounding as scared as I felt. I could've sworn she lifted her lips into a smile—but maybe she was just happy I had made it easier to eat me.

(No, my dear. I shall not eat you.)

I blinked. The voice startled me, warm and feminine like a mother calming a terrified child. The first thread of true panic coiled in my chest. We were taught shielding in school—to keep strangers out of our minds.

But this wolf had just walked straight through mine.

I would have to talk to the professor about that. The wolf raised her muzzle and sniffed again. She could smell my fear. Silently cursing myself, I began fussing with my hair again, knowing I’d just marked myself as prey. She shook her head and looked at me directly. She stood to her full height and moved closer. Her massive paws barely made a sound over the grass. If I hadn't been watching, I wouldn't have known she was coming. When her muzzle was just inches from my face, I started trembling. Points for trying... right?

(Again. I shall not eat you.)

Now that I was completely convinced the voice belonged to the wolf, I let out a shaky breath.

"So, why am I here?" I pulled my knees up as close as I could without bumping her.

(You are here because it is time.)

The wolf rested the bottom of her muzzle on the top of my head.

"Time?" I shrank inward. "Time for what?"

She gave that little smile again, baring her canines just slightly, then moved her muzzle to press her nose to mine, resting her forehead gently against me.

(You will understand with time. You are of age. Have your parents not explained this to you yet?)

I flinched at the question and pulled back so I could meet her eyes—amber, now slowly turning yellow.

"No." I cleared my throat. My voice still shook with fear. "My biological parents haven’t been with me since I was a baby. My adopted parents try to explain what they can. I've never heard of being transported to some other world, especially an underground forest, to meet a wolf. Or a Rougarou."

I closed my eyes, fighting back the burn of sudden tears. She sniffed my hair, then nuzzled my chin until I opened my eyes again.

(You were not given away. You do not carry the scent of an abandoned pup.)

There was a growl at the end of her sentence, and I felt it reverberate through my whole body.

(Every pup that has been abandoned has a certain scent. Normally, the abandoned are claimed by nature and killed. But you do not have that scent. You carry the scent of The Lost—of a pup taken from her pack before she could know any better. Before she could learn our ways. Our Code. How long have you been with this... "family" of yours?)

I nibbled on my bottom lip for a moment before answering.