The Deceiver | The Magicians

Chapter 12

Twelve | Occlumency

The tension in the air was thick as the two students stared at each other from across the table. Penny glowered at the blonde, while Lilly's expression was calculating like a cat. The ticking of a clock and Penny's fingers tapping rhythmically on the wood were the only sounds as they waited for Eliza. Lilly had expected her to be right on time, considering her adamance that they be there not a second later than she instructed. It was almost fifteen uncomfortable minutes past when the heavy wooden door swung open and the light tapping of heels moved towards them, followed by a heavier, more clumsy set of footsteps. Quentin Coldwater followed behind the well dressed, currently red-headed magician, an apprehensive look on his face when he saw Penny. 

"Well," Eliza started, her pleasant British accent filling the room, "If you haven't noticed, Quentin will be joining our lessons. After the incident last night, Dean Fogg and I thought it best that he learn to protect his mind. We don't want any repeats of what happened, do we?" Quentin bowed his head in shame and Lilly felt bad for her friend. He hadn't been his usual happy, awkward, self that morning. No one really blamed him, after all, his former best friend did 'accidentally' try to kill him less than twenty-four hours ago. Q silently took a seat next to the blonde and Eliza began the lesson. 

"Occlumency is one of the most important skills for a Magician to learn. Many never master it, due to lack of determination, or weakness of the mind. You three do not possess the luxury of failure. This Beast that attacked you, is more powerful than everyone in this room and for some reason, it has targeted you three in some form or another. I expect you all to put your full attention on these lessons as they may be the difference between life and death." There was a heavy pause as the three students soaked up the woman's words. Saying Lilly was scared would be an understatement. Not many people could say that their childhood monster under the bed was real and coming to kill them. The Beast had haunted her dreams every night for years and it made her feel all the more vulnerable knowing that he had been in her head. He had seen her deepest desires, secrets, and every little thought that crossed her mind. 

"Since we have a psychic with us today it makes things a bit easier. Penny will be acting as The Beast and trying to breach your minds." Quentin started in his seat and was quick to protest.

"Wait! You're telling me that he is going to be reading our thoughts!" The word 'he' came out in a disgusted tone, voicing exactly what Lilly was thinking. 

"Oh, calm down Quentin, you're not exactly Fort Knox." Eliza told him with amusement, "It's nothing he hasn't seen or heard before from what he tells me." Quentin went red and Penny gave him a taunting smirk. Lilly was tempted to act on her growing hatred towards him and use a spell to literally wipe the smirk off his face. "As for you Penny, your peers will be learning a mind reading spell to access your thoughts and memories. It is much easier to fight an oncoming psychic attack when you know what it is like to be on the other end of it." Penny was about to start complaining but Eliza cut him off. "This spell is no longer taught at Brakebills after students began misusing it on other students. I trust you will not do the same." Eliza gave them a stern look, telling the two friends that she was not to be crossed. They nodded, allowing the red head to continue the lesson. 

She went through a series of demonstrations on how to perform the spell, showing them the proper hand motions and the precise angle at which to twist their fingers. "The pictures you see will most likely be a bit disorienting until you get a hang of the spell. They may come to you out of order, but it is important that you do not let it overwhelm you. Focus on each image as it comes and do not attempt to piece them together."

"Can we get on to the part where we learn to defend ourselves from this Beast dude?" Eliza glanced at Penny from her spot at the front of the table, giving him a scornful look. The woman sighed before moving on to the next part of the lesson. 

"Yes Mr. Adiyodi, learning how to attack is one thing, but the counter attack is the most import part for you three to learn. The Beast has targeted each of you is some form or another. Even if it was not mental," She looked towards Quentin pointedly, "it is only a matter of time." 

The students looked at each other with the knowledge that they were all under attack for some unknown reason. Three very different people, connected by the gravity of their situation. "You must clear your mind of every single thought until there is nothing left." 

"That shouldn't be hard for you Quentin" Penny spoke across the table to his unofficial nemesis. Quentin didn't bother to respond to such a childish jab, rolling his eyes and listening to Eliza's in-depth instruction. "I want you to picture a wall, surrounding your mind. It is completely impenetrable. If you see a hole, fill it, even if it is just a crack in the surface. Focus on it until you are able to build it up to completion." 

Lilly did as told, though she found herself struggling to complete the simple task. Her brows furrowed and she closed her eyes tightly, continuing to force the mental wards to climb in height. Her concentration must have been lacking, the proof being the numerous cracks in the wall. A great sigh left her chest and she allowed her eyelashes to flutter open, taking in her companion's efforts. Both seemed to be struggling just as much as she had. Quentin looked as if he had given up, staring out the window. His eyes were glassy, perhaps from unshed tears? The thought made no sense to the blonde, but through further inspection it still looked to be the case. She wondered what had been bothering Q all day. It was nothing he'd entrusted her with. She would have to learn through prying and what better time than the present. They were about to perform a mind reading spell after all. 

"Now that you all know what to do, Quentin you will be performing the spell on Penny, Penny on Lilly and Lilly on Quentin." She rattled off the pairings swiftly before nodding encouragingly at Quentin, who awkwardly scooted his chair towards Penny. Lilly was surprised Quentin was still standing after the death glare Penny shot him. Despite the obvious hatred flowing off the latter of the two, he still allowed Q to perform the spell, however shakily he did it. It took a moment for the spell to work but it was obvious when it took effect. A jolt went through Quentin's body and his eyes snapped shut abruptly. A crease appeared on Penny's brow and his eyes closed in concentration. Lilly leaned across the table intrigued, the silence stretched on until a sharp gasp escaped Penny's lips, startling her back into her chair. Quentin hastily pulled away, probably in fear that Penny would strangle him if he lingered too long. 

"Well?" Eliza quickly spoke, "What did you learn?" Quentin seemed a bit taken aback by the question and Lilly was too. She hadn't expected their darkest secrets to be shared with the entire group.

"Y-you want me to tell you w-what I saw?" 

"Yes Quentin," The British woman's voice curved around each syllable in a way that made the student feel as if they were nothing more than a babbling toddler trying to understand quantum physics. "How else would I know how strong your mental walls are? Think of it as some motivation. The stronger your mental walls, the safer your secrets." Lilly's palms were beginning to sweat and her fellow students were just as nervous. What exactly would be revealed in this dangerous game they were playing? Each of them was hiding things and no matter how close she had become with Quentin, he still had his secrets, and she certainly had hers. 

"He-he um..." Quentin fumbled over his words, looking anywhere but at Penny. "He grew up in Florida with his Dad. His Mom left him when he was nine after she gambled away all their money. The rest was cutting in and out, I got a few images of him fishing as a kid and a couple other random things... nothing else interesting." His eyes shifted from the table to glance quickly into Eliza's eyes. He wasn't being completely truthful and they all knew it. He had seen something that he refused to share... something terrible.

"Well then, moving on!" Eliza thankfully brushed past the uncomfortable situation by gesturing for Penny to use his psychic abilities on Lilly, who was becoming more anxious by the second. Of all the people that could read her mind, she got stuck with him. He smirked at her and a rush of anger filled her chest. 

He didn't wait long to shut his eyes and attempt to invade her mind, but she was ready for him. Her walls were a sturdy as she could get them and every bit of her focus was on keeping them that way. She could feel his presence on the edge of her mind, like she was a dam and he was the water fighting to break through. There was a moment of pause where Lilly felt him hesitate in his attack. A surge of pride filled her at the accomplishment. This was pretty much like shooting him a mental middle finger. However, she hadn't accounted for him making his way through the tiny cracks in her mental wards. The tiny leak soon turned into a waterfall and she was taken over by the vivid images of her memories.

She could feel Penny's presence in her mind, but it was as if he had locked her in a cage and she was forced to watch as he sifted through her deepest thoughts and memories. They were on display, ripe for the taking and there was nothing she could do.

"Daddy?" she was in a kitchen, the kitchen of her childhood home. A little girl wearing mickey mouse pajamas stood at the entrance, staring questioningly at a man. Her father. Lilly's father and the little girl was Lilly. She remembered wearing those exact pajamas a thousand times and begging her parents to take her to Disney world for her birthday each year. 

"Hey Lilly Pad," Her father spoke, turning to face his little girl and placing the large duffel bag he had been carrying on the tile floor. 

"What are you doing?" she remembered this night vividly and felt the pain that went with it like a knife through her heart. She had only been seven years old at the time, too young for that kind of heart-break. 

"I'm just heading out for a little while. Why don't you head back to bed? It's a school night."

"Why do you have that bag?" the younger Lilly knew something was off. If only she knew.

"I'm just dropping it off somewhere. I've got to go. I don't want to be late." He left a light kiss on his daughter's temple, brushing the honey blonde curls back tenderly before turning away, leaving little Lilly in a confused daze as he rushed through the archway, walking straight through where the older Lilly was standing. She whirled to watch him leave, only to be met with a set of dark eyes. 

Penny, he was standing right behind her the entire time. How could she forget that he was watching? She had been so caught up in the memory that she completely forgot about the violation. She could see in his eyes that he hadn't understood the gravity of this memory. How could he? He hadn't seen the after effects of that night. But after a moment of staring at her invader they were thrown into multiple short memories. Penny saw everything from when she sat by the door for three days straight, jumping at every sound, to all the painful birthday party's she had to go through before she fully accepted that he wasn't coming back. There was no point in fighting his mind control anymore, he was much stronger than her at the moment. 

It felt like forever before he released her from his grip and her eyes opened, meeting Penny's once again from across the table. They were much softer than before they started and she could sense a bit of guilt at the invasion of privacy he just performed. 

"Her father left her when she was eight. He just up and left one night with no explanation like a total jackass." Heat rushed to her cheeks and her head bowed in embarrassment. "Her mother was distant from her after that, leaving her to be raised by the nanny. That's why Lilly acts so Perfect all the time. She pretends to be the perfect little silicone Barbie because she wants her mom's approval." The truth was painful, even more so now that it was said out loud. There was a pregnant pause as Quentin and Eliza took in the information.

"I-I didn't know that about your dad. I'm sorry Lil." Quentin whispered to her, pity in his eyes. She allowed herself three seconds to feel the pain and embarrassment of this reveal before schooling her features into her permanent smile. Silicone Barbie was in action once again and none of her peers missed the change in demeanor. 

"It's fine Quentin, it was a long time ago. No use in dwelling on the past." He was silent and obviously didn't believe the lie but didn't protest when she moved to stand beside his chair. "Ready?" He closed his eyes and she allowed him to prepare his defenses. He nodded for her to commence her attack and the blonde started to perform the spell. Her slender fingers found their place hovering a millimeter away from his temples, twisting intricately while she recited the words Eliza had taught them. 

She could sense Quentin's consciousness almost immediately and located the edge of his mental walls soon after. Lilly focused on the protections he had up, searching for any openings. Allowing her mind to roam the perimeter of his wards felt like running her fingers across a crumbling cement wall. It certainly wasn't strong enough to keep her out, he practically left the back door wide open for her. Focusing her energy on the weak points, Lilly felt the wall begin to disintegrate with barely any resistance.

The memories came in flashes and it was a bit disorienting at first. It took a bit of concentration for her to view each memory individually, instead of a blur of voices and colors. 

"We need to go to the hospital Dad..." Holding onto a memory was a lot harder than it seemed. Penny had the advantage of being an actual psychic, but for her the memories were still a jumbled mess. The image was a bit blurry but she could make out a living room and an older man sitting on the love sea and facing a solemn faced Quentin Coldwater. The words didn't sync up with their mouths, making the experience like watching a movie when the sound had a ten second lag. 

"I'm not taking any med's Quentin..." Lilly could feel the heavy sorrow and anxiety surrounding this memory. It was intense and Lilly hadn't put the pieces together yet, making the memory unbelievably confusing. "Sometimes trying to fix something only makes it worse..." She was beginning to dread the outcome of this memory. By now she had figured out that the older man was Q's father and that he was sick or hurt in some way. "I chose not to pursue them..." The cloudiness of the image was starting to clear, allowing her to see the pained expression on the past Quentin's face.

"Why are you giving up?" Her friend's voice was completely broken and the blonde felt the pain in her own heart. Lilly came to the horrible conclusion before Quentin's father said the next few words, but it didn't make it any less devastating to hear.

"It's brain cancer Quentin..." 

Lilly gasped as she returned to the almost empty classroom, felling like she had been doused by a bucket of ice water. The words 'brain cancer' were echoing around her mind painfully as she watched the few tears fall from Q's eyes. The chair screeched loudly the moment Quentin grabbed his bag and speed walked from the room, letting the door slam shut behind him.

"What's his problem?" Penny asked, but his words were lost to the blonde as she rushed after her best friend, leaving their Occlumency lesson in the dust. It wasn't hard to find him.

"Hey Q" Lilly greeted. She had followed him back to the Physical's cottage where he had shut himself in his room. Unfortunately for him, he had neglected to lock the door, letting Lilly walk right in after a simple knock. He lay sprawled out on the double bed, crying his eyes out into the pages of Fillory and Further Book three. He didn't bother to look up when she entered, he had probably been expecting her. Lilly silently sat beside him, placing a comforting hand on his back. They were both silent for a while, content with each other's company. Speaking somehow felt wrong, like she would be overstepping if she tried to sympathize. 

It wasn't like she had ever been in his situation. Her father left and could have been dead for all she knew. This was uncharted territory for the blonde, so instead of trying to fix something that she knew nothing about, she took the book from her friend's hands and began to read aloud. She made herself comfortable beside him, her blonde curls splaying out like a halo on the pillows. They stayed that way all night and when they finished that book they continued with the next book until Lilly's voice had gone horse and the two magicians fell asleep, the book still open on Lilly's chest.