The Light Between Us

A Light in the Dark-6

Standing inside the foyer, I ask him, “What did you tell Bret when you went over to his house this evening?”

Philip kicks the door shut with his boot, hands tucked into the front of his khakis. He inhales deeply, staring around the room, looking at everything but me. Finally he says, shyly, “I told him that he needed to clean up his mess. Get himself together or that I’d arrest him. Bring him downtown and throw him into one of my grungy cells. He’d make a friend in Cora. She’d keep him company and talk his ear off.”

I laugh, “Really?”

“They don’t call me the sheriff for nothing.” His muscular arms fall to his sides. Thick blue veins bulge beneath his skin.

I nod slowly, grinning like an i***t. “Thanks,” I say quietly.

He reaches for my hand. I look up at him. “I also told him to apologize to you.”

He squeezes my hand in his. “But not the way it played out tonight. Another day, I meant. When he was sober.”

We both smile.

“Would you like me to help you clean up that broken glass in the hallway?” he asks.

“I’ll get to it later.”

“You’ll have to make a temporary patch for that windowpane to keep the cold out.”

“I’ll call Fred’s Wood & Glass tomorrow.”

“I’ll fix it for nothing. I’m handy that way.”

I blush. “A repairman and a sheriff?”

He shrugs innocently. “I can multitask.”

“Would you like a cup of tea?” I start to head to the kitchen, but Philip grabs my arm lightly. I turn around. He is crying. Sadness? Joy?

“Philip?” I touch his arm gently.

“I’d like to continue our talk from earlier.”

We never make it to the kitchen. For the next half hour, we sit on the bottom rung of the stairs. “It’s overwhelming for me to tell you that I’ve had feelings for you all these years, Chris. But at the time, neither of us could do anything about it, what with your relationship with Russ. And I wanted the best for both of you. Please don’t misunderstand me.”

“I loved Russ.”

“I know you did.”

“Very much.”

A firm nod.

“I am not trying to erase those wonderful, loving moments you and Russ shared. But after all this time, I thought it was the right moment to bring it up.”

A muscle in my bottom lip twitches.

Philip grasps one of my hands. “When time is fleeting and we’ve both moved on in our lives.”

“I’m still trying,” I say.

Philip arrests me in a hug. His mouth nips my ear and he whispers, “Let’s try it together. I’d like to move forward slowly. We can have something really special.”

I pull back so I can see his face. “But what about your job? How would our relationship affect your authority at work? Would the members of your team accept a gay sheriff?”

After a minute of awkward silence, I hear the sound of the clock chiming in the other room.

“We both deserve happiness,” he says. “It’s high time they accept me for who I am. And Russ would want you to keep living. And I’ve come to learn that these suppressed feelings I’ve had for you over the years are the truest feelings I’ve had for anybody in years. My loneliness is eating me alive.” He wipes his runny nose on the initialed handkerchief. “You and me—” He grasps my hand. “It’s real.”

My body rocks forward and I melt into him. He envelops me in a long embrace. We sit in silence, intertwined, our knees knocking into our sides, awkwardly. But something about the moment feels right.

THE END