Woman of War

Aliona

Aliona

It’s too early for reflection, since ahead I have a plenty of important things to do. When I am touched with gray I’ll have enough time for this.

In the meantime, I’m rushing without rest, with the world trying to catch me.

Lina Kostenko

From the first days of the Maidan to the victory, no matter how far it is. November 21, 2013 remains forever in the memory of Ukrainians as a landmark date. Then Mustafa Nayyem urged all passionate Ukrainians to gather on the Maidan warmly dressed, with flasks of hot coffee and tea. Then, the country loudly manifested its protest having neither an action plan, nor money, but guided by a dream and a blind faith that sparked an inexhaustible fire in the hearts of many thousand Ukrainians.

The fateful Mustafa’s summon and numerous cups of coffee she drank that evening in the Maidan became a freedom-loving elixir for Aliona as waked up her passion for struggle and thirst for victory. From the very first day, Aliona joined the activists, postponed all other affairs, including her successful legal business. The overwhelming majority of Ukrainians could not stay out of the protests, people began to unite into various civil organizations that assumed the responsibility for helping to the Maidan protesters and newly formed volunteer battalions.

Helping others and taking part in volunteering, Aliona always acts very calmly and carefully, as the life has taught her not to hurry and to appreciate every minute. In parallel with volunteer activities, Aliona is engaged in the implementation of the law on transplantation of organs from unrelated donors. Adult men die at the front, while in the children’s department of Kyiv hospital, little Ukrainians cannot wait for a transplant of vital organs. For them, time is a matter of life or death. Often, money raised for the treatment of a child is transmitted to the other one without a chance of being spent.

It’s not by chance, Aliona is a member of the working group on the implementation of the transplant law. Eight years ago, the woman escaped death but only by the skin of her teeth. When the man is hanging between life and death, he must make a choice where to move on. Aliona has chosen life that did not promise to be easy.

It seemed to be just a seasonal cold, but, unfortunately, a severe influenza virus put the woman into resuscitation unit. Aliona regained consciousness, but could not speak. Slowly looking around white room, she tried to move her limbs. She succeeded not immediately, with a thought she was paralyzed storming through her mind. So, the woman continued to move vigorously with her legs and arms, until finally managed to throw the blanket out. “I’m alive, I’m moving,” the woman heaved a sigh of relief and saw medical equipment, wires, and bulbs around. The doctors had already warned her mother that the daughter was unlikely to survive, but they were sorely mistaken. Aliona did emerge from coma. However, her boyfriend could not put up with such changes in the health of the woman whom he seemed to love, and urgently went to a long “business trip”’.

Aliona had to start her life with a blank slate. Fortunately, there were those who supported the woman, in particular, her employer who was waiting in the hospital lobby, until Aliona came round. She not only did survive, but also returned to normal life, with new views and priorities. She started with a long-term resuscitation therapy, sometimes, lost hope, but regained and continued her struggle for life according to new rules. Aliona found the solution in Belarus, where she has queued for kidney transplantation. In the meantime, she underwent hemodialysis in order to survive. Over the years, Aliona has got used to her state and to waiting. After all, she had to live on.

The first trip to the combat zone was for reconnaissance. Since communication between the two parts of Ukraine had been broken, it was impossible to track or even to transfer volunteer aid to the front. In Volnovakha and Staromychaylivka, the volunteers encountered two battalions with soldiers as ragged as a sheep among shearers. Aliona could not believe her eyes: the guys were barefooted and poorly dressed. Fall 2014 was over. Having talked to the 28th brigade face to face, the woman learned that the soldiers received only ten percent of the aid that was due to them. Having arrived in the headquarters of the National Guard, the volunteers were instructed to divide the aid into three heaps, one of which was immediately brought to the commander’s office, the second one was put aside, and only the third one was given to the soldiers. Aliona was steaming up over the battalion commander who instead of being a father and a model was turned out to be a dishonest man doing in a way undignified of military officer.

Outer garment, footwear, food, medicine, optical devices... She started with small things. The volunteers were preparing and bringing everything the soldiers needed every day in the front zone. Unfortunately, over time, some commanders began to play them off shifting responsibility for coordination and organization of aid to the latter. Some of them excused this by lack of time and more important tasks. Volunteer aid was neither accounted on balance, nor tracked. Nobody, except the volunteers themselves, cared if this or that equipment was lost. A five-thousand-dollar thermal imager which was purchased for money given by ordinary Ukrainians and badly needed at the front line could be found on sale for fifteen thousand hryvnias at a pawnshop. So, the spontaneous desire of helping everyone on the front was gradually evolving into conscious and measurable aid with focus on vehicles that were subject to mandatory registration, with battalion commanders being accountable for loss. Also, the volunteers began to monitor the requests and their fulfillment. Some staff officers reacted on volunteers like the bull on a red rag since they forced them to work. The volunteers got involved and have found simple mechanisms for monitoring the quality of both garment and food.

Once, having tried canned meat from a soldier ration, Aliona joked that now they could be found by smell (so stinking and inedible that food was). Although, for the years of war, the state has got the feel of providing the army with necessities, and Ukrainian soldiers have been no longer naked, barefoot, and hungry, all procurement processes remain unbalanced, unstable, and chaotic. Quality is given up for the sake of quantity. Money is spent, deliveries are made, but, the quality leaves much to be desired. The volunteers have learned to influence bureaucratic processes and to change the military leadership of the General Staff. The old mechanisms were modified very slowly, step by step. The state began to operate, despite the old principle “where there are two Ukrainians, there are three hetmans.” Sound ideas, reasonable suggestions have touched feelings of harsh men from the General Staff of Ukraine. Some changes took time to pass through popular decisions and complete transformation, but the system started moving beyond words to deeds.

These changes concern both the highest echelon and the ordinary people. During the years of war, Aliona has been noting radical changes in the views and deeds of many Ukrainians who join or leave the volunteer movement. Aliona is very tight-lipped in informative messages in social networks that become the main source of communication, but sometimes help comes in the least expected way, from those whom nobody looks at. So, familiar businessmen who never seemed to be great patriots, gave money for buying two vehicles.

Aliona never asks for help openly, just lists what is necessary. She also encourages people by personal example. Aliona allocates most of revenues from her own business to the needs of the front. Unfortunately, there are those whom these calls for help annoy.

Aliona just goes on calmly and confidently, not condemning nor criticizing anybody. It’s hard to believe, but the woman states that she has become more cynical. Being few steps away from the loss of mind, Aliona has realized that the loss of emotions is the only way to survive. Every day soldiers are killed. Although they are mostly unfamiliar to Aliona, as woman and mother, she cannot perceive those deaths calmly since for somebody they are the whole world — a beloved son, a dear husband, a brother or a close friend.

With time, the volunteers have gradually ceased to help everybody. There are good and evil and there are light and dark people. There are those who abuse and make profits from the war, those who sometimes mindlessly, sometimes deliberately betray comrades or drink heavily thereby putting the whole unit in jeopardy. So, the volunteers have learned to be cynical, making their help more targeted. There has been formed a circle of those who really need and appreciate the help. For volunteers, such brigades have become a family rather than mere military comrades. For instance, the 72nd brigade, the third battalion. It was the commander of this brigade who put forward Aliona for the honorary title People’s Hero of Ukraine. Eventually, she nominated him for the award ... posthumously. This loss broken her life again.

The death of close friend has made the woman pretty much tough. Aliona remembered her first trip to the 72nd Brigade, the day when the volunteers brought optical devices, and the battalion commander was ranting at them because they destroyed his plans for the working day. That time, Aliona faced Andrii, the chief of the staff, a man who became for her not only a like-minded fellow but also a sincere friend. So, she got a brother-in-arms. Together they were planning procurements, monitoring requests for guns and equipment, nominating soldiers for awards. Andrii was among those who was devoted to military service, always caring of ordinary soldiers. He planned a military career, dreamed of ending the war and creating a strong professional army in Ukraine.

Aliona planned a trip to the 72nd brigade, when she suddenly fell ill and got bound to bed for several weeks, so she was forced to stay in Kyiv. The woman was making haste for recovery, since Andrii who at that time had been bumped up to the battalion commander, called her persistently. There were many outstanding issues on the agenda. While lying on a drip, having a needle in the one hand and a telephone in the other, Aliona received a terrible news that “Andrii is no more”. The first thought was to rip out a drip and to run. Aliona tried to stand up, but the nurse did not allow her to do this. The short life of thirty-year-old Andrii Zhuk was going through in the mind of the woman.

Aliona remembered how he was telling about getting acquainted with his wife in Lviv, how he was sharing his memories about his mother and his childhood. Andrii was young and energetic, with great plans and a big heart. He went to the front as volunteer and, starting from the very bottom, rose to the rank of battalion commander. In Aliona’s eyes, he was a personification of the future Ukrainian army. Having received information that the enemy was spotted in a wooded area, Andrii, together with three soldiers, went inspecting the field. Andrii was leading a triangle-configured file, with two soldiers following him. Suddenly, he shouted “Down!” to the guys, and immediately after this, his body was riddled by machine-gun burst. The injury was fatal. At the expense of his own life, the battalion commander saved the two people.

Aliona was embarrassed with the fact that Andrii’s mother did not knew that the son was fighting. He always concealed the truth from her in order to conserve her weak heart. He told he was working at a training ground that was always safe. Both mom and sister were clueless about the fact that Andrii was risking his life every moment to secure his mother and other people sleeping calmly. Aliona could not imagine how she would look at the eyes of Andrii’s mother. At the posthumous award of Andrii, Aliona felt guilty, like everyone who belonged to his immediate surround. Andrii’s death hurt Aliona so fiercely that she got tongue-tied. She was calling to common friends, but for being unable to get out a few words either, just kept silent. They kept silent at that end of the wire as well.

The friends kept silent feeling guilty for failure to protect Andrii. They failed to save him like Andrii did not save himself when went for reconnaissance. As commander, he would have had to take care of his life as priority, but because of the lack of people, he had no choice. In general, he never sheltered himself behind the soldiers, always being on the firing line. Quite a hero and a true commander. Andrii was calm and watchful. His every deed was well-though-out and carefully weighed. Whatever the danger was, Andrii did know how to come to an agreement with it. Unfortunately, not that time. Even at the funeral, Aliona could not believe in what was happening. She always thought Andrii would reach victory, so self-confident he was.

Andrii’s death changed Aliona’s conviction that life could be long for anyone. Often, meeting with military friends, the woman catches herself thinking she may have seen this person for the last time. So, always Aliona tries to say the essential, important words, in addition to business issues. Aliona never got a chance to tell Andrii so many things. They always talked about the staff work, the politics, and the future of the Ukrainian army, requests for weapons and equipment. She never told him that she loved him as a friend and treated him as family member.

For Aliona, war and romantic life are incompatible. Although many military men have felt affection for a beautiful large-eyed brunette with a kind look, Aliona has been always keeping professional and friendly relations. War can change anyone in one day. One can display the qualities he never supposed before. Often, false volunteers and beauties come to the front line with absolutely non-patriotic feelings. Sometimes, Aliona has to blush for those women who go to the battlefield for romance.

Apart from death, war brings a lot of dirt and fornication. People are guided by the lowest instincts and the most primitive desires of human nature, downgrade themselves to animals. Gun gives someone confidence, but can drive mad. For some people, war is a bloody hell and Armageddon, while others go on the battlefield for adrenaline rush.

Often, having swigged alcohol, soldiers turn into uncontrolled “avatars” and die from friendly fire or even worse, put their brothers-in-arms in jeopardy. For disciplinary purpose, they are retained in special pits with a bench seat (“avatarnik”) until come out of soak. Aliona has learned war from her experience.

War is not about nuances. Everyone is either a man with big M or a humanlike creature. Everyone decides for oneself, everyone chooses one’s own way. Unlike in peaceful life where play and masks are allowed and everyone can show oneself as he wants, in war there is no time for this. When a brother-in-arms dies, one can either try to rescue him, or run away. In war, there is a very thin line between life and death, between patriotism and idiotism, between good and bad. Every fail might cost both physical and mental life.

Aliona has been preparing all her trips very carefully, planning the route, and gradually getting used to danger and bombardment. Very seldom the volunteers stay at night in the combat area, always use a military escort. Although bombs seem to explore somewhere very near, the volunteers’ ears have got tuned to new sounds, and bright glow of fire from explosions has not shocked them any longer.

Firstly, Aliona hid her voyages to the front from her mother. However, once, throwing caution to the winds, she left a key to warehouse with military equipment to her mother. The sociable mom fell into talk with the guys who came “to take something”. From them she became aware that her daughter has been masterfully wielded a sniper rifle. At first, mom tried to talk Aliona out of going to the front line but having eventually realized that it is impossible, she began to help her. The mother is proud of her fully-grown and smart daughter. Aliona’s son who by choice has entered the Ivan Bogun Military Lyceum in Kyiv supports and sympathizes with her. Although the woman realizes that her son has chosen a difficult profession she does not discourage him from doing so. Aliona puts her hope on his son and anticipates that while he is growing up, Ukraine changes for the better.

In the course of war, Aliona has revised her volunteer activities in order to make the trips as effective as possible. The woman does not go with urgent haste to the front for delivering each new supply, but continues to control everything. There are a lot of outstanding administrative issues in Kyiv, which need Aliona’s involvement. She has to care of her health and to undergo hemodialysis, from time to time. Aliona has not ceased to lobby for the law on organ transplants. Volunteer supplies continue to be dispatched systematically, but in more well-organized way. The General Staff started to pay heed to her suggestions and advice, which do not seem unrealistic or impracticable. Although the whole system of the Armed Forces of Ukraine still has been governed by post-Soviet principles and concepts, thanks to patriotic advisers and volunteers, one can hope for reforming its old rusty mechanisms.

During the years of war, Aliona has shed tears many times, as war hurts her as mother and as woman. She cannot keep from weeping during ceremonies, when a sixteen-year-old hero or a medical volunteer tortured to death is awarded posthumously. While arranging trips to the combat area, Aliona does not forget about orphanages and homes for the elderly, which the state has left to the mercy of fate. Volunteers bring diapers and other necessities. Once, in orphanage, she met a young boy with Down’s syndrome. He was so afraid that trembling from fear and his disease. Aliona could not keep from tearing as the guy asked for a woven yellow-and-blue bracelet she was wearing as all other volunteers. Seeing his eyes shining from enormous joy, Aliona began to tremble as well.

Despite the horrors of war, the woman does keep her nerve and stay strong. Moreover, she is strong enough to inspire others. Even the most stout-hearted people sometimes have hard times and need support and help. When someone who finds oneself between a rock and a hard place calls, Aliona instantly revives and finds words of encouragement. She finds the right words for those who needs advice or heart-to-heart talk. So, she has no moral right for desponding. And though often she returns home tired and exhausted, next morning she regains strength and will to move on. Aliona has no idea what gives her this strength. However, she was, is, and will be strong enough to live and raise a son, to maintain her physical condition, to work on the transplant law, to take part in awarding people’s heroes, and to continue to organize volunteer help to the front.

There are people who have a great heart by nature. And whatever trials they have passed, the love in this heart never becomes less. These chosen people carry the inextinguishable fire. From the fire of a small candle one can light hundreds and thousands lamps. Light symbolizes the life is going on. I look into Aliona’s eyes, they are really shining and irradiating glow, warmth, confidence, and faith in the people of

Ukraine and in the Victory of Ukraine. After our conversation I come back home invigorated and inspired. Aliona is beautiful, radiant, and strong. A woman who has overcome severe disease, kidney transplantation, loneliness and betrayal of beloved people, horrors and pain of war. Despite the trials and obstacles, her heart has remained kindly and warm, and her faith in the Victory has become even more steadfast.