Because We Are Made Of Dreams

Christmas Presents And Green Dresses

Sirius couldn"t help but feeling a bit out of place as he was helping the Potters decorating their Christmas tree. He enjoyed himself very much, but it was quite a new experience for him to decorate a tree without his mother shouting at him, or his father cursing him because he didn"t like how his brother and him had decorated the house. It was great to find decorations of so much colours too, and not just green and silver.

"Well, I think it"s not that bad," congratulated Fleamont Potter.

"It looks great indeed," confirmed his wife. "I think we deserve a little break. I made gingerbread this morning..."

"Well, if there"s gingerbread, I guess we can"t really say no to that."

They laughed and headed towards the kitchen.

"So, what are you going to do during your holidays boys?" asked Fleamont.

Sirius shrugged.

"Just pass the time I guess."

"We"ve been invited to Frank Longbottom"s party for New Year"s Eve, guess we should go," added James.

Sirius nodded, breathing deeply the scent of gingerbread that was filling up the warm kitchen. They sat around the table as Euphemia started to cut her appetizing cake. The two boys jumped on their piece of gingerbread, making the parents laugh.

"Mrs Potter, pastry like this should be made illegal," congratulated Sirius, his mouth full of cake.

The witch sighed and shook her head.

"Again Sirius, you have to stop calling us Mr and Mrs Potter. You"re leaving with us for Merlin"s sake!"

Sirius blushed slightly, and apologized, or at least he tried to, because he had so much cake in his mouth he couldn"t say a world. Euphemia laughed at the teenager.

"You have to think about your homework too..." said Fleamont, biting into his own piece of cake.

He kissed his wife on the cheek and congratulated her. He really had married the best cook in the world...

"Yes Dad, don"t worry, we don"t have much things," replied James, rolling his eyes. "Despite, we may see some of the girls the second week of the holidays, after New Year"s Eve. They wanted to make some of their assignments with us."

"You and the girls spend quite a lot of time together this year," noticed Euphemia.

James blushed, but Sirius simply laughed.

"It"s not that way, we"re friends that"s all. We thought they were boring, but we finally realised they"re not."

"Good, they will have a good influence on you I reckon," said Fleamont.

Sirius eyed the cake, but didn"t dare to take another piece. He had to ask for the permission, or wait that more was proposed to him in his family"s home. And as he never was proposed, and always refused more, he had stopped asking at all. He waited for the Potters to finish, but James and his father took another piece each. Euphemia smiled sadly and bent to whisper in Sirius"s ear, so her son and her husband wouldn"t hear.

"You don"t have to ask here, darling. You know you can have as much as you want, so go ahead."

He smiled at her, strangely touched. It was just a piece of cake, and he didn"t understand why tears were forming in his eyes. He managed to make them disappear and took another piece, thanking the witch with a glance. His life was different now, and he had to stop thinking like he used. He was free, and he had to leave his ancient life aside. He laughed at James"s joke, and he knew he would spend the happiest Christmas Holidays he had ever experienced.

---------------------------------------------------

Sirius groaned loudly in his pillow. It was way too early for him to move...

"Padfoot, get up! My parents are already downstairs, they"re waiting for us."

Sirius jumped out of bed, making James laugh.

"So you can make me wait, but not my parents, hey?"

"You"re not worth my hurry Prongs, but they are," joked Sirius.

James punched his friend"s upper arm, laughing, and the boys headed downstairs. Sirius smiled as they entered the living room to discover the two Potters in pyjamas and dressing gowns. He had to be fully dressed to get downstairs in his ancient home, at Christmas more than ever. At the bottom of their glorious tree, the ground was covered with presents.

"Ah, here come the boys! Come on, I want to open my gifts too!" Fleamont cried happily.

They all laughed, and the two boys sat on the ground, passing to the elder wizards their gifts. They had decided to make a common gift for James"s parents, buying a bottle of perfume for Euphemia, and an excellent bottle of firewhiskey for Fleamont. James received from his parents new protections for Quidditch, and the two boys didn"t wait for trying them. Sirius helped James fixing the protections upon his arms and legs, and they fitted perfectly. Fleamont handed a gift to Sirius too. The boy looked at him in disbelief, before grinning and accepting his present too. He ripped off the paper and discovered a professional Quidditch bat. It was beautiful, and Sirius grinned even more, manipulating it with skill.

"Thank you so much!"

"You"re welcome dear," smiled Euphemia.

James"s parents left the room to prepare breakfast as the two boys opened the presents they had received from their friends.

"Thanks Pads," grinned James as he looked at the records Sirius had bought him.

"Thanks too Prongs," answered Sirius, browsing his new Transfiguration book.

They ate some of the chocolates the four girls had sent to them, before James took his next present.

"What...?"

James"s eyes widened, and he grinned harder than ever, holding a small gift wrapped in blue paper, with a delicate red bow.

"It"s from Lily," he breathed, looking at Sirius.

"Open it!"

James obliged. It was a small red carnet. He opened it, read the first page and he soon started to laugh. It was the list of her fifty favourite movies he had to watch... with her. At the end of the carnet were also two tickets for Casablanca that was playing during the second week of the Holidays. Two tickets, and a promise to go with him.

"Nice..." commented Sirius, laughing.

James closed the book. It was a promise, a promise she would still be here in fifty movies. He laughed again. Things would not get back to the way they were before this year, she was planning to do things with him, she wanted to share the things she loved with him. To her, he was a real friend now. He felt a lump coming up his throat, and his eyes filling with tears. He cleared his voice

"Not bad, I admit."

He picked up his last present and tore the protective paper apart. It came from Shelley. James examined the book of Quidditch she had offered him.

"If she asks, I didn"t have it," he instructed to his friend.

"Got it," answered Sirius with a wink, smiling.

"Alright, the last one is yours Pads."

James handed the last present to Sirius. It was quite big, and heavy, wrapped in red paper. It came from Clara. Hanging to the golden bow, there was a short note, written in her elegant hand-writing and deep black ink:

So that you will always remember who you really are.

Merry Christmas,

XXX Clara C.

Sirius grinned, and ripped off the paper. In a protective box, covered by paper, was a photo album, with Sirius"s initials carved in the leather cover. The leather was black, and seemed old and damaged by the years. The initials were silvery, in a cold and impersonal writing , and the emblem of the Slytherin House was carved above the letters SB. Sirius"s grin disappeared. She knew how he felt about his family, he had told her everything, he had opened up completely, told her all he had been through... He had been there for her, and taken crazy risks, and she was giving him... this? A photo album to remind him who he really was: a pure-blood. He wanted to cry.

"s**t mate, I"m sorry," said slowly James, shocked and cursing Clara"s name under his breath.

Sirius took the album in his hands, and his eyes grew wide. The leather cover transformed slowly, the black leather turning into a brilliant red, the fabric healing itself and becoming new and unspoiled again, the initials turned to gold and took complex and gracious curves. The snake was soon replaced by the roaring lion of Gryffindor House. Sirius grinned, and felt ashamed of his previous thoughts. She knew who he was...

"Okay, no s**t mate, this is great!" laughed James.

Sirius opened the album. On the first page, his complete name was written with a beautiful writing, full of curves and circles. The drawing of a joyful black dog was magically moving, walking beneath the writings, chasing his tail, or jumping high to try to catch the writings. Sirius laughed, tears forming in his eyes. He recognised her style of drawings, full of details. She had made it herself for him. It was already the best gift he had ever received in his life. He turned the page, to discover a photo of the four Marauders smiling, their animals moving and chasing each other around the photograph.

"How did she...?"

He turned a questioning look towards James, who laughed.

"She asked a photo or two before the break, but I had no idea what she wanted to do with them, I swear. She just said it was for your Christmas present, but I never imagined it would be that cool mate."

Sirius"s smile widened even more, and he turned the pages one by one, looking at all the photographs, taking his time, and he looked at the beautiful drawings she had made for him, and the photos of him and his friends since first year. A tear rolled down his cheek as he looked at the last picture: it was just the two of them, at their last Hogsmeade trip. Snowflakes were falling gently upon them, as Clara and Sirius were laughing, he was making her twirl in the middle of the street, walkers throwing them disapproving glances, but the two teenagers didn"t care. She ended her twirls and landed in Sirius"s arms, as she was laughing even harder. They stared in each other"s eyes, before turning their happy faces towards the camera. And then Sirius made her twirl again... It was officially his favourite photograph. He turned the final page, drying his cheeks on his sleeves. It was beautiful, and Sirius couldn"t imagine that she had taken so much time for him. He was overwhelmed.

"This is the best gift ever..." he whispered.

And suddenly, he felt quite stupid with the gift he had sent her...

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Clara ran down the stairs and hurried towards the Christmas tree, her laughing parents following her. She opened her presents: a beautiful new scarf from Lily and Alice, a huge box of her favourite chocolates form Marlene, several boxes of candies from the boys, and from her parents...

"Oh. My. MERLIN!"

She took the dress off the box. It was a beautiful, velvet dress in a deep shade of green that fitted perfectly with her eyes.

"You said you wanted to go to this party for New Year"s Eve, so we thought..."

"Your mother thought," corrected her father.

"I thought," continued Katherine, laughing, " that you needed a real dress."

Clara cried and jumped at her parents neck.

"It is SO beautiful! Thank you!"

"You"re welcome darling."

Once she had calmed down a bit, she took her last gift. She read the note first.

Just to keep you busy these long nights of winter. Don"t finish them all without me!

Merry Christmas!

XX S.B

She grinned, tearing up the golden paper. She laughed at the sight of Sirius"s gift: a book of crosswords. It was just so much like him, and she grinned once more at the thought of the two of them by the fireplace making crosswords in the Gryffindor Common Room together. She suddenly realised that a second box had been wrapped into her gift with the book.

You didn"t really think I would give you only a book of crosswords, did you?

She smiled even harder, though she thought the crossword book was already perfect. It was personal, a reference that only the two of them could understand, and to her it was more than enough. She opened the box anyway, and gasped. It was a delicate necklace, with a thin silver chain, and a silver pendant in the shape of a crocus, her favourite flower. She took it slowly in her hands, in the verge of tears. It was beautiful, and personal too. He had remembered their walk in Hogsmeade, no doubt. She felt an engraving at the back of the pendant. She turned it and read.

Always stronger than winter.

Tears started to flow down her face, it was probably the best gift anyone had ever offered her...

"Oh darling, it"s lovely! What a beautiful necklace!" her mother gasped behind her.

Clara wiped her tears with her sleeve, and grinned. Her mother helped her to put it on.

"From whom is it? The boy must be mad about you!" asked her mother, a glint of mischief in her eyes.

Clara rolled her eyes.

"It"s from Sirius."

"You mean, the gorgeous and kind boy who came at the hospital when your dad was attacked?"

Clara sighed, amused, and nodded. Her mother clapped excitedly her hands together.

"Mum, he"s just a friend."

Next to her Mum, John didn"t seem pleased at all. First there was the obvious reaction of a protective father towards his only daughter, but there was more to it. The boy was a Black, and he knew who these people were, and they were not good people. The teenager had seemed different though, he was in Gryffindor, and apparently, he didn"t share his family"s beliefs, still...

Far away from these preoccupations, Katherine stood up and put her hands on her daughter"s shoulders.

"Love, I"ve had many friends in my life, and when I was your age too. And I can assure you, that the ones who were just friends never bought me wonderful necklaces..."

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Lily took another of her Exploding chocolates that Clara had offered her, before taking her next gift, feeling the chocolate exploding upon her tongue and tickling her entire mouth.

"Thanks Dad!" she grinned as she examined her new poetry book.

She took a blue present, and smiled when she read the note.

Merry Christmas Lils, hope it will shine for you,

XX Liam.

She opened the bow and grinned even more at the sight of a golden bracelet, made of thin rings nested into one another. She immediately put it on, and admired her wrist. It was lovely indeed.

"Is it from your boyfriend?" asked her mother. " Liam, isn"t it?"

"Yes Mum. It"s beautiful!"

"It is indeed," her mother smiled.

She finally took her last present, wrapped in golden and red. She recognised James"s square and regular script.

So that you can catch up on the dreaming.

Merry Christmas,

XX

She frowned, and tore apart the paper, revealing an extremely old book. She examined it delicately, and smiled as she finally recognised the Tales of Beedle the Bard. She opened it and looked at the front page: a long list of names was written there, some of the names partly erased by time, all clearly traced by children hands. At the very bottom of the list, were the two names Fleamont Potter, and under it, his son"s James Potter. Her eyes widened. He had not given her any copy of the Tales, he had offered her his own copy, that his father had given him, and his father before him... and this for probably centuries judging by the number of names. She put a hand on her mouth. He had given her the book his ancestors and himself had grown up with, and she didn"t know how she could accept this.

"Strange book," commented her father," better hurry up a bit dear, we have to go see your sister at Vernon"s."

Lily moaned, carrying her presents up to her bedroom.

After she was dressed and ready to go, she sat down at her desk to write a letter to Liam in order to thank him for his gift, whilst her parents were getting ready. But she just couldn"t focus, and every now and again, her eyes wandered across her desk and landed on James"s book. After ten minutes of fighting, she finally gave up, took the book and lied onto her bed, beginning to read, using James"s note as a bookmark. Liam could wait...

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Frank finished his second glass of Champagne, glancing again at the door. None of the girls had arrived yet and he was starting to feel very frustrated to be alone. He missed Alice so much, they had not seen in each other since the beginning of the break, more than seven days ago, and for him who was used to see her every single day and to spend hours with her, it was way too long.

"Don"t worry, they"ll arrive, eventually," Peter reassured him.

"They"d better hurry up then!" mumbled Frank.

"Quite a nice party by the way Frank," complimented Remus.

"Thanks, my parents are so good at throwing parties! I didn"t organize anything myself in fact."

"Don"t tell that to Alice, she"ll think you helped," said Peter.

Frank laughed.

"No wonder why you don"t have a girlfriend yourself Peter! You know, you"re not supposed to lie to your girlfriend. And anyway, she already knows how miserable I am at all these things, so..."

Shelley decided to join the boys for a while, and she took James"s hand in hers, drinking her own glass of Champagne.

"What are you five talking about?" she asked merrily.

"Frank is impatient to see Alice," answered Remus.

"Which means he"s been only talking about her for the last twenty minutes," added James.

"Don"t worry Frank, she"ll arrive soon," Shelley reassured him too. "She"s coming with Marlene, Lily and Clara, so no wonder she"s late."

"What do you mean?" asked James.

The five boys frowned at her and the girl rolled her eyes, sighing.

"First, none of them can Apparate, which means that one of their parents - Clara"s father, no doubt - have to Apparate with them. They have to make the tour of all the houses, knowing that Clara"s house is so heavily protected, they have to actually go out of the village they live in to be able to travel. You can add to this the time of last minute preparation of the four of them every time they leave a house... And well, with Clara"s paranoid father, it"s already a miracle they come at all. I mean, this man is so mad, I wonder what happened in his head when he allowed Clara to come at all."

She giggled in her glass, but none of the boys laughed.

"It"s normal for her Dad to be careful Shelley," answered Sirius, his brow furrowed. " After all, he"s an Auror. If he"s not protective with his own daughter, with everything he sees every day, who could be?"

"Yeah, but come on. This guy is not protective, he"s completely paranoid."

"Shelley, some of their neighbours have disappeared this summer, and he has been attacked less than a month ago. His wife is a Muggle, and his daughter a Half-blood. It"s not paranoia, it"s f*****g sanity!" Sirius snapped coldly.

She looked at him in the eyes and started to giggle again.

"Sirius is right Shelley," added James. "You"re trying to talk about things you don"t understand."

"Oh really?"

"Of course you are, or you wouldn"t talk nonsense like this. Maybe her father is going a bit too far sometimes, but at least his family is safe, and nor his wife, nor his daughter have been hurt in any ways, and not all people can say that."

"You"re right James," nodded Remus.

"Wow, you boys really take these things seriously!"

"And you should do so yourself," advised Remus.

She shook her head, half amused, half shocked and excused herself, going to the bathroom. She needed to get away from this band of killjoys...

She had not been gone for more than five minutes when the girls finally arrived. First Marlene and Alice entered, followed closely by Lily. Alice literally ran right into Frank"s arms.

"I missed you!" she cried, kissing him on the lips.

He laughed, kissing her back.

"I missed you too!"

Marlene rolled her eyes.

"Oh please people, try to have a minimum of manners, you"re not in a bloody bedroom."

They all laughed. All except James. He had his eyes glued on Lily, and suddenly nothing in the world was existing except her. She was wearing a green tulip dress that stopped just above her knees. He looked at her little feet protected by a pair of green high heels, then his gaze climbed her perfect legs, and up to her knees. He had never seen so much of her... He looked at her bare shoulders, spotted with freckles, that her long ginger hair, flowing down upon her back like a waterfall of fire, revealed when she moved her head. He tried to swallow, but his mouth was dry. Her makeup was delicate and discreet. She wasn"t wearing lipstick, her lips already reddened by the cold, and he felt grateful for it. She was simply perfect... She turned her eyes towards him, and he lost himself in their green shade.

"Are you alright James?"

He cleared his voice, shaking himself.

""Course," he replied, his voice a bit hoarse," I"m great! You too?"

"Sure!"

She smiled at him, and her smile finished to conquer the last parts of him that were still rejecting the truth. He loved her. Now more than ever he was fully aware of his feelings for her, and he knew that despite everything he would try, it would never change. Shelley was great, and beautiful, he couldn"t deny it, but next to Lily, she just didn"t stand a chance.

Sirius nudged him discreetly, a mischievous glint in his eyes. He leaned over his friend and whispered in James"s ear.

"Lucky for you Shelley"s away."

James scowled at him, but he couldn"t really deny it.

"Where"s Clara?" asked Sirius, still half giggling.

"Still outside with her dad," Lily replied. "She"s trying to negotiate her curfew."

Sirius nodded, suddenly a bit nervous. The girls were beautiful, all of them having probably taken quite a lot of time to be so gorgeous, and he couldn"t imagine how beautiful Clara would look like in a dress like theirs.

"How long did she have?" asked Remus.

"Till one, but she hopes to negotiate two or three. After all, it"s New Year"s Eve," answered Marlene.

The girls grabbed their first glass of Champagne, and the boys their third. Sirius was about to bring his own glass to his lips when Clara entered, and he stopped dead, his glass still at the level of his chin. She was wearing the green dress her parents had bought her for Christmas. The long velvet fell down gracefully until the middle of her calves and its cut was following the curves of her body perfectly. The low-cut dress was revealing more than Sirius had ever seen of her, without revealing too much either. The dress was held at her shoulders only by two little rings of silver, and her bare shoulders were like glowing in the light of the crowded room. Upon her right collarbone, he saw a scar, paler than her skin, that looked just like a shooting star. She had attached her hair in a graceful high bun, letting free only two strands of hair that were flowing down on each side of her face. She was wearing mascara and a red lipstick. She was more beautiful than any woman he had ever seen... Something glimmered around her neck and he grinned at the sight of his necklace. He couldn"t believe she was wearing it tonight...

"So, how"s curfew?" asked Alice when the girl had finally managed to get to them through the crowded room.

Clara grinned mischievously.

"I managed to negotiate three!"

"Good!" congratulated Remus.

Sirius finally finished to bring his champagne to his lips, and emptied more than half of the glass in one gulp.

"Hey Lils!"

Liam hurried towards them. He took her face in his hands and kissed her lips.

"Merlin, you"re gorgeous!"

Lily smiled, blushing slightly.

"Thanks, you look good too."

James scowled at his drink. Why did he have to be invited? Of course he knew, Frank"s parents had probably invited his parents. Really, life was cruel sometimes...

Shelley chose this very moment to reappear.

"Hey girls, nice dresses! James, are you alright?"

He jumped.

"Of course, I was just... lost in thoughts."

"You"ve got to relax, come on, let"s dance."

And she dragged him to the dance floor by the tie. Liam proposed his hand to Lily too.

"Shall we?"

She smiled and placed her hands in his. Frank and Alice followed close.

"And here remain the poor souls..." sighed Remus at his four friends who were left behind with him.

They all laughed. But soon a boy approached them and asked Clara for a dance.

"Yes, she"d love to!" Marlene answered for her friend.

"Well I..."

"Yes, she would!"

And Marlene pushed her away, making Clara follow the stranger. He was probably eighteen or nineteen, with blond hair and blue eyes, and she had to admit that he was quite handsome. She suddenly congratulated herself for having chosen red lipstick.

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Sirius was keeping an eye on her, he just couldn"t help it. Soon after Clara had gone dancing, Caradoc Dearborn appeared from nowhere to ask Marlene for a dance, and so now it was just him, Peter and Remus.

"Why aren"t you hunting Padfoot?" asked Peter. "I mean, with all the birds in here, why do you stay with us?"

Sirius shrugged, his eyes still fixed on Clara.

"I don"t know. I"m not in the mood I guess."

"You? Not in the mood for girls? That"s a first!" commented Remus.

Sirius rolled his eyes.

"I have other things in mind, that"s all. I don"t spend my time thinking about birds, you know..."

Though right now he was thinking about a girl. He had lost Clara in the crowd and he cursed himself for being so stupid.

"And what are these things you have in mind?" asked carefully Remus.

Sirius moved slightly to have a better view, but he really couldn"t see her anywhere...

"Never mind Moony."

What if she had gone out with him? Or... upstairs? The simple idea of her being kissed by someone else made him sick, so the thought of her in a bedroom with a perfect stranger... But of course it was ridiculous, she wasn"t this kind of girl, she was probably just dancing, hidden from his view by the crowd. He felt his blood boil in his veins anyway.

"Come on Padfoot, tell us!" insisted Peter.

"Drop it Wormtail!"

Sirius looked furious all of a sudden. But Peter was used to his strange temper by now, and he simply shrugged, going to the bar to take another drink.

Remus remained silent for a while, before asking bluntly.

"You like her, don"t you?"

Sirius turned quickly his attention back on the werewolf.

"What?!"

"You like her. You like Clara."

Sirius"s eyes widened slightly.

"I don"t know what you"re talking about."

"Don"t play this game with me Padfoot. I"m not blind, and you and Prongs are my best friends, I know you like Clara, just like I know James is still in love with Lily."

His voice was calm and neutral. He was simply stating facts, nothing more. But Sirius could remember how he had reacted when the boys had made their list of resolutions in September.

"I know about the rule Moony, no need to remind me. I can"t touch the Gryffindor girls on our year, and I don"t intend to."

"I know you don"t, you care about her too much."

"You"re making nonsense. If I liked her that much, why wouldn"t I just ask her out?"

"Because she could say no."

Remus stopped, letting his words sink in.

"Because she could push you away, and you could lose her trust. You could lose her friendship, lose her. And you prefer to be just her friend, than to be nothing at all."

Sirius stared at his friend, but said nothing. Remus sighed heavily.

"I just hope you"re not holding you back because of this stupid rule at least."

"Rule that you created," Sirius reminded him.

"I just wanted to protect the girls. It would have been impossible to spend an entire year with them if you broke the heart of one them. After all, James was making things complicated enough with Lily. But I made that rule because you were never caring about any of the birds you were seeing, and I know it"s different with her. After all, you"re my best friend, and I still want you to be happy, so..."

"Are you really giving me your benediction Mum?"

"Oh, shut up! I"m serious right now!"

They stayed silent once more for a while. But this time, Sirius spoke first.

"I really care about her Moony."

"Ask her out then!"

But Sirius shook his head.

"I can"t."

"Why?"

Sirius sighed, letting out some of the pain he kept held inside his chest. He lied his gaze on the dancing crowd, but he didn"t see anything. He spoke in the low and resigned voice of people who have taken a painful decision, but know there is no other way, and finally accept their fate.

"You"re right. I can"t lose her. And I will if I ask, because she will never trust me like she does right now if I tell her how I feel while she just sees a friend in me. And I know I"m just a friend to her. I mean, how could she want me? I told her everything about me, my family, my mistakes... She knows I"m broken. I"m broken Remus, beyond repair, and she deserves better than a broken moron really. She deserves someone who will make her laugh, and make her happy, someone who has never been touched by the darkness I used to live in. She will never want me, and I will never be worthy of her. I"m nothing. I"m an empty shell abandoned on the floor that no one wants to pick up anymore. I have nothing, no money, no home, no family, and she deserves everything. She deserves the best in this world, and I"m far from the best. I don"t deserve her..."

His voice broke and he stood still, his gaze still lost in the crowd. Remus was speechless for a while, too shocked to think straight. He finally cleared his throat.

"You know you have us..."

"I know Moony. I know, and I"m thankful. But there are things that even best friends can"t repair. Some wounds which are too deep to heal, and they"re left open. And though you do your best to hide them, and to keep your composure, the pain is always here. The darkness is always here. She deserves light, and I"m shadows. Shadows of a past too heavy and painful for me to bear."

"So you"re giving up?"

"I"m not giving up on anything. I"m realistic, and I choose to do what is best for her, and not what is best for me."

"But maybe she would say yes, and..."

"No. She deserves better than me Remus. And she will have better."

"Maybe the best for her is you. Maybe you would make her happy."

Sirius shook his head in silence. Remus could see him fighting back the tears forming in his grey eyes, and he finally realized.

"You don"t like her, do you?"

Sirius shook slowly his head.

"You love her."

Sirius wiped the tears from his eyes with his sleeves, before nodding.

"Padfoot..."

"Remus, if you were in love... If you loved someone to the point where the only thing that matters to you, is that this girl you love is happy, and safe, would you be with her?"

Remus lost his voice. He felt a lump climbing up his throat. He finally answered earnestly, his voice shaky.

"No. I"m a werewolf, I would let her be with someone normal, who could give her a normal life. Someone who could give her everything I"ll never have."

"See, it"s the same. I"m just like you."

They stayed silent for a while, each of them understanding the suffering of the other... Sirius finally looked at Remus again.

"Please, don"t tell the others. I mean, I guess Prongs thinks I like her of course, but I don"t want them to know that my feelings are stronger than just a crush."

Remus nodded.

"Don"t worry Padfoot, I promise I won"t say anything."

"Thank you."

"Well, I reckon we both deserve a drink, and I mean something stronger than Champagne."

Sirius laughed, passing an arm around Remus"s shoulders and dragging him towards the bar.

"Moony, now you"re talking!"

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This guy was SO boring! Clara finished her glass, faking a smile. The blond guy was gone and one of his friend had taken his place. He was blond too, with sleepy hazel eyes. Sure, he was cute, but probably all his good genes had been used for his looks, because his conversation was even worse than a class of History of Magic. She had been stuck with him for a while now, and she was desperate to find a way to escape. She had lost the boys from her sight, and she didn"t know anyone around her, which meant no rescue team for her.

"So, what do you wanna do after school?" he asked her.

"Auror."

He propped up an eyebrow.

"Really, isn"t it a bit too risky for a girl?"

She clenched her jaws. Actually, he was the one in a risky position right now...

"Not more than for a man," she merely answered.

"Yeah, but I mean... It"s not like it was your thing."

"If that"s what I want to do, it"s because it is my thing."

Suddenly she caught a glimpse of some really dark hair...

"If you say so. I"m still not convinced though. If you were knocking at my door, I wouldn"t be afraid!"

He let out a loud laugh. The boy with black hair started to turn back and... Miracle! It was Sirius. He spotted her in the crowd too and stared at them. Right at this moment, a waiter was passing behind Blond-i***t.

"Could you pick me one of these?" Clara asked him.

The blond boy obliged, turning his back to Clara. She used these precious few seconds to mime Sirius to help her. He propped up an eyebrow, but Blond-i***t was already back.

"Here you go!"

"Thanks."

She took the glass he was handing her. After two more stupid questions, she was about to drink it all down when a strong arm was suddenly wrapped around her waist. She had just regained enough composure from the shock to push the git away, when she turned and saw Sirius"s face.

"Finally! Merlin Clara, where have you been?"

"Well, I was... right here."

Sirius, her saviour!

"Sorry, you are?" asked Blond-i***t, quite annoyed by the interruption.

Sirius stood straighter suddenly and answered in a cold voice, full of warning.

"Her boyfriend, you?"

Blond-i***t mumbled an unintelligible answer, and before he could add anything, Sirius had escorted Clara out in the garden, his hand still on the small of her back.

"Merlin! Sirius, thank you!"

Sirius let out a laugh.

"You"re welcome. Was he that bad?"

"Between him and History of Magic, History of Magic, without hesitation."

"Okay, he was that bad."

She started to shiver and the boy handed her her coat. She looked at him, surprised as she accepted her warm black cloak. Sirius laughed again.

"You were close to the door, I hoped to make an escape."

"Thank you again."

"Well, it looks like you"re often in the position of Damsel in distress these days."

She laughed warmly, her breath covering the stars.

"And you are quite chivalrous, indeed."

"Well, I"m a Gryffindor after all!"

"True!"

They laughed for a while. As they were calming down again, Sirius was about to ask her if she wanted to get back inside, but she spoke first.

"I"d really like to do something crazy right now!"

She looked at Sirius right into the eyes, a mischievous grin on her face, before looking up at the stars.

"Oh, this is so beautiful. Maybe I"ll just stay here and look at the stars."

"What if you could do both?"

She threw him a questioning glance. He got closer to her, and Clara could feel his warm breath on her frozen face.

"Follow me."

And he walked pass her, heading for an old shed at the back of the garden. The grass was covered with a deep blanket of snow, which made their walk almost silent. They both lit the tip of their wands, and Sirius opened the shed.

"Sirius, what are you doing?"

The boy soon came back, a broom in his hand.

"Sorry, there"s only one of these. Guess we"ll have to share."

He grinned and winked at her. She rolled her eyes, but couldn"t hold back her smile.

"And where are we going?"

"Somewhere."

"Somewhere? Wow, that sounds fantastic!" she said wryly.

"Doesn"t it?"

"Sirius, if you really think that I"m going to follow you on a broomstick in the middle of the night, at New Year"s Eve, in this dress, while both of us are tipsy, you really are mental!"

Sirius shrugged.

"It was just an idea of course. I just thought you wanted to do something crazy."

"Yes but this is a bit too much crazy for me Sirius."

"Don"t you trust me?"

She looked into his grey eyes. Yes, she trusted him. Blindly even, and she knew it. And she felt invincible when she was with him, she knew nothing could happen to her as long as he was by her side. And to be fully honest, she wanted to go with him. She knew he would make her spend the best night she had ever spent. So why the hell was she still hesitating, for Merlin"s sake?!

"f**k!"

Sirius propped up an eyebrow in response, amused.

"I"ll be right back," she added.

She got back into the house, and spotted Remus in a corner, talking with Marlene.

"I"ll be with Sirius, okay?" she informed them.

"Uh, okay..."

"Where?" asked Remus. "Are you going somewhere?"

She looked at her coat.

"Just don"t worry about me, okay. We might go out for a walk, and I don"t know when we come back, and I just wanted some people to know that I haven"t been kidnapped or anything... So don"t worry about me, I"m in good hands."

"Alright then..." answered Remus.

But before he could finish she was gone again, and she joined Sirius back in the garden.

"So, shall we?" she asked him.

He grinned and mounted the broom, helping her to sit before him. He was encircling her with his arms, holding the broom firmly just in front of her, and her heart skipped a beat as she was feeling his warm breath brushing her cheek.

"Ready?" he whispered in her ear.

"Ready."

Sirius kicked off the ground and they flew up right towards the sky full of bright lights.

-----------------------------------------------------------

In the Longbottom"s mansion, all the guests had been gathered and Frank"s mother was announcing the tradition they would all honour that night.

"Every year in our family, we offer a red rose to the person from whom we have received our favourite gift for Christmas. It has for purpose to let people know how much their gifts, though we usually don"t express it, have touched us. Just know that you can"t lie: if you give your rose to someone else than the person who offered you your favourite present, the rose will die. If you give it to the right person though, it will bloom. Please, everyone picks up a rose and gets ready!"

Waiters passed through the crowd, giving roses to all the guests. When everyone had received a flower, Mrs Longbottom instructed them all to give it to the rightful person. James swallowed hard, his eyes fixed on Lily. Liam was giving her his rose, but she was still holding her in her hand. She smiled and thanked her boyfriend with a kiss. She stared as one of the guest"s flower was turning into a deep shade of brown, fading quickly. It was real. There was no way to fake this. She looked at James.

"I really loved your gift Lily," Liam told her softly.

"I liked yours too, but..."

She looked at James again. The boy straightened his glasses on his nose, took a deep breath, and headed towards Lily.

"Thank you," he said simply as he handed her his rose.

She smiled, breathing the scent of the scarlet flower, and handed him her rose as well.

"Thank you James."

He grinned, taking the flower in his hand. She had liked his gift, she had preferred it to Super-Tan"s...

"James?"

The so-called boy turned around, to discover a quite angry Shelley.

"Yes?" he asked naturally, as if he hadn"t noticed anything.

She remained silent for a while.

"I see..."

She turned on her heels and crossed the crowded room, James after her.

"What did he give you?"

Liam seemed quite upset himself. He had clenched his fists tightly, though his voice remained calm. Lily turned a surprised look towards him.

"A book."

"A book?"

"Yes. The Tales of Beedle the Bard."

"You preferred a book full of stories for four-year-old children over a bloody bracelet?"

"It was very kind of him Liam. He knew I had never read them, because I"m a Muggleborn, and he knew I felt stupid sometimes when I couldn"t understand the references. So he gave me his own copy of the book. It"s very kind indeed!"

"Lily, I bought you a golden bracelet! He didn"t even buy you anything!"

"It has more worth than if he had just bought me a copy. And anyway, since when does the worth of a gift is only about the price, and not the sentimental attachment we hold to it? It doesn"t mean that I didn"t like your gift, it only means that I preferred his."

"Oh well, if that"s just that I"m so much reassured really!"

"Why are you reacting like this?"

But he didn"t answer and simply walked pass her, fuming. Lily really couldn"t understand anything about boys sometimes...

-----------------------------------------------

James was literally running after Shelley on the cold and dark road. Bloody hell, how could she be so fast on high heels?

"Shelley, please, wait!"

He finally caught her arm and made her stop walking.

"I understand James."

"What are you talking about?"

"I understand you don"t want to be with me."

"Of course I want to be with you!"

She sighed heavily, and sat down on a rock by the road. James sat down next to her. She looked at her knees, and spoke in a calm voice.

"It"s okay James really. I see the way you look at her, how happy you are when she"s around. I know you still like Lily."

James remained silent, looking at his knees too, and so she continued.

"I don"t want to be just the girl you pick up while you wait for the hunt to start again. I don"t want to be the person you see when she"s with someone else. I guess I just hoped that I was a bit more than that to you. I was wrong apparently. I really don"t understand what you see in her that is so attractive though. She"s so bloody calm, and too kind to be honest really."

James still didn"t say anything.

"I think it"s better for both of us if we stop this. If we stop while there is no melodrama around it, and anger, and mad jealousy. I was wrong when I thought you had finished your bloody obsession with Evans, and I don"t want to be with you anymore. I"m sorry."

She finally looked at him.

"James, please say something."

Her voice was still calm and tender. Without looking at her, James finally answered.

"You"re wrong, you know? About everything really."

"Really?"

"Yes, you are. I do like you. I didn"t start this just to wait until Lily was single again. This whole thing with Lily, I know some people think it was just a game for me, but it wasn"t. None of this is a joke. I didn"t give up on Lily because she had a boyfriend to be honest, I gave up because I"ve realised that she will never see in me what I see in her. And I"m tired of trying, I"m tired of waiting for her to finally see something in me to live my life. I thought I could forget her, and I really did try to forget her Shelley, I swear. And this, us, it was earnest Shelley, really it was."

"But..."

James sighed heavily, taking off his glasses and rubbing his eyes with his fingers.

"But it"s not that easy..."

He rested his head in his hands and continued in a low voice, his throat tightened with pain.

"I can"t forget her. Every time I think I"m finally moving on, I realise that in fact I still feel the same. And it"s f*****g killing me, because I know I can"t stop feeling the way I feel, while she will never see in me anything more than a friend at best."

"You like her more than I thought."

He laughed wryly.

"You"re wrong again Shelley. I don"t like her, I"ve never liked her. I love her."

She gasped, shocked. She had never imagined... But suddenly everything seemed clearer: the way he had always acted perfectly with her, though always a bit distant, the looks he was sending to Lily when he thought no one was watching... And suddenly, as she looked at him in the cold night, bent over his knees, his face buried in his hands, she wasn"t seeing the mischief maker she thought he was. She wasn"t seeing the talented Quidditch captain, nor the brilliant student, nor the joyful party maker. She was seeing how he really was inside: broken hearted.

"You love her?" she asked slowly.

He nodded.

"I love her more than I had ever imagined I could love. I love the way she wrinkles her nose when she"s annoyed, the way she plays with her hair when she"s thinking. I love it when she defends people she has never met, and when she cradles first years in tears. I love the way she straights up her skirt when she"s nervous, and the way she plays with her quill when she"s working. She"s so beautiful, and she"s gorgeous when she"s angry, and tonight she was simply breathtaking. I don"t know how I could live without her really..."

He laughed wryly again.

"Yeah, I"m pathetic, I know, no need to remind me. I love the only girl I have no chance to have, how"s that, huh?"

He sat straighter and sighed heavily, replacing his glasses upon his nose, and he lost his glaze in the dark before him.

"I"m sorry if I hurt you. I never intended to do so. I thought I could forget her Shelley, I promise. I hoped I could..."

"I understand. It"s okay. Thank you, for telling me. I feel better in fact, knowing you were sincere with me, and that you just can"t do anything about it. It"s not like we could control who we love."

"Life would be so much easier if that was true."

"Perhaps, but it would lose some of its charms too."

"Please, don"t tell her I said that. I don"t want her to know. It"s hard enough without her pitying me and my bloody broken heart. Despite, I know she"d feel guilty if she knew she has hurt me so much, and I don"t want to hurt her."

"Of course I won"t say anything, to anyone."

"Thank you."

James smiled at her and offered her his open palm.

"Friends?"

She smiled back at him and took his hand in hers, shaking it.

"Friends."

------------------------------------------------------

They flew for a while, going in circles. She felt so free, flying like this with Sirius, knowing she could have gone anywhere she wanted to. For now life seemed without limits, an infinity of possibilities, so many places to go and discover. It felt good to forget all the troubles of the world. Suddenly there were no Death Eater, no Voldemort, no school, no parents, no Slytherins... there was nothing but the cold air, the bright stars, and the warmth of Sirius against her back, and it felt right.

Finally, Sirius started to go down slowly, losing regularly altitude, until they landed on a hill, not far from the Longbottom"s house. He was afraid she would feel nervous if they were going too far, and he thought this lonely hill was perfect to look at the stars. They sat in the snow, careless of the cold.

"What shall we do then?" she asked Sirius excitedly.

"I don"t know, what do you want to do?"

She threw him a mischievous look and took out of her coat a bottle of Champagne. Sirius laughed loudly.

"I"m starting to think the boys and I have a bad influence on you Clara!"

"I wouldn"t put it that way. I"ve always been a bit rebellious."

He opened the bottle and handed it to her. She buried it in the snow until it could keep standing on its own, and then proposed a game to Sirius.

"Alright, we"re gonna ask each other questions, about anything we want. We have to answer, or we drink. What do you think?"

"Works for me."

"So, I"ll go first."

He nodded and waited for her question.

"Who was your first kiss?"

"Wow, you"re starting hard!"

"Answer, or drink!" she laughed.

"Jessica Pens."

"You mean, the girl in seventh year?"

Sirius nodded.

"My turn. Who was your most ridiculous crush?"

"Neil Neils."

"The singer from that Wizarding band?"

He exploded in laughter, and she joined him.

"I can"t believe it! There"s no one in this world more ridiculous and stupid than this guy!"

"I know, but he"s bloody gorgeous."

They doubled with laughter, holding their painful sides. Clara wiped a tear from her eye.

"Okay, hmm... What is your happiest memory?" she asked him

"My first day at Hogwarts," he replied without an hesitation. "You?"

"The day my dad taught me how to ride a broom."

"You"re so close to your parents..."

"They mean the world to me. I don"t know what I would do without them."

She cleared her voice.

"Alright, my turn. How many detentions did you get?"

"Since first year? No idea, I can"t remember them all."

She laughed.

"Well, it kind of answers the question, I guess."

He smiled mischievously in answer. His eyes wandered on her face, before going down her neck, finally landing on her right shoulder. Her coat had slightly slipped down, revealing her bare skin till her upper arm.

"How did you get that scar?" he asked her.

She passed a hand on her collarbone.

"I fell from a tree. I used to climb at every tree when I was little, and one day a branch broke, and I fell. I broke my shoulder, but I was lucky actually, the fall could have killed me. When we got back from St Mungo"s, my Dad told me to use this scar to remind me that what matters is not how high the fall is, but how we survive it. I still look at it sometimes and remember what my Dad told me when I"m sad, or I need courage. It doesn"t look very sexy though, it"s not good for bikinis," she joked.

"It looks like a shooting star..."

He had his eyes fixed on her scar, and he suddenly felt the urge to kiss it. He wanted to feel her skin against his lips and kiss her scar... He was sure it would be like tasting a real star. He shook himself. After a while, she finally asked him a new question.

"What is the first thing you remember?"

He didn"t want to spoil everything with his tormented childhood, and so he took the bottle and drank. It wasn"t a good idea at all to tell her that the oldest things he remembered were his father"s fists and his mother"s curses. He searched for a question himself.

"What is the thing you"ve always hidden from me?"

She had no intention to tell him she liked him, and that he was more than a friend to her. So she took the bottle and drank up.

"Have you ever cared about a girl you"ve been with?"

"No, I haven"t. Have you ever... well, you know... spent a night with a boy?"

"No, never."

She blushed and took another gulp. Sirius imitated her. She looked carefully at him, before asking her next question.

"Have you ever been in love?"

Sirius looked at her, unable to move. He finally took the bottle, and drank up.

"This answers the question actually," she giggled.

"No it doesn"t, I could bluff and just want to change the subject."

"Fair enough."

"What did you get for Christmas?" he asked, eager to lead in another direction.

"Chocolates, candies, a scarf, this beautiful dress, and well..."

She grinned and passed a hand on her necklace.

"It"s really beautiful Sirius."

"I"m glad you like it."

"I love it, it"s perfect."

He smiled, and took some Champagne, before speaking again, still turning the bottle in his hands, and looking at the green glass that could be guessed under the snow.

"Your gift is probably the kindest thing anyone has ever given me Clara..."

He looked up at her, a smile crossing his face, and she could see some tears in his grey eyes.

"I"m glad you liked it."

"You did scare me with your black cover though."

She laughed, taking the bottle from his hands.

"It was a metaphor, that you"re not like your family, that you"re better than them."

"It"s very kind, thank you."

"You"re welcome."

They had already drunk up more than half the bottle, and they were both starting to feel the effects of alcohol. Sirius decided to stop drinking. After all, he had to look after her and take her back safely home. He thought she had had enough too, and so he took the bottle, and put it away behind him. She put her hands behind her, burying them in the snow, and looked up at the sky.

"Is it true you"ve been named after a star?"

"Yep..."

"Which one are you?"

He sat next to her, resting on his hands in the snow too and looking up at the sky.

"The one under Orion, there."

He pointed out the star through the sky, and she looked at the bright light that was glowing against the dark sky.

"You really are a star Sirius."

He looked at her, so beautiful with her head thrown backwards, offering her face to the sky. The lights of the stars were reflected in her eyes, and they looked like they were glimmering. He felt the urge to kiss her again. He lied down in the snow instead, and she did the same, resting shyly her head against the side of his arm. He wrapped his arm around her in response and she put her head on his shoulder, resting her brow in the crook of his neck. She put a hand on his chest and stroked it tenderly. Sirius could barely breathe. She closed her eyes.

"I feel so good in your arms Sirius..."

He looked down at her. Her eyes still closed, she went on, her hand still moving slowly back and forth upon his chest. The alcohol was making her say more than she would have ever dared to confess if she had been sober...

"...I feel so calm, and peaceful. I feel so safe, like nothing could happen to me as long as you hold me close."

He kissed her head, stroking her hair.

"You"re safe with me, I look after you. I protect you Clara, and I always will."

He felt her drifting away in his arms, and so he helped her to sit upon the broomstick again and he took her safely home. He accompanied her until she was on her threshold. It was almost three in the morning.

"Thank you, I"ve spent a lovely evening thanks to you Sirius," she told him, kissing his cheek.

"I"ve spent a lovely evening too," he smiled, his heart still pounding.

She knocked on the door, and Sirius strode away. He stopped at the end of the alley and turned back to see her coming home. As she was following her mother inside, she turned towards him and waved. He waved at her too as she was disappearing in the yellow light of her parents" house. The boy didn"t see him, but as Sirius was walking away from Clara"s house, her father looked at his shape fading in the night, and he glowered at him. He would not let a Black lay a single finger on his daughter.