Because We Are Made Of Dreams

Confessions

She was going to kill her. Liam and she had been together for only a bit more than a week by now and she already wanted to kill her. Or maybe not her, far better kill him. Cutting his bloody tanned throat was a seductive propositon indeed. She sighed heavily and rested her brow on the table. After more than five years of friendship, Clara had never seen Lily late. Never. And all of sudden, she had a serious boyfriend, and Clara was sent back to oblivion. How classical...

"You"re supposed to work in the library, not sleep. You know that, don"t you?"

Clara jumped and looked up to discover Sirius, a smile full of mischief painted on his face.

"I wasn"t sleeping, I was waiting."

"Waiting? For what?"

"For whom. Lily."

"Ah, I see. Now that she is happily in couple with Super-Tan, she leaves you behind?"

Clara struggled to laugh discreetly.

"I"m definitely stealing that nickname from you."

"Feel free to use it. Why did she have to meet you?"

"Work on the Transfiguration essay."

"Maybe I can help you with that."

"Don"t worry about me, she"ll arrive, eventually."

Sirius merely shrugged.

"It"s okay. I"m quite good at Transfiguration."

And before she could answer, he was taking the seat opposite her, opening his bag and taking out a quill, a parchment and his Transfiguration textbook.

"It"s really nice of you," she thanked him.

He shrugged again, starting to write.

"I"ll have to do it sooner or later anyway," he answered nonchalantly.

"Where are the boys?" she asked him as she opened her own book and searched for the right chapter.

"Peter is in the dorm. James is with Remus."

"Is Remus okay?"

He took a careful glance at her before focusing on his book again.

"Sure. Why wouldn"t he be?"

She rolled her eyes.

"Merlin! We all already know, Black!"

He stared intensely at her, and she felt like his grey eyes could pierce right through her.

"What do you think you know exactly?"

"I can read a moon chart. We figured it out almost two years ago."

He propped up an eyebrow, but in a flash his expression had changed and he looked preoccupied, his brow furrowed.

"And you didn"t tell anyone?"

"Of course not. I"m not stupid."

"Who else knows?"

"Only the four of us."

"Merlin! And you"re okay with it?"

Clara narrowed her eyes.

"Remus is probably the sweetest guy in this school, Black. Of course I don"t care. None of us cares. As long as he doesn"t try to devour us in our sleep, all is fine."

Sirius looked very surprised, but not that worried anymore.

"So, is he okay? It was full moon yesterday, wasn"t it?" asked Clara again.

Sirius nodded.

"It was a rough one, that"s why he missed class this morning."

"Poor Remus. Of all people, he"s probably the one who deserves it the least, he"s so kind."

She sighed heavily, before shaking herself. Sirius kept staring at her, thinking hard. She finally noticed how tired he looked.

"You don"t seem to have slept a lot yourself," she pointed out.

He smiled mischievously again.

"You don"t want to hear about that Clearwater."

She couldn"t disguise a disgusted look, before hiding her reaction behind her book, and Sirius narrowed his eyes.

"What did I say?" he asked her.

"Nothing," she lied.

"Come one. What"s wrong?"

"Nothing!"

Sirius stayed silent for a while, still staring at her, thinking of a reason for her strange reaction. He finally looked amused, chuckled, and reassured her.

"I didn"t spend my night shagging anyone if that"s what you thought."

She looked at him over her book.

"Really?"

"Really."

"It"s not like I care really," she justified herself, clearly embarrassed, her cheeks on fire, "it"s just that I find the idea of you shagging someone in the Castle, where I could actually go, really disgusting. One thing is sure, I could never enter a classroom again if I knew you were spending your nights in it in gallant company."

Sirius laughed hard, drawing scowls towards them from several tables. She shushed him, giggling herself.

"Well, you can go to McGonagall"s class tomorrow safely."

"If I finish this essay that is."

"Of course," he laughed again.

"So, how do you do this spell?"

She showed him a complicated incantation used to turn an owl into a galleon.

"That one is not the best to make this transfiguration actually."

He took her book and looked for the right page. Behind her, on the other side of the shelf, a group of girls was giggling.

"So, you"re gonna come see the tryouts?" asked one of them.

"Of course! The Gryffindor boys are so gorgeous!"

Clara rolled her eyes.

"Their captain is so hot!"

"Well, I"ll go for Black personally, he"s perfect..."

Clara rolled her eyes again, annoyed, and Sirius chose this very moment to look up at her, having finally managed to find the right spell in the book.

"Sorry if I"m so boring," he said, quite hurt.

"Sorry, what?" she asked, focusing on him again.

"I said: sorry if I"m so boring. You can tell me if you don"t want me to stay."

"What?! That"s..."

She finally understood.

"Oh, no, I"m sorry. You"re not annoying at all. It"s the group of girls behind the shelves. They"re talking about the Quidditch tryouts, listen."

They both focused on the girls" conversation.

"Dearborn is handsome too."

"You can"t compare him to Black, I mean... This man is so bloody gorgeous!"

Sirius propped up an eyebrow, trying not to laugh.

"You"re right, I"ll go for Black at one hundred percent."

"Yeah, but you know how he is with girls..."

"Who cares really! If I could be thrown in a cupboard with him, sign me in, at any cost."

"She"s right, you"re mad!"

"I think I still prefer Dearborn."

"Bullshit, " Sirius suddenly let out.

He and Clara looked at each other, before bursting ( as discreetly as possible ) into laughter.

"Do you reckon they know you"re here?" Clara asked him as she was finally breathing normally again.

He shook his head.

"I don"t think so. They"re annoying you?"

"Well, sorry to disappoint you, but I"m not one of your groupies. And I think they"re kind of idiots really."

He grinned at her, his eyes full of mischief.

"All right then, don"t move."

Before she could say anything, Sirius had stood up and was heading towards the girls behind Clara. Her eyes wide, the Gryffindor turned on her chair and managed to glimpse two of the girls between the books upon the shelf. One was from Ravenclaw, the other from Gryffindor, they seemed to be in their fifth year. Sirius approached their table and the girls went completely still as they recognised him. Wearing his most seductive smile, Sirius leaned casually against the shelf.

"Hey girls! Sorry to interrupt, but I"m trying to work right on the other side of this shelf with a friend, and you"re talking too loudly for her, she can"t focus. Could you lower the volume a bit, please?"

His voice was low and sweet, and the girls literally melted upon their chairs.

"Of course, we"re sorry," answered the Gryffindor, barely breathing, her eyes wide.

"No problem, bye!"

"Bye!"

Clara was biting her fist hard to prevent herself from laughing loudly. The second Sirius sat down and caught her laughing eyes, he choked too, fighting a loud laugh. They were laughing so much for a while that they couldn"t look at each other, or they would burst into laughter again. They finally managed to calm down a bit.

"You"re crazy!" Clara admonished him, wiping the tears from her face.

"That was so funny!" he replied, drying his cheeks with his sleeves too. "Did you see their faces?!"

They were gone laughing again for a while, holding their painful sides, choking as they tried to be as silent as possible.

"The Transfiguration essay," Clara finally manage to articulate.

"Right."

Sirius cleared his throat and helped her with the spell. They were working quite quickly together, and less than an hour later, they had both finished their essay.

"Do you have anything else to work on?" Sirius asked her.

"I"m done for tonight. Thank you for your help."

"You"re welcome. It was quite funny indeed!"

They smiled at each other and walked out of the library together.

"Where are you going?" she asked once in the corridor.

"Check on Remus, he must be back in the dorm by now. You?"

"I"ll take a walk I think."

"Would you mind if I went for a bit with you?"

She grinned at him.

"No, of course not."

They headed towards the grounds, remaining silent until they had reached the shore of the lake. They sat against a tall oak and enjoyed the warmth of September and the breeze upon the lake. The sun was already setting, and the sky on fire had lit the water with golden shades. Clara took out a notebook, some pencils, and started to draw.

"I didn"t know you liked drawing," Sirius finally said.

"I love drawing, I spend much of my free time surrounded by pencils and paper. What about you? What do you do when you"re not in class, or preparing a prank?"

He smiled mischievously, before answering more seriously.

"Quidditch."

She shook her head, amused.

"I should have known."

"You don"t like Quidditch yourself?"

"I do like Quidditch actually. I think I"ll come to the tryouts this year."

Sirius propped up an eyebrow.

"Really? Which position?"

"Beater."

Sirius choked, trying to retain a laugh.

"I can fly actually," she replied, quite hurt.

"Are you sure you"ve got enough strength to be a Beater? You should try for Chaser instead. You"re light, and I bet you"re fast."

But Clara shook her head.

"No, I can be a Beater. I want to play Beater."

"Sure?"

"Yep."

"Well then, we"ll see how you do on Saturday I guess."

"Prepare yourself to be surprised."

"No doubt I will be."

They smiled at each other, and Clara focused on her drawing again. After a while, she finally spoke again, asking her question shyly.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"I... I know it"s probably none of my business, but... Why was your brother so cold with you the other day?"

Sirius shifted, uncomfortable.

"I"m sorry, it"s none of my business," she added quickly as she was noticing his reaction. "Never mind."

He looked at her for a while, trying to decide if he should answer or not. A part of him was choosing the safest option, as always, and telling him to keep his bloody mouth shut. But the other part of him trusted her for some reason, and he didn"t think she would laugh at him, nor pity him, and he wanted to talk to her. He felt his mouth open and words form on his tongue almost against his will.

"It"s quite complicated, with my family."

"Why?"

"Many reasons."

She took just a quick glimpse of his expression, and knew it was a delicate subject.

"You don"t have to answer, if you don"t want to talk about it. I didn"t know it was complicated for you to talk about your family. I shouldn"t have said that."

Sirius thought it was incredibly kind and delicate of her, and he took a deep breath before answering.

"The thing is, I"m not part of the family anymore."

"What do you mean?"

"I ran away last summer."

She stared at him, her eyes wide.

"You ran away? But... Why? Where did you go?"

"I went to the Potters". They"ve always treated me like a son. They took me in without hesitation, gave me a home..."

"Why did you run away?"

"I don"t share my family"s point of view upon many subjects, one night I had enough. So I took my stuff, and walked out."

"You ran away because you disagreed with your family? It must have been about quite important subjects..."

He shifted again. The conversation was heading in a direction he clearly didn"t like, but it was too late to go back now.

"They"re all in the pure-blood mania, you know? And I"m not. I don"t care that people are muggleborns or half-bloods, or muggles even really. They"re still people, end of story. I didn"t fit in the familial mantra, evidently."

He looked at the lake, but Clara guessed that he wasn"t seeing it anymore.

"I see," she answered.

"I don"t want the life they had designed for me," he continued, his gaze still lost upon the burning lake. "I don"t want to get married with a cousin to have a pure-blood marriage. I don"t want to marry someone because a bunch of pure-blood maniacs have decided that I should, though I will never love her. I don"t believe in the pure-blood supremacy in any way, and I have never been able to keep my mouth shut in front of them all. I"ve never been the perfect soldier, quite the contrary actually. I"m a stranger to them really, and my brother is the perfect son next to me. He entered Slytherin like everyone had done in my family since the school opened, and I was sorted into Gryffindor. He bends to all their manners and masks, and I always blow up sooner or later. He has accepted his arranged marriage, and shares the family idea that pure-bloods are worth more than other people, and I rejected the girl they had chosen for me and I"m friend with muggleborns, half-bloods and pure-bloods alike. We"re quite different my brother and I, and I think he took my escape personally, as if I was leaving him, and not my parents. So, you can see it is quite tense between us."

He smiled sadly, pain poorly hidden on his face, and Clara was speechless. What could she answer to that? She had always thought he was a prat and an i***t. She knew he was a pure-blood, and though she had never cared about it, she had always thought he must have been a spoiled child really, with too much money and gifts and worship from his parents to be a good person in the end. But she had been wrong all along and she was finally realizing who he was inside. He had evidently suffered a lot, and he had been everything but loved by his family. She felt so sorry for him, and so guilty for how she had felt about him all these years, that tears started to form in her eyes.

"I didn"t know..."

Her words stayed stuck in her throat. He shook himself.

"Oh never mind that, I"m fine. Let"s change the subject, okay? How is your drawing going on?"

She looked at her notebook, and noticed that she had hardly drawn anything.

"I"m not very productive actually."

He let out a laugh that sounded much like a bark.

"I"m clearly talking too much, you can"t focus!"

"It"s okay, I like talking with you."

He looked at her as she was drawing again.

"You"re not as stupid and horrible as I thought you were," she added, narrowing her eyes as she was focusing on her page. "Or maybe you grew up a bit, which helped."

He laughed again.

"I may have grown up, that"s true. If it means anything to you, you"re not as boring and uptight as I thought you were."

She laughed too.

"Thanks, that"s quite nice. But I"ve always been kind of the reckless one of the girls. You don"t have the excuse of any changes for not having noticed it before."

"But I was stupid and horrible before, remember?"

"True!"

She laughed again, and he found her laugh beautiful indeed. Its sound was enough to make him smile.

"I"d better go check on Remus, I was supposed to replace James more than an hour ago, he"s going to kill me."

He got up, and threw his bag upon his shoulder.

"I"d love to see this drawing of yours when you"re finished, if you don"t mind."

She looked up at him and grinned.

"Sure, I"ll show you."

"Great. See you later Clearwater."

He started to walk away, but she called him back.

"Well, maybe we could give up on the last names... What do you think?"

He turned back and looked at her, smiling.

"It"s a good idea. See you at diner, Clara."

"See you, Sirius."

He turned towards the Castle again, grinning, heading for the dormitory where James was undoubtedly waiting for him with a death sentence.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

"Padfoot, you were supposed to come back more than an hour ago! A bloody, f*****g hour ago!"

And here was the promised death sentence. Merlin...

"Where were you?" asked Peter.

"With Clara," Sirius answered casually.

Remus glowered at him.

"Padfoot..."

Sirius sighed, looking up at the ceiling.

"We were working on the Transfiguration essay, Moony. Relax."

Sirius sat on his bed and took of his shoes. He untied his tie too and threw it in his trunk.

"By the way, I now have an information that will interest you Moony, so you"d better be nice to me if you want me to tell you what I"ve just learned."

Remus was lying on his bed, his blanket up to his chin, still shaking with fever. He sighed and rubbed his eyes, annoyed.

"Padfoot, I"m really not in the mood right now. I"m still terribly sick from last night, in case you hadn"t noticed."

Sirius shrugged, staring at his friend.

"Did you know that they know?"

Remus"s eyes went wide as he was looking at Sirius and he suddenly was even paler than before.

"What do you mean?" the boy asked slowly.

"The girls know you"re a werewolf, Clara asked me how you were feeling. They guessed more than two years ago apparently."

"s**t!"

"But they never talked about it," said James, his brow furrowed.

"Nope, clearly they don"t care. When I asked her what they thought about it, she answered that you, my friend, were the sweetest guy in this school, and that as long as you were not attacking them at night, they didn"t give a damn."

The boys looked at each other, before bursting into laughter.

"Merlin! I had no idea they knew," said Remus, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Well they do."

"It"s almost time for diner, I"m starving," said Peter, standing up.

Sirius sighed, exhausted, and put on his shoes again. James helped Remus to get out of bed.

"Are you sure you don"t want us to get you something?" asked Peter.

"No, I"m fine," answered Remus, standing straighter. "And I reckon I should have a conversation with the girls."

They headed together for the Great Hall and joined Lily, Marlene and Alice at the Gryffindor table. They were discussing Lily"s date with Liam that had occurred earlier that evening.

"He"s such a sweetheart," sighed Marlene dreamily.

"He is," confirmed Lily.

James wisely stopped listening, but the conversation was over anyway, and so he didn"t have to suffer more description of Lily"s perfect date with Super-Tan.

"Where is Clara?" asked Remus.

He barely touched anything, and the simple sight of food was making him feel nauseous, but he needed to be sure the girls would not say anything to anyone.

"No idea," answered Alice.

"She must still be at the Lake," answered Sirius, his mouth full with roasted chicken.

Lily furrowed her brow.

"How do you know?"

"I saw her in the library, where she was waiting for you to help her with her Transfiguration essay."

Lily"s eyes grew wide.

"It was tonight?"

"I"m afraid it was."

"Oh no! I totally forgot, I was sure it was tomorrow."

She rested her head on her hands and closed her eyes.

"I suck as a friend."

"You just have a boyfriend Lils, it"s normal."

Clara smiled at her, taking the seat next to her, facing Sirius.

"Oh God Clara, I"m so sorry!"

"Don"t be, it"s okay. I got help anyway."

She pointed at Sirius, who answered with a smile, trying to swallow his mouthful of bread. Remus cleared his throat, uncomfortable.

"Girls, Sirius told me you... knew. About me..."

The four girls looked at each other, and then her three friends stared at Clara.

"What?" the girl asked innocently.

"You told him we knew?" asked Marlene in disbelief.

"Yes."

"Why?" asked Lily.

"Why not?"

"s**t Clara," replied Alice, shaking her head.

"What?! We don"t even care."

"He shouldn"t have learned we knew that way," explained Lily.

"Oh come on, you"re making a scene out of nothing right now, really."

"No, we"re not!"

"Yes you are!"

"Clara, we should have told him directly!"

"Lils, it doesn"t matter really."

Clara turned her attention back to Remus, who looked like he couldn"t believe what he was hearing.

"We guessed two years ago. We don"t care, and won"t say anything to anyone, don"t worry."

"You"re sure it"s okay?" asked Remus, surprised.

"Of course it"s fine Remus," Lily reassured him, smiling kindly. "We really don"t care."

Remus sighed heavily, relieved.

"Right then, I guess it"s alright as long as you don"t say anything to anyone."

"We won"t, don"t worry," Alice reassured him too.

"But why didn"t you tell me anything?"

"We figured out that it was best if it came from you," explained Lily. " But as Clara can"t shut up..."

"I"m the one who should be angry tonight, not you Lils," Clara reminded her friend. " I"m the one who was left abandoned in the library, whilst her best friend was snogging a boy in a dark corner."

Lily blushed hard and bent her head above her plate.

"We didn"t snog."

Clara rolled her eyes, but didn"t add anything. Facing her, Sirius was fighting his urge to laugh. He felt like it was time to change the subject, so he cleared his throat and turned towards James.

"By the way, Clara wants to go to the tryouts on Saturday."

"Really?" asked James, suddenly interested.

"Yep! I"m making the big step this year. Marlene too by the way."

"No I"m not," replied Marlene, sending a look full of warning to Clara.

"Yes you are," Lily fought back. "You like it Marlene, and as Clara is doing it, you should do it too."

"Of course you should!" James encouraged her.

Sirius nodded enthusiastically too.

"Which position will you try? Chaser I guess," added James.

"Marlene yes. I"m trying for Beater," answered Clara.

James propped up an eyebrow.

"Are you sure you"re strong enough to be a Beater?" asked Peter.

Clara rolled her eyes.

"I"m not that fragile, I can fly and hit a Bludger with a bat. Yes, I"m strong enough, and yes, I"m sure I want to try for the position of Beater."

James shrugged.

"We"ll see how you do on Saturday then."

"We"ll see indeed."

They walked up back to the Tower together, still chatting, and Clara held Sirius back as he was heading for his dormitory.

"You said you wanted to see my drawing when it was done. Here you go!"

She took a piece of paper out of her bag and handed it to him. He unfolded it, and his mouth fell open as he looked at a moving drawing of the Lake. A gentle breeze was making the trees sway gently, the lake and the sky were on fire and burning clouds were drifting slowly across the bright sky. It was beautiful.

"Merlin Clara! You"re really good at it!"

"You think so?" she asked shyly.

"Of course! It"s amazing!"

She grinned, and shook her head as he was handing it back to her.

"You can keep it."

"You"re sure?"

"Of course, I have hundreds of drawings of the Lake. Keep this one."

"Thank you, good night Clara."

"Good night Sirius."

They both headed to their dormitories, and Sirius put her drawing safely in his Transfiguration text. He was exhausted, and closed his curtains to sleep early, a grin on his face as he drifted peacefully away.