AGAIN MY HEART: Her Alphas Regret

YOU OWE ME A LOT

LEILANI

I was a mess

And I couldn’t stop crying. Even though I wasn’t making any sound, tears kept streaming down my face.

Yesterday’s conversation with my parents left me a complete wreck. An engagement? A Betrothal to some king. I hadn’t even bothered to ask them the king of which kingdom. I was just too disheartened.

They told me I had a choice. They told me I could decline. Actually, they didn’t even call me to tell me I had to be the one who was getting married off for some alliance and to keep their seat in the federation.

They’d given me a brief on how their meeting with the federation went. The discussion of strengthening their place within the federation and of doing so through an alliance with another kingdom.

From what my parents shared, the federation doesn’t like that my parents and Xenyre, as a kingdom, are more or less lone wolves within the federation. The werewolf federation was created through several alliances between werewolf kingdoms and territories throughout several continents. It was to keep the peace and prevent senseless wars.

Yes, there are several packs and kingdoms that refuse to join the alliance. They called themselves the resistance, as they believed the federation had too much power. Which might be true in a sense.

And from my understanding, the federation fears Xenyre. They seem to see us as a threat and can’t completely trust us unless the kingdom allies with another kingdom in the federation, and from what Pa and Ma said, that kingdom also seems to get on the federation's nerves a lot.

So I’m guessing they want to kill two birds with one stone?

And my parents had been thinking of marrying one of my siblings to secure this alliance. Which was crazy in every literal sense. They were thinking of sending Rain as the betrothed. I’d asked them if this king was gay, and they said no. So how the hell did they expect that work? Sending a gay boy to a kingdom where the king wasn’t gay, and he could be homophobic, which was very common in so many werewolf packs. What would become of my brother?

If I weren't in a relationship, I would be their first option, and seeing the situation of things right now, I am still their only option.

I’d decided I was going to do this, but they needed to discuss with the federation and set stipulations.

“How can you expect me to accept this, Nani? How?” The sadness in Eystein’s voice pinched my heart.

“It’s only temporary. It’s just for a few months, six months or seven at most.” I tried to reason with him.

He let out a bitter chuckle as he stood up from the dining table. “Only temporary, just a few minutes. You want me to sit back here and be okay with you playing husband and wife with another Alpha? How on earth do you think anyone would be okay with that? You are my fiancée, and I’m supposed to just be okay with this?” His voice began rising higher the more he spoke.

I understood why he would be angry. I knew this wasn’t something easy to ask of him. “I’m not expecting you to be okay with it. I know it’s unfair, but I literally don’t have a choice; I have to do this for them.”

“You had a choice, Nani. There was a choice, and it didn’t have to be you. But I guess our relationship means s**t to you if you can so readily throw it away. Your parents were going to send your brother. You didn’t have to…”

“You think it would’ve been okay for them to send him to a kingdom to be with a king who isn’t gay. The risk of him having to be subjected to homophobia and abuse. He is only seventeen. And you think that was a better option?” I asked, unable to believe he would really think it was okay to put a seventeen-year-old in such a situation.

“In werewolf culture, he is of age. So what? It didn’t have to be you. He would’ve survived, and maybe the king would’ve learned to love him. Sometimes hate turns into love.”

“Oh, my god.” I covered my mouth in disbelief as I stood up from my seat. “Are you seriously telling me that it would’ve been okay for my teenage brother to… What the f**k is wrong with you, Eystein? I get that you’re upset, but how can you even say that?”

“There is nothing wrong with me other than the fact that my fiancé wants me to sit here and wait while she goes to play wife for another Alpha, who is going to end up f*****g her because he needs an heir.” He snarled at me.

“I told you I didn’t agree to marry him right away. The federation agreed to have a trial period, and we could call the engagement off in six months if we’re not compatible, and of course, we won’t be. Why would I want to f**k another Alpha while I know you’re waiting for me?”

“How am I supposed to know why you would? Same reason, I don’t f*****g know why you had to volunteer yourself for this. Same reason I don’t f*****g know why we’ve been together for almost four years, and you still won’t let us take the relationship a step further. Who f*****g knows why? Maybe that Alpha might be more your type, and you’ll let him hit. And I’ll remain here as a fool has waited for you to get your s**t together for the past three years, and all I’ve ever gotten are stupid kisses and flimsy hand jobs. And you expect me to be cool about you being under the same roof with another alpha for seven months.”

I stared at him in silence as he yelled to his heart's content. My brain put together all his words and what he really meant. And I couldn’t believe the conclusion I’d come to.

“So, you are only concerned because you are yet to have s*x with me, and you think I’ll just give it up for another alpha in six months,” I ask just to be sure.

“Forgive me for feeling like a fool who wasted his time and efforts for the past three years only to have another Alpha come in and, in no less than seven months, have what I’ve worked hard for.” He replied sarcastically, throwing his hands up in the air.

To say I was dumbfounded would be an understatement. This can’t be real. It can’t be. He’s probably saying all this because he’s angry and not because he means it.

He’s not telling me right now that he’s put up with me this far because of the hope of having my body. That can’t be true.

“Are you…” I cleared my voice as a sob worked its way up my throat. “Are you telling me that all this time we’ve been together? Everything you've done hasn’t been because you love me or fell in love with me, but because you want my body? Because you think you deserve some sort of compensation, and it’s my body?”

Eystein whirled around to face me, the anger on his face unmistakable, and his jaw clenched. “And that’s all you took from everything I have said?”

“You’ve said so much, Eystein. You’ve said my seventeen-year-old brother was of age and should be thrown at an Alpha who is in his late thirties. Even when I told you he could end up getting abused, you said he could fall in love with his abuser. And as if that wasn’t bad enough, you’re talking as if my body is some price that I owe you.”

"Well, you owe me a lot for asking me to sit here and wait for you.” He scoffed.

“Okay…” I muttered, wiping at my tear-stained cheek. “I don’t want to break up. And I have no intention of marrying an Alpha after knowing him for six months. This was all, so the federation wouldn’t say my parents didn’t try. From what I’ve heard, Alpha doesn’t want a bride either, so the possibility of him and me forming a potential mating bond is zero. And I was always going to come back to you.” He didn't say a word in response, and I paused for a minute to think.

“It’s just s*x anyway. If having s*x with me would assure you and put your mind at ease, then let’s do it.”

That seemed to grab Eystein’s attention, and he turned around to face me. “Are you serious right now?” He asked with a frown on his lips.

“I am… Let’s get it over with. Three and a half years is a long time coming.”