3
797 Words
I hear banging on the door, and Cat goes to answer it. We have concocted a cunning plan of seduction. I’m in my bedroom in a fluffy pink underwear set that I bought from Ann Summers on sale. I’m draped across the bed. I hear him come to the bedroom door and arrange my bra, so the n*****s are peaking out.
“Charlie?” he knocks on the door.
“Enter,” I answer huskily.
He comes in and flings himself on the bed, head down into the pillows. “What a day! I’m exhausted.”
Great, he hasn’t noticed. I’m wearing my sexiest come-f**k-me outfit, and I feel like I have the s*x appeal of a slug in salt.
“Hey,” he looks up and laughs, “why are you dressed like that?”
I stare at him, appalled. Am I going to have to point out that I am seducing him?
I persevere. This must pay off, for I don’t have any money right now to introduce objects into the bedroom.
“We haven’t been together in a while, Ben.” I smile at him pointedly and push my breasts out.
“I know.” He gives me a dark stare. “You had that freak double period three weeks ago that lasted for two weeks, remember?”
Ok, so I did tell a little white lie about having my period. But surely all girls do it when they are feeling tired? After the roast, I was so stuffed as well, excuse my crudeness, but you really couldn’t have fitted anything else into my body.
“It has finished now.” I tug at his shirt and try to rip it off as sexily as possible except his head gets stuck and he has to help me.
What I don’t understand is that Ben is an attractive guy; I know that because I see other women looking at him in the street. I know I should fancy him; it’s just that I have lost the spark. The feeling of excitement in the pit of your stomach that makes you hold in your farts around them.
I started releasing my farts a few months into dating Ben.
“Ok.” He grins, his mood suddenly picking up. He tears off his clothes as quickly as he can; I guess I have sexually starved him these past few months, poor guy.
He scrambles onto the bed, and I climb on top, ready for the rodeo.
He’s not ready for me yet, so I take him in my hands.
I lean forward on the bed with my best glamour puss pout and start stroking.
He groans a sigh of approval. Yes, this b***h has still got it.
I can’t stop thinking about my credit card bill, though.
I have to pay it tomorrow, I keep forgetting.
Actually, maybe I should pay it immediately after this.
Yes, that’s what I’ll do. When we finish, I will pay the £200 that I owe Barclay’s. I should never have let it get this high.
Those bloody jeans I bought don’t even fit me, and I have 30 days to return them, and this must be what, day 26? I’ll need to do it tomorrow at lunch, but Mike has called that goddamn meeting about the company takeover at lunchtime tomorrow. Who is buying us? Stevie’s right. Maybe I should pay more attention. Why can’t they just tell us, why all the secrecy?
“Charlie!” Ben sits up, shouting my name. I snap back to the room.
“Yes?”
“I feel like I’m a cow being milked.” He says in a low voice. “You’re just a milkmaid hurrying on to the next job.”
“Well, that’s a fantasy I haven’t been in before”. I smile suggestively.
He’s not laughing. I look down.
He’s pretty flaccid.
Oops.
He pushes my hand off him and sits up in the bed.
“This isn’t working, Charlie,” he sighs.
“Don’t worry, we’ll get it back up again,” I coax, rubbing his back.
“Not my d**k,” he snaps. “Us. These days you have the s*x drive of a cardboard box.”
“You’ve been chatting to Stevie about our s*x life?” I hiss indignantly.
“About our nonexistent s*x life.” He sighs as he scrambles for his t-shirt. “Let’s just leave it for tonight, your minds clearly elsewhere.”
“Ben,” I whine in his ear. “I’m sorry. Definitely next time, yeah? I’ll even do a motorboat the way you like it...although it’s very ticklish.”
He nods, pulls the covers up, and turns to face the wall.
At least I can pay my credit card now.
- Writer
