TIED (COMPLETE UNREVISED VERSION)

Five

Unhinged #3: Tied

RAW AND UNREVISED VERSION

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WARNING:

EXPLICIT CONTENT. READ RESPONSIBLY.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the writer, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

©  SELINA MATIAS

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Caroline Elora  

So, ngayon ang 2nd to the last Friday ng parusa sakin ni Principal Panot. Hindi lang ako naiinis dahil ilang beses akong nahuli ng incharge sa detention class na natutulog, kundi dahil na din kay Cloud--na parang limot na yata yung pinag usapan namin sa gym ilang linggo na ang nakakaraan.

I tried avoiding him, but he seemed to always want to be where I am, insisting he sat with me through detention class. Hindi ko alam kung ako ang bago niyang target--yun kasi ang sabi ni Eponine nung nag kausap kami last week, na ako daw ang flavor of the month ni Cloud--which is ridiculous dahil ni hindi nga kami nagkikita or nagkakasabay outside detention.

It's just that..ang kulit niya--I don't know if it's the good kind or the bad kind of kulit.

Magaling din siya mangsuhol sa mga nakakatabi ko--he gives them cupcakes para makipag palit ng upuan sakanya. Kahit anong iwas ko pag dating ng detention class, siya at siya pa din ang katabi ko hanggang matapos ito.

Yes--I'm trying to avoid him.

He screams complicated and Third version 2.

But then, he is a persistent guy.

I discovered that he's a little nerd, and has tried teaching me about Calculus again which I managed to dodge because I was beginning to get migranes.

Isipin ko pa lang yung mga equation para na akong sumakay sa rollercoaster at nasusuka--may mga bagay talaga na hindi kahit kailan mag ma match--ako at ang math.

Pero sige pa din siya sa pag turo sakin.

The guy is unbelievable and I admit his gestures are sweet.

Speaking of sweet, he's been putting candies in my camera bag and I now have a constant supply of tootsie rolls.

And oh, the way he tucks my hair on my ear like he's used to doing it is playing with my senses--big time.

Bloody hell.  

Bakit ganun siya? Honestly, kahit gusto kong ikwento kay Marj, natatakot ako sa magiging reaction niya--she's brutally honest after all. Hindi sa ayaw ko ng opinion niya--I'm just a wimp, dahil alam kong sasapul yung sasabihin niya sakin. 

Hindi rin nakaligtas sakin ang fact na Cloud likes touching me constantly, like pressing his hand on mine when talking to me, placing his hand at the small of my back when going out of study hall and leaning in a little too close when looking at my notes.

And let's not forget that he always insist I let my hair down, which I don't comply of course. What is up with that?

Atleast he doesn't insist on walking me to class. It's not that I expect him to do that or anything.

God, I'm pathetic.

Yup, it's Third all over again.

Ngayon nakaupo na ako sa usual spot namin sa study hall. Not that we have a usual spot, but fine---somehow I gotten used to having to sit with him and deflect his advances.

He's late.

He's never late.

Get a grip Cara, he's not your boyfriend.

I guess he's not coming.

I sighed, not welcoming the feeling of disappointment.

I guess he's not really coming.

Bakit ganito? 

Now I hate this.

Naiinis ako sa sarili ko dahil hinayaan kong ganito nanaman ang maramdaman ko. Hindi na ako natuto kay Third.

I plugged the earphones on the jack and placed them on my ears, CSS telling me that music is her boyfriend.

And I just wished that music is an actual hot guy and is really my boyfriend.

----

Naglalakad na ako papuntang gym ng may mahagip ang mga mata ko.

Si Cloud.

My heart skipped a beat.

Si Cloud.

At ang isang schoolmate namin.

Naghahalikan.

Naghahalikan silang dalawa.

Naghahalikan talaga silang dalawa.

Ni hindi nga ako kumurap para sigurado ako sa mga nakikita ko.

I adjusted my glasses and hold in the tears that are threatening to burst.

I've been denying it for weeks now but this time I can't deny the pain that I'm feeling.

I can't believe I was beginning to have feelings for him.

I can't believe I like him.

So stupid Cara!

"Cara!" Narinig ko ang pagtawag sakin ni Marj, at kinailangan ko pang kutusan ang sarili ko para pilit na ngumiti bago siya lingunin.

Mabuti na lang pala hindi ko naikwento sakanya ang tungkol kay Cloud.

Sigurado akong aawayin niya ito, and I would look like a pathetic groupie.

"Hey!Oh!" She pulled me in for a big hug, earning a giggle from me.

Okay, I admit medyo gumaan ang pakiramdaman ko sa ginawa niya.

How can I be so stupid? Ngayon ko narealize na tinatanggihan ko ang mga aya sakin ni Marj lately, lagi na kasi ako naglu-look forward sa detention class.

"It's Friday!We're going to a..ano nga yung term niyong mga brit? Oh, a Knees Up! We're gonna party tonight, and you're ditching water duty. No buts." She said, already decided.

Gusto kong tumanggi, dahil hindi naman talaga ako mahilig sa crowd, and it has been a long time since nag attempt ako na takasan ang security details ko to attend a knees up err--a party. Napagalitan kasi kami lahat noon, kaya discreet na lang ang ginagawa naming pag inom ni Marj--usually with Victoria doon sa poolhouse nila--drinking empie lights. Takot kasi kaming kumuha sa liquor cabinet ni tito Julio kaya ayun, tiyaga na lang kami kahit hindi ko masikmura ang lasa non.

Ka close kasi ni Marj ng sobra yung anak ng hardinero nilang si Manoy Don at kasambahay nilang si Manay Fely na si ate Jen, susuhulan niya lang ng pocketbook at yun ang inuutusan niyang bumili at magbantay sa labas ng poolhouse nila pag umiinom kami.

Aayaw na sana ako ng maimagine ko si Cloud na nakikipaghalikan sa babaeng yon.

"I don't see any reason why not. Let's go." I looped my arms around her and found her reaction funny. Her mouth was open and an eyebrow raised.

"For real?Sino ka at anong ginawa mo sa bestfriend ko?" She's been asking me to party with her ever since I could remember and I always refuse because of the crowd thing.

"Yup, I told you, I'm moving on. Time to put on my big girl panties." I motioned for us to start walking, all the while spotting Dumb and Dumber. Itinuro ko sakanila si Marj at nagets naman nila na sakanya ako sasabay pauwi.

"Again, who are you and what have you done with my best friend?" She sounded hysterical as she held both my shoulders and looked me in the eye.

"Oh my God, seriously if your minions see you acting like that, your cheer captain status will go down the drain.You're crazy." I giggled.

"Hmmn.."Sabay na kaming pumasok sa kotse niya "I like this new you."

"I like this new me too." I agreed.

Kahit deep down, sobrang pilit na itong ginagawa ko.

Kailangan ko siyang ma erase sa isip ko.

-----

Simon Cloud

Nakatayo ngayon ako sa building ng papa ko, at alam kong pagpumasok ako dito, iba ng Simon Cloud Sylvestre ang lalabas.

I'm turning 17 in 8 months and graduation is merely five months away.

Who knew that my fate will be determined today?

Madaling araw pa lang ay gising na ako kanina pa para bumyahe gamit yung chopper ni dad papunta head office niya sa Makati para kahit papano ay makapag half day pako sa school. Pwede naman akong hindi na pumasok, pero strikto si coach kaya kailangan ko talagang bumalik agad. After all sigurado akong hindi naman magtatagal ang usapan namin ni papa.

Inayos kong mabuti ang suot kong suit at nagsimulang maglakad sa President's lobby ng The Armory. Binati ako ng mga empleyado dito at tinanguan ko din sila.

I nervously tapped my finger against my slacks and breathed heavily before opening the door of my father's office.

Nakita kong nakatayo siya sa harap ng office window habang may kausap sa phone. Umikot siya at sinenyasan akong maupo muna sa tapat ng mesa niya.

"Sorry about that son." 

Gareth Sylvestre, or preferably ex Lt. Gareth Sylvestre is not only my father, but my role model. Ang kumpanya niyang Armory ay itinaguyod niya from scratch nung 2 years old pa lamang ako. It is currently supplying the CIA top of the line fighter planes and tactical gears. Its market also expands all over Europe and Russia.

"It's okay sir." I replied.

"As you know, you're turning 17 in a couple of months, and I am planning to rope you in on what we are dealing with here at Armory. I know you have other dreams son, but you are my only child, and naturally, this business will be yours someday. Gusto kong matuto ka na sa pamamalakad nito habang bata ka pa. Hopefully you can skip your vacation after graduation and work here from the bottom. Alam kong ayaw mo namang ibigay ko na lang sayo basta basta ang posisyon mo dito." Ngumiti siya sakin. "You are my son after all. Ready your CV and submit it to the HR this week."

Tumango ako sakanya. His mood lightened up as if remembering something. Tumayo ito at naglakad patungong liquor cabinet niya.

"Congratulations on being accepted at MIT. You make me a proud father." He started, pouring bourbon on 2 glasses, and handing one to me.

"Thank you sir." I took the glass and waited for him to continue.

"Malaki ka na nga anak. Pasensiya na wala ako sa bahay nung binuksan niyo ni Geraldine yung acceptance letter."Lumamlam ang mga mata nito.

"Papa, I know how busy you are. It is okay. Mama cried. Malulungkot daw siya after summer dahil mag isa na lang siya sa bahay."

He breathed heavily.

"Yes, about that balak kong dito na muna kami sa Manila while you are in college, we'll visit you from time to time, after all we have plenty of jets for our own disposal. Then, kung uuwi man kami ng bicol, we'll go to the oldies. The only thing I regret in life is not giving you siblings."

Umupo siya sa tapat ko and loosened his tie.

"Why don't we buy a dog for mama? Or a cat? Or you can adopt." s**t, did I just sound like adopting is trivial?

Babawiin ko sana, but papa beamed at me.

"Son, I know you mean well. But your idea is brilliant. Hindi sa mag aadopt kami para may makasama ang mama mo, kundi sa gusto talaga namin. Your mom has so much love and care to give. I, too. Kahit gusto kong hingan ka na ng apo, it is ridiculous. That's it. That's what we've been missing."

He sounded excited and genuinely happy kaya tumawa ako. Minsan lang mag baba ng guard si papa, katulad ngayon. His demeanor is more of my father and less like the president of The Armory.

"I will be a kuya." I admit, something in me awoken at the thought of having a brother or a sister.

"Your mother will be so excited. Don't be surprised na baka pati story books gumawa na din siya."

Tumayo ito at pinindot ang intercom niya, summoning his assistant, and a good friend of his, tito Marco. Sinabihan ito ni papa na mag inquire na sa adoption agency at foster institutions. Nakita ko din ang kasiyahan ni tito Marco habang nakikinig kay papa. Nag usap pa sila ng kaunti tapos ay nagpaalam na si tito Marco.

Umupo na si dad sa executive chair niya at bumalik na ang president aura niya.

"Now, you're well aware that I promised my a comrade that you'll marry his daughter one day." 

Tang ina.

Oo nga pala.

My jaw ticked and I felt sick at the idea for the first time. 

I knew I was already spoken for ever since I can remember.

Bata pa lang ako, alam ko ng nakapangako na ako para sa iba.

That is why I always played around not taking girls seriously.

Duty and honor. That's what father has always instilled on my mind, and I will always carry it with me. Lagi niyang sinasabi sakin, na walang silbi ang yaman at estado sa buhay kung walang isang salita ang isang tao.

Alam kong malalim ang dahilan kung bakit niya nagawa akong ipagkasundo, kahit alam niya namang may sarili dapat akong desisyon, at kung noon okay lang yun sakin, hindi ko alam kung bakit gusto kong sagutin siya.

Pero hindi ko kaya.

"And you will meet her on your birthday. She's a great girl." Ngumiti siya sakin at uminom sa baso niya

I never knew before how devastating it feels knowing that my fate is officially sealed from now on.

Tang ina.

Dagdag pa tong biglang pag pop up ng nakangiting mukha ni Cara sa isip ko.

I wanted to speak, it never occurred to me to question why he was so adamant to marry me off to his comrade's daughter whom I haven't even met yet.

And did he not even let me meet her to make up my mind?

I should have a choice in this.

This is not like the medieval times where sons and daughters are married off in exchange for some cattle and gold.

Sinubukan kong ibuka ang bibig ko para magsalita, pero walang tunog na lumabas sa bibig ko.

This is my father I'm talking about. He has never asked me for any favors, nor stopped me from doing what I want.

I have high respects for him and I know I cannot disappoint him.

"Opo,papa. But I have one question, if you may sir." I cleared my throat and took in the remaining bourbon in my glass.

"Go ahead son." My statement seemed to entice his attention.

"What if I don't learn to love her no matter how hard I try?" Love? Where the hell did this p***y question came from?

Tang ina, hindi ako ito ah.

Ngumiti lang si papa,unfazed by my question.

"You will,son." I don't know if it's was a command or an honest fact.

-----

I parked my black Camaro on the school's parking lot, with my father's last statement still on my mind.

You will, son.

Umiling na lang ako at hinugot yung susi sa ignition, at the same time glancing at my watch to check what time it is.

Shit, I'm late for detention.

Halos tumakbo ako ng sobrang bilis habang iniisip si Cara, nakaupo na siguro siya ngayon, suot yung earphones niya o kaya ay natutulog.I couldn't get enough watching her sleep and count the freckles on her cheeks.

I stopped my tracks as reality came down on me.

Walang magiging kami.

Dahil hindi siya ang para sakin.

That's the harsh truth.

Feeling down, I sighed and took a peek at study hall.

Ayun nga siya nakaupo sa sulok namin. Hawak niya yung phone niya at nasisiguro akong ino-on niya yung shuffle sa playlist nito.

Even though I just gotten to know her for a couple of weeks, I know exactly when she's mad, happy or disappointed. Her favourite color is obviously black, she adjusts her glasses many times too often, her lips pout involuntarily and bites her lip whenever she's lying or excited about something and she clearly sucks at numbers among many others.

Para tuloy akong stalker ngayon na nakasilip sakanya.

"Hey there Simon!" Someone poked my shoulder from behind.

Umikot ako para malaman kung sino yun, at nakita ko yung babaeng naka make out ko sa party ng isa kong kaibigan several months ago.

"Hello to you too--" I replied trying to recall her name.

Sheena? Selina? Sherry? Trina!

"Sabrina." She giggled, leaning a little too close. Yup, now she looped her arm around mine.

"What's up Czarina?" Mahinahon kong tanong at nagsimula ng maglakad palayo sa study hall.

 "Nothing much, you never called me." She pouted.

Nope, not cute.

Cara has the cutest pout.

Shit, man stop it.

Some girls never really get the message katulad nito ni Sheena. I didn't even tell her that I will call her. What happened to us was just me being careless and she was too eager to give me a blowjob. I did not even finish because we were both so drunk.

Nakaupo na kami sa bleachers ngayon kung saan naka pulupot pa din ang mga braso niya sa braso ko. Sinadya kong pumaharap sa direksiyon ng studyhall.

Nagpatuloy sa pagkukuwento si Trina tungkol sa kasal ng pinsan niya, at yung isang beses niyang pagatatry mag pole dance. Tumango na lang ako at nag salita ng "okay" at "really?" kahit hindi ko na alam kung ano ang mga pinagsasabi niya. 

I glanced at my watch and devised the most assholest--stupidest thing I could ever do to finally stop this Cara delusion.

Finally, I saw her emerge from the study hall. Alam ko kasing dadaan siya dito patungong gym, kaya ng makita kong palapit na siya, hinalikan ko si Shane--like I meant it, I even closed my eyes, pero it didn't feel right kaya dumilat na lang ako..

I feel like cold water was continually being poured all over me when I saw Cara paused and she saw us.

fuck.

Umalis ka na, Cara.

I thought she was going to cry but she held it in.

Thank God she didn't, I could never forgive myself if she did.

fuck Simon what is wrong with you?

Umuungol na si Selina at ramdam ko na ang mga kamay niya sa iba't ibang parte ng likod ko. Nakita kong nilapitan ni Marj si Cara at umalis na din naman agad ang dalawa.

I pulled away from Sherry and smiled.

"Nope, not doing that again with you. Have a nice day Trina." I gave her a salute.

Nakita ko ang pag dilim ng mukha niya at pamumula ng tenga.

"It's Sabrina! Ang gago mo talaga Simon!" Narinig ko pang sigaw nito habang naglakad na ako palayo sakanya.

Gusto ko maghanap ng pwedeng masuntok, malabas lang itong inis na nararamdaman ko sa sarili.

Tama siya.

Ang gago ko talaga.

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