Chosen by the Tsar

Playing Hard to Get

     The next day Palona and I had a picnic lunch near the garden house. She was rambling on but I just couldn’t focus on anything she was talking about. I kept replaying the evening in my head trying to make sure it had really happened, that it wasn’t just a dream.  Marcov had kissed me, really?!  I was trying to decide if he’d ever shown any other signs of being interested in me.  We’d been friends basically since we could walk, but I wasn’t sure I  felt that way about him. I’d spent the past two years dodging the Tsar’s advances I don’t think I’d ever really thought about whether I had feelings about anyone else. But now that I think about it, if someone had asked me if there was anyone that gave me butterflies in my stomach  I would have had said... 

     “Well, well, well... aren’t you the talk of palace?!” Rendi said teasingly as they walked up to our picnic.  i hadn’t even noticed Rendi and Bastro walk up, but Rendi was now laying on our blanket between us, his face just a foot or so away from mine. He sat there looking and me and smiling while he popped grapes into his mouth. The smirk on his face looked JUST like the Tsar’s. In fact, everything about Rendi looked exactly like the Tsar. Maybe that was why Rendi gave me the creeps. He and I had only had a handful of real conversations over the past two years but I felt uncomfortable by the end of almost every one of them.  

     Palona and Bastro both looked at Rendi with confused expressions. They obviously didn’t know what he was talking about. At first, neither did I, but then it hit me. How stupid could I be?! The guard was there for a reason. In the past two years nothing had ever happened that even made me think about the guard that followed me around when I went home. But now I knew, he must report everything that happens, or at least anything of interest, back to the Tsar. 

   When Palona and Bastro continued to look between the two of us with growing confusion, Rendi continued. “Little miss Kaylis had herself a romantic escapade yesterday when she returned home for her birthday.” He said this with laughter in his voice. He knew he’d just revealed a secret  I didn’t want the world to know and he enjoyed watching me squirm. He really was JUST like the Tsar. 

    Both Palona and Bastro’s heads snapped in my direction and they were both staring directly into the eyes. Their faces were both painted with shock. 

    Palona gasped and an enormous smile grew across her entire face. “Why didn’t you tell me?! No wonder you’ve been so quiet today. Was it Marcov? It was Marcov, wasn’t it?! I always knew there was something between the two of you and you just weren’t telling me...” 

     Her voice seemed to trail off in the distance as I caught a glimpse of Bastro’s face. His shock had melted away and was now replaced by pain and confusion. He didn’t say a word before he turned and started to walk away. 

    Bastro.

    I tried to get up to follow him, but Rendi reached an arm across my chest that kept me from getting up. “Oh come on! Give us all the juicy details! Was this your first kiss? Was it everything you’ve dreamed of? Was it your wettest fantasy come true?” He was hell bent on teasing me and watching me squirm  that he didn’t even notice his brother walking away or the fact that I wasn’t trying to escape him, but actually trying to follow Bastro. Rendi’s voice began to trail off as well as I watched hopelessly as Bastro disappeared out of sight.

     If there was any part of me still in denial that last night actually happened there was definitely no denying it now.  Rendi knew. Palona knew. Bastro knew. And according to Rendi the entire palace knew. Which meant, the Tsar knew as well. I held my breath and tried to consider what that meant. Unfortunately, I didn’t have to consider it for very long.

     I spent the afternoon trying to slip away to find Bastro.  I knew I’d see him in the great hall at dinner but I needed to talk to him.  Unfortunately, the afternoon flew by and I was only able to get away from Palona twice. Neither time was for very long and I had to be careful not to run into the Tsar.  It was dinner time before I knew it and I had to face the Tsar’s stares.  

     As they ate, almost silently, I got lost in my own thoughts again.  I was brought back to earlier today when I was thinking about whether I had feelings for Marcov, debating butterflies and affection. My own thoughts had been interrupted by Rendi’s appearance.  Now in the silence, I finished my own realization.  I did have feelings for someone and based on his reaction earlier today I’d say he had feelings for me as well.  

     A soft coo filled the dining hall, not once but twice.  The world seemed to appear again around me and I realized I had been staring at Bastro this entire time.  I was STILL staring at Bastro. My concentration was finally broken when the Tsarina made the sound for a third time.  Was she choking?! No, she looked much too calm and wasn’t acting as though she was under duress. She was definitely irritated though. As she made the sound for the fourth time I followed her gaze and realized she was trying to get the Tsar’s attention.  The entire time I had been staring at Bastro, he must have been staring at me.  He wasn’t fixed in his usual trance however. His face was red and glossy with sweat. I tried to tell myself that there was no way he could have known I was lost in thought about Bastro. But when I saw his eyes shift down the table to his son, there was no denying what he had seen.  

     The tension was so thick I couldn’t breathe.  I silently excused myself to get some fresh air.  While gripping the balcony railing for dear life I suddenly felt someone tap me on the shoulder.  My mind instantly panicked for fear it was the Tsar.  How could I have been so stupid?  Of course he’d follow me, he was always trying to alone. But when I turned around a wave of relief hit me, “Oh, Bastro. It’s you!”

    “Who else would it be?”  He said with an air of confusion. “Are you alright?”

     “Yes, I’m fine, “ I lied. Bastro and I had spent a great deal of time together over the past two years but I’d never had the heart to tell him about his father.  

     “Bastro, I’m so happy you followed me.  I thought you left the garden so suddenly today because you were avoiding me.” 

     “I was.”  My wave of relief was suddenly pierced with his words.  “I mean, of course I was.  The way Rendi was going on and on about whatever happened last night.  I don’t like listening to him talk about his own sexcapades, let alone listen to him talk about the person that I... it doesn't matter.”  His words were cold and sarcastic and when he was done he wasn’t looking at me but out over the grounds.

     “Bastro, it wasn’t a “sexcapade.” It was one kiss and I’m not even sure how or why it happened.  I...” but I wasn’t able to finish.  

     “I said it doesn’t matter! Didn’t you hear me, I don’t want to hear about it!”  His tone and volume surprised me beyond measure. I’d never even heard Bastro raise his voice, let alone have it directed at me.  The pain was pouring out of him with every word and I knew I was the cause of it. “I just thought... I just thought you felt the same way about me as I do about you.  But obviously I was wrong. How could I be so stupid?!”  As he finished these words, he dropped his head and gently shook it from side to side.  

     He started to walk back inside and I started to panic again. I had to stop him, had to talk to him, but how?  Still panicking, I realized I was already moving towards him.  My body was moving like it had a mind of its own and I was no longer in control of it. My hand grabbed his and pulled him back to me. Maybe it was an accident or maybe I meant to, but I had pulled him so close that his body was just pressing against mine.  His beautiful green eyes rained down on me from just inches away.  There was no denying the butterflies now.  My other hand reached up and caressed his cheek for just a moment before sliding to the nape of his neck. His hair was like silk between my fingers. I hadn’t planned any of this but suddenly I found myself gently pulling his head down so his lips were on mine.

     Unlike last night, this kiss hadn’t taken me off guard.  This kiss wasn’t short and interrupted by someone awkwardly staring at me. This kiss went on and on.   I could taste the sweet wine from dinner on his lips. Bastro’s arms wrapped around me, pressing his body up against mine. I was shocked to feel how hard he already was just in the few seconds we’d been kissing.  Feeling him up against me made me let out the slightest moan. He used this breath to slip his tongue into my mouth.  Again, I tasted the sweet wine and felt like I could get drunk off of him. He continued to push up against me and pull me into him at the same time. I hadn’t realized we’d moved to edge of the balcony and I was pressed up against the railing. The lack of support made me suddenly thrash backwards, grasping for the rail and breaking apart our lips.  Bastro softly laughed as he pulled me back off the railing and up against his body, smiling.  “Don’t worry, I’ve got you,” he said right before he kissed me again.

    I don’t know how long Bastro and I were out on the balcony and I had no idea what time it was when he finally walked me to my room.  Through our open door I could see Palona’s room was completely dark.  She must have gone to bed without me.  Lost in every amazing detail of what just happened, I started to undress for bed.  “And here I thought you were playing hard to get!”   

    I turned to see a figure stand up from the armchair in the shadows. He walked towards me slowly and finally into the light.  Not that I needed to see him, I recognized his voice immediately. No matter how desperately I tried, I was frozen in my tracks. “First, your little boy in the city. Then Bastro on the balcony. You’re turning out to be quite the little w***e, aren’t you?! It’s about time I get some of the action, don’t you think?”  

     His words kept me frozen. How did he know about Bastro?!  He must have followed Bastro out of the dining all and seen us together. 

    He continued to advance towards me. His eyes were like a lion’s stalking its prey.  Just as he was upon me I willed my legs to move.  I tried to run towards the open door, but I wasn’t fast enough.  He lunged at me, engulfing me in his arms and lifting me off the ground.  He laughed as I kicked and I fought to try to free myself. He carried me over to the bed and threw me down. He was instantly on top of me.  I tried to scream but he covered my mouth and nose with one of his hands.  He was suffocating me! I continued to thrash my entire body, trying to get out from under him but he was so much larger than I was. No matter how hard I tried to catch my breath and scream all that escaped his massive grasp were tiny muffled gasps.  Tears began to roll down my cheeks as my body began to betray me from exhaustion.  The last thing I saw as my body wilted under him was the smirk on his face, “It’s my turn!”