What It Means To Love You

Jostling Judgements

...Skylar...

The past two weeks passed by in a blur and I found myself questioning everything I did. My emotions and feelings are in disarray, leaving my mind and sensible thoughts estranged.

“Baby, what’s wrong? You’ve been looking at the same outfits for the past two hours.” Chas chuckled.

She was right, why couldn’t I think straight.

“I don’t know” I groaned. “Nothing looks right.”

“Babe, you’re going to a ‘fashion show’ where they will provide the clothes you need.” She stressed. “Pack something comfortable and light; you will look beautiful regardless, you always do.”

I thanked her and took a deep breath then threw the closest things to me in my bag. Our flight left in five hours, yes, you saw correctly, OUR.

Since the night I came back home, they have not let me out of their sight. In the beginning, I found it a bit smothering, but I eventually became accustomed to it.

“I’m tired.”

“I bet” She smirked.

I glared and threw my favorite pillow at her. See what I mean?!

Her laughter filled the room and I found myself smiling gently at her. My BestFriend meant more than the world to me and I was more than grateful to be able to call her mine.

“Study-Break,” Comet shouted and barged into my bedroom.

Must he always make his presence known?!

“We were not studying, I was contemplating.”

“What is the difference? Both take more time than I am EVER willing to give.” He stated.

“So we’ve noticed; it definitely answers so many questions.” Chastity smirked at him.

“Raindrop, will you say nothing in my defense?” He pouted.

“She’s left me speechless, Babe.” I smiled at him.

“I applaud the both of you.” He sneered, bowing at us. “Encore, for your performance was astounding.”

He is such a baby.

“I’m hungry, let’s eat!” IC whined, the others quickly following her lead to crowd my bedroom.

“So, is Rose cooking, are we ordering out, or are we going to the Pier?”

“NOT the Pier’’, Cayden countered.

“Oh...Poor Cayden.” Chas snickered.

“Cayden, Sweetheart, that was 2 years ago, maybe it’s time for you to let that go.”

“Raindrop, not even a lifetime could cause me to forget the memories of that night.”

“What part bothered you the most?” Chas asked. “The fact that another man wanted IC or that he also wanted to explore every facet that was You.” She was full-on smirking now. “However I must admit you do look sweet enough to eat.”

She laughed running out of the room before Cayden could grab her.

“Oh, he is.” IC winked.

“Keep it in the bedroom.” Comet groaned.

“Don’t be jealous, Com.”

“Don’t worry Sweetheart, I assure you that I am more than satisfied.” He smirked, but his eyes said otherwise and he knew that I knew.

He tugged me to his body and placed me in his lap.

“STOPPPP.” He groaned like a baby.

“What?” I questioned smiling at him.

“Stop, seeking answers to questions you never ask.”

I simply smiled at him.

“I Love You” Three words uttered so softly, I would have missed it if I was not seated upon his lap.

“I Love You, too!” I spoke sincerely.

“Do you not value your life Com?” Chas asked, re-entering the Bedroom.

“Only death could separate me from Raindrop.” He spoke smugly.

A silent exchange passed between the two and I felt left out and confused.

I found myself feeling a lot of this lately, out of the loop and diffused.

I trusted them without reservation and once upon a time I thought the feelings were mutual, but as of late, my conscience is telling otherwise. I trusted that they would never lie to me, verbally I knew they never would but, I also knew they were keeping something from me, a hidden secret never meant to be revealed. This saddened me and I couldn’t fully explain why.

“Raindrop?” Comet called to me.

“Yes”

“Where did you go? We've been calling you for the past five minutes.” Chastity stated, concerned.

“Why the long face, Chas, don’t care for something you saw?” I questioned instead.

“I don't care for a lot of the things that I see, but that is not what I asked.”; “And, why are you deflecting my question?” She questions.

“Because…” I started, tapping my finger on my lips. “I’m hungry and not in the mood for psychology.”

She gave me a look but didn’t press the issue.

We finally decided to go to the mall for food and cookies, one of the best decisions made today. Currently, we were waiting for IC in the dressing room of Victoria Secrets.

‘What do I wear?’ IC begins sing, quoting ‘Help Me, Help You’.

‘We only told you 12 times, the first set that you put on is still your best find. We've been sitting in this dressing room for hours, we need a break baby, we don’t have the brainpower.'I sung back.

‘When you ask us our opinion, we almost sure to be your minions, girl you are kinda like long division.’ Chastity chimed in.

‘Everything is difficult’ I responded.

‘So help us, help you’ We all sung together.

‘Girl do whatever you want to do, we don’t mean to act rude, but’ Halo returned.

‘You done made me hungry out here waiting for you!’ We heard Comet interrupting.

“Comet you just killed the mood!” IC shouted at him.

But, we couldn’t help but laugh.

Welcome to our lives…!

~‘The sun is setting and my thoughts are settling with it. I look for relief in writing, there lie the shadows that others never see, when it’s just my thoughts and me. My favorite companion and friend, the only understander of my fiends, my knowledge-based Sadducee.’~

I greet Matthew as we board the jet, did I tell you that my friends were rich, oh.

This particular plane belongs to Comet, and for understanding, I never knew exactly what they did, my questions were always deflected, which welcomed my perplexed reflections.

“Raindrop.” Comet calls, bringing me out of my thoughts.

“Yes.

“Did you ever finish your song?”

“Partially.” Comet was a very talented musician and singer, we have worked on many pieces together, and often I wondered why he never pursued a career in it.

“Ohhh...we want to hear it.” Rose and Chastity exclaimed.

I gestured to Com to start the track.

‘I skipped school on Friday,

An infidel made my heart-ache,

But, now I want him in the worst way.

Some call it magic, others say it’s a habit, I call it plastic.

They say that he is extravagant, but I say he’s irrelevant,

Because, he’s so basic, caught him with a white chick.

Yeah, I was motivated,

He had me captivated,

Basking in all the love that surrounded me,

They say it's fakery, how he’s so taken with me,

A fairy tale story that would never be,

But, you know what I believed, that they were ludacris.

Because, I trusted every word that he said, when he said, that he would never lie to me.

But, its crazy huh, how it backfired,

Cause, he’s backtracking,

Telling me all about the love that his heart is lacking.

But, he tells his friends that he wants benefits,

Boy, you're crazy if you think Imma make up and kiss.

Oh, so you’re angry now, oh, you jealous huh?

Cause you thought I would be in my room or in a corner crying.

But, Papa taught never to cry over fools,

So I sedate the pleasure and bury the tools.’

My friends were stunned and speechless, well that is, other than Cody and Cayden.

“Your song was amazing, I almost feel sorry for the guy who broke your heart, however…” Cayden started.

“Interjection, he caused heartache, not heartbreak.”

“Just thinking about him makes me want to set his body ablaze and then drown him in a lake.” Chastity declared with Comet and IC agreeing wholeheartedly.

“All the same, I, however, want to hear more about this pleasure you are sedating and the tools you plan on burying.”

“Did I say that?” I asked innocently, “Why would you say such things, I’m appalled.”

“So, was I when I had the last verse of your song, what to talk about it?”

“No, not particularly.”

“I didn’t think so, but I thought I would ask.”

“But, since we are on the topic, we hold you to the same standards as we hold Chastity, so ALL future suitors need to see us beforehand.” Cody added.

Always the overprotective older brothers, but secretly I loved that they cared so much about me.

“Have fun with that.” Comet snickered

And, I wondered what he meant by the statement.

We land in another hour and I find myself once again in Comet’s lap, my head resting on his chest; have I told you how comfortable he is? I could literally stay in his arms for the rest of my life and not mind, however, Comet was a well-versed playboy and a seasoned manwhore. 

However, there’s something soothing about being wrapped up in him, while I listened to his heartbeat. I forget that a world exists outside of us as I revive in where we are and what we share.

“What’s running through your mind, Raindrop; your emotions are all over the place.” Comet suddenly questions.

“How is it that you always know, and I thought you were sleeping!” I exclaimed.

“How can I when my other half is wide awake and driving me insane with her thoughts?” He chuckled amusingly.

The others always claimed we were of kindred spirits and like-mindedness, and since then Comet often referred to me as his other half.

Comet and I were close, very close, thick as thieves most of the time; because when it came to certain things, he was the one that I ran to. Always promising that whenever life brought me storms and rain clouds, sunshine, and nightfall, that he would always be there. My personal star and guiding light, blowing things up to make things right; my shelter from the storm.

Thinking that last thought Christain's face came to mind, and honestly, I missed him.

I missed his face, his piercing grey eyes, and soft pink lips. I missed his soft chuckle, the way words rolled off his tongue when he spoke, and the Butterflies and Bumblebees I felt every time we touched. I missed how he made me feel whenever he was near: safe, protected, and self-assured. But, I also questioned why it was that I felt these things, it confused me.

"You're doing it again."

"What I am 'doing' again?" I air quoted to emphasize, though I knew.

"Speculating and overthinking."He spoke. "I find that you have been doing that a lot lately; what to talk about it?"

"Will you give me the answers that I am looking for or are you intending to keep more secrets." I snapped back, just thinking about their behavior agitated me.

He sighed heavily.

"It's complicated Raindrop."

"Then NO, I have nothing in which I desire to share with you.!"

"Raindrop...."

"It's fine for now Comet, don't worry about it." I smiled, just so he would stop looking at me like that.

"I'm always worrying about you." He smiled softly.

"Stop, I'm still mad at you.!" Quickly losing my resolve, why can't I say angry at him, I need to try harder.

"I'll buy you cotton candy, candied apples, and pretty pink roses."

Why do men think food and gifts will solve all of the world's problems?

"No." I said turning away from him, so he wouldn't see me smiling.

"Decorated in thinly sliced strawberries with cherries on top." He said winking at me.

"Stop and no!" I spoke while smiling softly at him.

Oh, so now he's smirking and all I want to do is slap him.

So, I glare at him and now he is all out laughing like I said the funniest thing in the world. And, it reminds me so much of Christian...Arrgggg...Skylar, stop!!!

I release a heavy sigh because I seriously think I may need some psychological help.

Here I am thinking about a man who is wayyyy out of my league, that I just met and hardly know, not only that, it is so not the right time, and he is thousands of miles away, Seriously Skylar, why does it matter what time it is? He is not even here and has me talking to myself, inside myself, if that makes any sense.

Arrgg..I feel like stomping my feet and throwing a tantrum; you see what's he's doing to me and HE'S NOT EVEN HERE?!