“Now you understand.” Zalor’s voice splinters my shock.
I shake my head, unsure what I’m rejecting. Here, at the end of all things, perhaps I’m rejecting my decision.
I was struggling, but I didn’t know how much. Not until now.
Seeing the end of my journey made me realize what a long journey it was.
I listened to the voice that told me there would be no happy ending. I marinated in darkness, concocting schemes of self-harm. I bought a medical-grade scalpel on eBay. That could have, should have been the end of it. Any other person would have been repulsed by the frightening reality of my scheme. Not me. I committed to the violence, thinking it was the best ending I could hope for.
shouldI ran the bath. I drank the tequila. I put the blade to my skin.
I killed myself.
“Not yet,” the
