After Death (TAGALOG)

Kabanata Bente Dos

Patricia's delicate features were covered in tears. Natameme siya sandali. He suddenly had the urge to rub his eyes and make sure he's not hallucinating.

Patricia never once showed him an emotion, not even a happy face or something else. She always had a neutral expression plastered on her face. She never smile, she never laugh, she never drop her lips to frown.

But right now, tears were streaming down her face.

Nilapitan niya ito at hinawakan ang mukha. He wiped her tears as his own eyes started to water.

"Why are you crying? I should be the one crying right now..."

And the weirdest thing is she's crying but her expression stays the same. Dumagdag pa ang maputla nitong balat na sobrang lamig. She look like a corpse shedding tears for the last time.

"I know that I am dead yet it seems that I still have some tears to shed," bulong nito na hindi niya masyadong narinig.

"Hmm?"

Instead of answering him, Patricia held his hands to put it down and rested her own cold ones on his face.

"Haven't you cried all this time, Asta?" tanong nito, "Didn't you cried when those happened to you? Didn't you shouted to lessen your frustrations, wrecked havoc inside your room to release stress and cried yourself to sleep?"

Hindi siya nakasagot. As he tried to remember what happened months ago, he realized he never really showed to everyone how dilapidated he is inside. Becuase he still have his sister to protect, he forced himself to stand still and stay strong. But when she decided to leave him too, all around him became dull and gray and he lost the reason to live.

He never shed a tear, even when he started to get depressed.

Patricia caressed his face like he's a million dollar jewel. Puno ng pag-iingat ang bawat haplos nito and this time her eyes showed an emotion.

Love, care and worry.

"It's okay to cry," saad nito, "If you feel the need to cry, don't hold back your tears. Tears are a normal, healthy way to express emotion."

Her voice is gentle and sweet. Full of tenderness and love. He leaned in closer to feel her warmth, malamig ang balat ng babae ngunit napaka-init ng aura nito. Init na hindi nakakapaso kundi ay nagbibigay ng halagang walang makakabiling pera.

“Crying can be helpful in some situations, but remember that it's only a means for you to express your feelings, be it anger, sadness, anxiety, frustration or grief,” dagdag ng babae at tuluyan siyang niyakap, "Express yourself to your heart's content, but after it face the world and believe that you can do it."

Hindi niya namalayang umiiyak na pala siya habang nakasubsob sa balikat ni Patricia. Hindi siya humahagulhol o gumawa ng tunog. He's silently crying while hugging the woman he just realized he loves.

Humigpit ang yakap niya dito, he's soaking her shirt with his tears but she didn't even mind it and just continued to hug him.

Why does silent crying always hurt more?

Silence is cold, chilling and convulsive.

It's the scream with the biggest impact.

Tears are a powerful, profound, and piercing expression of emotion.

Silent crying is a greater source of pain. With each passing minute, the agony grows more terrible. There's a lot to reveal, a heart to open up, and a voice to hear. There's a lot to say, but no one to hear it. There's so much trapped up there, it's like a rumbling volcano.

The crying and sobbing trek through the wilderness of grief eclipses a lack of resilience and an incapacity to deal with turmoil.

Silent crying becomes increasingly painful as you recall those traumatic events that disrupted your psyche and destroyed your inner serenity. The more you replay those traumatic events, the worse it becomes.

A lack of a shoulder to lean on is fatal. It's akin to a deep, defying gravity, and detestable fall.

Silent tears contain a plethora of tales. Each one is vibrant, interesting, and mysterious in its own way.

By the time Asta calmed down, he lost all of his energy from crying.

"Thanks..." mahinang saad niya kay Patricia habang nakaupo sila sa sopa sa living area.

Medyo nakaramdam siya ng hiya dahil kanina pa siya nakayakap sa babae kaya unti-unti siyang dumedistansya. Sigurado siyang sobrang mugto na ng mata niya ngayon.

"Hindi nakakawala ng p*********i ang pag-iyak," nakangiting saad ni Patricia, "You did well, Asta."

Natulala pa siya sandali sa sobrang ganda ng ngiti nito. While he was talking with her earlier, he realized his feeling for the woman. Mas nahulog ang loob niya rito nang niyakap siya nito noong umiyak siya.

Kung may ibang lalaki sigurong nakakakita sa kanila kanina, iisipin nilang sobrang bakla niyang tignan. But it doesn't matter anymore, he get to have the comfort of his love one.

Biglang nagseryoso ang mukha nito.

"Now that you knew the truth behind your parents' death, ano na ang gagawin mo ngayon?"

Iyan din ang iniisip niya kanina pa. He fixed himself first before answering her question.

"I plan to postpone my vacation and help Amir investigate deeper in this case," saad niya sa plano. "Wala pa rin kaming clear idea kung bakit nila naisipang gawin iyon. I know this is not necessary, but I still want to know the reason behind all of this."

Tumango si Patricia. Her expression earlier was now gone. Bumalik na ang usual na neutral expression nito but he didn't mind it at all.

"I'll be with you throughout your darkness until you'll finally find the light you are looking for."

"Aren't you always with me?" nakangiting ani niya, "If it wasn't for you always appearing whenever I plan to end my life, I would be a rotting corpse right now."

Patricia just looked at him. Sanay na siya ditong nananahimik at tititigan lang siya kaya hindi na ito bago sa kanya.

"Thank you for everything, Patricia," he thanked her sincerely.

"Don't thank me," saad nito at biglang tumayo, "Thank Him," tinuro ng daliri nito ang itaas. Nakuha niya kaagad kung ano ang ibig nitong sabihin.

"Before you go to bed, talk to Him first. Pray, Asta."

Patricia left him in the living area like nothing happened. Naiwan siyang sinusundan ito ng tingin na umaakyat patungo sa guest room.

He never really pray, but right now, he thinks it's time to surrender his life to him.

That night, he sat in his bed and talked to Him for how many minutes before going to sleep.

SUMANDAL siya sa pintuan nang maisara niya ito ng maayos. She looked at her palm na unti-unti nang naglalaho. Para iting damit na see through dahil nakikita niya ang kama kahit nakaharang ang kamay niya.

It's happening. This is the sign. She's now close to her resting place.

But why does she seemed unhappy?

Kaunti na lang, kaunti na lang matatapos na ang lahat ng ito. Ngunit bakit ang bigat sa dibdib kung iisipin niya pa lang na iwan si Asta?

What's happening to her?