Broken Chains

Chapter 3 continued

“I was right they’ve gone.” I said biting my lip this was the only thing i could think of saying that wasn’t guaranteed to make me act like a human hosepipe.

“Um Jess I…I well I.”

“Spit it out Carl.” I snapped,

“Can you smell that?”

“What?” I said vaguely

“I don’t know but it smells like…I mean I think it’s…its”

“Carl?”

“I think it’s …. I’m going to go take a lot around.” He said I nodded he turned away and then froze , “Jess you know he still loves you right I mean we sort of figured that this was going on with him and Bethany and I know that must be hard for you but I know he loves you I mean the two of you your just meant to be.” I glared at the mattress I had flung in fury which had caused more than a little destruction.

“Well maybe you should be telling him that.” I said gently. Carl sighed and strode out of the room, I gripped the shirt to my chest tightly and followed Carl through to the Garage door off the kitchen. Despite what he had just said it seemed like Carl was very clear with where he was going and most likely he was knew what he was expecting to find. That made my feet drag because somehow deep down I knew I knew what I was going to find there as well as Carl did. I saw his hand hesitate frozen on the doorknob he knew, the both of us didn’t want to walk into there as whatever it was in there it had the potential to destroy who Derek was completely. I put my hand gently on Carl’s shoulder. He sighed and opened the door; I flinched back as the intense smell of blood hit me. Carl cringed but tried hard not to let this show as he took a step inside the garage and flicked the light on. Blood was spattered lightly up the walls, but the majority of the smell was coming from the rapidly expanding pool of blood on the floor. Carl sighed and sank down to sitting running a hand across his forehead.

“Well that’s it.” He said gently. I tentatively walked past him and gently picked up a large black jacket, beneath it was the body of an elderly couple. Both had a several wounds on the sides of their heads at least both had probably died after a single blow. Yet they had been moved to lying next to each other their eyes closed peacefully and they had been covered up with what one sniff told me was Derek’s jacket.

“He covered them up. He felt remorse this wasn’t him. You know that.”

“No I don’t. And neither do you I know it you just don’t want it to be him. But we have to accept it we don’t know what happened here but Derek’s scent is all over this house an no doubt all over that f*****g couple of innocents. I know you don’t want to believe this but Derek’s gone. He’s rogue.” I spun round to face him I knew my eyes were shinning a bright burnished gold.

“I don’t believe that and I will not just give up on him like this. Not this time I’ve spent too much of my life running away from him when what I should have been doing was fighting the hell out of anybody who tried to pry me more than an inch away from his side. I need him and I know that he needs me right now.” I cut off and dropped my eyes back to the couple at my feet before I gently returned the jacket to cover their faces. “You can go home. “I said gently from where I was standing above the bodies my eyes refusing to move from their bodies, twisting the ring around my necklace. “In fact you should go home, maybe you can be Alpha yet but this I need to do this. For him for once I have to do something for him.” I turned and strode out of the Garage and swiftly out of the house without pausing and trying not to breath.

“Jess.” Carl said loudly as I strode down the driveway. I sighed and stopped reluctantly turning to face him. “He’ll kill me if I let you go alone. I don’t know if there is anything we can salvage of him but if anyone can it’s you, and let’s face it I let you go Darius Will decapitate me if Derek doesn’t” he gave a weak smile and stepped up to my side “my idea and my Brother so I’m with you.” He said gently I returned his smile, it was as weak and fake as his and he knew it. “So where now?” he asked looking at me expectantly,

“I don’t have a clue.” I said honestly,

“Okay.” He said with just as much honesty.

Derek

I couldn’t supress a loud wince as the needle bit too deep, but it was bloody hard to do this with just a grimy mirror for a guide. I twisted trying to get a better line of sight even though I knew it was all but pointless. I winced again as twisting my torso strained my new stitches threatening to tear them. I gave up on the mirror and just snapped the black thread. I picked up a bottle of vodka off the top of the grimy sink and took a swig straight out of the bottle, cringing as the burning liquid scorched the back of my throat. Strong alcohol was something those in the pack didn’t really go for. Hell we didn’t drink much at all especially not out of the den. Being drunk led to a loss of control, a lack of control led to you losing your temper of just flipping out and that led to a shift which was never a good thing when you don’t choose it. We had been known to ply the younger ones with a few too many drinks, most recently it had been Jamie who, and that was it, I tuned and slammed my first into the wall again and again feeling the bones in my hands snap under the blow. I ignored it and continued pounding the wall my knuckles split open and blood began to slowly drip down the former magnolia wall which was now coated in a thick layer of pure grime. The crimson of my blood was a shocking contrast to the dull colour of the wall, it was like a single colour in a black and white film. I stopped punching the wall and collapsed against it panting heavily. I couldn’t do that, not yet I couldn’t think of Jamie he was my brother and I had killed him. I had battered him to death, I couldn’t even think of him without wanting to tear myself apart. I had killed him and for what because he was trying to defend Jessie, he was afraid I was hurting her, well that was it the bit I couldn’t justify I had been hurting her. I guess killing the one she cared about most in this world had hurt her pretty well too. I had just snapped so completely as a shape shifter we always even from children work hard to obtain control of ourselves self-restraint is something we prize so highly. I had lost my temper before but that was different is was like my world just shattered and I just wanted to lash out at it all. Could I blame her my girl, no I wish I could I did but that was self-delusion and I knew it. The thing with Jessie was she kept pushing me she was only one who could have possibly ever pushed me that far. I mean I wanted her she wanted me but she wouldn’t admit it and I accepted that, then she wanted to leave I accepted that, she started f*****g about I let it go. She’d come home f**k me and then bugger off as if nothing had happened between us and I let her, she f****d a rogue, turned her best friend and I was ready to let that go. I would have just let her go on doing whatever the hell she wanted to me for as long as she wanted and I knew that. But then with Bethany she picked the one thing I didn’t want to hear and I don’t know what happened but I couldn’t cope with that. Her breaking my heart I could take that but her killing a baby a baby that Would have been half of me and half of her, a little life that we created. I wouldn’t have cared if it was his if she had let me be her babies daddy I would have been forever but she wouldn’t let me, the only thing I wanted was right there in her hands and she destroyed it. Thinking back to that day I regretted everything from the moment Bethany told me about the baby but I don’t know how I could have done it any differently. I don’t know what else I could have done to stop my mind flipping to rogue. And from then how could I have stopped myself from putting my hands on her. I could never have truly hurt her but in that moment I forgot that and so did Jamie. Hell if he’d just hung back if he hadn’t come to close I wouldn’t have hurt her I would have let her go and who the hell knows where I would be right now. I shook my head and pushed myself off the grimy wall I couldn’t think about them if I did I would just go mad. I picked up the vodka again and poured it on my side biting my lip as the deep cut burned the vodka splattered the formerly white tiled floor it had turned pink tinged with my blood.

“Derek are you in there?”

“What the f**k do you want Daniel?” I asked pulling my black t-shirt back over my head.

“Its Bethany she wants to talk to you.” Daniel said as I emerged from the bathroom I smiled as my field of vision was consumed by Jessie’s half-brother. He looked nothing like his sister, except his smile was like Jessie’s which made me hate the young guy simply for the amount he smiled. Some parts of him were like Bethany but there was nothing of Jessie in him personality wise, the three of them alone were the perfect example of the nature vs. nurture debate.

“Man you look like shit.” He said blandly and I just glared at him,

“Believe me Christian looks worse.”

“I know man when the f**k are the two of you going to stop doing this?”

“We won’t.”

“Why won’t he f*****g give it up you f*****g handed him his ass.”

“Christian won’t give up but he was my brother I grew up learning to fight him he hasn’t changed an inch since he’s predictable. Besides he wants to play with knives he deserved to get his ass kicked were not f*****g humans we don’t need weapons.”

“You carry a gun.” I folded my arms

“What the f**k do you want?”

“Like I said Bethany wants to talk to you.” He said running his hand uncomfortably over his brush cut dark hair.

“Why do you follow her around like this?” I asked placidly, he smiled his features suddenly twitched just a little here and there to make him look a lot like his sister,

“Why did you follow that p***y Alpha unquestioningly for so long?”

“You can’t f*****g understand loyalty like the pack. I mean my bothers would have died for me without question and I would do the same” Daniel just snorted. “Look I see this is it for you but the pack that’s different. I mean I know you’ve got Beth’s back but whose got yours?” Daniel bit his lip.

“I didn’t exactly have much choice they wouldn’t have even let me get inside the pack gates,”

“You could have tried.”

“And what do you think my opening line should be, hey Darius you don’t know me but you know that mate who ran off kidnapping your daughter and left you looking like a moron well she’s my mother. She had a bastard with another rogue and that’s me, can I live with you?” I glowered

“You don’t understand what your taking on. I mean battling the pack it was pure insanity. I mean what the hell are you like fourteen.”

“Fifteen.” He snapped his eyes turned golden flashing intensely with hate.

“Just fifteen I bet your like a f*****g kid playing at war games, a few more years if she lets you live that long and you will realise that. This all of it, it’s just f*****g insane.” My voice had risen to a shout by the end, it wasn’t an angry shout it was pure frustration I just wanted this child to get it. He seemed to think they this was like a mini-pack he didn’t get it. We had moved to this squat in some crappy abandoned house yesterday, the others didn’t want to move being quite comfortable in that bungalow but I HAD to go I couldn’t stay in that place with those bodies and anyway being that close to the pack wasn’t sensible and anyway I was uneasy now I didn’t trust Jessie not to do something stupid, and if anyone could find me it would be her and my kid brother. This place was nothing to me a simple choice made by flipping a coin but I still didn’t trust him he’d find me the git, my hope was that Darius would find his ass and drag them back to the pack. I ran my hands over my face, questioning myself did I really want that, or did I want company here in my exile? how could this have only been four days, the pack was already a world away, it felt as if years had passed and I missed them I missed my life I missed my brothers I missed my love and I knew I always would. I grabbed my jacket from the floor there was a tear in the dark leather but that was hardly a surprise and anyway it didn’t matter, clothes had never bothered me when I was in the pack and they bothered me even less now I wasn’t. I pulled it on retrieving my cigarettes from the pocket i lit one as I stomped past Daniel and down the hall. I was desperate for air this place was suffocating. I got the door open before Daniel yelled at me,

“Hey what the hell do you want me to tell Bethany?”

“Tell her if she wants me she can f*****g hunt me down herself.” I said calmly striding straight out the door and into the rain.