Mending Her

Chapter-12

I don’t know why Rehan asked this question to me, but I can’t answer this.

so I get up

“Excuse me. I am feeling sleepy. I am going back to my tent.” I say and leave from there without waiting for anyone.

The tent is set up a few minute's walk from the site where we are doing barbecue.

When I reach near where the tent is set up I don’t enter my tent, but I turn around and go for a walk.

Our tent is set up near the Beach, and there is a mountain on another side.

I can hear waves crashing on the beach, so I walk toward the water, leaving my shoes.

When the water touches my feet I stand there started to enjoy the wind.

It makes me feel peaceful how the air is touching my face and water is touching my feet.

I hear footsteps, so I turn back.

“Why you come here?” Lily asks, coming after me.

“I was not feeling well,” I reply still closing my eyes.

“You said you will sleep. Why are you here?” she asks again.

But this time I don’t reply.

“How long will you run Nyla? You need to stop somewhere. So what is the meaning of running?” She says and my mood becomes sour.

“I didn’t run?” I say calmly, but my heart is anything but calm.

I don’t always want people to judge what I should do and what not.

I know she cares for me.

But I too need a break.

“So why are you here alone instead of playing with us?” She asks, but I remain silent.

After some time I replied “I don’t know what to answer,” I say.

I didn’t want to answer her, but she is the only person who was with me every moment of my life.

I know sometimes she is too annoying.

But she is the one who will never show me her back.

At least she never did till now.

So she deserves the answers.

“what?” she asks confused.

“I don’t know what should be the answer,” I say and she looks at me sympathetically. “Nyla....” She sighs.

“You can see these waves. They can come and leave. When they leave, they are sure they will come back. But I don’t know if I can come back again like them to my normal life and make my heart to love someone.” I say, looking at the sea.

“Nyla I know..” She try to say but I cut her.

“No, you don’t know. Nobody knows. You say I ran away. Yes, I ran away. Because I don’t want that love that gives me pain. The pain I can’t handle. The pain I can’t forget. The pain that kills me every day.” I say and my voice broke due to too much emotion.

“You can. Time heals everything.” She tries to comfort me.

“Really? Does time heal? How long it will take to heal me? Can you say? Can anyone say?” I ask but she remains silent.

“Seven years Lily. For seven years, I tried to heal my wound. It still is fresh as the first day. It still hurts as much as it hurt before. Can you say when will it heal?” I ask her sadly.

“Why you give importance to them.” She asks and I laugh.

“I didn’t. what do you think? I get hurt because I loved him? No.” I say.

“Then why are you hurt,” she asks confused.

“I am not hurt. I am afraid.” I say

“Of what?” She asks, and I look at her.

“Of getting hurt again. From the memories that make me hurt. The past changed me into something I don’t recognize. I also want to love. Feel loved by someone. But when I remember what love gave me I became afraid. I don’t want that pain. It’s better to not feel something more than feeling that pain which breaks me.” I want to make her understand how I feel.

But I know nobody can feel what I am feeling.

No one can live another person's life.

Everyone has to face their hardship on his own and I have to suffer my share of suffering too.

“all people are not the same. Everyone is not John.” She says.

“I know. But how will I know who is good and who is bad? I thought John would be good. But look what I get. He broke my trust. He snatches my chance to trust someone again. So I can’t trust someone and make them break the trust.” I say and she takes my hand and holds them.

“Lily, trust is everything in a relationship. If I make a relation, I will never trust the person and life can go on like this. I don’t want.” I say to her and she looks at me with pity.

I have to get that a lot in these eight years.

“But..” she try to say but I cut her.

“No, Lily, I don’t want to be vulnerable again. Love to make people vulnerable. I don’t want to give someone that power that he can hurt me. I don’t want to love someone again. Never. Don’t give me that look. I don’t want that,” I say and leave for my tent.

When I reach my tent, Rehan was standing there.

“Can we talk?” He asks, seeing me, and I nod.

“Yes, what do you want to say?” I ask.

“You want to talk here?” he looks around and I understand he wants to go somewhere else.

“Where do you want to go?” I ask

“Let’s walk.” He says and I nod we walk and went to a place set up with rock designed for sitting.

“Let’s sit.” He shows me a rock to sit on.

The place is nice.

But nobody will notice it here.

He is very much thoughtful and mysterious.

“OK.” after we sit there was silence.

Neither I nor the talk anything

we both are facing the beach and sit silently.

“Can I ask something?” He asks after some time.

“Yes,” I say not looking at him.

“Did I hurt you?” he ask and look at me.

“No. why you think so?” I look at him.

His eyes were searching as if I am telling a lie.

But I was not.

He didn’t hurt me.

Yes, his word triggered me. But if it was not there, he couldn’t have made my emotion hurt me.

“You walk away when I ask.” he looks guilty.

“Oh, sorry about that. It was impolite.” I say, and he shakes his head.

“No. but I thought I hurt you,” he says again and I understand he may be tense because he thought he hurt me.

“Don’t worry. You didn’t hurt me. I ran away because I didn’t have the answer to your question.” I say with a sad smile.

“So you could have just not answered. Why you ran from there. I thought...” he try to say but stop thinking his word will offend me again.

“You thought you hurt me. But no.” We again fall silent.

“Do you know it’s a very simple way to run from what you can’t face?” I say after some time.

“I am not so strong. So every time I face something I ran away. It has nothing to do with you.”

“but it’s not simple to smile though you are in a lot of pain,” he says and I look at him surprised.

Nobody ever thought like this. “Smile is the best mask to hide your feelings,” I say again.

“Why do you think you are not strong? I have never seen someone so strong like you.” He says and I look at him confused.

“Why do you think so?” I ask.

“These two days, by what emotional t*****e you went through after that you are sitting with us smiling. It’s not something a weak person can do.” He states.

“Maybe. But did I have any other way?” I ask.

“Who said you don’t have another way? You had a lot of ways. You could have gone back. But you stayed here and face the situation. How many people can do that?” He asks.

His word makes me thinking am I really strong?

“I don’t know. But thanks.” I say after sometimes.

“For what?” he asks.

“For thinking so much about me,” I say.

“No...” he wanted to say something, but I cut him off.

“It’s so late... We should go back.” I say and get up, leaving Rehan there.

“Nyla,” he calls me from behind.

“Yes?” I look back.

“You know you are the girl with whom anyone will die to be together?” He says “But Look I am alone,” I say and walk away.

I don’t know what is that but I can see something different in his eyes.

It’s not l**t. It’s something else but deep.

Something I always wanted to see in John's eyes.

Something I am too afraid of now.

Which people call love.

I went back to my tent and go to sleep.

The next day after lunch,

we leave the resort and come back to my home. Lily also went to her home.