Looking for Heaven

In which we must run

While the days passed by and the date of the beginning of my heat got closer, my parents started to reach out to old friends and family trying to find someone somewhere nearby with a female of our kind or even a male of another kind who wouldn't get all touchy by the idea of fertilizing my shell. We just needed someone to mark me and interrupt the feromone producing frenzy, so I could be safe for the next 3 months.

It was the day before the starting of the heat and still nothing. Too risky, the available males had said. The females of our species would have run the risk, I know it, but there weren't any un-mated females in the right age group. 

I got up and go to school by the last time this year, talked to some friends about Grandma starting to feel bad, about some trip I would do to see my grandparents and that I would probably return just after the summer break.

That day my parents put my bags in the car, I said goodbye to the neighbors, got in and they drove me to the train station. I got out and they drove back home. But I didn't get in the train, didn't go to my grandparents, I waited there until well after midnight, when the neighbors would all be at their beds sleeping, I then marched back to our house, entered by the basement door, got to my new room and prepared myself for the 3 months of suffering alone in the hermetic room created to guarantee that I wouldn't attract either of the neighbors or their boys to our house. Josh got forbidden from bringing friends home by the duration of my imprisonment.

The first week passed as sweetly as it could, most of the time passed while I got to read the old tomes of our family history and about the care of shells and hatchlings, what to expect and how to act in certain situations. The rest of the first month was more of the same, Dad would come by at night and bring me more books about things I should get prepared to before meeting a mate. Things I should already have learned but got forgotten while in the chaos of the years following the disclosure of the non-humans. I had a phone line in the basement however I couldn't use it unless it was an emergency since I wasn't supposed to be at home but in another state.

By the end of the second month, I was bored to death and sleeping uncomfortable by most of the day. The egg that was getting rounder and rounder on my belly was a nuisance when I tried to find a good position and the heat made me horny and without a female of the species or a human male to mark me I had no way of getting some relief. Even when the climax would have relieved me in the first month, on the second it was like trying to scratch an allergy away, the more I scratched the more painful it became and no matter what I did it wouldn't go away.

Some days it was like I was always going from one point to the other, trying to find relief got me sleepy and still itchy and uncomfortable since the egg inside me wouldn't let me sleep on my stomach (my favorite position) and the pain for a mate was a constant, when I could sleep, waking up would lead to me being horny and achy all over again.

As the time passed, my dad would come less and less, passing days without contact with another being wasn't helpful at all, but it still was better than the alternative, attracting attention to the basement and to ourselves.

The day things got to the worst point and I lose half of my world I had already lost track of the days. My backside was so painful, the egg pressing to come out for hours had made me go to the nest and stay there all day long. Dad had come by maybe 4 or 5 days ago and got out in a hurry.

I was pushing the egg out, feeling the biggest of all pains, a pain I couldn't believe was real if not for the fact it was making me see stars and want to howl like a mad person and that was when the phone started to ring.

I could not believe what I was hearing, had the pain made me get hallucinations? Was it even a real thing, the pain induced hallucinations? Well, there was just one way to be sure. I uncurled one of my arms from around my waist and catch the speaker on the nest side.

-Hello?

-Antuan, I need you to listen to me, Antuan. — My dad says in a hurry and a low voice and all I can muster in way of an answer as the egg got a little more out is a grunted "yes?" incomprehensive even to me.

-Is it your time already? Oh, God, it is his time. —Dad is now getting more and more frantic on the phone, mumbling and worrying and saying things won't go well.

He is getting me nervous and as if the egg getting out of my butt hole is not enough there must be some kind of emergency happening upstairs and they need something from me.

I take a big breath and grunt as the next contraction send a little more of the egg out of me before asking him to slow down and tell me exactly what is going on there and what do they need me to do. And boy, oh boy, how I wish I hadn't asked this.

-Right, Right, time is indeed short. I need you to listen to me with all the attention you can muster. —And then I got to know things got down to hell on our world while I was nurturing the shell and learning our history. 

-Antuan, I need you to end delivering this shell, put it and the family books that are all down there in the bag by the door, Josh will come to you by the outside door and once things are clear you will all go to my parents. Josh will tell you the rest but you must remember of getting every one of the books, the shell and if you can, take or destroy the nest.

The line goes mute, just static, I put the phone down and got as comfortable as I can to end delivering the egg as fast as possible and start pushing it with all that I have.

As soon as the largest part of the egg passes by my ring of muscles I see the door to the outside, the door my dad opened not sooner than 5 days ago, opening just a small bit and my almost 6 years brother josh comes inside, closing it as fast as he can.

He gets closer to the nest while I pant for air, sweat getting down my face and my neck, my hair wet from the hard work it was to deliver the shell. His eyes are big in his little face, he is afraid and I can smell it, but he is also clearly curious to see the first shell in his life, I remember feeling this way six years ago when Mom and Dad had him.

-Is this the shell, Ant? -he asks coming up until the base of the nest, hands in the laterals.

-Yes, Josh, this is my shell. It's pretty cool, don't you think?

-Oh, Ant, it is a little gross with all this goo around it, but it is pretty too. Do you think mine will be as cool as this one when it is my turn?

-Sure, Josh, yours will be the coolest of all shells.

And once I got to breathe evenly again and Josh was quite satisfied with his curiosity about the egg, my brain started to work again.

-What is happening on the outside Jo-boy? - I ask my little brother.

-Dad said, someone called the coalition and that they would be coming, that he and mom should stay home 'cuz if they don't find anyone they will go to the grandma and that then they would get the shell. - That last part was hard for him to even grasp at, eyes round with fear again, his hands going to the shell as if to protect the little vessel. -They can't have your shell Ant, I won't let them.

-No, Josh, they can't have it, we won't let anyone get the shell. —the sole idea of a coalition member putting their dirty little paws on my shell gets my eyes to shine as a grown-up male of the species protecting his shell.

But then the rest of his words got to my mind, my parents are going to sacrifice themselves so that Josh and I can get to my grandparents, grandparents who live on the other side of the country, and who we don't see since Josh was born and we had to move out.

Fear and resolution battle inside my chest. I'm losing my parents, but they see me as a mature male. They have given to myself not only the story of our kind to protect but their youngest hatchling, they confide in me to look out for Josh and protect him. my heart aches by the idea of not being able to take care of everything and at the same time, I'm prideful that they think myself trustworthy of such a thing. 

Once again there was needed some moments to my mind focus on what matters right now.

 I got up and cleansed myself as well as my egg before putting decent clothes. I put the egg on the hands of Josh and ask him to take care of it while I grabbed all the family books and stocked them in the bag by the door. 

After putting all the books on the bag I wrapped the egg on clothes and packages of hand warmers to grant it wouldn’t suffer unnecessarily. 

The nest was unfastened and put in a handbag I could carry easily. 

Josh had a backpack on his back and I had another one myself with clothes. The egg was secured in the shoulder bag that I had put the books and we were ready to go. 

But, how to know if it was safe to leave? I decided to wait for at least another half hour before trying to open the door and grant that everything was as good to go as it would be. When the half-hour mark came I was still afraid of going outside and by the time I had mustered enough courage to start the journey Josh was a ball of anxious energy by my side.

It was night outside, the stars shining through the clouds, the moon was hiding from prying eyes and, hopefully, us too. Our house was just shadows against the stars covers and as well as the neighbor’s abandoned ones, would always be. 

In rural communities like ours, the emptiness pos-coalition could go up to 80% and that is what makes it easy for me to decide how to cross the country to our gramma. We must avoid big cities and travel by back roads and forests when it was possible. Traveling at night and staying in empty buildings by the day to minimize the chances of finding trouble by the way. 

We walked for maybe 5 hours that night before finding another abandoned neighborhood that was far enough that nobody would think of looking for Josh and so should be safe to crash on for the day.