The Boy That stayed

Chapter Eleven - Leaving Everything Behind ( II )

The next morning, I expected another day of packing.

Instead, Mum walked into my room holding two tickets.

I stared at her.

"What are those?"

She smiled.

"We're going somewhere."

"Where?"

"You'll see."

"Mum."

"Get dressed."

I laughed.

"You're acting suspicious."

"Just get dressed."

A few hours later, I realized where we were going.

An amusement park.

I stopped at the entrance and stared.

"Mum, seriously?"

She smiled.

"Seriously."

I laughed.

"We haven't been to one in years."

"I know."

"I thought we were too old for this."

She raised an eyebrow.

"Speak for yourself."

I laughed so hard that people turned to look at us.

And somehow, just like that, I stopped thinking about leaving.

For the rest of the day, we forgot about university.

We forgot about packing.

We forgot about everything waiting for me.

We rode rides.

We ate ridiculous amounts of food.

Mum screamed on one of the rides and then tried to pretend she hadn't.

I laughed at her.

"You were screaming!"

"I was not."

"You were."

"That was excitement."

"Sure."

We took silly pictures.

We bought snacks we didn't need.

We walked around until our feet hurt.

At one point, Mum insisted on winning me a stuffed toy from one of the games.

She failed three times.

I couldn't stop laughing.

"You said you were good at this!"

"I am."

"Clearly not."

She tried again.

And somehow, she won.

She handed me the little stuffed animal.

"For you."

I hugged it.

"Thank you."

She smiled.

"Keep it."

"I will."

Later, when the sun began to set, we sat together on a bench overlooking the park.

The lights were coming on everywhere.

Children were laughing.

Music played in the distance.

For a while, neither of us spoke.

Then Mum said quietly,

"I wish I could keep you this age forever."

I looked at her.

"Why?"

"So I wouldn't have to let you go."

My smile disappeared.

I looked down at my hands.

"I'll come back."

She smiled.

"I know."

But I wasn't completely sure.

Not because I didn't want to see her.

I did.

More than anything.

But I didn't know whether I wanted to return to this town during the holidays.

This place had caused me so much pain.

So much heartbreak.

So many tears.

I couldn't tell her that.

Not now.

Not when we were finally having a beautiful day.

Instead, I leaned my head against her shoulder.

"I'll miss you."

She wrapped her arm around me.

"I'll miss you too."

We stayed there until the lights around the park became brighter than the fading sunlight.

I knew I would remember that moment for the rest of my life.

Not because anything extraordinary happened.

But because it was ours.

Just Mum and me.

One last beautiful memory before I left.

That night, when we got home, I couldn't sleep.

I looked at the stuffed toy Mum had won for me and smiled.

Then I looked around my room.

My suitcase was almost completely packed.

Tomorrow was the last day.

The last night.

I sat quietly on my bed.

And suddenly, I realized how much I had to leave behind.

I thought about my childhood.

About Dad.

About the first time I had learned what loss felt like.

About Tessa.

About the friendship I had once thought would last forever.

About the classroom.

The whispers.

The pills.

The tears.

The loneliness.

Then I thought about Mum.

She was the one person who had stayed.

The one person who never walked away from me.

The one person who loved me even when I couldn't explain what was wrong.

And I realized something that hurt deeply.

All those years, I hadn't really had one true friend.

No one to celebrate with.

No one to cry with.

No one to call when I needed someone.

Just Mum.

And tomorrow, I would be leaving her too.

I wiped my eyes.

I didn't want to cry.

But I did anyway.

The next morning came too quickly.

My suitcase stood by the door.

Everything was ready.

I stood in the hallway looking around the house.

My home.

The place I had grown up.

The place where I had cried.

The place where Mum had held me when I was little.

The place where Dad's photographs still hung on the walls.

The place where I had spent so many years trying to figure out who I was.

Mum came downstairs.

She looked at me.

Then at my suitcase.

"It's time."

I nodded.

"Yeah."

She walked toward me.

For a few seconds, neither of us spoke.

Then she pulled me into her arms.

I broke.

I cried against her shoulder.

She cried too.

"I'll miss you," she whispered.

"I'll miss you too."

"Call me when you get there."

"I will."

"Every day."

I laughed through my tears.

"Every day."

"And don't forget to eat."

"Mum."

"I'm serious."

"I know."

She pulled back and held my face between her hands.

"Take care of yourself."

"I will."

"And don't let anybody make you feel like you're not enough."

My eyes filled again.

"I won't."

She hugged me one more time.

I didn't want to let go.

But eventually, I had to.

I picked up my suitcase.

Walked toward the door.

Then I stopped.

I turned around.

Mum was standing there.

Watching me.

I smiled through my tears.

Then I walked away.

The train began moving slowly.

I sat by the window with my bag beside me.

I watched the town pass outside.

The streets.

The buildings.

The familiar places.

Everything slowly becoming smaller.

For a moment, I thought about all the years I had spent there.

The good memories.

The bad ones.

My childhood.

Dad.

School.

Tessa.

The betrayal,loneliness,tears.

Everything.

And then something strange happened.

I realized I was going to miss it.

Not the pain.

Not the whispers.

Not the humiliation.

Not the loneliness.

But the little things.

The streets I knew without thinking.

The house I had grown up in.

The sound of Mum moving around in the kitchen.

The memories of being a little girl.

The few happy moments hidden between all the sadness.

I was going to miss home.

Even if home had hurt me.

I rested my forehead against the window.

My heart felt heavy.

What if I don't survive out there?

I had never lived anywhere else.

This town was all I had ever known.

What if I got there and realized I didn't know how to belong?

What if I couldn't make friends? if I stayed lonely?

What if leaving didn't fix me?

I didn't know.

But the train kept moving.

Farther.

And farther.

The town disappeared behind me.

I took one last look through the window.

I couldn't see home anymore.

And for the first time, there was nothing I could do about it.

I was on my own now.

Terrified.

Hopeful.

Heartbroken.

Free.

I wiped my tears and leaned back in my seat.

I didn't know what waited for me at the end of that journey.

But maybe that was the point.

For once, I didn't know what came next.

And maybe—

just maybe—

that wasn't such a bad thing.