My hot mentor

Chapter seventeen - We can't be together

Ashley's POV:

The club reading was good. I loved it. It's a shame that I haven't been there more often. I will change that for sure. There are so many books I can talk about. The fact that someone will listen to you makes me go there. It was like my second home. My parents will never understand this. We haven't talked much since I came to university. Mostly, my brother and Kylie call me. I would like it if they could be home soon. I haven't seen them in a while. The last time, only Bryan came. The night was well until Ethan didn't kiss me. He shouldn't have done this. Well, it was the best thing that has ever happened to me. It was ten times better than the party. I knew he was good, but this was on another level. I would've probably made it until the end of my senses hadn't hit me. I don't know if he wanted that, but I did. It's a mess that I have to fix. Now, I won't be able to look at him. It's the same story. I have no idea what to do now. No one should know about this. Otherwise, he might get in trouble. Part of me still wants this to happen again. I should've stopped it, but I didn't. I liked it too much. He will think we can have something. I don't know what to do to push him away. He won't give up on me. I hope that this won't affect our good relations.

I have a lesson with Ethan today. It's the first one after what happened that night. I don't know what to tell him or how to react. More than anything, I want us to try, but this is not the right time. Why can't he understand that he has to graduate before we do whatever it is? I don't think he cares about himself. We have to talk, but I don't think he will listen to me. He left his feelings to guide him too much. If he keeps doing this, I have to change him. I won't like it, but I don't have a choice.

My class finished ten minutes ago. I'm mentally preparing for my next one with Ethan. It won't be an easy task. I can't even look at him without thinking about what happened. That's why I tried to avoid him. When I was ready, I walked out of my room. Now I wish we had studied at the university. There will be people around, and he won't do anything. I'm afraid that I won't be able to stop myself. I walked to his apartment and knocked on the door. He opened it and let me in.

- Hey. I'm here.

- Yes, I can see you. - he said, chuckling

- Am I late?

- No, you are on time.

- If you are ready, we can start. I have another class today.

- I know.

- How?

- I have your schedule. Remember?

- Oh, yeah. My bad.

- Are you ok? You look distracted and worried.

- I'm fine. With what should we start?

- If you don't feel well, we can postpone this.

- No, no. There is no need for that. I want to finish with it.

- Are you like that because of what happened?

- What? No.

- Ashley.

- Why did you do it? I was clear about what I wanted from you.

- I'm sorry, but I had to do it. I'm trying my best to keep it together because of you. No one asked me what I wanted.

- I know what you want, but it can't happen. Why don't you understand that you have to graduate?

- I will graduate.

- What I meant was with a clear name.

- This is my problem. I don't think you should care about this.

- But I do because when you care about someone, their problems become yours.

- What? Really?

- If you do this again, I'll change my mentor.

- You can't do that.

- I will. I won't let you make the biggest mistake of your life.

- It won't be my biggest one.

- Don't tell me there is something worse.

- Yes.

- Like what?

- Letting a good girl slip away because I listen to her nonsense.

- Very funny.

- I'm serious. I won't let you go that easy.

- Then do what I said. If you can't keep it together, I'll be with someone who can.

- What? You will replace me.

- There will be other mentors out there.

- But they won't be like me.

- I only need help with my studies, not to be like you.

- I'm trying my best for you.

- I appreciate it, but you do other things as well.

- Why are we arguing about this?

- You already know.

We barely studied for an hour. I can't continue like that. It's visible that he is mad at me for what I said. I'm sorry, but this is how I see it. I'm not saying that I was right. Maybe I should've said it more delicately. I wanted to go to my dorm and leave, but my feet didn't move. It's like they want me to be here. He didn't say anything and ran his hand through his hair. I would love to do that. I mean, to sit on his lap and play with his hair. Focus, Ashley! This is a dangerous game. In the end, someone will get burned. I don't want him to be this person.

- If that is for today, I will go.

- Yes. I have nothing else to tell you.

- Are you mad at me? Be honest.

- I don't understand you.

- I know, but you have to try. It's not only about you. I have to think about myself.

- What do I have to do with that? I can help you with so many things.

- It has nothing to do with that. You are a great teacher, but you shouldn't mix your personal life with the professional one.

- I'm not.

- Yes, you are. I'm your student, not your girlfriend.

- You never asked for it.

- Ethan!

- What? You told me to be honest.

- For once, think about yourself.

- I am. That is why I'm saying all this. It hurts me that you talk this way.

- It's better for you.

- How do you know? You have no idea how I feel.

- I don't need to. Your eyes tell me everything.

- Why don't you want to give me a chance?

- I will do it, but when the right time comes.

- Which is when?

- After you graduate.

- What? I won't wait that long.

- If the same thing repeats, I'll look for someone else.

- You can do this to me.

- Yes, I can. It's your choice.

He didn't say anything. I know how he feels about this, but I should be honest. I don't know what can happen to him, but I don't want to risk it. Maybe I can talk with his friends. They can tell me about the consequences. I went back to university. I saw Emma with some girls. She made me a sign to join them. I'm not in the mood to talk with someone, but it might be a good distraction. I saw Ethan coming, but he passed by without looking at me.

- What is going on? He didn't even look at you. - Emma said

- It's a long story.

- We have time.

- Emma, please. I don't want to talk about this.

- Is he mad at you?

- Emma! Stop it!

- Fine. It's his loss.

- I think it has to be her choice what to share.

- I'm sorry. Ashley. You are?

- Annie and this is Katy.

- Hello, girls.

- If you want, we can go out later. Do you have any plans?

- I have another class. We can do something after it.

- You don't look happy about it. - Katy said

- I'm sorry. You can go without me. I prefer to stay inside.

- You can't stop having fun because he is an i***t. - Emma said

- Don't talk like that. The fault is not his.

- Sometimes, I can't understand you.

- I never said that you had to do it. I have to get ready for my next class.

- We have to do it.

- Right.

- Don't worry about this. Give him some time, and he will talk with you. - Annie said

- I know what I want, but he can't understand me.

- It's not easy to ghost our feelings.

- Sad, but true.

- Trust the process. We always get what we want. - Katy said

- Hopefully, it's not too late.

- If he is the one, he will wait. I guarantee you that.

I went to my last class of the day. I tried to listen to the teacher, but Ethan was on my mind. This might help me with my project. I started writing something like a novel about myself. There are some things that I can't say face to face. I'm not talking only about Ethan. I have to speak to my parents. This became like my diary. I might let it go out, but it won't happen soon. I'm not ready for that. When my class finished, I went to the coffee shop for food. It will be a late lunch. I saw one of Ethan's friends. She made me a sign to sit with her.

- Hey, Ashley. I'm Chloe.

- And?

- Nothing.

- I'm sorry. I'm not in the mood.

- What is going on between you and Ethan?

- Did he send you here?

- No, he doesn't know about this. Can you tell me what happened?

- I told him the truth, but he didn't like it.

- What do you mean?

- He wants to be with me, but now is not the time.

- There is nothing wrong with that.

- Yes, but he has to graduate. You know what will happen if the university finds out he is dating his student.

- I don't understand why you care so much about it. He knows what he is doing.

- I'm not sure about this. When you care about someone, their problems become yours.

- To understand that you feel the same.

- Have you looked at him? Who wouldn't like him? - I asked, and she laughed

- Point for you. I'm sure something has happened since you care so much.

- Do I have to talk about this?

- No. I can see it in your eyes. Also, you are blushing.

- What?

- There is nothing wrong with liking someone. Ethan is a good guy and a great student. He can help you a lot.

- I know, but he is mixing his personal life with the professional one.

- Let me tell you one thing. We met when I came here. He attracted many girls, but he didn't care. He was focused on himself. That changed when you came. He likes you, Ashley. Don't waste that opportunity.

- I won't, but it will be later.

- Then it might be too late. We still have a few months until we graduate.

- I already made my decision. It's his choice if he will accept it.

- I hope you won't regret it.

Chloe and I kept talking. I know what she means, but I can't do it. I care too much about him. I would like it if we could be together. I can't let this affect his future career. I don't know what the consequences can be. Sadly, Ethan can't understand me. He is mad at me for what I said. I meant it. If he keeps doing this, I might look for another mentor. That is the last thing I want to do, but it depends on him. As much as I like what happened, it's not right. For him, this will cost a lot more than me. I never thought I would have this problem when I came here. I hope that he will understand.