The Former Mrs. Tan

Sense of Closure

IT WAS MONTHS PLUS A FEW WEEKS AFTER the court decided in my favor the custody of the twins and I should have picked up the boys at their school. 

However, due to some meetings here and there at the office, I sent a text message to Herbert to see if he could get them for me and agreed to meet somewhere.

I arrived late at Starbucks in La Galleria and saw Herbert and the twins having a good time sipping their Mocha Frappuccinos.

"Sorry, I'm late," I said as I kissed my boys. "Thanks, Herbert. That was a short notice, I'm really sorry."

"Not at all," he said and gave me a smack on the cheek. "So boys, see you next time, okay?"

"You're leaving soon?" I asked. "I haven't ordered my coffee yet. Are you avoiding me, Herbert?"

Herbert and I became too civil. Gone were the days when I used to laugh at his punch lines. Or has he changed? I wouldn't blame him. I could only blame myself.

"No, Irene. I'm not," he said and smiled. "I'll need to be back in Buenvenida. I still have a therapy session in Dr. Santiago's clinic."

"Why in Buenvenida?" I asked.

"First, Dr. Manny Santiago is a good friend," he answered. "And second, I've met a beautiful nurse over there." 

"Oh..." I uttered.

"And when I thought of a nurse in Buenvenida, the first thing that came into my mind was you. And I didn't even realize that it was actually YOU," I said to Ana laughing on that memory.

"I remembered that, it was on my birthday," Ana said. 

Then she continued her story regarding their relationship with Herbert. How she fell for him and crossed the thin line between friends and lovers. THAT was so sweet.

Then, there was silence between us. Now that my initial thoughts that I have entertained before about Herbert's new girlfriend were totally erased, I resolved that they both deserved each other.

"Ana, I'm happy for you. I'm happy for Herbert as well," I broke the silence. "He might have found something in you that he didn't find in me."

We hugged each other like sisters.

HERBERT CAME IN AT THE RESTAURANT past noon and was apologetic.

"I'm sorry if I came late. Too many inquiries at the exhibit," he said. "Are you done with your lunch?"

"Don't worry," I said. "Ana and I are still updating each other."

"Go ahead and order your lunch. We'll order our desserts," Ana said as she raised her hand to call a waiter.

After the waiter took our additional orders and left, Herbert noticed that Ana and I were not talking.

"Why so silent this time?" he asked Ana.

"Well, actually we're done talking about our pretty little secrets," Ana smiled and winked at me.

I smiled back.

"Oh, so you've been telling each other about Billy and me," he smiled at us. "And Irene, I don't need to know the details about your affair with Billy even you kept on denying it before. I've accepted that fact years ago. I see you now as happy and I'm happy for you."

I was speechless and looked at Ana. If Ana can finish sentences, Herbert can sense liars. They're both really are for each other. Now, there's no need for me to worry about that incident with Billy.

Ana had left after lunch. Herbert offered to take me back to my condominium.

"You're already sleepy. I'll drive you back to your condominium unit," he said. "Ana wouldn't mind, I'm sure."

So he drove my car, as careful as a disciplined driver should be, but slow for my fast-paced corporate taste.

"Can't you go any faster than that?" I asked.

"There you go again, Irene."

I laughed. Well, after our divorce, we haven't talked like we used to.

"How are Brandon and Brian?" he asked.

THAT QUESTION BROUGHT ME BACK in time again, back on that day I left them.

"How about Brandon and Brian?" Herbert asked when he saw me going out of the door.

"I'm not taking the twins with me," I said as I carried my things towards the gate. "I have no patience with kids, unlike you."

"Irene, please... Just let me know where you're going." "You don't need to know."

I did not go to my parents' house in the Zona. Instead, I went to a rented studio-type apartment Billy helped me find.

When I arrived I felt happy and relieved. I was happy to be free again. I welcomed the needed space. I called up Billy to tell him I already arrived.

"Want some help there?" he asked.

"Hmm. I don't know," I said as I looked around the newly painted surroundings, unpacked suitcase, and unmade bed. "I'm just relishing the relief I felt after making that big decision."

After we ended our call, I decided to take a shower before unpacking. I didn't care anymore if my parents and sister would know about me leaving Herbert and the twins. I already knew what to reason out.

I was already out of the shower and was drying my hair with a towel when I heard a knock on the door. When I opened the door, I saw Billy holding a grocery bag and bottles of wine and water.

"Brought you some food," he said.

"Come in," I said and turned towards the bed. "Just leave those at the counter." I was just wearing a bathrobe. Billy disappeared around the corner to put down the groceries.

When he turned around he saw me naked, my bathrobe lying on the floor. He approached me and I put my arms around his neck, pulling him into a damp kiss.

"I want you, Billy," I groaned into his ear. "I want you inside me, now!"

"I'm leaving the twins temporarily with you," I said to Herbert earlier that day. "I'll be back to get them."

It took a lot of courage from me to leave my family behind. 

A few days after, Herbert approached me at my station and persuaded me to go back home and start all over.

"We don't share the same feelings, Herbert," I said in a corporate-like tone. "It doesn't seem fair to you."

"I admit, we've had bad times," he said when he sat down on a chair across my table. "But that's not a valid reason to go."

"I guess there's nothing much more I can do," I said while staring at my laptop monitor, avoiding his stares. "I know I've got to try and make it without you around."

"The twins, they can't live without you, they need you." 

"The twins are better off without me. As for you, I don't love you anymore, Herbert. Can't you see that?"

"I still love you. Don't do this to me… to us.”

"Please, Herbert,” I said. “Try to understand my situation. It's just no good..."

"Okay, if there's no other way, I’ll let you go," he said and stood up. “At least, you’ve seen me try.”

He went away from my station and never looked back.

I felt my eyes were welling up with tears. I've realized that I've wronged the man who treated me so kind.

"THE TWINS ARE FINE," I replied as soon as I snapped back to reality. "They're asking me if I'll allow them to join a sports clinic this summer," I said as I stared on the road.

"And what did you tell them?" he asked.

"I've realized that the twins are much closer to their father so I told them to ask you instead. The three of you share the same interests in sports."

Herbert laughed. "Okay, so I'll take that as a yes."

"See? I've told you, you've married the wrong woman," I said as we arrived at my condominium.

He carried my things up to my unit and I let him in. 

"Better get some sleep. I'd suggest you call Billy and inform him that you'll be late tonight for your shift."

"I can't, I have a call at eleven," I said. "But thanks for bringing me here."

"No problem."

He turned towards the door but I called him back. "Herbert," I said.

He stopped and turned back to me.

"I'm happy for you," I said. "Ana is kind, gutsy, fun to be with, and a good friend. I know you'll be happy with her."

"Thanks, Irene."

"I would like to apologize...for all the wrongs that I've done... I wanted to move on with my life without carrying any emotional baggage... please forgive me..." I was already reciting what was in my mind that I've been preparing to tell him all these years.

"I've forgiven you, Irene," he said. "I'm also asking for your forgiveness."

We were already standing face to face. The silence between us meant that we have forgiven each other. It was felt in our hearts.

"Don't ever hurt Ana," I said. "Or else..." 

"Do you think I will do that to her?"

I shook my head and smiled.

"Better warn Billy not to hurt you, too," he said. "Or else I'll get back at him."

"You're going to do that?"

"Sure, just for you," he answered as he put his index finger on my nose. "And don't worry; I have a set of twins plus two stepdaughters to-be to back me up."

We embraced and kissed this time just like close friends that have known each other for a long time.