My Beta's Mate

I'm Feeling

Jewel

We’re on the plane to California and I’d be lying if I said that I wasn't excited. It’s been so long since I've seen the pack that I grew up in. Since I’ve seen my adopted parents. Since I’ve been in the ocean…. All of that by my own choices. I chose to stay away. Most of my memories with my mate were made in California.

But it’s been long enough. I think. I hope…. I can’t help but be thankful to have Sam with me. I look to my right and see that Sam has dozed off. He looks so much younger while sleeping. With his expression and posture being more relaxed. Sometimes I forget how young he is and how young he was when he took over his family’s pack.

I get why he did it. His sister Amber wasn’t able to and his stepping up, saved her from embarrassment. But I wonder if it aged him? Most second borns, of well-off packs, are running around with girls and doing the bare minimum. Not running a pack. Not caring for hundreds of men, women, and children. The most that I’ve seen him do for himself is make his boujee coffee in the morning. Does this man have a selfish bone in his body?

I turn back to my sketch pad and very faintly start to draw an outline of him. Soon his angular features start and his blonde hair comes to life on my page. He’s built like most Alpha wolves. A handsome face that matches his body. Broad shoulders and the occasional scar running down his arm from fights that were worse than others. I wish that I could capture what makes him unique. His quiet confidence. His aura is warm and steady. Like a sunrise. You could put him in a room with multiple Alphas, but you would know that he is different. While other alphas swagger around, His confidence is silent, but steady. Even before we were mates, it was something that I appreciated about him. Something about him makes you breathe easier.

I smile to myself as I continue to draw. I’m honestly surprised that he hasn’t had a girlfriend. He hasn’t had one the entire year and a half that I’ve been here. Once we were mates, I understand why, but before that? I’ve gone out with him. I’ve seen him approached by women and turn them away.

“Maybe he is waiting for his mate.” says my wolf.

I snort to myself and turn the page, saving the drawing for later.

“Alphas don’t wait for their mates. They have their pick of women clawing to get at them.” I say back.

I’ve had my own fair share of experience with Alpha wolves over the years. I’m a unique beauty with a strong wolf and I come with a strong family behind me. They made their interest obvious and expected me to fall at their feet, but none of them ever made me look twice…until Sam.

It suddenly hits me. I’m feeling. There are feelings there. I like Sam. I think that I would like him even if the mate bond wasn’t there. I think of the past year or so and back to the memories that we’ve had. Running a large pack together. Having late night snacks together because of my terrible dreams. The nights out, with all of us laughing and drinking together. The early morning runs together to get out excess energy. All of the coffees that he has made me. The support that I’ve received from him as I have been able to start a children's home and use some of the knowledge that I received from my degree in teaching.

I’ve been so wrapped in my fear and grief, that I didn’t even realize that Sam was there the entire time. He was even there after I rejected him. He’s been my friend and maybe he had been more than that and I didn’t want to admit to it. I was too afraid to admit it. Because the first time I lost someone, the grief nearly ended me. Flashes of memories continue to wash over me. Of our wolves running together and cuddling at the end of it and we blamed it on them being lonely, but my wolf is nothing more than an extension of myself.

Another memory, a simple one, but us going out as a group and he was the first person I looked for in a room. Liking how he looked and how he dressed, but never voiced it. Seeing how he treats his mother and his sister. Bringing back flowers for mother’s birthday. Or how he talks to his sister every week.

“He’s basically perfect. I’m glad that you finally noticed” said my wolf.

I smile to myself and look out the window as the clouds float by. I can still feel the fear in my gut, but it’s less loud right now. My palms are sweating, but not from fear, this time it's from excitement. I feel like I discovered a treasure within myself. Feelings blossoming…. Even though I did my best to shut them out, they grew anyway.

I look at my mate then and he’s still fast asleep. His breathing is even and steady, deep with sleep. I almost wish that he would open his golden eyes. So that I can try to communicate to him what I’m feeling, but then again we’re still in a public place. This isn’t the time or place to bring that up. Maybe sometime this next week then.

What do I say though? Hey Sam, I like you even more than I realized. You could have anyone that you wanted, but I’m starting to understand why the Moon Goddess put us together. She knew that I needed someone patient. Someone who wouldn’t treat me like their property. I needed someone who gave me my space to heal.

“That’s not a bad place to start.” says my wolf.

I smile again to myself and pull my pillow down. I lean it against Sam’s shoulder and take a deep breath of his comforting scent before I fall asleep.

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