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For weeks, following, I was haunted by Megan. She was gone, but I couldn’t get her out of my mind. I couldn’t understand how I could fall for a serial killer and have no clue about the person she was. I had been questioning my powers of perception, but I wasn’t that dense. We were lovers. Megan wasn’t faking. Some other principle had to be operating. Then, I remembered Freud’s repetition compulsion. Despite Megan’s rage against her abusive, psychiatrist father, she unconsciously tried to rewrite her history. She would vacillate between blaming him and blaming herself. When she believed she was at fault, she believed she had the power to control and rectify her situation. Consequently, she would seek out a psychiatrist to win him over, be the good child, and receive the unconditional lo
