Three’s a crowd!

The circle of life

Things settled down again after the wedding and we were back to our usual routine. Michael was due to start university in a couple of weeks time and I was ready to burst! Mary was still with us but getting weaker as the days went on. Jessica was 16 now and thought she was an adult! Jason? Jason was no where to be seen! He had signed up as a fisherman on his fathers boat and would be gone for weeks at a time. He decided it was easier for him to live in Aberdeen where the vessel left from so he was no longer in our lives and no longer a thorn in my side.

I was 36 weeks pregnant when I got sick. No one could explain what was wrong with me. I was in constant pain, couldn’t hold anything down and had started having contractions. Michael was in university that day so my mum took me to the hospital. I was scared as they examined me and decided I had to stay in for the time being. Over the next couple of days I got worse and worse. I was running a fever and the only time I had any respite from the pain was when I was in the shower. Luckily my baby was perfect and this was only affecting me.

At midnight on my third night in hospital things came to a head. I was crying out in pain and vomiting uncontrollably. The obstetrician came by and decided that I needed to go to surgery right away. He was convinced I had appendicitis so they would remove my appendix and deliver my baby at the same time. Unable to reach Michael on the phone my parents arrived at the hospital. As I was taking strong medication they needed someone to sign consent forms on my behalf. I was on my way to surgery when Michael appeared with Mary. She looked so ill but she didn’t care about herself she kissed my forehead and told me she would see me soon.

Michael looked terrified. His eyes wide as he took in what was happening. As a medical student you would expect him to be used to situations like this but I guess it’s different when it’s your own family. He followed me to the anaesthesia room where he was told he wouldn’t be allowed to stay as I had to go under general anaesthetic rather than spinal. I have never seen anyone look so relieved in their lives. He kissed me told me he loved me then I drifted off to sleep.

When I came round I wasn’t sure where I was or what was happening and just tried to get up off the bed. The doctors had to pin me down as I protested I needed to pee. After reassuring me that I didn’t and I had a catheter fitted I finally calmed down and remembered why I was here.

“My baby?” I asked sleepily.

“She’s here!” The nurse answered sweetly holding my hand “she’s a beauty!”

When I was settled enough they placed her in my arms. The feeling was amazing. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Her tiny features all screwed up as she screamed angrily at the world. Michael came in and his face lit up too. I was overcome with love for them both and had never been so happy in my life. Mary and my parents were allowed in briefly to see her and then everyone left leaving me alone. As Michael was leaving I grabbed his hand and asked him to ask his mother if she would like to name the baby.

When they were all gone I fed my baby for the first time. It was the strangest sensation I had ever experienced but also the nicest. I held her close and inhaled her sweet baby scent and she snuggled close to me and fed from by breast. The feeling that my body was sustaining her life felt like the greatest privilege and greatest responsibility in the world. She took to feeding right away and considering she entered the world 4 weeks early she was a good weight at 6lb4oz. When she was done feeding I kissed her sweet little head and promised she would always be first as the nurse placed her back in the bassinet at my side.

We returned home a few days later and everyone in both sides of the family was in love with our beautiful girl. Mary had chosen the name Cassandra for her which we shortened to Cassie. Cassandra Mary Dalton was a very lucky little lady. She had stolen our hearts and I knew from the moment I saw her that my life was not my own anymore.

Mary loved being a grandmother and it seemed to have given her a new lease of life. She couldn’t always hold Cassie as the medications ravaged her body but she would lay her precious girl on a bean bag next to her and hold her hand a talk to her. She bought her clothes to last pretty much her whole life and she was a very spoiled baby. Despite the lack of sleep Michael and I were getting on great and life was pretty much amazing.

When Cassie was 4 months old we received another blow though. I had been out at a baby massage class with Cassie and when I arrived home I was met with the sight of my daughters beloved grandmother being wheeled away by the funeral directors. She had passed peacefully not long after I had left. Michael and his aunt Rachel were with her and Jessica had arrived back seconds too late to say her goodbyes. We were all devastated. As we watched this amazing woman being lowered into the ground a week later part of my beautiful boyfriend went with her.

He became sullen and withdrawn. He wouldn’t really talk to me or Jessica much but always had time for Cassie which was a bonus I suppose. The silver lining of that was the Jessica and I grew much closer as we helped each other through our grief. I didn’t really notice at the time that that meant we had pushed Michael to the side. He was suffering in silence!

Our relationship never really recovered and we were more and more distant with each other as the days went by. Michael’s father had returned for the funeral but left us to it a few days later. He signed the house over to Michael with the understanding that it would always be Jessica’s home too. The three of us just muddled through life. Jessica went to school, Michael to uni and I brought up Cassie.

When she was 18 months old I realised I needed to be something other than just a mother and got myself a part time job in the local hotel so I had an escape. Don’t get me wrong, I loved my baby girl so much but I was lonely. Things with Michael were deteriorating everyday, Jessica was at uni now and living away and Cassie wasn’t much for conversation.

That was the start of the events which led me to my current situation! It was my second shift in the bar when Jason walked through the door and I knew in my heart it was the beginning of an end.

Apologies to anyone who was reading this! It was rejected so no point in continuing if the editors don’t think it’s worth anything