Tough as Nails

Heaven knows

~Chase~

It’s unusually hot for March. I mean it’s not July heat, but geeze, the sun is cookin’ me as much as my temper. Which means Jake and I are about to butt heads. I keep trying my best to listen to this lazy fat bastard and do what he says. But damn it, he’s so confusing. Hours have passed since my morning started oh so well. I guess that’s a plus. If Sherry does murder me for murdering Jake, I’ll have that moment with Blake from this morning. God, that was-

“You dumbass, I said put this over there. Not here! And cut this one here. Just like I showed you with the chop saw. Or you’ll lose a damn finger and throw you scholarships in the garbage”

I take my nine millionth calming breath before lunch, “alright Jake. So cut the 6 foot beam or cut the 8 foot 2x4?”

“Damn it boy! Don’t you f*****g listen? I said cut that one! That one in you very hand ! Are you f*****g stupid!”

“Enough! Jake don’t you hear how ignorant you sound!” I back away after dropping the beam inches from his feet since he decided to crowd me suddenly, as I raise my hand in surrender. I have my back facing his fat ass fearing if I turn around I might beat the fat right off him. “Jake I’m going to walk away and cool off before I do something you’ll regret. I’ll be back in a few minutes”

I start moving forward turn towards the deck and that’s his trigger. “The f**k you say to me boy! Get your sorry ass back here and own that s**t you’re spewing. You ain’t s**t and ain’t about to do a damn thing but finish cuttin’ these boards like I’ve told you 4 times now!”

Then he pushes on my right shoulder. Just enough to move me. Ma, if you can give me strength not to commit murder, now would be a grand time to chime in. I ball my fists. I feel my legs anchor, core tightening to push my arms violently and duck and weave my head, ’cuz I know that ass-hat is gonna take cheap shots. I’m a millisecond from pounding the fat bastard.

“Mommy why is that man so nasty to him? He’s ugly talkin’ like that. No way my sister would talk to me like that! You or Daddy would spank her butt and put her in the time out all day!”

Damn it, now Gracie had to wittiness his s**t. So did she.

Not gonna lie. I’m debating if she’d it’d be hotter to see a smooth, mature boy walk away or the strength this punk kid who’s just had enough.

“Blake, just get the girls out of the heat and this nonsense.” Yep now the cranky ass Travis is pitying me.

“Jake,” I’m trying as calmly as my clenched jaw will let me be an adult. I look him straight in the eyes, sun bling him and all “get you hand of my shoulder.”

“You piece of s**t, you think you can tell me-”

That’s when I know with a doubt Ma is in heaven watching out for me. She even speaks to children.

“JACOB ALAN WALDEN! YOU STEP YOUR FAT LAZY CONDESCENDING ASS AWAY FROM MY BABY BROTHER RIGHT THIS INSTANT AND WALK IT OFF! DON’T YOU DARE SET FOOT ON THIS PROPERTY UNTIL YOU CAN BEHAVE LIKE A DESCENT HUMAN BEING!”

And yes folks, Sherry has just lost her s**t. Honestly I expect Jake to start spewing nasty s**t at her, causing me to pound him skinny. He removes his hand. Hangs his head . Stuffing his hands in his pockets, he walks down the drive looking like the scolded child he is. Sherry slams that backdoor so hard, it’s like she’s making tips on a pole.

Lindz catches my eye for the first time since this s**t show started. She’s off to the side of the deck, holding a running hose. “You think he was a dog you could spray? The f**k Lindz ? That s**t would be cold as f**k, hitting me like ice! Freeze my d**k right off!”

She starts laughing. Not Lindz but Blake. I catch that smile full of playfulness and I chuckle. Lindz starts giggling. I hear Sher open the door. She reappears next to me and I see her slowly start laughing at Lindz then me too.

“Well Chasey boy, I didn’t consider that but I will next time. We’ll be providing popcorn for the neighborhood and Popsicle for children under 10. Whatcha think sis, anything else?” Lindz gets more laughs out of Sher.

“Might as well charge admission next time Sherry. I’d pay. Pretty sure I’ve got two pretty blonde hecklers.” Blake you are so perfect.

“You know Blake,” Sher starts, “I don’t know if I should be mortified you guys witnessed that s**t show or call us even,” Blake’s mask comes up. She hardening that pretty face like armor.

“But at this point I might as well offer you a beer complimentary for the show.”

“Thanks Sherry but I’ll take a rain check for now. Next time, we can skip the auditions for loudest male leads. I’ve gotta run some errands before the bar opens. Try not to kill too many of my flowers if you decide you need to freeze people, Lindsey.”

And that was gracefully not bowing to my sister and her judgment and because my #1 person of interest. Doesn’t help I can’t have her.

                                                                                        ~/~

~Blake~

It’s just past 10pm. Girls are in bed. Yard looks great- if I do say so. I’m relaxing on my deck with my wine mug and my phone playing a mix of old jams from high school- you know the one that’s a few alternative, a few hip hop, metal, some pop one hit wonders and epic hooks that make you smile. I start messaging my best friend Kris about my lack of brain function this morning with the biscuits. Well not the biscuits... but his yummy...

Blake): Seriously need you to knock some sense into me! Lady I’ve lost my mind. 

Kris): I’m sure your daily list of stupid stuff I should never do again is only wardrobe related. How’s dieting going again? And I’ll only smack you one if you return the fav. So spill. Any super market blunders lately? 

Blake): Funny you should mention that. It’s so bad. Like we need to go to church tomorrow and wear our snooty dresses and pray. Well I do at least. I’m sure you did something. 

Kris): okay it can’t be that bad. Tell me.

Kris): Wait do we need garden supplies for hubby dearest? Did he finally push you too far? Can I shank his lousy ass yet? Can you finally go to Harroldsville with me on Friday? Did you finally buy that purse you’ve been sale stalking online?

Blake): I might have flirted with someone....

I take a sip of my wine. I look out out over the yard. I love how well maintained it looks. Seeing my hard work and knowing I busted my butt and so did the girls, I’m just content. I lean back in the patio chair getting cozy. I know the convo is gonna get bad when I keep seeing her typing bubbles.

Kris): Forgive me.... I fail to see why I’m gonna be wearing my great aunt Minerva’s dress to church tomorrow. This is wonderful news! WELL it will be once you’re single... is this why I have to go to church? Mrs. Thomas swears when I show up the church has a new building issue cause the devil is shakin the foundation trying to get me out hahah!

God this woman is not as bad as she sounds.

Kris): My Blake is coming back! Yes! So proud of you!

Kris): And don’t you dare tell me you feel guilty. If I could pull a sitter out of my ass, you know without a doubt we’d stroll our prissy asses in that shitty bar of his and see him fondling one of his super unattractive bimbos. Oops! I means sluts. Dang I mean waitresses. LOL

I love this woman. She’s been it when I had no one. She’s the only one to tell me I was stupid as a door knob for getting married to him. She’s the only one I’m totally honest with even when I can’t be honest with myself. She’s still got her fire. She was jaded years ago and came back from it. Not too many woman can meet Mr. No Way Can You Be This Perfect, marry him, buy a house, catch him cheating on you in your new house, get fired because the cheater was your boss, get divorced and lose your house all in one year. Then be able come back from that humiliation tougher than before. She’s my idol.

I’m starting to realize there are reasons for every action. Okay, I know there are reasons and consequences for my action. I’m not a 5 year old! Just really thinking about why I did this and if it’s just time... To start over a second time requires so much more luggage for this ride.

Blake): Truth...

Lightning, please don’t strike Dax...

Blake): It felt amazing until my adult mind reminded me how inappropriate it was to flirt with a minor! I feel like a perv! I’m just as bad as Travis and all his waitresses!

Kris): (Bubbles Bubbles Bubbles)

Seriously!?!? She doesn’t know what to say to my heinous crime either! I look to the finally dark sky and take another drink. I swear my cell phone hears my thoughts and starts to play All American Rejects’s “Dirty little Secret” to make me feel worse.

Kris): Intentionally or accidentally? Need the run down or I cannot advise how many Sundays I’ll be busy because of you.

I groan and place my head in my hands. Can I do this over the phone? Nope. Too embarrassed someone might hear. Can I do this via text. Probably not but it’s not like I have any other options of explaining. 

Just as I’m finally gaining some courage in the liquid form to type it all out, Travis messages me.

Travis): Gonna be here past close. Don’t wait up. Need you here tomorrow afternoon scrubbing some booths and polishing the bar.

Seriously?!? Would it kill him to just say one thing nice to me?! The only reason he sent anything was to get my help cleaning.

And that’s all the confidence I needed. I FaceTime Kris.

K): well don’t you look cozy as a teddy bear? How you doing Blakey?

B): Kris I’m gonna need a shovel and an intervention before this Sunday.

K): I’m all ears Mama.” She sits up from her couch where she’s relaxing with her beer, now all attentive like I’m sharing government secrets.

K): Spill it.”

B): I’ve gotta find the real Blake again. Soon. Or some part of her- me. There’s nothing worse than being pushed to the side knowing I’m never enough. Well I guess it could be worse. He could be flaunting those bimbos in my face. Or being awful to the girls. He’s worse every time he opens his mouth. I think he f*****g hates me! I try to be sweet, nice, stern, calm, numb- all of it! Nothing works! I can’t keep doing this. It’ nothing like when I was pregnant with Gracie. Nothing like after when he was disgusted with everything I did.” I let out a huge huff.

B): Oh and the minor- cute neighbor boy. Caught me checking him out and smirked then smiled then winked.”

Silence...

B): Kris say something!

K): Chill woman! I’m taking a moment of silence to honor my idol.” We both giggle.

K): I’m impressed and imagining what he had to looked like to make you do that. Must have been a sight. What’d you see? 

B): He’s nice to look at, okay? Especially without a shirt. He’s really not that scrawny sweet little thing I ran over a month ago. Well he was never really little, but you get it. He’s always chatting with me and the girls when we are getting in the car too. 

K): Sounds like he impressed you.

B): Mmhmmm. “I feel like perv. He’s like 16, I hope.. God Kris! What if he’s not? Well he drives so he has to be at least 16? Maybe 17? Really he looks older-He’s hot as hell. I have no business looking at him and getting him all riled up. What the hell is wrong with me ? I literally stuck it all out there for ogling and-

K): Did he?

B): Did he what?

K): Stare you down?! Give you bedroom eyes? Ogle you and you glory? 

B): Do you not hear the turmoil in my mind? I wouldn’t be freaking out like this, well yeah I would but... Okay I was hard to miss. I might as well went topless and posed for a dirty mag. 

K): ”Aahhhaha god!” She starts jumping up and down in her seat.

K): If I could have just seen you back in action. Makin’ him all hot and hard. Wait what did you see? You know you can only look. You can’t touch AT ALL for like 2 years, maybe not that long.

B): Isn’t that why I called you? I know I can’t touch. God I’m ashamed looking. But yeah I’ve seen haha and felt something that will makes those girls scream his name and get those claws going. Ahem. But after this morning, I just realized, I’m done being Travis’s punching bag. 

K): Oh my my. How the hell did you connect all that with the jailbait to the grumpy ass leprechaun ?

B): Not really connected. Just the timing. Like you see something and it triggers a memory? Well I was talking to Lindsay, Chase’s sister about how to get over a stupid boy and BAM- the rolling pin to head type of memories hit me. I don’t need Travis or all his s**t baggage. I’m calling an attorney. As badly as I want him to be that man I married, I almost never see him figuratively or physically. 

K): Blake you got two years to dump the garbage And get your stuff tightened up. I am so excited! Blake you are gonna be fire! I’ll help you get it back and then you can flaunt your-

B): Kris I gotta go I just heard someone. Love you bunches. 

K): love you too B. I want more visuals for the my bank lady. Oh and DON’T tell Savanna. she’s still all pissy with me setting her up.

I hang up and turn down the music to a low murmur. Nothing. I wait a good 45 seconds, listening. I swear I just heard voices. Didn’t I?

                                                                                         ~/~

~Unknown~

“Yes, I understand... No, I don’t think she is aware of who you are. Yes, I will keep an eye on all- Oh, Okay, just Jacob and Travis. Sir, Jake is expecting Travis to have a documented indiscretion. How would you like me to proceed? Yes, sir. I’ll update you when I have more.”