Cinderella's Secret Witch Diaries Box Set: Lost, Stolen, Found

November-4

I am surprised by how much I wanted him to come for me and to change. When I awoke in the cave, I expected him to be there—to have traveled the world, looking for me as I am his one true love. When we first met, I thought our love would transcend time and distance and that he could pinpoint me on any map because his heart could feel mine. I believe in love, and always will, but love is not magic.

When I realized that the prince had not found me, I wondered if he was lost somewhere, fighting the ocean’s powerful waves and this elaborate story took shape in my mind. But the truth was much simpler. Much, much easier to tell and understand. The prince chose to stop loving me and had moved on. There is no faerie tale ending to the story.

And what of your father, my once bright and glorious Henri? I still do not wish to write about him. I need more time to heal my heart. I have not spoken to Renée about these thoughts and feelings as they are private, and as long as my magic holds strong only you can see these passages. What you choose to do with these words of mine is for you to decide.

My time runs short. I know that. I sense his attention turning back and he will thrust all his power on me. .uoy rof—gnimoc ma I ,seY I will resist him as long as I can. I will. But in the time that I have remaining, I want to tell you what I have learned.

When I realized that the prince would not be scouring the world looking for me and that Henri had chosen my friend over me, I understood. Do not let love rule you. No man (or woman) can complete you. I have looked, most of my life, for someone to save me, but, in the end, only I can do it. !potS This is the only secret you need to know. Love yourself. All else will follow. !emoc evah I .etal oot s’tI

***

I am back. And it appears not a teensy weensy moment too soon. I’ve played with you nicely for the last few times, but now I’m going to take you on an adult ride. We’re going to have some fun together. Just you and I like old friends, but we’re not. I want—what do I want? Maybe I should think on that for a second. There, got it. I want you to fall. What happens when our pretty princess scuffs her knees? When you fall down and hit the ground hard? Will you give up? Then, will you help me?

What will you do when I twist you in two, tearing your mind apart? I’m curious. When you’re facing the abyss, will you still be singing your praises about Love? Love, love, love. If love is what you want, then let’s see what you do with it. Let us go, down the path, through the fields, over the hill to where your past is waiting for you and … a little something else.

***

I was running but I did not quite know why. So I stopped and rested for a moment. The moon hung low on the horizon and a summer breeze cooled me.

“Do you think we ran far enough away?” Henri turned back around and listened for anyone you might have followed us.

“I do not see anyone coming this way.” I looked at his profile in the moonlight and my resolve quickly faded.

We had run through the Château’s gardens, and I sat on a stone bench to catch my breath. Henri paused for a moment, staring back through the maze of bushes and decided we were safe. No one would find us this far from the revelry.

“I would play for you, but I fear our friends would find us.” He gently put down the lute and lingered for a moment, resting his hand on it as though he were saying a tiny prayer. I knew what he hoped for and he need not pray.

I looked up at the moon and, out of the corner of my eye, watched him sit down on the bench next to me. The moon, a crescent, hung low, casting a dim light over us. Tonight was a perfect night for fun and love. A night that I could make into whatever I desired. Clarissa had run off with the rest of those at the ball, lost in drink and debauchery. She had given herself fully to the spirit of the night, but I had more specific plans.

“Can we not talk, please?” I reached for his hand and held it.

He nodded and then turned toward me, putting his right hand on the back of my neck, pulling me toward him into a full kiss of warmth that tingled and excited me. How long had it been since I had kissed someone new? The prince’s kisses, in the beginning, were full of passion yet still tender. Over the years, as he strayed, they changed in intensity, frequency until he often did not kiss me, performing only his duty to try and produce an heir.

Tonight, I could be whoever I wanted to be. Away from my homeland, my husband partaking in the local delicacies back in England, so why should I remain true to him?

I leaned into Henri’s kiss and I let go of his hand, feeling his back and then running my hand through his hair. The thickness of it, the smell of him and the taste of his youth on my tongue awakened me. He could teach me much, but I, a married woman with no child, what could I offer him? Inside, I unlocked the door and allowed myself to feel alive for the first time in years. I heard myself sigh and I pulled away from the kiss, looking into his face. His eyes, perfect, and his mouth so wanting and full of desire. I froze the moment in time. This was my decision point. I could pull back, as he expected, or I could go down a different path and break my oath and dip into the night of bliss to be lost, for this moment, forever in this moment, to be free and myself.

He waited, having agreed not to speak, hesitant to push me as he knew enough about the ways of love to not be a rake, forcing himself on me. He could see in my face the internal struggle, and then he tipped the balance. He smiled at me, open and pure, holding back, but having shown me enough that his confidence would win him the night. And it did.

But now in this second reliving, I waited for just a moment longer and weighed the consequences in my mind. I realized that what I was about to do would lead me to where I am in the present. I am pregnant, Henri has abandoned me, and I am alone. I have been rejected, and Henri’s love for me is not true or constant. He wanted me, but now he has tossed me aside, and all that I have given to him is for naught. With my magic, I have a choice. The temptation of it rose up inside as I realized that I could change the past and stop the hurt by refusing Henri. I simply had to turn my face away and play shy. Now I understood and saw the truth to the Silver Fox’s test for me. If I could change my own past and vanquish the pain and undo what I had given to Henri, would I?

But I am too weak. I returned Henri’s smile and I leaned closer to him and simply said, “Yes.”

He took my face in his hands and said, “No matter what I do and how I act, you can always trust me.”

I took his words and wrapped them close in my heart. I believed him.

Now I still need him as I would a crutch or some need wine. Any chance to be with him, I would take. Even to relive what I knew would become hurtful for me, yes, I would choose the same. And I did.

Henri’s smiled widened, and he accepted my kiss. I opened my heart to him. I poured all my love, my desire and needs into him. I lost myself in that moment and he, a careful and giving lover, returned the feeling. Connected in spirit, we kissed and his hand glanced across my breast, testing the waters, but I did not deflect him. Tonight I would be open and true, losing myself to the world. The intensity of the kiss increased, and I wanted him. I wanted to hold him, love him, and feel him, knowing that he would betray me and that I am weak and still needed him. My heart ached, and the pain swelled within me so that the tears rose up within me, and I could not withstand the hurt any longer.

“No!” I raised my left hand and basked in its fiery light. I stood up, seeing a glimmer of myself remain with Henri, and I willed the scene to change—and the universe listened.

The Silver Fox appeared next to me, hiding his expression and remained passive. “Do you see now?”

“That time between Henri and me is my secret, and you cannot have that.” I stood defiant before him and ready.

“I like the spirit in you. I truly do.” His smile frightened me. His face shifted into more of a fox, and I could see his teeth in the moonlight. “Just like your mother. But look over there, and tell me what you see.”

I turned and saw a long, dark passage in the castle, and I did not want to walk down it. I knew where he had brought me. He stood back and said nothing.

With surety of what I would find, I stepped forward with determined slowness, and my heart raced. I would see Henri again. I came alive and walked into the room and there he sat, waiting for me. This was the last time I saw him. Perhaps I could change what happened between us.

“You have come to say your good-bye?” His tone like steel.

“I have come to ask for forgiveness and to apologize for cursing you.” I ran to him and knelt by his feet. “Please, I had become angry at you and I was wrong.”

He shifted his body away from me. “You poisoned my mind and I cannot forgive you for that.”

“Can you not see how angry I was as you were with Clarissa?” I reached for his knee and held on tightly.

“I see that you used your witch’s power to try and destroy my mind.” He cast my hands off of him. “Are you finished?”

“But Henri, please! I am pregnant with your child. We can be happy together in time. I will come back to you again after you have had time to forgive me. Please!” I supplicated myself before him, low on the ground.

“I want nothing to do with you.” He leaned down and grabbed my face in his hands. “I cast you out of my heart and mind. Do you not see that I simply wanted some enjoyment and you were willing?”

His words hurt like arrows that pierced into me. I cried and could not stop. He pushed me away and said, “Take your witch’s magic and demon child with you and leave me. I do not love you.”

“But what of all the times we had? How can you say this?”

“I am young and must be allowed to make mistakes as the young do.” He did not hide the disgust in his eyes. “And you were my mistake. Good-bye.”