Cinderella's Secret Witch Diaries Box Set: Lost, Stolen, Found

July-1

July

July 1

Dear Fairy Godmother,

Thank you for your letter. With each word I write, I will listen more to my heart. I do believe we will be together soon. Today Renée and I began the journey to the convocation of witches. When we left the castle, Clarissa came to see us and I hugged her, and we shed tears. She wished me a safe journey, and I longed to talk with her to tell her my secret, but I did not. I asked her to be Henri’s friend while away and said that I would return soon enough. Once returned, there would be plenty of time for me to share with her my news. I would need her help with the baby and hoped she would be happy for me.

Renée and I drove our horses away from the castle and soon we were on our own. We talked for some time, and I told her that I would like to visit my mother’s grave before we left my homeland.

After my mother died, my father spent a large sum of money to honor her memory by having her buried in a beautiful mausoleum. It is of modest size and I have not visited it often, but I did wish to pray there and wish my mother’s spirit well. When we arrived at the cemetery, I told Renée that I wanted to be alone.

I walked through the gates and had some trouble remembering which direction to head, so I asked a groundskeeper the way. Today was warm, sunny, and there were few clouds in the sky. I ran my fingers over the engraving of my mother’s name and the dates of her birth and death on the door to the mausoleum, wondering if she could aid me now. I often wonder what she would have thought of my marrying the prince and if she would have been able to resist the queen’s ploys.

I have had a difficult life, but I know my circumstances are not dire compared to others who have no food or shelter. To even complain about my condition would be laughable to so many because I married into the royal family. Yet the hurt and loss I still feel from my mother’s passing is a dull ache inside, and I wonder if I can ever come to peace with her death. I will always miss her, and the emptiness I feel is a secret oasis of solitude. I can retreat into myself and look around me, seeing the world and all of its possibilities. But I can never reclaim what is lost, and those conversations that would have so helped me now will never take place. Her guidance in my choice to marry the prince and even my loving Henri cannot ever be discussed. When I came to visit her today, I simply wanted to say good-bye. I hope to return soon to see Clarissa again. As for Henri, my heart is full, and I worry about us. I miss him and yet I know that my path is with Renée because the bargain I made with the queen must be filled.

I kissed my mother’s name on the mausoleum, said a quiet prayer, and then turned to go. But before I left, I saw a fox, silver in the daylight, run in front of the mausoleum’s doors, seemingly protecting the gravesite. I waited a moment and the fox stared at me, unafraid, and I let it all go. I need to leave my mother behind. The fox could not harm her as she was already gone. I left the cemetery, and I found Renée shortly after.

She came close to me and asked, “Are you okay?”

I tried to hide my feelings from her, but could not. I felt too ill at ease. “Tell me how you knew my mother.”

Renée thought a moment and sighed. “I knew your mother when we were young. We learned magic together.”

“Were you childhood friends?”

“No. I did not meet your mother until I was near seventeen years of age. We studied at the same school together and became fast friends.”

I wanted to walk away from the cemetery, for my heart was heavy. Renée followed me and we walked our horses away from the gates. “What was she like back then?”

“Full of smiles and mischief, to be honest. Your mother pulled me into much trouble.” Renée laughed and added, “But we had so much fun together.”

“And now she is dead and I still miss her more than I could ever have imagined.”

Renée put her arm around me and simply said, “Soon you will be a mother.”

I nodded, and we lapsed into silence, walking toward the nearest farm. After such a day, we decided to stay the night in the farmer’s barn, as crossing the Channel would be safest tomorrow. Once we settled in, Renée went to talk with the farmer because one of his cows has been sick. I am sitting at a desk, writing at the end of the day. The twilight colors of deep blue are fading into black, and the oil lamp beside me is casting a yellow and orange glow.

I am thinking of my child growing within, and yet know that my belly will not begin to show for months yet. Soon I will be a mother. For now, I need time to think and to simply be. I have exhausted myself today and for my own well-being I need to go rest. I will stare at the sky, looking for the moon and hoping that one day I will be more settled. I cannot see any further ahead on my path than what this oil lamp bestows on me. And I must accept that.

July 11

Our journey has been good, and I have not made much time to write, as we have traveled much in the last week. Renée and I head to the southeastern part of France, and on our way we have stopped in many a village to meet with the people, help those in need, and I have learned much of Renée and of her abilities. She has often made potions for the sick or for those in need.

The days on the road are long, but we have taken a leisurely pace, staying each night at a different town or village. After several years of living under the queen’s watchful eye, I feel at peace. We stay in whatever home will take us in and, at first, I was worried that we would not have a place to rest our heads at night. On only one night did we not have a place, and we tied up our horses, found them water by a creek, and fell asleep under the stars. In the middle of the night, I awoke to pass some water and I glanced over at Renée. She was at peace, sleeping deeply, and did not hear me get up and walk away. On the way back to the blanket, I glanced up at the sky and was amazed. The beauty I beheld was breathtaking. I continued to walk back and decided to veer off and head toward the water. I was not far from where we camped. The sound of the running water drew me closer and I walked to the banks, climbed down, and put my feet into the cool water. I closed my eyes and listened. I could hear the crickets and felt the mud between my toes. The earthy presence of being washed over me and I opened up and began to cry. It was not at a particular situation or memory, but I wanted to release all of my sorrow and hurt.

After a few moments I wiped my eyes, and a feeling came over me. My ability to describe the feeling is lacking. I can best say that I felt alive and a part of Nature. I could feel the world around me, and I put my arms up and imagined light coming from my hands and that energy seeped into the world around me, making me stronger as I gave of myself to Nature. I sensed the animals near me, and all the insects and creatures I could not name became part of me and I of them. I could see, hear, and smell life strong and vibrant. My life had begun, and the life within me continued to grow. I glanced down and thought I saw a light in the water, but it was only the reflection of the moon.

I walked out of the water and back to the blanket. Renée had turned on her side and I closed my eyes, listening to the world. I fell asleep in minutes, but it was the first time that I had listened to Nature’s lullaby. I had been too much in the world, and I had allowed myself to forget Nature and the beauty around me. Jewels, balls, shoes, and clothes—these intoxicants I had breathed in, thinking that they would save me, but they were only entrapments. I am seeing how my life was and wonder what my life will be. I am more at peace now, and as I observe what Renée does and how she moves through the world, I am most impressed.

For me, I am starting to see the path in front of me. When I was younger, I thought my stepmother would rule my world. She did as long as I allowed her to. When the prince married me and I moved away with him, I fell into another prison, and I lived in the palace. I had thought that my world would forever be dominated by the queen. Now I begin to know a different path I can take and a new life I can live. I do not fully understand what my role will be, but I take comfort that I am not meant to. Today, the today as I write this, is warm, inviting, and full of sun. I will give myself more time and will not write here often, as I want to live in the world. I want to embrace the time I have now to learn what I am meant to do and where I am to go. My life, the life of my child, is before me, and I want to make a good choice for us.

July 14

Today we celebrated the anniversary of the revolution with a small village. We danced, laughed, and had a delicious meal for our supper. I never thought that I would be celebrating the overthrow of a king, but the people here are happy without monarchs. I wonder if the royal family in England ever worry about their subjects being infected by the desire to revolt. I would suspect that the queen has had concerns about such anarchy, and she has taken steps to prevent revolution from spreading to England’s shores.

I did enjoy myself today, though, and after all the celebrating and dancing, Renée sat down with me and wanted to talk. I have been waiting for this discussion to take place for days now, but I was glad that she gave me time to think.

Renée sat down on a pile of hay, and we listened to the music and laughter coming from the front of the barn. Many of the surrounding farmers still danced and made merry. She had a piece of straw in her mouth and she asked, “Are you feeling well?”

“I feel not as nauseous today as I have on this journey.” Loud bangs on a drum distracted me for a moment, and then I continued. “I am more comfortable today.”

“We will be at Reims in two days and there the rest of the sisterhood will gather. At the Roman arches in the city, we will meet and begin the convocation.”

“Do you think the sisterhood will help against Napoleon?”

Renée stood up, ignoring my question, and danced to the music that wafted through the air. She pulled me up, and I danced along with her, and she started to laugh. When the song ended, she took a few minutes to breathe and then said, “Worry will only bring you more worry. The sisterhood is already fighting Napoleon. I do not go on this journey for the queen, but for you.”

I sat back down on the fresh pile of hay and wiped sweat from my brow. “But why?”

“You ask yourself that question.” Renée smiled and flopped herself back down on the hay. “Pourquoi?”

“Will you not tell me what I need to know?”

Renée laughed at me and shook her head in defiance. I know she had had much wine, and I had doubts as to her clarity of thought.

“You will learn soon enough, as the sun follows the moon.” She threw some hay at me and then ran off to join the merry makers, celebrating the victory over the dead king.

I sat there, tired and with child as I approached near two months. Renée has been kind to me, and I know she means me well. In the time that I have known her, we have not talked much about her past or of her powers. I have not seen her use magic often. And there is no fire and brimstone in her powers—at least none that I have ever seen. Dear Fairy Godmother, I remember seeing your magic as you changed a pumpkin to a carriage and mice into horses. The light that emanated from your magic wand was beautiful to behold, but I have not seen any of that type of magic from Renée. And what of your warning about her months ago? I am still wary of her at times.

I tire and begin to ramble. Let me go to sleep thinking of today’s enjoyment, be thankful for my friend, and for the child growing with me. Good night!