Cinderella's Secret Witch Diaries Box Set: Lost, Stolen, Found

July-2

July 17

Maybe I have made a mistake. I do not know. It is late, probably the middle of the night, and I woke from a nightmare. I cannot remember the full dream but I remember looking at myself in a mirror and seeing that most of my hair had fallen out. Several sores covered the bald spots, and I touched them in the dream, feeling the dried encrusted blood. In the dream, Henri had left me, and I was alone and sick. I woke up scared and frightened. I have these doubts that I cannot dispel. Yet I must try.

Tonight we are staying at a merchant’s house on the outskirts of Reims. Tomorrow Renée and I are to meet the rest of the witches from the surrounding area, and I am worried again.

I worry most about my child. What will become of her if something happens to me? I do not have close kin near me, and the family I do have are not able to really nurture a child the way I would like. After I woke from the nightmare, I went outside and looked up at the sky. The darkness was complete, and a cool breeze comforted me somewhat. I kept walking, drawn to what, I do not know, but I could not stop. I needed to walk, and I turned back and saw the dark shape of the house. No other houses were nearby and as we were in the outskirts of the city, a field of sunflowers filled the fields behind the house. I walked next to the flowers and, being barefoot, watched my step, being sure not to step in a way that I might stumble and hurt myself.

The moon hung low in the sky, giving just enough light to help me walk along the dirt path. A slight breeze blew, rattling a hanging chime off in the back of the house. I heard nothing else except my own breathing and footfalls as I continued to walk. After several minutes, I stopped and sat down on the cool grass. I stared back at the house and then up at the sky and wondered if what I was doing was right. Was this the best course of action for me? Should I have stayed with Henri and been at the mercy of the queen? I missed him with all my heart. There was no way to tell if my current path would prove best.

I stood and continued walking and, having turned around, saw a fox in my path. He was large, and with the low moon he appeared to have a silver coat of fur. I have often seen foxes on my walks at night, curious as to what the creature would do. He sniffed at me and then ran toward the barn, disappearing from view. Fully awake from my slumber, I headed back to bed as I had woken with a purpose but, when I had thought that I had remembered, the feeling left me again, and I felt like a fool walking in the dark. The nightmare hung over me still, but I came back to bed to write by lantern light. My left hand is beginning to itch from my writing too long, and I will take that as a sign that I must to bed. Tomorrow is a big day. I will meet the other witches, and I wonder if I will feel as ill at ease as I do now. Maybe it is best that I stop writing and get some sleep. Tomorrow will be a long day.

July 18

The first day of the witches gathering is finally over. It is almost midnight, and I want to do some writing so that I will not forget all that I learned today. When Renée and I arrived, I expected there to be hundreds, if not thousands of witches. Instead, we met several dozen women of various ages. A circle was formed on the grass by the Roman arch, and we all sat down. For the first hour, witches announced themselves and told from where they had come. I quickly lost track of their names and whether they were coming from the south or the east. In the late morning, a fire was started and we came together to make food for us all. I must admit that I found listening to some of the witches to be challenging, as I simply wanted to fall asleep.

Toward the end of the first day we again came together to have dinner. We cooked together and shared stories. Once we had our full, we sat in a large circle, and two of the elders told stories of their lives. I learned much about the witches. The day was filled with each telling their stories and sharing information about the lands they lived in. Most shared information about herb lore, the political situation in the country, relationships with surrounding areas, and their dealings with the Church.

Tomorrow the witches will talk about plans for the upcoming year and placements for the sisterhood throughout France and parts of Europe. Renée has shared with me that how the sisterhood can help thwart Napoleon will also be discussed.

Midnight has passed as I write this, so I should be sleeping but I need to write. I have neglected dealing with the thoughts on my mind for quite some time as the journey has helped to distract me from how I am feeling. Yet tonight I choose to address how I feel. What I write, I write for myself. After we had dinner this evening, the gathering of witches ended for the day, and we met with some of the families from Reims. There was singing, dancing, and more food. I attracted the eye of a young man. He is the son of a blacksmith, well-built, handsome, and strong. He danced with me, and I saw many of the witches pairing off with men of their own. He asked me to join him in a local barn but I declined. He tried with smiles, his charm, and humor to win me, but I had to refuse him. My heart is tied to Henri and my thoughts are ever thinking of him. When I close my eyes, I can see his face, hear his laugh, and feel the touch of his hand on mine.

I left the young blacksmith and headed off on my own, away from the dancing and celebration. I regret now not having spoken to Henri and not telling him about my pregnancy. I admit that I feared his reaction. I imagined that if I were to tell him the truth that he might leave me and go to a distant sea, and I would be left without support and his love. I miss him and daily I wonder why I am on this journey. I want to go to him and for us to hold each other. I have his child growing inside of me and I am here, in a strange city, with women I have never met before.

I long to build a love with Henri that stretches across time into the here and now. Damned be all the challenges and fears that are inside me! I am tired of choices that will be easiest for me rather than what I want. I am weak, so weak, but I want to be with him even though I am afraid that he will not wish to be with me. Or worse, I fear that he is a free spirit who wanders the world, loving as he will. My hunger for his soul would devour him whole, extinguishing the light I love so much and in that goodness would turn dark as all that I loved in him would die. My will would crush his spirit, and he would despise me as I tried to hold him down. I fear this. In the center of my being, I am afraid of this desire that has built itself within my heart.

When I close my eyes, I see him still. I see us standing in the gardens of the Château near the Temple of Love. Clarissa is playing in the water, and I will soon follow. The day is warm, our bodies fresh and strong, and his smile is like the sun. I am drinking in his memory and my eyes can see, reliving his touch and the feel of his hands on my face as he looked into my eyes and we saw into each other. Our spirits are so close that they touch against time, distance, and distraction. I remember how we snuck a kiss when Clarissa could not see and the taste of him lingered on my lips and we smiled at each other forever. Time stopped, my heart called to him and we put away our doubts and for that moment, that single, solitary moment, we were one.

I knew him, he allowed me to see him as he truly was, so young and bright and sure of himself. He began to sing and the laughter in his song was healing and true. I gave myself to him, in my mind, I said, “Yes.” Yes to the joy of it all, yes to our mutual need and desire, and yes to all that I am and would be and to his limitations and faults. I spoke to Love and opened my soul to him. In that day, that moment our hearts and minds fused together for that fleeting moment and we were happy and one yet separate and ourselves. My heart is so full, and I miss him so much. I want to be with him now, but I am so far away. I am his in my heart and mind. I will always be his and he will be for me. Will he choose me and stay with me when I return? Dear God, please help me with this hurt that I feel. It is so heavy on my soul.

Oh, God. My hand itches and burns with the brightness of the sun! This feeling of warmth floods through me, embraces me, and with all of my soul I call to him. I cast my thoughts to him and say his name in my heart. Henri. Henri. Henri, I am yours. I see us now. Oh, God, what is happening? What do I see on this page? What is … My God …

Dear Cinderella,

I have come. Your heart has unlocked the door that I could not come through. I am here now and will see you tomorrow. Look for me as I will be there.

Love,

The Faerie Godmother

July 19

I need to try to put down into words what I have done. What I can do. I have taken time to go through the day and I left the book after what happened. I was afraid and unsure of what I had done. When I first started to write my diary passages, I prayed that they would help me find my Fairy Godmother and that through my words I could reach her again and she could help save me. Now she has come to me today, and I will share with you all that has happened. But first I want you to know that with these words, I now write to you, my daughter, to explain to you my power. My mother could not teach me what I needed to know, but I shall share with you what I have learned, for one day you will need this knowledge.

I have stumbled upon a wonderful part of me that is beginning to unfold and blossom. I do not know when you will read these words, but my diary will be my gift to you. And I am unfettered now, willing to become someone new.

When I last wrote, I had closed my eyes and I imagined Henri and I being together. The sun, the laughter, and how happy we were. My writing hand (my left) began to feel warm, and I opened my eyes to see that my hand glowed brilliantly like the light from the full moon. Startled, I opened my hand and, by accident, touched the page. There, as you can see above, the picture of the Temple of Love appeared. The image rose out of the page and then settled back, colors blending and mixing, alive with power, and the soft scent of vanilla washed over me. Transfixed, I stared in awe at the page and watched the image take its final shape and then settle. Hours later, the image remains.