July-4
2029 Words
I knew not of what powers she spoke, but inside I knew that I had waited for years to see her again, and my feelings were clear. Yet I did have some concerns.
“I know this decision is heavy on you, but I will tell you. If you come with me tonight, we return to England to your love. You will be able to be with Henri. And you and I will work on learning how to best use your magic.”
My smile broke forth on my face, and I hugged her again tightly. “Yes, I will come with you.”
She kissed me on the forehead, and we made plans to meet near midnight. I went back inside, but watched my Fairy Godmother vanish back into the sunflowers. How happy I was after all this time! I came back inside and finished eating. In time, Renée returned from the convocation.
When you are older and I can share with you how to know when your powers will present themselves, I wonder what you will think of my decision to return to my homeland with the Fairy Godmother. Renée had asked me to stay with her and to leave behind all I have known to pursue the magic that runs within me, yet I longed for Henri. I needed to go back to him and tell him the truth about you.
When Renée returned to see how I fared, we had an enjoyable lunch of fresh fruit and vegetables. Then she asked me, “Have you decided what you will do?”
I had thought of withholding the truth and leaving in the night, but Renée had helped me, and I wished to be at least partly honest with her. “I do not wish to stay with you. I will head back to see the queen and tell Henri of my love for him.”
Renée put her bowl down on the table and asked, “You are firmly decided on your choice?”
“Yes, I do not wish to leave the father of my child.”
“Will you forego all that you have learned for the sake of a man’s love?” Renée waited a moment and then continued before I could respond. “We can teach you and help you.”
“I thank you for your offer, but I have decided.” I declined to meet her gaze and reached for some more fruit in silence.
“How will you return home?”
“I will be fine.”
“But you are pregnant and have had problems with nausea for the last few weeks—who will be your guide?” Renée sat next to me and offered me her hand. “I will go back with you.”
“No, I will make other plans.”
Renée pulled her hand away from me and asked, “Why this sudden coldness to me? What have I done to offend you?”
I bit my tongue as I did not wish to confront her.
Yet Renée understood my thoughts well enough. “I suspect that you are angry at me for asking you to leave your beloved Henri.” She saw my face at the mention of his name and said, “If I walked your path, I would …”
She turned away and stopped talking.
I stood up and faced her. “What would you do if you were me and you discovered that all you thought true was a lie, and that your friend simply had her own intentions in mind?”
“I would watch your tongue, as I do not lie.” I could see fury in her eyes. “If you lack the wisdom, I cannot make you walk down the path. You must decide for yourself what is right. I am only concerned for your health and that of your baby.”
“Truly? Or are you and your sisters interested in harnessing my powers to help you in your own plans?”
“What nonsense prevails in your mind today?” Renée slapped her hand on the wooden table. “Have I ever expressed any interest in your powers?”
“Tomorrow I will be on my own path, and you will not have to worry about me any longer either way.” The early warnings that my Fairy Godmother had given to me about Renée had been true. I had not seen any of these concerns at first light, but now I understood.
“I would be well to rid myself of you for how insolent you are.” She put her hands to her forehead and then said with careful deliberateness, “Your mother means too much to me to abandon you in your time of need. I will not be shaken lightly from aiding you.”
“Why have you not told me that I am a Chronicler?” I accused, standing strong before her.
“How did you learn of this?” Renée stood up and stared at me in disbelief.
“What else do you know about my powers that you and your sisters hid from me?”
“We are hiding naught from you. If you stay with me, we will teach you of your powers. Do you truly know what a Chronicler is?”
“I know enough.”
“Yes, enough to be dangerous to yourself and others.” Renée put her hands out to me and implored. “Please, let us stop arguing and let me help you. I will answer the questions you want. Please!”
I sat on a chair in our borrowed room and asked, “Then tell me why you do not wish for me to return to Henri.”
Renée bit her tongue and remained quiet.
“Tell me the truth or I leave tonight,” I threatened, but my decision had already been made, and I was leaving in the evening anyway. She remained quiet, and I pointed at her, saying, “All my life I have been a pawn on the chessboard, but no longer. Speak your truth to me!”
Renée dropped her arms to her side and with great anger said, “He does not truly love you, and your heart will be broken when you return to him. You long to have someone love you, and you impulsively attached yourself to him as soon as he showed interest. Do you not see this?”
“I see that you are jealous and that you wish you had a man who loved you as I have Henri.”
She laughed at me, and my anger soared. Renée took a deep breath to stop laughing and then laughed some more.
I pointed at her and could feel my heart warm with power. “You have always been jealous of me! Admit it!”
Renée stopped laughing. She stood strong and replied, “Yes, I am jealous of you. I am jealous that your mother chose to leave me to return to England. I am jealous that she took your father as her husband so that she could have a means to live on her own after she left me. And, yes, I am jealous that she bore you, and that she had asked me out of her life.”
I took in all her words. “What do you know of my mother?”
“Know? I know that I loved her and love her still and that even though she threw away our love, I still honor her by trying to be your protector.” She spat on the floor and put her hands on her hips. “You are ungrateful and have had such luxury that you do not know the meaning of hardship. What the sisterhood and I offer you is beyond what you can know and yet you rebuke our offer of assistance? Why?”
I came close to telling her about my Fairy Godmother, but I knew that she would turn those words against me. Instead I needed to find a way to remain distant, so I said, “I am in love and am pregnant. I will go back to Henri and choose not to have a part in this war and intrigue.” I gathered my few belongings and threw them into my sack. In the evening, I would leave.
Renée was quiet, watching me, and then said, “Know this about being a Chronicler: You are a living historian, able not only to see events and use words to record those events, but also to allow others to experience the past. You have begun to learn that much, but your powers as a Chronicler can also reshape events.”
She had attracted my attention. “What do you mean?”
Renée chose her words carefully. “With guidance and practice, you will be able to change the past.”
As I listened to her words, questions exploded in my consciousness, yet I remained firm. “Thank you. I need my rest now, and in the morning I will leave.”
Renée started to speak, clenched her fists at her side, and then left the room. I tried to rest but had difficulty doing so. I wondered how I could learn such a skill as changing history. I had much to learn and many questions, but my choice had been set and now I would head home to see Henri. I yearned for his warmth and to speak with him again. I longed to see his smile and to talk with him about poetry, art, and music. My decision made, I am headed home.
July 29
Forgive me for not writing sooner, but as you will not be able to read this until you are old enough, there truly was no urgency in my writing with quickness, yet much has happened. I have put off writing for as long as I can and, if I am honest with myself, I would prefer not to write at all. I did not have a mother to help me with the problems that I have now. I am older and one would think that I would have had more patience and wisdom, but I am a fool. As long as my magic remains in the world, only you will be able to read certain parts of this entry. I have learned how to lock my words down onto the page, not only protecting the book from natural harm, but from unwanted eyes. I have learned much in the weeks since I last wrote.
Let me start where it hurts most. My Fairy Godmother and I left France together, and I, in my naivety, trusted without question. I learned much during our journey together, as she was a patient, kind, and thoughtful teacher, showing me how to use the fey magic that runs through our veins, but now I pay the price for my foolishness. I get ahead of myself. Let me share with you the story.
When she and I arrived at the castle, my Fairy Godmother used her magic to disguise both of us. We appeared to be common townsfolk looking for work in the kitchens. I knew why she had wanted to enter the castle without announcing ourselves. She did not wish to bring us unwanted attention, and this way I would not have to face the queen.
Once inside the castle, I searched for Clarissa to share with her my decision to tell Henri of my love and to run off with him, as I would need an ally in the castle. I searched and could not find her. When I looked in her rooms, she was not there, yet I did find a lute that lay on a table. I recognized the carvings on it and saw scrolls of music scattered throughout the room, Clarissa’s room. A cold, dark fear seeped into me.
I turned to my Fairy Godmother and asked, “What should I do?”
She kept her voice low for fear of discovery and replied, “You have reason to be concerned. Go find them. I will use my magic to keep others from this part of the castle.”
With purpose, I ran toward the room where I last saw Henri. Mounting worry crept over me and as if in a dream, I walked as quickly as I could. Fear crept up inside me, and darkness formed solid and furious around my heart.
I gathered myself together, and a tickling feeling came into my left hand. I then ran to Henri’s room and prayed that my fears would be unfounded and that I had misunderstood, but the seeds of doubt had been planted. I had lived many years of my life in this castle. I had sacrificed so much, and my love for Henri burned righteous within me. I was in the right. His child grew within me. I was in love, and I would not be cast aside.
- Writer
