April
3116 Words
April
April 8
Many days have passed, and I have heard nothing as to when our journey will begin. Yet, last night, the prince returned from his travels. He came to see me, and I had the temptation to refuse him. He came into my room and sat himself down on a chair next to the window, leaning forward with his hands folded together.
“I wanted to speak with you about our last encounter.” He coughed with nervousness and continued, “Let me be frank with you. I have treated you unkindly and I wish for you to forgive me.”
He sounded contrite enough, but I doubted him. “May I ask the reason for your change of mood?”
“Mother asked that I come speak to you.” He saw the frown on my face and held up his hand. “There is more to my reasoning. If we are to go to France together, I thought it best to reconcile with you.”
“What would you have me say, as you have left me these long days?” I chanced upon the truth. “I am not so innocent to know that there are not others who have charmed you.”
He stood up in a flash and came close to me. “Yes, I do not hide them. I have others whom I am close with, but so has every other member of court.”
“What about us?” I had to know.
“Our union?” He chose his words with care. “You and I are to have children to keep my father’s line strong.”
He saw my lip tremble as I could not stop the emotion that had welled up within me. “But our love? What of that?”
“Of course, I still love you.” He put his arm around me.
“But you love others, too?”
“Cinder, I am the prince.” He took his arm off of me and made to kiss me on the forehead, but I pulled away.
“When we met, you loved me. I know it for I saw the love in your eyes. What has happened?” I fought to withhold my tears. “Why have you abandoned me?”
He sighed and folded his arms across his chest. “You love so deeply and with such strength, whereas I am like the wind. I still love you. I do. Can we not reconcile and be happy again?”
“You give me no reason to believe you and ask for all, but give nothing back to me?” I backed away from him.
His anger begin to rise within as his neck turned splotchy. I had to tread with care. “You are a princess, and before I married you what were you?”
“I know who I was before and who I am now. You need not treat me so. Have I not been a good wife to you?”
“I think you might decide to be less argumentative with me and be happy with your station.”
My hands shook in frustration and anger. “Happy? You want me to be happy when I know that I am one of many? How can I be happy knowing that?”
“You can be happy with your station now, with the friends you have made, and the life you now have.”
He turned away from me, but I yelled at his back. “I want more. I want you to love me as you once did. I want to be remembered and cherished and not neglected and treated with disdain. I am your wife!”
The prince spun around and rushed toward me. He grabbed me by my arms and held me still, his face only inches from my own. “Do you know why I married you? Do you?”
His grab on me hurt, and I tried to pull away. Seeing me flinch in pain, he loosened his hold and said, “I married you because of the magic, the glory of it all, and the wonder that you, in all the realm, were surrounded by power and light.”
“I once loved you.” I knew of no other words to contain my hurt.
“I loved the story of your Fairy Godmother and the glass slipper and seeing you in that magical dress that first night at the ball. I loved you because I thought you were different. But in the end, you are simply a rag girl dressed in fancy clothes.”
His words bit deep and I slapped him across his face.
The shock on his face was plain to see, but then his anger exploded and a murderous rage broke out on his face. He came for me. But then, gaining control of himself, pushed past me, his body still tensed with rage. On his way to the door, he kicked a table over, smashing it to pieces. I could hear him rushing down the hall, and a silence fell over my bedroom. I wanted the tears to stop, but they did not.
When I retired to bed that night, I cried because I knew that my life had changed. The prince and I could be no more. We would need to come to some resolution, and I did not know what that agreement would be, for my sorrow was too deep to consider the future. How he and I will reconcile before going to France, I do not know. I cannot write more, as I am too distraught.
April 10
There had been no news yet from the queen about Paris or of the prince and his whereabouts. I feared that he had headed off again on one of his excursions, drinking and whoring away his father’s funds, but at breakfast today I spied him walking among the castle’s grounds with two of his friends. I turned away because I did not wish him to think that I cared for him, as my anger is still bright and sharp.
Tonight I shall talk with Clarissa. We have not had a moment alone. I cannot write more now, as I must go.
April 11
What would I do without my constant and true friend? My dearest Clarissa, again, has calmed me. Last night she took me outside after dark and we walked the castle grounds until she found her destination. Tucked away in a far corner, nearly forgotten, she brought us to a small fountain surrounded by several stone benches to sit on. The water trickled slowly and soothed my nervousness, for I still felt ill at ease.
Clarissa took my hands in hers and asked me to tell her why I had been so upset. I told her about the prince and his anger toward me, and the pain swelled up within as I told her that he had been brutally honest with me, confessing to the other women in his life. I cannot tell you the deep anger within me at knowing these trespasses against my love for him.
After I told my story, Clarissa leaned back against the stone wall and the two of us listened to the trickling of the fountain. “What will you do?”
The same question has been an ever-constant irritant to my thoughts that I cannot expel. The thought is strong, comes to me when I am weakest and my options appear so limited. “I will go to Paris.”
“The queen will help you. She wants you to have a grandchild.”
“I know that she will take care of me, but to live with him and to raise a child that is his …” I let the thought trail off. In my hand, I held a pebble. I rubbed my thumb around its smoothness and took comfort in the repetitive act. I could try to soothe myself within by appearing calm without.
“I will always be your friend and supporter. Do not waste precious time thinking of him.” Clarissa hugged me, and I did my best to feel happy.
“What am I going to do?” The words escaped my lips, and as the question could not be answered with certainty, we left it there to be heard by any faeries.
We did not speak of much else that night, but sat by the fountain looking up at the sky, wondering at the moon and all the stars. I know you are far away and have done your best to reach me, but how will I overcome such obstacles? Before I become depressive, I will head off as I have much to do.
April 18
Good news has finally come to me today! After several weeks of waiting, I received notice that Clarissa and I should be prepared to leave on our journey in two days. The queen’s messenger said no more to me. When I told Clarissa the news, she shouted and clapped her hands as she admitted to me that she had hoped and prayed that she would come with me on my trip. After dinner, the queen called both of us to her private chamber. She was dressed formally this time, and I acted with my best manners so that I could show thankfulness for her help.
She pointed down the hall and asked, “Do you know what the king and his men are doing tonight?”
I glanced at Clarissa and saw that neither of us did. “Your Majesty, we do not.”
She took her crown off and threw it onto the table next to her. Only a few candles lit the room. The queen took her wig off and gave it to a young attendant who came up behind her. “They plan their strategy in Egypt against Napoleon.” She picked up a map on her desk and threw it onto the floor. “Our countries are at war, and the revolutionary spirit of America and France has the king frightened.”
The queen snapped her fingers, and another attendant came forward with a glass of wine. Clarissa and I remained still, unsure of what we should say.
Taking a sip of wine, the queen swallowed, smiled, and said, “While the men focus on war, we women must plan for life. Do you understand me?”
“Yes, Your Majesty,” Clarissa and I said in unison.
“You both will be heading to the countryside for several months. At least that is what the court will be told.” The queen smiled and stood up, coming toward us. Both Clarissa and I curtsied low as she stopped in front of us. “Both of you rise and look at me!”
We followed her command and saw the fury in her face. “I tire of the world of men and their ineptitude. My son and his childish games, my husband and his wars, and a tiny despot in France who wants to rule the world.” She touched my chin and pointed my face up toward heaven. “You both are going to Paris and will play the roles I have set for you. Do you understand me?”
I nodded with great emphasis.
She released my chin and said, “I have written to a friend, and we will visit the healer once a time can be arranged.”
“Your Majesty, where will we be staying?” Clarissa asked.
“Outside of Paris at the Château de Malmaison with Joséphine de Beauharnais.” The queen waved over an attendant and pointed at us whispering a command. “I will arrange for my son and I to come visit as soon as I can find him. He has run off, no doubt causing great trouble. Once I have arrived, I will personally accompany you both to the healer.”
Clarissa hazarded a quick look of concern at me, but I ignored her. The attendant handed us glasses of wine and we accepted.
“Let us have a toast, as I am merry that my plan has come to fruition.” The queen picked her glass up and raised it high. “To the future!”
I sipped the wine, as did Clarissa, and I longed to leave and return to my chamber. Having finished her glass of wine, the queen sat back down. “The liberty I am granting you best be used wisely. Joséphine will show you both the wonders of Paris.”
Clarissa smiled openly and curtsied low. “Thank you, Your Majesty.”
I followed suit and curtsied low, but the queen took me in with her gaze. “You will see your Paris and have your time of enjoyment with Joséphine and her friends. In return, you will return with me and produce an heir. Do you understand?”
“Yes, Your Majesty. I understand.” I held her gaze and made her the promise.
She dismissed us shortly after this admonition, and both Clarissa and I were happy to go, for the queen’s will is not to be trifled with. Clarissa was excited with our secret travel to Paris and the world we were to be introduced to, but I felt caution in my heart as I would have time to think over my future. The queen’s actions were deliberate, and I realized that by being beholden to her I would need to follow through with my promise. She would personally see me to the witch and I suspect that she would orchestrate the path ahead, clearing all obstacles for me so that I could bear her a grandchild. How the witch can help me, barren as I am, would be magic indeed. My heart is unsettled, and I am now involved in events beyond my hopes to fully know. Let it be soon that we will be reunited. I pray that these words find you before the queen forces me to see the witch. I am frightened, dear Fairy Godmother. Please hear me and help me. I go now, as I know not when I will have time to write next.
April 26
We arrived at the Château de Malmaison on the 24th of April. The journey was long, and complicated by a spring storm that made crossing the Channel difficult. We were in Dover for several days due to the rough seas and dangerous winds. The actual crossing only took a little under half a day. And the journey from Calais to the Château de Malmaison took less than a day’s travel.
When Clarissa and I arrived, the queen’s attendants assisted us with our luggage, and six guards lined the sides of the path into the Château, receiving with great fanfare. Joséphine de Beauharnais and a host of her staff greeted us at the door of the Château. We were exhausted from our journey, and I remember only that Joséphine spoke quickly in French, welcoming us to her home. She introduced me to several people, but only a young man named Henri greeted us in English. He held a lute in his hand, having been practicing a song for our arrival, and he smiled at me, taking my hand as we passed through the front gate. Clarissa and I remained fairly quiet, thanking our hostess, and we were quickly taken to our rooms, with Henri waving after us, as we were cold and fatigued from the rain.
Later that night we had a grand dinner, and I soon learned that Joséphine enjoys displaying her wealth for her guests. The dinner consisted of more than several dozen guests, but both Clarissa and I feigned tiredness and retired to our rooms early so that we could talk and prepare ourselves for the weeks ahead. The Château is a work of beauty, with Joséphine renovating sections that had been damaged from the revolution. She informed us that she had purchased the Château a little more than a year ago, and the work continues through today. She hopes that one day she can add a greenhouse in the back and capture the beauty of all the French roses.
At dinner, to my right, sat Henri who entertained Clarissa and me throughout the meal with his tales of music and wonderment. His English skills are impressive. Most of the people we met speak only a few phrases. In the two days that we have been here, I have seen much to surprise me, but I find most of this society similar to that in England. I have been introduced to so many people that I cannot remember all their names. Joséphine is a wonderful host, sharing with us the latest on music and art. I have enjoyed my time thus far, but I do miss my room back at the castle. I will try my best to write and keep these pages filled, but I suspect that my free time will be limited.
April 29
Joséphine has been a kind and gentle hostess. She has given Clarissa and me time to ourselves rather than to thrust us into the busy days and nights of her home. Each night there have been dinner guests and music and dancing. As I am alone now in my room, I have asked Joséphine for more ink and paper so that I can write. She thinks that I am interested in poetry, and I find that suits me well, for I am cautious about my personal writing. I have hidden my journal in the hope that no one will find it. I do not lack trust of my hostess or of the attendants the queen has generously lent us; I crave solitude to work and require an environment in which I can be assured that my thoughts are my own.
My mind has drifted to thinking of the prince, and my thoughts are dark and clouded. I have imagined running away, leaving all I know, in the hope that I will be free of him and I can … can what? Here is where my plans crumble into dust because I have no means of my own to do anything. I will not return to my father’s house to be treated like a common servant girl. I have no letters of reference that I could use to find placement with a family to help raise children.
In time, soon I should think, Joséphine will come to me and ask when I wish to go to the witch. I will try to stall her, but I will need your help. If I run away, I have no means to sustain myself. Where would I go? I have time to think about my plan of action, but my choices are restricted to either following the queen’s plan or leaving on my own.
Please, will you help me?
Dear Cinderella,
How I wish I could simply wave my wand and rescue you from your plight! But I cannot do so as even my magic has limits. I ask of you to be patient and to trust me. I am a long way off, yet I am coming for you. Please, trust me.
Be wary of the witch, and if you are forced to see her before I arrive, you will need to question what she tells you. Listen to your innermost thoughts, and you will find the path to truth. When I return to you, I will aid you with all of my power. Enjoy your time at the Château, and I shall return as soon as I can. May light and beauty keep you safe until then.
Yours,
Faerie Godmother
- Writer
