Cinderella's Secret Witch Diaries Box Set: Lost, Stolen, Found

May-2

I will need to make a decision soon because I suspect that the queen will arrive with her son to take us to the witch before the month is out. If I decline to go, I will face the queen’s wrath. She will turn on me, and all support I have from her will vanish. I do not know what my fate would be if I were cast out of the royal family, for I would have no place at all to live.

I am certain about one fact. I have decided that I will not have a child with the prince. His behavior has been brutal, and he has made no attempt to change or even apologize. I suspect that the queen has waited to come because, knowing her son’s ways, she wishes me to have some peace of mind, if even for a short time. Yet yesterday on my walk a thought entered my mind, took root, and now I am decided. I wish no longer to be with the prince. As a woman, I know that I do not have any rights or powers to separate myself from him. I cannot ask for a divorce, as I would not be heard. Only the king or the prince can grant such a separation. We women raise the children and help keep stability in the home, but we have no voice in certain matters.

I have had much anger in me as of late because of my lack of power to control my own fate. Yet I am realizing that any power I may have now, or gain in the future, comes with choice, and having a choice is itself a very special form of power. I am choosing not to be with the prince. He cannot change my mind, nor can his mother. If I am not with him, then I also will not be able to give birth to the heir. Without an heir, there is no line of succession to the throne. I may lack the political power to divorce him, but I can choose not to have his child. My logic assumes that the witch can help me with my problem. If she cannot, well, then the choice will be simple. The queen will force the prince to divorce me, as I will officially be declared barren and tossed aside. I do not quite know what would become of me. Would I be allowed to still live on the palace grounds and be taken care of? I suspect that they would not be so cold as to cast me out. It would be a sad life that I would lead there, but without a way to sustain myself I might have worse.

But what if I am not declared barren but refuse to bear the prince’s child? I will be obstructing the queen’s wishes, and I do not know how I would then be treated. I would need your help if I am abandoned. Would you help me?

There is no one at the Château right now but me, and inside my heart I know this: I want to be loved, I deserve to be happy, and I will move forward to find a way to change my life. If I am no longer a princess and am disgraced, then so be it. I am tired of living my life with the prince. With freedom in my heart, I can admit that now. I know opportunities will come to me, but I am unable to see that far in the future. I can only discern the few steps in front of me along the path I am choosing to pursue.

A walk through the Château’s grounds has helped calm my mind and allowed me to make some important decisions. I am rather proud of the progress I have made. If you can read these words, please reply, for your comfort and assurance would help ease my mind. I need to go now as I am being called.

Dear Cinderella,

Your words are so precious to me and I wish I could be at your side to help you with your difficult decisions. Soon, soon I will be with you! I can see the path now, and the road is not too long.

In all the years I have aided and advised young women, I have told them to follow their hearts. You are young, and the prince lacks respect for you. Yet Henri is a man of honor and displays concern and trust. You would do well to befriend him, as in your new life he could assist you.

I had hoped that our magic bond would be stronger and that through our writings we would be brought together sooner, yet that is not to be. My magic flies on the wind and grows stronger each day, but you will need to protect yourself. With the limited power of sight that I possess, you are most correct that soon the queen will come to take you to the witch. I had hoped that you could avoid that confrontation as her powers are strong. Use your newly found strength and listen to her words for she is full of guile. Be wary of her.

Now I must leave you again as my connection with you fades. My heart is with you and soon we will be together again. Use what you have learned to love. Allow your mind and heart to be open to possibility and the road will become clear.

Yours,

The Faerie Godmother

May 27

I am thankful for your words. They console me. When I am doubting, I run my fingers over your words and am happy to know that your magic is real. My time with Henri has been friendly and filled with much enjoyment. We have spent many long hours together, laughing and being outside in the glorious warm May sun.

Last night Clarissa came to see me. We had not seen each other since the day before, and she asked, “Have you decided what you will do when the queen comes?”

Never one to obfuscate, she is direct. “I have made my decision.”

Her hands twirled a necklace she wore, a sign that she was agitated with me. “And Henri, how does he fit into these plans?”

“I have not factored him into my plans.” I had been working on my diary so I closed it and asked, “Why do you ask?”

“We have been friends for more than three years, have we not?”

“There is no matter to be concerned with, if that is what you ask.” I tried to avoid the conversation, but Clarissa was not so easily dissuaded.

“The talk among the guests here is nothing but whisperings of your bond with Henri. Do you not see?”

I did not wish to be confronted in such a matter, and Clarissa’s words angered me. “Have I not suffered in my marriage enough that I cannot enjoy the company of a friend?” I leaned closer to her and lowered my voice. “When my husband parades himself to all the women he desires, leaving me at home to play the role of the good princess? I will have none of it anymore.”

“Will you not heed my advice?” Clarissa reached for my hand, but I pulled away. “Henri is young and attractive, and there is great charm in him, but you are not a man, and if you fall, the queen, if she learns of your fondness, will be unforgiving.”

“Have we not known each other long enough, and you come here to threaten me?” My color rose and my hands began to shake in anger. “You would go the queen and speak lies to her to destroy my name? Is that what you speak?”

“Please, listen to me.” She implored with her hands. “I would not betray you, but there are others here that watch and listen. Joséphine’s friend Isabella has the look of one who would gladly betray any confidences to help bring disorder to the world. She is not to be trusted.”

I agreed with Clarissa’s assessment, but I did not wish to listen as my anger had taken hold of me. “I have come to France to learn of art, poetry, and the enjoyment of life and all it has to offer. Henri is a beautiful friend and his heart is true.”

“That may be so, but we have only known him for a month’s time.” She quieted as our attendants came into the room to light the candles. Darkness had begun to descend in my room. “I urge you to have patience.”

I waited until the attendant had finished his work, and then I stood up and poured myself a glass of wine. I did not offer Clarissa any. “Why do you say all of this to me now?”

“I am your friend, and I wish to help protect you.”

“Is there not more to this?” My left hand itched and I felt it burn with my anger. I had not been so angry in a long time. “Maybe you seek Henri’s eye and try to cast me aside?”

Clarissa remained quiet.

“Do I speak the truth, and now you have no words?” I put my glass down and asked again, “Have I reached the heart of the matter?”

Clarissa spoke low and folded her hands in her lap. “Do you know how difficult it is to be your friend, you, who lights up every room, and draws men to her like moths to a flame? I am always unnoticed yet I am constant and true.”

For a moment, my anger deflated and I listened.

“You came to court and swept through the castle becoming beloved and winning the heart of the prince. But now here in France, married though that you are, I chance upon a young, handsome man and again you sweep in and steal his affections so that he can see none but you.”

“There are other men and I am stealing no one from anyone. Henri enjoys my company.”

“Yes, he does, and I have not interfered with your enjoyment of his company. Yet I am your friend, and as such, it is in my nature to speak my mind to you. I am concerned for your well-being and ask you to have patience in this matter.”

“Why, so that you can win Henri’s affections?” Even to me, my words sounded coarse and hurtful.

“No, that is not my intention.” Clarissa stood up and curtsied to me. “You know what is right, I am most sure. I have spoken my words to you, and now you must decide what is best for you. Good night.”

She left before I could find the appropriate words to retort. The spitefulness in my words worried me. I do not care what anyone says about my time with Henri. I enjoy his company and will continue to do so, following my heart. How long has it been since I have laughed and enjoyed my time? I do not remember the last time that the prince and I walked together and talked without tension and bitter words between us. Now is my time, and I will allow myself to feel because I have been denied for too long. I am happy to spend my days with Henri, listening to music and walking the grounds.

Clarissa has angered me, and I need time to think, for I am not calm. I will go for a walk now and write when I am more at ease.

May 30

I have had several quiet days of intense enjoyment with Henri. He and I have talked much about poetry and art and philosophy, and my mind has opened and become aware of all of our Creator’s beauty. I feel I have awoken from a long, deep sleep. My time with Henri is most enjoyable. Each day, we start off with breakfast, and then pack some food and walk the grounds, and we only stop to rest for lunch at the Temple of Love.

I cannot put into words how I feel. My mind is clear and my heart is full with such emotion. I am renewed and vibrant with life, and my imagination is filled with joy and the potential for a life that will be filled with great and tender love. In my heart, I am a married woman no more, for I have decided my path. I do not know the way nor do I know of Henri’s true feelings toward me, but it is clear that our connection is complete, whole and true. How is it possible that two minds can be so open and accepting of each other? This natural flow of conversation between us is truly heaven sent.

Today Henri and I sat by the pond at the Temple of Love and he asked, “If you were not a princess, what would you like to do in life?”

A good question, without doubt. I looked at him as he spread cheese on a piece of crusty bread and watched his hands. “I would be a writer telling my story to the world.”

He passed me the piece of bread and I accepted. “Such a scandalous profession you choose! Would you not be best served by being attendant to your house and following the will of your husband?”

He laughed and I broke off a piece of bread and threw it at him. He avoided my projectile and continued laughing. “Dear sir, I do not find your words to be amusing.”

“But madame,” he stood and bowed low, “I am only stating the truth that your place is clearly defined and set according to the rules of society. Is this not so?” He loved to mock me.

“I suppose you can say it is.” I looked out at the water and my heart burst forth. “But need it be so? What if I could write as a man and have my books published like Wordsworth or Coleridge?” I stopped and my left hand suddenly ached as though needles and pins had burst out through all of my fingers. I took my weight off my hand and said, “With their vision and words, they create such wonderful poetry, and why can I not do the same with my words?”

Henri knelt down in front of me and came close. Less than a hand’s span from my lips, he asked, “Yes, why not?”

He smirked and then jumped backwards, nearly knocking over his cup of wine.

I said little after that. I looked at the swans on the pond and listened to the insects buzzing through the air. A moment of intense feeling washed over me and, dear Fairy Godmother, for a moment I imagined my future as a writer, and my heart soared with such pleasure.

Henri cut a piece of ham and snickered at me. He knew he had won our argument.

Only I impeded myself from becoming what I most wanted. If France and America could overthrow their kings, why could I not do as I wished?

“Princess?” He leaned close to me and poured me some more wine.

I smiled at him and asked, “Yes, dear sir?”

“For me, you can be anything you like, and I would still treasure our friendship.” His French accent was thick and true.

My heart went out to him then and he clinked his cup against mine and we drank.

The rest of the afternoon went well, and now I sit alone by candlelight, writing. I have not spoken to Clarissa in days. I think it best that our tempers cool before we say more hurtful words to each other. Yet my mind is not on her. It is fixed on Henri. He is everything that the prince is not. I will not waste time thinking of my husband, and yet, I feel some guilt at my actions. I shall not lie.

How I wish you were here to advise me on my course of action with Henri! I will to bed now, as I hope to rest and let my mind be at ease.