June-1
2158 Words
June
June 5
The queen will arrive tonight. Joséphine invited me to a late morning breakfast, and I broke off an engagement with Henri to attend. We sat in the shade of the Château looking out at the beautiful garden. She held in her hand a letter with the royal seal on it and said, “Your queen and her guests will arrive this evening. Her Majesty has informed me that she wishes for you to prepare for her arrival and that soon you should travel to complete your business here.”
She put the letter down and watched me for my response.
Careful not to betray much emotion, I replied, “It is good news that you bring and I will prepare myself for her and her son’s arrival.”
“And what of Henri?” She folded her hands in her lap. “What will you do about him?”
I remained quiet and held my heart still.
“May you know it and we be clear together—I am your ally and will assist you if need be.”
Her words washed over and relief settled into my heart. “Thank you for your help.” I could barely whisper, as my heart was full and I did not know how to put to words my feelings.
“Why not go and enjoy this beautiful day with him?” She stood up and curtsied and left me.
I spent the rest of the day with Henri and we talked, but he had no concerns about the impending arrival of the queen and of my husband. He tried to lighten my mood, but I had difficulty relaxing as I was fearful of what would happen. He and I had an early dinner and spent the end of the day watching the sun set as we sat in our Temple of Love. The queen will arrive within the next few hours and I wait with a heavy heart.
June 6
The queen, the prince, several of her personal attendants, and six guards arrived late last night. They had all pretended to be lesser nobles visiting from England to decrease interest in the strained relations between our two countries. Having never stopped on the road, their plain carriage proceeded directly from Calais to the Château. Where the King of England thought the queen visited, I do not know. As for the prince, he would keep quiet about their location in exchange for his mother’s overlooking some of his misdeeds. I found the relationship between Joséphine and the queen of interest, as they were not friends but had a certain respect for each other.
When I went to attend to the queen’s arrival, I saw Clarissa for the first time in days. She came to stand by me and reached out to gently squeeze my hand. I returned the gesture, and we waited until the carriage pulled up and the guards disembarked from their horses. When the carriage door opened, the prince stepped down and walked forward to stand before me. He smiled and put his hand out to me. In deference, I curtsied low and said, “Welcome, my dear husband.”
He stood next to me, and I longed to see Henri in the crowd. To see his face would give me strength and support, but he was not present. The prince remained quiet, and we waited as two of the queen’s attendants helped her exit the carriage. She wore a plain dress and appeared less regal than I had ever seen her. Joséphine curtsied low, as did all the women, and the prince bowed lightly to his mother.
She and Joséphine exchanged a few words and then the queen approached me. I remained curtsied and waited.
“You may rise.” She leaned close to me and said, “I do hope you have enjoyed your time here.”
I averted my eyes as was due her station and replied, “Joséphine has been an excellent hostess and I have thoroughly enjoyed my stay.”
“Tomorrow morning you and my son will attend me and we will discuss when we are visiting the witch.” The prince stiffened next to me but remained quiet. “I would like to finish our business here soon, as I have matters to attend to at home.”
She walked on with Joséphine trailing behind her, and the gathering slowly scattered. The prince quickly hastened to leave my side. “I will see you in the morning.”
I mumbled a response, but he had already left with one of the queen’s attendants. Clarissa came beside me again and asked, “Would you like to share some tea?”
I agreed, and we spent time healing the breach in our friendship. But my mind was on Henri. I looked for him in all the faces we passed. I suspect he would rather avoid the trouble of the arrival as he would not be missed. I wished that I could do the same. Our stay here is solely dictated by Joséphine and the queen. There are rumors that the First Consul is consolidating his power and will declare himself Emperor. Joséphine does not often talk about him because he is in Egypt. I admire the power of these two women. They have found a means to circumvent the wishes of two of the most powerful men in Europe.
I went to bed soon after, and today I meet with the queen and the prince. My fate will be decided, and I fear that my strength slips away. I do not know what I will say. Where is Henri when I need him? I wish to see him, but I have looked for him and been told that he is not at the Château. I must go. I need to prepare myself.
June 7
I have returned from meeting with the queen and her son. Tomorrow we see the witch in Paris. When I was allowed entry into the queen’s private chamber, I curtsied low and saw the prince sitting in a chair by the window. He did not turn to me or give me greeting, but rather appeared to be occupied by thoughts on his mind.
I maintained my curtsy and spoke as I was obliged. “Your Majesty.”
The queen snapped an order, and her attendants left the room. She sat down on her chair, brought from England, as I recognized its gold intricate design. “Rise.”
I stood and averted my gaze away from both mother and son.
“I have spoken to my son about his indiscretions and he has informed me that he promises to halt such activities and reconcile with you during the next year.” She stood and walked over to the prince and laid her hand on his shoulder. “Is this not true?”
The prince turned to me, his face absent of emotion. “We have discussed the matter and I have so agreed.”
She smiled and I remained frozen in place.
“What would you have of me, Your Majesty?”
The queen removed her hand from her son’s shoulder and came toward me. “Tomorrow, we three will visit the Parisian woman who will offer you a remedy that will allow you to give birth to the future heir to the throne. Will you come freely?”
“Yes, of course.” I did not hesitate to answer.
She took my hand and pulled me closer to her son. “There is much strife in the world with men causing wars and revolutions. Yet there is always hope in times when women come forth to be strong. Is that not so?”
Neither of us was certain whom she spoke to, so we both remained silent. As she turned her attention away, the prince looked up at his mother and asked, “How long do you expect to be able to control us? Revolution is forever sparking in people’s hearts these days.”
He stood and pulled away from her. “Father would be interested to hear of our secret journey to France, would he not?”
The queen was silent, and I felt a slight increase in pressure from her hand to mine. I, too, stayed quiet, pretending that I could be a mouse.
“Will your words against me never cease after all I have done for you?” She spat the words at him.
“Mother, your kindness knows no bounds, as we can all attest.” His sarcastic comment hung heavy. “Yet I grow weary of you and of your interference.”
The queen released my hand and faced him. “How would you secure monies if I were to have you cut off?” She paced around the chair that he stood by like a lioness. “Would your so-called friends stand by you if you were not paying for their drinking bills?”
The prince opened his mouth to speak and, with great effort, he remained quiet.
The queen nodded and smiled. “We can help each other if we make an effort to do so. Will we all be in agreement, or shall we continue our argument?”
She glanced at me for support. My moment to rebel had passed, and I said, “I will come with you tomorrow of my own will so that the prince and I could reconcile.”
I did not speak any great words of intensity and feeling. I remained subservient and enveloped by fear of the queen’s wrath.
The queen put her arm out to me and bade me take her hand. I did so and came toward her as she pulled me close. She then reached out to her son and waited for him to take her other hand.
“Come to us and we will put aside all this disagreement.” She stood firm, waiting, arm outstretched. “Our agreement will not last forever, as the two of you can come to a different understanding once she is with child.”
The prince stood firm with arms crossed over his chest. “What I do, I do for Father. Remember that.” He took her hand, and she pulled him toward me.
“Of course, do we not all act so that the king may stay strong and his line will endure?”
She placed our hands together and then stepped back. Together he and I stood joined, and I remembered our marriage day in the cathedral. Had we come so far to be standing now before his mother, obviously strained to be together?
The queen glided to her chair and sat smiling at the alliance she had formed between us. “Thank you. Now I would recommend that you both separate and spend the night apart so that you each can have some rest for tomorrow.”
I curtsied low, released the prince’s hand, and backed out of the room. My heart beat wildly as I left, and I kept my eyes averted to the ground. I stumbled back to my room upset and needing to speak with a friend. I do not know what to do except to remain in obedience and, for that, I feel trapped.
The hour is late and I am to sleep now for tomorrow I will need my strength and wits about me. If I rise early enough, perchance I might find Henri or Clarissa to speak with before I am forced to leave for the journey. Oh, dear Fairy Godmother, the hour is late and dark. I pray I have made the right choice.
June 8
In a few hours, we see the witch. I have learned that she lives in a small home in the center of Paris near the river. The queen, prince, and I will take a carriage there, and I am nervous and am unsure as to what I can expect in meeting her.
Yet before I leave, I want to write that Joséphine visited me earlier this morning. After an early breakfast, I went to my room and then wanted to go for a walk outside through the gardens, hoping to find Henri.
As I walked toward the door of the Château, Joséphine came toward me as though she had been waiting for me to leave my rooms. She was alone, not attended by her friends.
Joséphine curtsied to me and asked, “Might I join you on your morning walk?”
“Bien sûr.” I practiced my French and she smiled.
“Your French skills are becoming better a little each day.”
We strolled through the garden, watching workers tend to the flowers and trim the large bushes. “I hope to one day speak with assurance.”
Joséphine glanced around her to ensure we were truly alone and asked, “Do you wish to visit the witch today?” Her directness caught me off guard.
I kept quiet, thinking.
“If I intrude on you too much, I will remain silent.” She took the path, heading to the Temple of Love. “But if not, I will help you.”
I was surprised by her concern, but happy for her offer. “I am nervous and unsure what will happen at the witch’s, but I do wish to visit her.”
“I am glad to hear that.” Joséphine adjusted her hair and spoke lower. “The queen is one not to anger.”
“We are in agreement.”
Joséphine pointed at the Temple of Love ahead. “I had that built to remind me of my youth.” She sighed. “All my thoughts of past love and what has become of it now.” She turned to look at me. “Did you know that I was married before but my husband was guillotined during the Terror?”
- Writer
