June-4
1961 Words
“Daughter, how do you fare?” She raised her arm, commanding me to rise.
I had not heard her use such an endearing term with me before. “I am well, Your Majesty. I look forward to our trip tomorrow.”
“Do not lie to me. I can detect falsehoods with ease, as I have lived with the king and my son for many years.” She gestured to me and pointed to a chair. “Let us talk.”
I kept my eyes lowered and sat in the chair trying to keep my hands still. “Yes, Your Majesty.”
“Have you seen my son of late?” She adjusted her hair and called an attendant to her side to help her with her wig.
“No, I have not seen him since I last saw you.” I spoke the truth and waited, wondering what she truly wanted.
After the attendant finished, the queen clapped her hands and shouted, “Leave me.”
Three women cleared the room with much haste. I did not know what she would say to me, so I remained quiet and waited.
“I wish to ask you a question, and how you answer is of the utmost importance.”
I tried to remain calm but failed. “Of course, Your Majesty.”
She looked into my eyes and asked, “Is Henri your lover?”
A question I have not wished to have asked of me or to share with even you, my dear Fairy Godmother! How was I to answer? The longer I waited to respond, the worse my situation would appear to be. I allowed my heart to feel as Reason knows not and said, “Yes, he is.”
I lowered my eyes and waited for her to strike me. I prepared myself for her wrath and clenched my fists at my side, feeling my heart beat strong and fast within. I chanced to look at her, and she remained calm. “It is not to be unexpected, as my son has treated you with the utmost contempt. He has not heeded my wishes.”
I made to speak, but she held up a finger to silence me.
“We leave tomorrow to see the witch and I want you both to reconcile tonight.” She leaned forward and asked, “Will you speak with him when I send him to you?”
“He is my husband and I am duty bound.”
The queen laughed. “When I was young, I used to think as you. I see much of myself in you. But now I am older, I question the men around me more. You would do well to listen to the advice I will give to you.”
I had become frozen with fear, as I did not know her intentions and purpose.
She took pity on me and squeezed my hand. “Although my son’s dalliances with women are well known in court, you would do well to keep your secret. Tell no one, especially Clarissa. Jealousy of another woman over a man has been known to rip asunder the strongest of bonds. Heed what I say.”
“Yes, Your Majesty.” I nodded and kept my voice low in deference to her.
“Look at me.” She snapped her fingers and startled me.
I lifted my face slightly and looked into her eyes.
“We are in my private chamber. When I call you, a princess of the realm, you will be yourself to me. We are women and need to work through the machinations of our men.”
“But, Your Majesty …”
She shook her head and said, “Just speak the words. Let them flow from your lips as they would to your friends. I do not have all evening.”
“I have not seen the prince since we returned from the witch, and our relationship is strained.”
“George is not an easy man to live with, yet he will be king one day, and we need an heir. Tonight when you see my son, tell him that you will let him go and will not fight him over his mistresses.” She saw my reaction and held up her hand. “Simply tell him that you will start your own affair of the heart.”
“But he will become angry with me, and we will argue.”
The queen stood up, reached for a glass of wine, and took a sip first before answering. “Men often pursue their courses, thinking that they will escape from the perceived chains around their necks, but they return soon enough when they realize that they will no longer have power over you. Their reputations are precious to them.”
She offered me a glass of wine and I accepted. “To take such a chance, is risky.”
“Yes, but your relationship with my son has always been off center. No man will want to be known as a cuckold. He will storm off and be angry, but he will come back to you, as he knows it is my wish that you have a child together.”
“You are the prince’s mother, and I am ashamed that you have learned of my indiscretions.”
“I am surprised that you remained true to my son for so long a time. His blatant disregard of you has swayed me to your cause. Speak your mind to him and show him your strength. All depends on this.” She drained the glass and motioned to the door. “Go prepare yourself. I will send him to you within the hour.”
I stood and curtsied low. “Yes, Your Majesty.”
Her eyes never left me as I backed out of the room, and when I departed her chamber I rushed back to my own to write. I have been writing with such haste that my words are somewhat unclear, and my left hand is tingling. I will finish now and write later, after I have spoken with my husband.
Late in the day on June 16
The prince and I have met and talked. I am tired, for it is near midnight, and tomorrow morning we head back to meet with the witch. When the prince came to my chamber, he sat on a sofa across from me and asked, “How are you, my wife?”
I looked at him and saw his clean shaven face, his strong jaw, dark, thick hair, and that boyish charm on his face. “I am not happy with you.”
He ran his hand through his hair. “I am not happy, either. I tire of this game we play.”
“Then it seems we are both in agreement on this.” I folded my hands in my lap and said the words I had been practicing to say for the last hour. “I release you from your husbandly duties and have decided that I will no longer disapprove of your having mistresses.”
His eyebrow rose and he leaned forward. “Do you jest?” Caution emanated from him.
I sighed and took a deep breath. “No. I have thought this through and, as you are a man of the world, I will accept your choices.”
“Incredible!” He smiled and leaned back, falling into my trap.
I smiled back at him and said, “Provided you understand that I will conduct an affair of my own as well.”
His face turned dark and he shouted, “You will do no such thing. As my wife, you will do as I wish!”
Fairy Godmother, I do not know how I remained calm. I kept my hands tightly locked together in my lap and replied, “I, with respect, will decline your wish, as I will have a lover of my own.”
I had pushed too far and he jumped up off the sofa and rushed at me. His face only inches from my own. “I am your husband and you will obey my will.”
“You are my husband only in name, and as you do not respect me then we must come to an agreement.” I watched his face, and he eyed me with suspicion. “You have already chosen your path and now I am informing you of mine.”
“This does not sit well with me.” He pulled back and sat back down on the sofa, realizing he treaded on weak ground. His knew his mother’s fondness for me.
“There is no trust between us, and you can promise me that you will stop seeing your mistresses, but I see in your face that you would just lie to me.” I put my left hand to my throat and felt my hand become so warm and tingle with my emotion. “I will speak to your mother and the men that follow you will report back to me. I will not be treated unjustly. Or, if I am, then you shall be treated the same.”
He picked up a glass and looked to throw it across the room, but restrained himself. He remained quiet, and I had a sudden idea. I leaned forward and with gentleness I touched his arm. He pulled back away slightly. I kept my hand on his forearm and the burning question that had been on my mind for so long rose up within. Yet I feared to say the words as the truth might damage me.
“George, have you ever loved me?” I waited for his response as my world had been fortified by my belief. All my hope stayed firm on this one question.
“I do not know.”
He stood and paced around the room. I moved back to my sofa and waited, as I could see him working the words through his mind, hammering the phrases into shapes that might cross the gap between us.
“When we first met, my mother pushed for our marriage. I thought it quaint how we had met. You were mysterious to me. We danced at the ball and it was exhilarating to be with you and see that everyone had eyes on us. After I found out that you were a commoner, I started to feel differently.”
“But why did you marry me?”
He stopped pacing and faced me. “I felt pressured to do so. I know my mother wanted me to have a child to protect our lineage and, if I am honest, I admit that I was happy to see the people rally around us. There was magic in it and I was made part of this great story. Now I see my path, taking the place of my father and I will be fixed on a path I have no freedom to control. In these years I have left, I wish to be free to do as I please.”
I was hurt and angry, but I had been with him long enough to know that he spoke his heart. He was on a boat, far away, drifting on a lake, and no words of mine would change his course. He was separate and not with me. I realized this as we spoke, and our marriage dissolved in front of me as I truly understood that he had chosen to be unmarried to me. He had already made the decision, and it was only my ignorance that kept him my husband. My threat to have an affair hurt only his manly pride and did not awaken any love he had for me.
I stood up and walked over to him. “What should we do?”
He laughed. “Mother wants us to have a child. We will go see that witch tomorrow, get the magic potion and we will have a child, raising him up as the future king.”
He took a deep breath and took my hand. “It is not that I would dislike having a child with you. Rather, I only wish to explore the world and enjoy life. I do not wish to have a child now, nor do I wish to settle down in the role my mother has prepared for me.”
What words could I say to him? I did truly understand the weight that he had on him. I remembered my love for him and the first time I saw him across the ballroom and smiled. I squeezed his hands and felt their warmth and said, “I understand your fear and what you desire. I truly do.”
- Writer
