August
1829 Words
August
August 5
When I awoke, I lay in a bed in a room that I did not recognize. Renée was at my side. She had started a small fire in the room’s fireplace, and I could smell soup in a bowl beside the bed.
“How are you feeling?” she asked.
“Tired.” She offered me a drink and I accepted a small sip of water. “Where are we?” I strained to sit up but my head ached.
“We are at The Queen’s House.” Renée put a cool, damp cloth on my forehead, and I lay back down into the pillow. “The prince is here, and he wishes to see you.”
“I need some time before I can talk with him.” I waited a moment and then continued, “Renée, I am so sorry for what I have done.” I turned away from her and held back tears.
Renée took a deep breath. “What you did today was wrong, but I need for you to understand why.”
My head hurt and I rubbed it. “I do not need a lecture right now. I know that I should not have cursed him.”
“You will get no lecture from me. Do you know who your Faerie Godmother is, and what those dark tendrils were?”
I remained silent.
She stood, and I noticed that around the bed, in a perfect shape, she had drawn a circle of salt. “Your Faerie Godmother is the Lord of the Fey, called the Silver Fox.” She pointed outside at the sky, gray and dark with rain. “Your use of dark magic brought the faerie to you, along with the spirit of War’s attention, down upon everyone you ever loved.”
All my memories of my mother’s last night came back to me, yet I remained quiet of those feelings. I remembered her stories to me about the Silver Fox and wondered what this all meant. “I do not understand.” I sat up and reached for the cup of water.
“Of course you do not understand. You are new to your powers, and you acted on impulse and hatred. All that your mother fought to achieve has been reversed. You have called War’s attention to this part of the world again and, I fear, the Lord of the Fey is fixed on you.”
“I am sorry. I truly am. Is it true that I have not harmed any of them permanently?” I had never seen Renée so angry before. “Is there not a way for me to make this right?”
“There is nothing to be done. War’s tendrils are seeping through the countryside, finding similar hatred and fear. And look at your feet …”
I pulled the covers off of me and could see that I wore my glass slippers. With a sickly, yellowish glow they pulsed dimly. I slipped my finger into the back of the shoe and tried to pry them off but they would not be moved.
Renée shook her head. “I tried to remove them while you slept but could not.” She rested her hands on my ankle and sighed. “My magic cannot undo this bond that he has with you.”
“He?” I surrendered, for the moment, still trying to remove the shoes, and asked, “Who do you mean?”
Renée lowered her voice so that I had to lean closer to hear her. “He, she, or it. The faeries are ever-changing. The Silver Fox has branded you with his mark through these shoes. It will find you wherever you go.”
“But I do not understand. Why would this faerie disguise itself as my Fairy Godmother?”
“I know not its plan, as faeries are fickle yet often patient. I fear you play some great part in its grand play, and I believe your Faerie Godmother has always been the Silver Fox.” She stopped talking abruptly and took a pinch of salt out of a pouch she wore on her waist and threw the salt at the window. She murmured some words in a foreign tongue, and then waited, listening.
I knew not how to respond. “Are you certain of this?”
Renée turned to me and held my gaze. “No, I am not. Yet this creature does have a purpose for you, and I fear we will learn what that is with great swiftness.”
I leaned over and grabbed the brush on the night table.
“Wait!” Renée tried to stop me but with great strength I smashed the brush against one of the glass slippers. The brush slid off the glass and bruised my ankle.
Renée took the brush from my hands, and I sobbed in fear and pain. “The faerie’s spell cannot be broken with physical force. We will need to discover another way.”
My emotions welled up within, and I continued to cry. Renée held me, and after a time, I said, “I am truly sorry for leaving you. You spoke the truth and were right.”
“It is not about being right, but we must work together.” She wiped the tears from my eyes and pulled back to see my face. “Do you agree?”
“Yes.” I nodded and held her close as I feared what I had done. “I need your help. Please forgive me my arrogance and stupidity.”
Renée brushed the hair from my face and smiled. “Yes, all will be well. I loved your mother, and I will protect and help you.” She covered me again with several blankets, and I lay back down to sleep. “Rest now, for in the morning we must go. The spirit of War feeds on dark magic, and your magic is too raw now. We will not be safe here for much longer.”
A great fatigue washed over me, and I fell back to sleep. I will write you more later. I am spent, and filled only with regret and fear. I saw a part of me that I am ashamed of. You are my daughter and, one day, you will have power of your own.
I allowed myself to let my heart rule me. Instead of saving myself and creating my own path, I fell for Henri and lost myself in him. His brightness, so like the glorious sun, filled me with joy, and his energy lit up my life. I bathed in that light and tricked myself into believing that he truly loved me, but he did not. Yet my heart still yearns for him. I am broken inside and lost. Even knowing all of this and how he betrayed me, I still miss him.
Now I have the Lord of the Fairies fixed on me and I fear for our safety. Know this: Your mother is not perfect. I am full of anger and fear and wanting. Out of my decisions I am now pregnant with you and you must hear me. You must believe me. I would never take that back. You will grow to be your own woman, and I cannot show you the way on your path. I do not yet even know where my own path lies, but I can share with you this secret. It is not something I can tell you. It is to be shown. I will right all this wrong. I will fix what I have broken and am contrite for what I have done. I made a mistake and my anger and fear ruled me.
When you are in trouble and need to find your way, stop. Truly stop and listen to yourself. Allow yourself the freedom to be, and an answer will come to you. Watch what I will do. I will fix my mistakes. I swear it.
August 6
I awoke and saw that the prince slept in a chair beside my bed. It was the middle of the night, and an odd, half-remembered dream of the faerie king frightened me to wakefulness, and I opened my eyes, watching the flickering of the fire as the light fell on the prince’s face. Outside a steady rain fell. I did not remember the last time I had looked at my husband and seen him asleep and vulnerable like a newborn.
I needed to shift in the bed as I felt uncomfortable, and the creaking of the bed startled him. He opened his eyes with a start and leaned forward with his hand on his sword. Still half-asleep, he tried focusing his eyes and asked, “Are you safe?”
He quickly glanced around the room, searching for trouble, and, finding none, settled back into his chair and yawned.
“I am fine.” I sat up, listening to a few birds that had begun to chirp outside. Though we would not see it because of the clouds, the sun would be rising in another hour. I turned to the prince and watched as he rubbed his eyes. “Thank you for coming to rescue me.”
“You are still my wife, and you always stood by me, even though I mistreated you. Though we have been estranged, and I have wronged you in the past, I will always protect you from harm.”
“I appreciate your kindness.” I was thankful that my belly did not show, and I thought it best to remain quiet about Henri. “Were you injured by the faerie?”
“No, it vanished as you and Renée left.” He paused for a moment, choosing his words carefully and said, “We will have to decide what our future will be when this crisis has passed.”
“I know.” I did not wish to discuss logic and reason. Now was not the time. “We will have time enough.”
He leaned over and fixed my blanket, ensuring that I was warm and shielded from the dampness in the air. “I fear there will be not time, for my mother and father have other plans for me. Rest and in the morning we will discuss more of how to protect you from harm.”
“We will divorce and you will find another to maintain your family’s line. I understand.”
The prince left his hand on my arm. “Go back to sleep and I will watch over you.”
I squeezed his hand and smiled and then allowed sleep to draw me back into dreams.
August 7
It is decided: The prince will take Renée and me, with an escort of guards, back to the king and queen. A messenger has come, informing us that it is safe to return. I fear that my fate will be decided soon, and I do not know what will come from the audience with their royal majesties. I had fleeting thoughts of running away to France, but Renée convinced me to adhere to the request. We will need allies against the Lord of the Fey. I must go as I am called.
August 9
We have returned from the castle, and I have much to write but very little time. I am sleepy, but I must take this chance to write. I may not have another opportunity to write, for I fear that the Faerie Lord will come for me, but I must have you know that I did talk to your father again. And something else, my daughter, something momentous: Renée and I are going to America. America. We are to depart almost immediately. Please be patient. I will write more.
- Writer
