Tomorrow Is Never Promised

Chapter 15

Oliver

“You have got to be kidding me?” I eyeballed the hoodie and ball cap in Ethan’s outstretched hands.

“What?” He shrugged.

“What am I hiding from? The paparazzi?”

Gavin snickered and I shot him a glare. There was no way this was going to work. People would see right through it.

“We need to conceal you. Chances are that everyone who saw that news broadcast and the front page of the newspaper have already started to look up Doctor Oliver Reagan. And given your reputation, your profile will show up in just about any google search. Now, stop being stubborn and put ‘em on.”

I c****d an eyebrow at him and snatched the sweater from his left hand. “I’m not stubborn, you’re stubborn.” I mocked.

“Cute.” He replied with a blank expression.

The sweater he gave me wasn’t one of mine, in fact it was a couple sizes larger than what I normally wore. It was all black, and advertised some brewery out of Boston. It was clear that this was one of his sweaters. Why he decided to have me wear this, rather than one of my own, was beyond me. Nevertheless, I pulled it over my head.

My nose was immediately met with Ethan’s smell and I savored every second of it before my nose became accustomed to it. I groaned at myself over that. I was never the type to wear another man’s clothes, it always seemed so cliché to me.

“It’s not that bad.” Ethan chuckled at my audible groan.

“It’s super loose on me.” I countered, pulling the sleeves that were hanging just shy of my fingertips up to around my forearms.

“It looks good on you.” He mused, with a hint of adoration in his deep gaze.

I broke eye contact and cleared my throat, staring at the wooden floorboards beneath our feet. There were so many things I wanted to say to Ethan, an apology came to mind first.

I glanced over towards Gavin and Wolf, who were now deep in conversation in the entryway, out of earshot. They appeared to be bickering over something. I wish the two would just kiss and get it over with. Maybe I should be practicing what I preach.

“Ethan I…” But my voice trailed off, not able to form the syllables needed.

Ethan stared back at me expectantly. He knew what I was trying to say, he was just waiting for me to come out and say it.

I opened and closed my mouth several times, but no words seemed to form. After a few seconds, he gave a deep sigh and shook his head. His eyes were soft and his tone matched as he spoke.

“If anyone should be sorry, Ollie, it’s me.”

I shook my head. Wait? Is he apologizing to me?

“Why should you be sorry? I’m the one that kissed you.”

“And I didn’t stop you.” He pointed out.

“Maybe I didn’t want you to.” I blurted.

His gaze landed on the baseball cap that he was holding in his hands, his fingers plucking absently at a worn spot on the bill. “I don’t think you know what you want, at least not at the moment.”

I was a little taken aback by that statement. Not just by his words, but also by how small he sounded when he spoke them. I think I had honestly hurt Ethan, and the fact that I was the cause of that hurt made me so pissed at myself. Underneath that hard surface was a kind and sweet man who had a big heart, and I trampled on that when I pushed him away last night.

“Last night,” I began. “I knew what I wanted, and I wanted you.”

Ethan’s eyes snapped up to meet mine, a small amount of pain swirling in their mossy depths.

“Ever since we’ve met I’ve felt this… Attraction towards you.” I admitted, the words hard for me to get out. I felt so exposed saying them.

“Then why did you push me away last night?” He questioned.

I crossed my arms tightly and shook my head. “I-I don’t know.”

That was a lie. I knew exactly why I pushed him away. But how was I going to tell him that without being left completely vulnerable?

“You called it a mistake.” He pointed out, and I winced at my own words being thrown back at me.

“I know, and I’m sorry.”

“Just tell me why, Ollie. Why are you so afraid?”

“I…”

I what? I had trust issues? I had issues with shilling out my emotions to others? What was the excuse for the way I acted towards him?

Ethan stared at me, the hope of me opening up to him slowly dwindled in those beautiful eyes of his. He dropped his gaze, tapping the bill of the hat in contemplation. When he looked back up, the hope was gone, and that gutted me in the worst way. I had officially pushed him away even further.

He reached up and slid the cap over my head snuggly. “We should get going.” He stated, trying his best not to make eye contact.

I sagged my shoulders in defeat, having no one to blame but myself.

Such a coward.

I bent over and picked up the duffel bag I had packed, full of clothes and essentials that I might need for wherever it was that I was going. Which I still didn’t know yet. I don’t even know if Ethan, Gavin, and Wolf knew either. But if I trusted anyone with my well-being, it was them.

As I approached Gavin, he held out a pair of sunglasses with a smirk on his face. I eyeballed them skeptically and then quirked an eyebrow at him.

“I draw the line at sunglasses.”

“Oh come on!” Gavin urged. “You’ll look like Beyonce trying to sneak around the paparazzi.”

I snorted and shook my head. “You are ridiculous.”

“He does have a point though, they would conceal you better.” Ethan pointed out.

I gestured out the window at the bleak, gray, overcast sky. “Why would anyone wear sunglasses in this weather?”

Gavin shrugged his shoulders. “Maybe you have a hangover-just… Put the damn things on.” He stated impatiently.

I groaned and snatched the black aviators out of his hand and shoved them over my eyes, the entire room going dark in an instant.

“I feel ridiculous.” I muttered.

“Oh relax and stop being so dramatic. That’s my job.” Gavin swung the front door open and each of us walked through it and out into the gloomy October day.

“I gotta get back to the station. I have evaluations I have to do.” Gavin stated, giving me a reassuring squeeze on the arm before heading off in the direction of his car.

Speaking of cars, the usual police car wasn’t parked in the front of my house anymore. This seemed really strange to me. I thought everyone was so concerned for my safety that they had around the clock surveillance going on? Before I could ask of it, Ethan turned to face me, his tone going assertive once again.

“You’re going with Wolf.”

“What? Why?” My tone came out a little panicked, which had Ethan softening a bit.

“It’s fine, he’s gonna take you to my place. I’ll meet you there later.”

My pulse quickened. His place? I was going to Ethan’s place? My mind raced through what kind of place Ethan might live in. Was it a condo? A house? A messy studio apartment? The idea of being in Ethan’s space had me sort of flustered. Like when Tony Williams from high school invited me up to his room to play video games, but video games weren’t at all what we did.

“Why doesn’t the department just put me up in a safe house?” I asked. Not that I was totally opposed to seeing where Ethan lived.

“This move isn’t exactly department knowledge.” Wolf spoke up, his tone indicating there was more to that statement than he was letting on.

“Why not?” I c****d an eyebrow at him.

“I will explain everything when we meet up later,” Ethan explained. “Just trust me.” He added.

I thought for a second, but ultimately nodded my head. I wanted him to explain now. But Ethan told me to trust him, and I knew that I could. There was a reason for everything Ethan did. I was beginning to see that the longer I knew him.

He gave Wolf a look that seemed to say “take care of him”, although that was probably just me reading too much into things, before turning around and heading towards his car.

“Here, let me.” Wolf held out a hand for my duffel bag and I handed it over without hesitation.

I watched as Ethan backed out of the driveway and then gave me one final reassuring look before driving off in the direction of Downtown.

Wolf tossed my duffel bag in the back seat of his truck and climbed into the driver's seat. The truck was a little tall, having been lifted just slightly, but I managed to hop into the passenger seat with no problem. He turned the key over and the noisy engine rumbled to life. Before I knew it, we were speeding down the road in the same direction Ethan went.

I glanced around the inside of the truck. It was an older model Bronco, if I had to guess, maybe seventies? Then again, I didn’t know much about cars. Its bulky frame and spacious interior matched Wolf to a tee though. I would imagine selecting a car must be tough for someone like him, who was basically built like a tank.

“What kind of music do you like to listen to?” He asked.

“Whatever’s fine.” I shrugged.

“Okay, whatever it is then.” He gave me a toothy grin and his meaty paw clicked the radio dial over and a nice guitar melody began playing through the speakers.

“Mmm,” he hummed. “This is one of my favorites.”

I listened to the words, but wasn’t really sure who the artist was.

“Who is this?” I asked.

“It’s Fleetwood Mac bro.” He gave me a dumbfounded look.

I listened as the chorus came along and I immediately recognized it.

“Oh, it’s Leather and Lace.”

“Yeah!” Wolf smiled excitedly, and I don’t know how, but that smile of his was so contagious that it made me smile as well.

He began to mumble along, his deep baritone offsetting the key of the song, but somehow it sounded just as relaxing as when Stevie Nicks and Don Henley sang it.

I had never really hung around Wolf, but he seemed like one of those people who always had a smile on his face, and was always making those around him do the same. Regardless of his big stature, he seemed deep down to be about as rough as a sack full of teddy bears. I wondered what drove someone such as him to seek a career as a homicide detective.

As the tall buildings of Downtown drew nearer, the song changed to something similar in melody and he finally spoke.

“Something happened between you and Ethan, didn’t it?”

The question came out of nowhere and I didn’t have time to give a coherent response. He roared a laugh and slapped his hand against the steering wheel.

“I knew it!”

“No-wait, you didn’t give me time to respond-“

“Oliver, dude, it’s okay.” He reassured, patting me on the shoulder, his own still shaking from his light chuckles.

“Nothing is happening between Ethan and I.” I stated more firmly.

Wolf’s expression fell slightly. “Oh.”

I was intrigued by his response, so I pressed into it further. “What?”

“Nothin’,” He shrugged his shoulders. “I was just kind of rooting for you guys is all.”

I felt my brows furrow as I looked at him in confusion. “Really? Why?”

Was this part of Ethan’s plan? Have Wolf drive me to his place and have him talk me into giving us a shot? No, that’s stupid. Why would Ethan go through all of that trouble anyway when he could just talk to me himself?

God, did I even really trust Ethan at all with these thoughts going through my head?

“You guys just seem like a good fit is all.”

I sighed and stared out the window, watching houses and businesses skirt by.

“Yeah, maybe if I wasn’t a complete idiot.” I mumbled.

“So something did happen?” There was a sort of excited inflection in Wolf’s voice as he spoke.

I scoffed lightly. “Yeah, you could say that.”

What the hell was I doing? Why was I just spilling the beans to a man who, up until recently, I had never spent more than ten minutes with? Not to mention he was Ethan’s friend and, as his friend, he would probably have some obligation to tell Ethan everything.

“Okay, so what did you do?”

I gave him an incredulous look. “What makes you think it was my fault?”

“You mean besides the guilty look on your face when you were talking to Ethan and then calling yourself an i***t just now?” His lip twisted into a smirk as he glanced at me. “You really need to work on your poker face dude.”

I huffed in amusement. “You want to talk about poker faces? How about the way you undress Gavin with your eyes?”

He chuckled and nodded, readjusting his grip on the steering wheel. “Okay, you got me there. But unlike you and Ethan, nothing has happened between Gavin and I. That man can’t stand me.”

“It’s because he doesn’t know you, he’ll warm up to you.”

“Good to know,” Wolf c****d his head to the side thoughtfully. “Now, back to you and Ethan.” He steered the conversation back and I audibly groaned.

“There’s nothing to talk about. Yes, something happened between us, but I pushed him away and now I feel like s**t because I’m pretty sure I hurt his feelings.”

“You don’t take me as the type to ever feel bad for hurting someone's feelings.”

I stared at Wolf, thinking over that statement. He was right, I wasn’t the type of person to feel bad about stepping on others’ feelings and saying exactly what was on my mind. However, what made Ethan different was the fact that I liked him. Really and genuinely liked him.

We came to a stop in front of a red brick building in The Pearl, a rather upscale, lively neighborhood in Portland that was full of old reclaimed factories turned into lofts. Wolf threw the truck in park and killed the engine before turning slightly to face me. His expression was soft and gentle, much like his demeanor. It seemed to settle me slightly and make me feel more at ease.

“I’m gonna ask you something, and you don’t need to answer, I just want you to think about it.”

I felt my face pinch in confusion, but I nodded my head in understanding, my curiosity piqued.

“Why are you scared of letting people in?”

That was a good question. It’s not like I had been burned by a previous lover. Now that I think about it, I have never had a boyfriend longer than three months. For the past two years I’ve been single, not really into the dating scene, and more into my work than anything. I had always had walls up.

“What makes you think I’m scared of letting people in?” I asked quietly.

“It’s in your eyes, there’s pain there,” he explained. “I see the same thing when I look at Ethan.”

I c****d my head. “Where did you get that, out of some self-help book?”

He huffed and shook his head. “No. My Momma always said I was really in tune with my emotions and sensitive to others' emotions around me. She calls it being an “empath”,” he made air quotes with his fingers, an unbelieving tone taking over. “But honestly I think that’s just some hippy nonsense.”

I snorted at the ridiculousness of someone being able to “sense” others' emotions. But there was a gnawing sensation deep within me at just how accurate Wolf was in his conclusions. Maybe I was too objective, too critical, when it came to the world around me. Maybe it was possible for people to have “feelings” or “gut instincts”.

Maybe you need to stop running from your past trauma and just face it head on.

“C’mon,” Wolf slapped the center console, jerking me back into the present. “Let’s get you inside.”

I nodded and pushed my door open, sliding out of the front seat and onto the bustling street. I stepped onto the sidewalk, which was fairly vacant except for the occasional passerby. Nobody seemed to pay us any mind as we approached the glass doors for the apartment building.

I knew they were overreacting with this stupid disguise. No one was going to recognize me. People were so busy wrapped up in their own heads and paying attention to other things to notice an average looking guy dressed in an oversized hoodie, Mariners cap, converse sneakers, and jeans.

Wolf held a fob to a black plate, which gave a loud beep followed by a click and then he pulled the door open. I passed through as he held it open for me, giving him a polite smile.

The lobby was brightly lit with modern fixtures and raised garden beds against the outer walls. A pleasant stream of water came out of a piece of exposed pipe and into a small pond of water against the far wall. Wolf led me to a bank of elevators and called for one, only taking a minute or so before one of them opened. Once inside, he jabbed his finger onto the number four, and the doors closed.

Once we reached our designated floor, the doors opened to reveal a wide, brightly lit hallway. The walls were a distressed red brick, and they were adorned with abstract artwork and old photographs of the building we were currently in back in its industrial days.

We approached the last door at the end of the hallway on the left. It looked sturdy, as if made from metal, and there was a glass plaque on the wall next to it that had 4E emblazoned on it.

“Here we are.” Wolf announced.

He inserted the key into the deadbolt and unlocked it, pushing the door open and stepping aside to let me pass through first. Once inside, he let go of the door and it slowly swung shut, giving a satisfying click as it closed.

I don’t know what I was expecting Ethan’s place to look like, but I found myself standing in a short hallway that opened up to a rather large and spacious loft with tall ceilings. The space that served as the kitchen, dining room, and living room, was quite large, with arched floor to ceiling windows that flooded the space with natural lighting. They occupied both the far wall in the living area, and the space to my right that served as the dining room. The floors were a dark chestnut wood that contrasted the distressed brick accent wall to the right, and the distressed stucco walls that ran throughout the rest of the space.

What really caught my eye though, was a loft just to the right of the living area over what looked like a bar. It was connected to the main floor by a wrought iron spiral staircase. I couldn't make out everything that was up there, but I could see the tops of what looked like sturdy dark wooden bookcases. There was even a large glass skylight above the area.

I was always told that you could tell a lot about someone from their home. If that was the case, then Ethan was an enigma. I expected posters of rock bands, maybe a drum set, a home workout machine. But none of the things in his home reflected his outward appearance, with the exception of a punching bag hanging from the ceiling of the loft, and a Rolling Stones print situated over a grand piano nestled in a corner of the living room. I got overall comfortable vibes from his home. A place where the hardworking detective could come home and relax.

“Crazy, right?” Wolf set my duffel bag on the floor and took the space in himself, resting his hands on his hips. Based off his own reaction, it appeared Wolf hadn’t really stepped foot in this space either.

"It's beautiful." I replied.

I approached a shelf in the living room lined with various knick-knacks and photos. I picked up a particular photo that caught my attention. In the photo was a younger looking Ethan, grinning widely with his arm around a girl who shared an uncanny resemblance, with the same auburn hair and green eyes. I assumed it must have been his sister.

The photo next to it proved that to be correct as it was a photo of Ethan, the same girl, and two people who could only be his parents. You could almost draw a line between him and the man in the photo, a man with a stoic appearance and his right hand on Ethan’s shoulder. There was something about the look in Ethan’s eyes in that particular photo that had me wondering if that was the same thing Wolf was talking about seeing in his eyes.

Wolf’s phone dinged with a text alert and he cursed under his breath. “It’s Ethan. I gotta go.”

Ethan? It must be about the case.

I nodded and set the picture back in its rightful place. “I’ll be fine, you should go.”

He looked up from his phone after typing out a message, his expression conflicted. “You sure you’re gonna be okay?”

I rolled my eyes. “Yes, I’ll be fine.”

He nodded and pocketed his phone, turning on his heel and heading towards the door. There was something I wanted to tell him before he left though, and once his hand reached the knob and he was pulling the door open, my mouth seemed to have a mind of it’s own.

“Hey, Wolf?”

He gave a grunt and looked over his shoulder at me.

“Watch out for Ethan please.”

A grin spread across his face and he gave me a curt nod. “You got it.”