Zane - Confessions of a lycan

Chapter 35

Lily

I had heard of him, of this man in front of me, Connor. My grandfather. Rumor has it that he was tough. That his skill as a fighter was widely known and that he ruled his pack with an iron fist. He left the Blood moon pack when his chosen mate died in a rogue attack. Leaving the pack to his only son, my father, Corbin, who was only 19 at the time.

I could see the similarities now that I knew who he was. Connor's hair was a slightly darker brown than my father's.

However, the brown eyes were strikingly similar except that Connor's seemed tragically sad.

As he got closer to me, he held out his hand. My natural instinct was to take a few quick steps back. I wouldn't trust anyone from my family easily, although his look grew even sadder at my reaction.

"I wish you no harm, child." He assured resignedly. A deep growl echoed through the room. And in one swift movement, Zane stood in front of me. "If you didn´t wish her any harm, maybe you should have shown it during the 11 years your son and his bi*ch mate physically and mentally abused her.” Zane boomed. I peeked out from behind Zane's arm and saw Connor's shocked expression. From the look on his face he was devastated by the admission.

“I swear to the goddess, I had no idea what was going on. You have to believe me! Lily's mother, Eloise, her father, was my best friend. If he knew what she had to go through, without me protecting her, from my own son of all things, he would never forgive me.” Connor confessed, unshed tears glistering in his eyes.

“You don't fu*king deserve Lily's forgiveness either.” Zane growled back at him. Connor bowed his head in submission, defeated.

I didn't trust the man in front of me, but my heart still bled at his resigned look.

I could see nothing of the man I had heard of before me. It was as if life had kicked him one too many times.

“Zane, it's okay. Can I talk to him in private for a moment, please?” I pleaded.

"Absolutely not." Zane replied. Even though his tone had lightened as he spoke to me, his eyes were still narrowed, staring down Connor with an annihilating gaze.

"I'd like to talk to you too, little brother, in private. Now would be a great time.” Damien interjected between clenched teeth.

“I refuse to leave my mate alone with this horrible family.” Zane growled back. Connor visibly flinched at his words.

Lucien stepped forward though and put a hand on Zane's shoulder. "I'm staying with Lily. You know I would never let anything happen to her." However, Zane still seemed to have conflicted feelings.

"It's okay Zane. Go with your brother and we'll wait here in the meantime." Zane sighed before giving me a quick peck.

"Fine, but I trust you to protect her, Luci." He said as he turned to his friend.

"Scout's honor." Lucien replied while giving him the scout´s honor sign. Zane gave him a deadpan stare.

“You haven´t been a fu*king scout one goddamn day in your boringly long life you old bastard.” Zane said sardonically.

The corner of Lucien's mouth twitched. “What do you know about it? You're barely out of diapers, princypoo.” Lucien taunted him with a completely arrogant straight face. The twins roared with laughter. I myself had to hide my laughter behind a cough while Damien just rolled his eyes at their nonsense. Zane growl menacing, while Lucien stood relaxed, completely unaffected.

“Go with your brother, Zane" I told him, before this got out of hand. He gave me one last kiss before he and his brother left the room. The twins followed them out, closing the door behind them.

I looked around the room, at the rest of us, wondering where to start. I had so many questions, but so many fears of what the answers might be. “Maybe we should sit down?” I murmured. Connor nodded at me and walked back to his seat.

Me and Lucien settled down next to each other across from Connor and Adam.

"Perhaps you could start from the beginning, Connor? For example, why are you here now? Lucien exclaimed.

I was so nervous my hands were sticky. Fear, hope and sadness went through me like waves, and I had to fight not to get up and just walk out, leave everything behind. But then he started talking, and I sat spellbound…

***

Zane

I followed Damien into another room, my wholebody tense from leaving Lily. Even though I knew Luci was with her, leaving her like that, even for just a short while, before we were mated and marked was excruciating.

"What´s so important that you have to talk to me in private? Speak up.” I said impatiently. Damien chuckled darkly at me.

“You'll have to excuse me, Zane, but was there something you might have forgotten to tell me?”

“What the hell are you talking about?” I asked, or maybe I knew what he was talking about.

Judging by his hurt look, he was talking about Lily. I took a deep breath and ran my hand through my hair in frustration.

“Didn't you think your own brother deserved to know why you were absent? Why you didn't take my calls? That you meet your TRUE MATE!” Damien roared at me, looking pi*sed.

"To be honest, I didn't know how you would react. Lily was overwhelmed, hurt, and silver poisoned for goddess sake! I was busy dealing with her emotions and mine, while being terrified that she wouldn't survive. I couldn't handle anyone else at the same time when all of that was going on.” I admitted honestly.

“Is that what you think? That I would make your life more difficult? That what? That I would oppose the two of you?” He asked.

His tone sounded angry, but I could see the hurt in his eyes. “For fu*k sake, I never meant any harm, but…”

“But what!? You didn't trust your own brother enough to let me know the truth?! To trust me to help and support you when Lily was seriously ill? He growled, interrupting me. What could I say? It was partially true. Most of all, I was worried that our father would find out and make a bloody mess of our lives before we marked each other.

"All I can say in my defense is that Lily will always come first. Honestly, I didn't know how you would react, and the last thing I wanted was for our as*hole of a father to find out. Although I knew that you wouldn't say anything, I was still worried that the news would reach him indirectly. We both know that if it did, he would do everything in his power to separate us.” I confessed.

Damien sighed in resignation. "The fact that you couldn't trust me with this speaks volumes. I haven't been a good big brother to you. For that, I apologize.” He said with a pained expression. Guilt washed over me. I never meant for him to feel like this goddamn it. “Damien, you don't need to apologize. I was the one who chose to pull away. It's hard to reach someone who doesn't want to be reached. I'm sorry if my behavior offended you, it was never my intention.” I had wanted to bridge the gap that had come between us, but now it seems that I have only made the gap wider.

“This isn't the first time you've pulled away, Zane. We haven't been close for decades and I'm sorry for that. I thought you'd snap out of your depression sooner or later, but you never did, did you? I heard Lily tell your Lycan that it was time for him to start trusting you. What did she mean by that? You and your Lycan have been together since you were 16 years old. In 96 years, your bond should be unbreakable. Something happened that night all those years ago, didn't it?”

It was now or never. The only one who knew what I had been going through was Lucien. I didn't want to tell anyone else.

The shame was overwhelming at first, suffocating. Then the years passed, and it felt like the opportunity to tell was over and I had drifted away from the rest of my family. "If I'm going to tell you, we'd better sit down. Isn't there a goddamn drink in this place?”

I thought he would object, given that the sun hadn't even set yet. But he went over to the bar cabinet and poured each a whiskey while I settled into an armchair.

As he settled down across from me, I took a big swig of whiskey. Enjoying the burning sensation that ran down my throat.

"If I tell you this, you must promise not to tell anyone else. Not even Adrian." I demanded in a harsh voice.

“I promise on my life. I swear to never tell another living soul.” Damien replied. I could tell he was honest, but that didn´t mean it was any easier to recount the events of that night. I took a deep breath, found my courage. Hoping he wouldn´t think less of me after what I had to say.

"As a young man I made all the wrong decisions for all the wrong reasons. I had acquired a bad reputation as a playboy and troublemaker, as you probably remember. 87 years ago, when I was 25, everything changed drastically when all my wrong decisions caught up with me.” I looked up from my glass of whiskey, and saw Damien looking at me intently, so I continued,

“That evening, I was invited to a party at some rich kid's house. As usual, those evenings derailed pretty fast. Too much alcohol and lots of half-naked women. I don't remember the names or what the two women I followed up to a bedroom looked like. I didn´t care. I just wanted to feel something other than emptiness for a moment. Anyway, in the middle of our threesome, the door opened. I didn't even notice until I heard the crying. Then I smelled it, mate.”

The shame I felt was so deep I wanted to disappear as I told Damien my story. But the sadness of what happened was thankfully gone since I met my wildflower. I kept looking down into the whiskey glass as I continued. Too ashamed to look Damien in the eyes. “I jumped out of bed, completely naked. She turned on her heel and ran downstairs. I have never sobered up so fast in my entire life. I pulled on my pants and ran after her. I caught up with her outside the house. She was sobbing. It felt like I was about to shatter from seeing her sadness, her humiliation. She didn't know who I was and tried to get away from me. When she asked my name, I answered. All she gave me back was her name while rejecting me. Due to her broken appearance, I accepted. Since that day, I have never touched a woman. I have tried to find forgiveness by helping others. But nothing I do will ever make up for how I hurt her.” I confessed, feeling the old wound reopened. Damien didn't say anything as I sat studying my whisky glass.

I heard him get up, probably to leave, not that I would blame him. I looked up, refusing to show myself as anything but the warrior I am. To my surprise, he took two steps towards me and extended his arm. When I took it, he pulled me up into a hearty hug, brother to brother. "I'm so sorry, little brother. For what you went through, for not being there when you needed me. For everything.” He whispered to me, still holding me like he used to do when I was five years old and scared the boogeyman would take me.

The pain that had been in my heart for so long loosened considerably and, for the first time in over 100 years, it felt like I had my big brother back.