Zane - Confessions of a lycan

Chapter 36

Lily

Connor looked so tormented that I had to force myself to swallow every instinct that told me to comfort him.

Adam didn't look much happier. Goddess, how much can change in a few weeks?

"Lily, let me start by saying that I am so deeply sorry for everything you had to go through because of my son and his mate. Lucien has told me everything. I know that you probably don't believe me when I say that I would have come if I knew what was going on." Connor uttured. Before I could answer, Lucien turned to me. "I want you to know that I can tell by his heartbeat that he is telling the truth, Lily." Lucien confessed. I gave him a grateful smile and squeezed his hand in thanks.

“I think it's best if I start from the beginning." Connor began to say as he warily looked around the room.

"I have always longed for my true mate. But my father was a hard, unforgiving man that ruled everyone around him with an iron fist. So, when I turned 40, he thought the time to find my mate was over. I was too weak, too tired to resist his eternal terrorizing.

So, when he introduced me to Katherine, who was the daughter of another alpha, I accepted my fate and took her as my chosen mate. She was a very gentle she-wolf and I came to care for her. But life in our pack was hard. My father was downright mean and condescending towards her. According to him, there was nothing she did right. Although I tried to step in and defend her, she took it to heart every time. After Corbin was born, she went into postpartum depression and I don't think she ever really came out of it.

She didn't want to spend any time with our son, or me anymore, for that matter. I think she was deeply saddened by not being able to be with her true mate. Anyway, time passed, and my father made every effort to spend time with my son as soon as I was busy with pack business." Regret and guilt were written all over Connor's face as he told his tragic story. I had to restrain myself from reaching across the table and taking his hand in mine to show my support. Instead, I leaned against Lucien and listened patiently as he continued.

"Eloise's father, Sandor, and I met when we held a mating ball in our pack. That same night, he met his true mate.

Sandor wasn't just anyone. He was a sigma Lycan and the best warrior I've ever had the honor of meeting.

His mate was an omega though. But he couldn't have cared less. He chose to live in our pack for her sake and he worshiped the ground she walked on. Although I was happy for them, I still felt a little bit envious, I´ll admit.

I wished with all my heart that I would have the chance to meet my own mate as well. While at the same time, I felt a heavy guilt that Katherine was getting worse and worse. She became self-destructive. With severe episodes of hysteria and deep depression where she could barely be reached. No doctor seemed to be able to help her.

However, my time as an Alpha got better when Sandor became my beta. He helped me find the strength to push my own father away. To stand up to him without letting him control what I did. But then one day, when Corbin had just turned 19 and Sandor's daughter, Eloise, was barely 16, one of the biggest rogue attacks that had ever been seen hit us. The battle was bloody, and we lost many good wolves that day. Including my best friend who died when his mate ran out of our safety shelter." Connor took a deep breath. His eyes glazed over as his memory probably relived the nightmare.

"The reason she ran out from the safety behind locked doors still haunts me to this day. My chosen mate, Katherine, walked out calmly and stood in the middle of the battlefield. I think she wanted to die, to end her suffering.

Eloise's mother ran after her, shouting Katherine's name, in an attempt to drag her back to the shelter. Sandor was further into the forest, so he couldn´t see what was going on. I did everything I could to get to Eloise's mother in time, but a rouge wolf got to her first, tearing into her human form. She was dead before she hit the ground. Sandor's roar of heartbreak could be heard, echoing, throughout our packland, before his own heart stopped beating and he fell dead to the ground as well. That sound still gives me nightmares... I turned around and started running towards Katherine, even though she was already lying bleeding on the ground.

However, when I reached her, she was still alive. I tried to stop the bleeding, but she begged me to stop. So, I stopped.

I sat there, watching, as her lifeforce ceased to exist, feeling our bond breaking. My own father also died that day.

Anyhow, my sorrow and my guilt over what had happened was so heavy that I passed the alpha title to my son and chose to live my life in exile. I've mostly lived by myself, in a cabin located in a human town. When my wolf has been too exhausted from living in solitude, I have traveled between different packs, but without staying too long in the same place.

My contact with Corbin since then has been minimal. I call once a year on his birthday. Other than that, we have never seen or spoken since I left the pack 21 years ago. I swear by the goddess that he never, ever mentioned Eloise or Lily's name.

I thought Dolores was his true mate for goddess sake.” Connor confessed, his pain and regret clearly visible.

I wiped away a lone tear from my cheek that had escaped before standing up and walking around the table.

Connor stood up as I got closer. Looking uncertain. This man had no part in my suffering, nor had he known what was going on, and he clearly had enough things he felt bad about. He shouldn´t have to put me and my mother's fate on top of everything else.

When I reached him, I put my arms around him and gave him a hug. Trying my best to convey everything I felt.

He hugged me back tightly. Like he was holding on to me like a lifeline. “I´m so sorry, so very sorry…” He murmured to me, making another treacherous tear roll down my cheek.

"You have nothing to apologize for, Connor. You have done nothing wrong. Me and my mother were never your responsibility.” I insisted as I pulled back, stepping out of our embrace.

“I should have kept an eye on Sandor's daughter. Called every now and then to keep an eye on her. I failed her and I failed my son when I didn´t raise him to be a better man.” He answered.

“He was 21 when he met my mother. He was old enough to understand right from wrong. You also grew up with your sh*tty father. Just because he tried to influence you negatively would you have done what my father did to my mother?” I argued.

He looked as if I had struck him. Baffled that I would even think such a thing.

“Of course not! What my son did was cruel and selfish. I would never do such a thing! A mate is to be cherished, loved and protected!” He snapped. “Well good, there you go then. You are not responsible for your sons’ actions, only he is. So, stop feeling guilty about something you weren´t a part of. If you want my forgiveness, you have it. Although I believe there is nothing to forgive,” I exclaimed.

Tears glistened in his eyes, and he quickly wiped away a tear that fell over the edge before pulling me back into a warm hug.

“Thank you, Lily. And please call me grandpa.” He said with the first smile I had seen on his face. I smiled back and nodded in response. As we settled back into our seats, Lucien looked at me with relief. While Adam still looked dejected.

Adam sat and twisted in his chair. It was obvious he had something on his mind.

"Adam, is everything okay? Is there anything you want to say?” I asked, sweetly.

“Well, uhm, I´m just ashamed. I never did anything to hurt you, but I didn´t help you that much either. I should have done more.

I am so, so sorry. I know you could never forgive me. That´s fine. But just know I’m sorry, okay?.” He said in a rushed tone, before he rose from his seat to make a quick exit. I flew up and ran after him. I grabbed his hand just as he was about to open the door.

“What did you mean when you said: Didn´t help you that much?” I asked. He refused to meet my gaze and tried to wiggle free.

“Tell her, Adam, what you told me.” Lucien said in a commanding tone. I looked at Adam, puzzled.

He took a deep breath before looking at me with a haunted expression. Then he began to tell his story. How he was the one who snuck all the drawings into my little storage room. The one who snuck in food and begged our father to get me new clothes when my old ones were torn. I never had a clue, not even the slightest suspicion that it could be him who did all that for me.

When he finished, we were both a sobbing mess. Connor came forward and hugged both of us at the same time, comforted us.

I asked about Jake. Apparently, he was the a*shole I always suspected him to be. Who figured?

***

Zane

We decided to give Lily some alone time with Connor and Adam. I knew Lucien was with her and I needed some time to collect myself after my revelation to be honest. We refilled our whiskey glasses and sat down while talking about our businesses and general sh*t for a while. Damien talked about his travels and how our mother was doing. While I told him more about Lily and the case.

"Can I ask you something?" Damien asked hesitantly. "Sure thing. Speak up."

"What´s the name of the woman who was your first mate?" He asked curiously, as he twisted the glass in his hand.

Ugh, of all the questions I wished I could forget the answer to.

“Her name is Julia Cromwell. Daughter to Lionel Cromwell, the minister of foreign affairs.” I reveled.

““You've got to be kidding me! Ooh my fu*king god!” Damien blurted. “Yeah, I fu*king know it´s bad, okay?” I growled at him. “I'm mostly shocked that she rejected you, to be honest. That woman is horrible. She will do anything to capture a man with a lot of influence. Adrian found her naked in his bed once. Thankfully, he refused to fall for her desperation and threw her out.

Even if you had asked her to watch when you finished the threesome, I would find it hard to believe her ever rejecting a prince.” He snickered.

"You didn't see her ruined look, Damien. Maybe I totally crushed her?” The guilt returned to me with full force.

"Or maybe she didn't know who you were? Zane isn't your first name, now is it? It's your middle name, but you refused to be called anything else because you thought it was ugly. Maybe she had rejected you even if it didn't happen in such traumatic ways, because she didn't think you were someone special?” Damien pondered.

"Why do you think that? Because she's power-mad today?” I asked, agitated.

"Zane, I knew who she was even back then. She's offered herself to me plenty of times in the same time period as she rejected you. The only reason I didn't pounce was because I didn't want to deal with the consequences. Please, trust me when I say that you dodged a bullet,” Damien confessed. Honestly, I'm a little shocked. That didn't sound like a woman I would choose as a mate.

So she must have had some nicer qualities than just being power hungry, right?

“Perhaps you are right. Regardless, it's time for me to let go. Honestly, I would have gone through hell if it meant meeting Lily. She is everything I ever wanted in a soulmate. Innocent even if she is too kind for her own good. Sweet and beautiful inside out.” I confessed while my heart started beating faster thinking about my little wildflower.

“That’s what I´m talking about, little brother. Let bygones be bygones.” He replied with a genuine smile and a whiskey toast.

Giving me hope that the future was finally something to look forward to.