Just another Tumor

CHOAS

Samantha Type

                                       I sit here, on the floor of my bedroom. Clutching at my heart to make sure it’s still beating. Make sure I’m still alive. I haven’t read that letter since before… He was still alive. When he gave it to me. I think he wanted me to read it afterwards, but I was terrified of what it would say. I don’t know what I was scared of because it’s a beautiful letter. I still blame myself though. I was the one driving that night. I was the one who swerved when I got distracted trying to fight with him over the radio. I didn’t mean it when I said I hated him. I didn’t mean it when I told him I hated him for leaving me. I didn’t mean it. I sit here on my floor and I rip up the letter. Two, four eight, sixteen, thirty-two, till its confetti in my hands. I guess that’s my coping mechanism, destroy and it never happened. Get rid of the evidence and the hurt never happened. Mom call me to dinner, and we eat in silence. Besides the twins, I guess. They talk over each other and no one can follow their multiple conversations. Sean barley touches his food. Stephanie shovels it into her mouth. spaghetti sauce flying every where; as per usual. Sarah is hiding her phone under the table but you can tell because her fork has been in front of her face for a bout five minutes and she has yet to take a bite. Mom and dad look peaceful. They always do. I wonder when I’ll have love like them. I say when, not if. I believe in love. I believe everyone has it at some point in life. I know it hasn’t happened yet. As much as it hurts me to say it. To admit it. Michael wasn’t it. He wasn’t my great love story. Maybe Ethan will be. Jayden? Who knows. The universe, that’s who. I go to my room and lay in bed. Stare at the ceiling. Counting the seconds go by until I fall asleep. I have school tomorrow. How fun.