Running from Fate

Senior Year

I’m one day away from my eighteenth birthday, and four weeks away from graduation. Ben’s been home for four months now and as happy as I am about it something doesn’t feel right. My mother and father have meetings with him almost daily now about ‘our family business.’ I’ve been spending most of my time with Blake and while he is a really great guy he can be super possessive at times, but I think he just wants to make sure everyone knows I’m HIS. At times this can be scary for me as I’m not confrontational and have a hard time telling him when he hurts me or my feelings. I feel like he does love me, I just wish he wasn’t so angry all the time trusted me when it comes to literally any other guy.

As I’m getting home from school I hear my dad from the library, “We have to protect her Ben, she knows nothing about our history, we moved here for HER. Find out what you can, I know he’s coming for her but we need to prepare. I can’t believe he was here this whole time and we didn’t see it. How did we miss it?” As I’m trying to be nosey my keys fall out of my bag and Ben opens the library door and glares at me before slamming it. Who are they talking about, what’s going on? I’m so confused at this point and want to open the door and ask but I know I’m not ready for any lecture that may be given about being nosey. I head up to my bedroom and put my music on and start getting ready for the party at Novie’s tonight. Novie has been been planning this party for months to celebrate my birthday. As I’m getting ready to leave Ben steps out of the library to ask where I’m going, “I’m heading to Novie’s for my birthday weekend, mom said I could go before she left last week, since she would be out of town and you both have so much work to do right now” I say. “Is Blake going to be there tonight, will he be bringing you home?” my dad said. “Yes, Blake will be there but mom said I could stay the weekend so I’ll be back Sunday morning, we plan to spend the day on the boat tomorrow with CeCe and Dave” I say as I head out the door slowly.

There’s already so many people at Novie’s, I know her parents let her do whatever she wants but this is a bit more than I expected. I was really hoping this would be kind of low key, I know your eighteenth birthday is a big thing but since my parents were too busy to be there this weekend I just wanted it to be small between our friends. Blake’s by the door waiting for me to come in, he pulls me in and squeezes me tightly then kisses me, as the door opens I’m sprayed with silly string and confetti cannons. “Let this party begin” I hear yelled over the speakers.

I don’t drink, I don’t like feeling like I’m not in control of my thoughts or actions so drinking is something I usually don’t do, but tonight I’m celebrating so I decided to drink a little. Blake makes my first drink and we start to dance and have fun. Halfway through the night Blake decides we should go swimming as I’m coming out of the bathroom one of his friends Zeke accidentally bumps into me. Blake shoves Zeke and tells him to watch where he’s going or there will be problems. As I begin to tell him it was an accident he grabs my arm and jerks me out the door and tells me to quit being a flirt. I didn’t think I was flirting, I’d only had two drinks at this point and don’t feel like I was doing anything wrong. Now I’m in my head trying to replay exactly what just happened so I can apologize to Blake. He stands over against the fence at the pool and pulls me into him, “I’m sorry I know it’s your birthday weekend, I just don’t want anyone to think you could possibly be theirs when your MINE” he says as he runs his hands up through my hair and pulls it to get my attention. He’s always aggressive when he’s drinking, a trait I use to like until he was that way towards me.

My heart starts racing, in this very moment I don’t feel safe there’s this look in his eyes that I can’t explain. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you, it’s time to cut the cake!” Novie screams. Perfect timing, I give Blake a hug and slightly pull away as he grabs tighter and whispers in my ear, ‘this isn’t over.’ The cake is phenomenal. Novie’s mom CeCe owns the bakery on Main Street, she’s been baking since she was 15, opened her own shop at 19 and this town loves her. She makes cakes for everything the town needs, she is the go to baker. As I eat my cake I glance up to see Blake staring at me almost as if he’s still angry, but he walks over to wrap his arms around my waist, kisses my forehead and tells me he loves me in front of everyone. “Get a room!” someone yells from the doorway. To which he replies, ‘oh we will later!’ Cheering and laughter is all I hear while my facing is turning red. Blake knows how I feel about this, even in a joking manner I’m not okay with it. Being physical isn’t something that happens often between us. When it has happened we’ve both been drinking and not something I’d completely agreed to. I wasn’t trying to save myself for anyone, I just want my s****l experience to be something that I want to do, not something I’m pressured into and it feels like every time it has happened it’s been under pressure.

Just after 12am I hear Novie screaming from the speakers, “Happy Birthday beautiful we love you!” And just like that I’m eighteen, a legal adult in the eyes of the law. As I start to walk towards the kitchen I realize I’m more than tipsy, which is weird considering I’ve only had three drinks and they’ve been so far apart. I go to tell Novie I’m heading up to my room for the night, I’m exhausted. Blake standing at the counter obviously hears me and lets me know he’s ready for bed as well. Novie steps in to let him know he can take her brothers room since he’s out of town and I need my ‘beauty rest’ since it’s officially my birthday. I look at her with a thank you glance and head upstairs. As I jump in the shower my head starts to feel dizzy, suddenly I start to fall, Blake catches me. “See you do need me here with you, to catch you when you fall, dry you off and carry you to bed, hold you while you sleep, you’ll always need me, don’t you see that. Did you say something to Novie? She’s never said anything about me sleeping somewhere else. Did you tell her I hurt you? I’ve apologized for last time, you said we were passed this” he says as he grabs my face and shoves me back against the wall of the shower. He’s only like this when he’s had a few drinks, the bruises never really mattered to me because I knew he loved me. We’ve been together almost a year now and he’s always made me feel like he’s sorry when he’s sobered up. But tonight he’s being more aggressive than I can handle. I try to shove him off of me and he stumbles back and falls onto the floor. As I come out of the shower he grabs my ankle and I fall beside of him. I quickly gather myself and dry off to throw my clothes on. He stands up and tries to grab me, as I pull away he strikes me in the face and I fall to the floor. He quickly falls to his knees and pulls me into his arms and holds me as he cries and tells me I make him this way. As the tears run down my face I mumble ‘happy birthday to me’ and cry myself to sleep in his arms.

It’s still dark out when I wake up in bed with Blake’s arms wrapped around me and he’s snoring. I try to work my way out of his arms without waking him, slowly sliding out of bed onto the floor. I grab my shirt and pants and notice Blake’s clothes on the floor too, did I have clothes on when I fell asleep? I can’t remember. I just have to get out of here. I tip toe out of the room and run down the hallway and downstairs. Novie is sleeping on the couch, I do my best not to wake her. I run to my car and head out of the driveway when I notice my phone has a million messages from my mom. “Don’t go home, call me immediately” “Arielle call me back” as I pick up my phone to call her she’s calling me, “Arielle your dad is dead, Ben’s in the hospital stay at Novie’s” is all I hear before my car is thrown off the road.