Chapter Seven “The Presentation From Hell”
611 Words
Daniel woke up face-first on his laptop.
His neck hurt.
His back hurt.
His soul hurt.
But at least…
The presentation was finished.
“Victory,” he croaked weakly.
He grabbed the flash drive from beside the laptop and slipped it into his pocket proudly.
Unfortunately for him…
His daughters owned flash drives that looked EXACTLY the same.
And unfortunately for him again…
Children were evil.
The morning started badly.
Then somehow got worse every five minutes.
Lois refused to wear her socks because “they felt emotionally uncomfortable.”
Lorraine wanted pancakes shaped like dolphins.
Lucy cried every single time one of her sisters touched her.
“Why is she crying?!” Lorraine complained.
“Because you poked her eye!” Daniel shouted while carrying Lucy.
“I was checking if she was awake!”
“She’s awake NOW!”
By the time Daniel finally got everyone dressed, his patience was hanging by a thread.
Then he went downstairs.
And froze.
The girls were fighting.
Again.
Lois had stolen Lorraine’s juice.
Lorraine was trying to bite Lois in revenge.
And from the kitchen came the horrifying sound of dripping water.
Daniel slowly turned.
A pipe under the sink was leaking aggressively.
At the exact same moment—
Lucy started crying too.
Daniel looked toward the ceiling like he wanted answers directly from God.
“…Why me?”
No answers came.
Only screaming.
Twenty chaotic minutes later, Daniel finally shoved everyone into the car along with backpacks, bottles, lunchboxes, diapers, wipes, toys, his laptop bag, and what he hoped was his presentation flash drive.
School drop-off?
Terrible.
Lorraine cried because Lois “looked at her aggressively.”
Lucy screamed the whole drive to daycare.
And Daniel was now late for the most important board meeting of the month.
Fantastic.
By the time he entered the conference room, all the executives were already seated.
Marcus looked at him carefully.
“You look like a divorced raccoon.”
“Thank you.”
Daniel straightened his tie and stood confidently at the front of the room.
Despite everything…
Work was the one thing he could still control.
“Good morning, everyone,” he began smoothly.
And honestly?
He was doing amazing.
Confident.
Sharp.
Professional.
The old Daniel was back.
Then came the presentation.
Daniel inserted the flash drive into the computer confidently.
“Now if we move to the next quarter projections—”
CLICK.
The giant screen lit up.
Instead of financial charts…
A massive picture of Lois appeared making the ugliest silly face imaginable.
The room went silent.
Daniel blinked once.
Slowly…
Very slowly…
He turned toward the screen.
Lois stared back at him with crossed eyes and toothpaste on her forehead.
Marcus immediately covered his mouth.
Daniel froze completely.
“…What.”
CLICK.
Next slide.
Lorraine wearing a cooking pot as a hat.
The room started shaking with suppressed laughter.
Daniel’s face slowly turned red.
“No no no…”
CLICK.
Another picture.
This time Lucy.
Completely naked.
Tiny baby butt directly on the giant screen.
That was it.
The entire boardroom exploded into laughter.
Marcus nearly fell out of his chair.
One executive wiped tears from his eyes.
Daniel stood there in absolute humiliation staring at the cursed screen.
He slowly looked back at everyone.
Then sighed deeply.
“My wife’s outta town.”
The room laughed even harder.
Even Daniel started laughing eventually too…
But in the exhausted, emotionally broken way people laugh right before losing their minds.
Marcus leaned toward him still laughing.
“So… quarterly profits looking good?”
Daniel pointed at the screen where baby Lucy’s butt still glowed proudly in HD.
“I quit.”
- Writer
